I use math to define my thought processes too!! Everything just makes much more sense that way and it helps me feel more grounded. But I'm only in high school so I know very little about math and tbh I don't think I'm very good at it despite liking it so very much. My favourite topics are quantum physics, maths and cognitive science too! Which is why I really want to go in a field that uses all three (Maybe figure out the quantum basis of consciousness and information processing using AI as a reference who knows). I, for one will never pity you for talking about your abuse, as someone who's also in an abusive family and frequently uses the certainty of math to cope (I'm talking solving calculus or coordinate geo to feel calmer lol I really cant do much more). I always read the articles you post, and I try to understand it as much as I can!! I'd love to see more of your research, although I wont understand anything but I still love these topics so much!
Thank you really much for your thoughts! And you have all my compassion for sharing a similar situation - and I find it so intriguing that mathematics has a therapeutic value for you as well. I find calc helps me improve my attention-span and endurance of a balnced concrete focus - I have also realized how powerful it is in grounding - and getting rid of flashbacks/intrusion loops - in a very non-invasive manner (few weeks ago I made a concept using a model of a damped/vibration to achieve equilibrium in perceptive distortions (depersonalization, derealization) and control of alternating mindfullness - alternating reduction and increase of sensory stuff (sorry wording.exe has stopped working rn) - parallely an alternating focus of certain thinking stuffs - bahh, can't explain it. It's similar to EMDR therapy - could write a short article about that with a quick sketch and concrete example... Sad it took me eight entire years to find a way to cope with such severe meltdown-flashback carousels - tested that concept a lot since then - as it is a really smooth way to ground, even in the most severe situation, it's really really effective - interestingly, an important aspect of it is based on mathematical models of turbulences. As such distressing states can also be interpreted as some sort of turbulences - you need to find the fitting interference that "settles the storm" - interestingly, it's exactly that.
Understanding where the inner response of distress is coming from - has helped me to better adjust - interestingly, in backwards, I could also adjust/advance the mathematical model.
In a way, if you find mathematics to be beautiful - and somehow intuitive, then you are most certainly not bad at what mathematics actually is. In a sense, the education system is severely deficitary. And to be honest, before function graphs/ plots were firstly introduced in 7th grade or such - I did not even know what I did in math lessons - it seemed alienated from anything I intuitively did, boring also. Interestingly, when I first saw the function graph of something as basic as y=mx+n it made all sense in retrospect. It's like, ohh, well I used that since ever! (Was just some sort of "translation issue", so to speak...)
Mathematics, as far as I have grasped, is the most natural and rawest form of cognitive processes/processing - and it might most certainly be the way memories are stored in the brain - as extremely compressed form.
The quanta article on that indian mathematician Balasubramanian, it hints perfectly to the object of string theory - the calabi-yau-manifold - being merely similar to our own brains - dynamical information networks, somehow "perfused fractals" - metaphorical term. That connectivity of memory is the connection one information (difficult to concretize, in my concept of information weaving that information entity might be an imaginary number) has towards other information, which defines the dimensions [I prefer the term dimensionality] to put it plainly: Take the vertice of a cube (3d) as information entity: It is connected to three other vertices (here synonymous to information entity)... After assembling all the other ideas (omitting many in-between concepts now): We gain a net with different densities of information - similar to a spacetime net. But it explains information distribution (which can further be interpreted as a conception of quantum gravity), but also the distribution of your memories: Most dense areas are very active and frequently used memories. More connectivity correlates with more density in many circumstances. (Clustering function)
I should write a well-structured article with some references related to these stated conceptions - and include some pictures and plots. Perhaps then the ideas can be followed through less pseudoscientific-sounding.
I wish you all the best, and look forward to hear from you! (You don't know how much social interactions like these help me sort my brain!) [It's like free therapy plus omg I feel like an euphoric child when I see my theoretical bullshittery causes something positive in other people.]
(You can always message me on my main blog (@eulers-entity), tough sometimes, replying may take a while sometimes.)
