#spec-b

“Absolutely not. When I say I come prepared.. this is not what I have in my pocket. You know better.”

Rattling coins only.

Cloud was often on the road though it never felt like he could get far enough. Demons didn't stay behind in the ever growing Edge or in the ruins of Midgar. Sometimes he'd venture to Kalm without aim or purpose. He'd taken to sometimes just simply.. watching people. Living their lives, figuring it out without Mako, often just trying to survive. Sometimes though he'd see other things.. people going on as if nothing ever happened. Some adapt to change better than others. For him, he was still trying to figure out his place in this world without a sword in hand. He didn't .. and that's why he opted to keep fighting. One sword to two. An idea to mold them together. Would three be possible? That's where it was .. his 'comfort' zone .. even in times of peace and rebuilding, he can't take himself out of it. No one would understand either. Well. Almost no one. An exhale comes from Cloud's nostrils as he settled into an inn room, sitting down upon the edge of the bed. That's when Zack's voice rings through. Ever the voice of reason - even when he wasn't interested. He just wanted his own time. "It isn't like I'm far away. I always come back." He says with a shrug, knowing full well he's dodging what Zack is implying. He isn't wrong though, right? He does always come back. His eyes flicker over to the window where he knows the ruins of Midgar are just out of sight beyond what he can see from his perch. It wasn't fair to Tifa, was it? She stayed behind with Marlene and Denzel while Cloud went out and did .. whatever it was he did. A bit of weight is added to that guilt. "Do you think I'm an asshole?"

it's  as  if  he's  really  there.   yet  he  only  shows  up  within  cloud's  psyche  in  times  of  need,   moments  of  peril  when  the  blond's  tenacious  heart  threatens  to  fail  him  and  lose  hope   —   in  that  case,   why  now?   there  is  no  immediate  danger  here,   no  explosive  battle  raging  on  with  the  din  of  swords   ( except  for  in  cloud's  mind,   perhaps;   what  is  it  that  stirs  behind  furrowed  brow  and  hard-set  eyes?   will  he  ever  find  relief  from  war? ).   and  as  the  essence  of  his  former  superior,   mentor,   friend   reclines  on  the  twin  bed  opposite  like  he  did  many  years  ago,   before  the  fall  of  nibelheim,   voice  appears  as  casually  as  ever.   rarely  had  zack  ever  been  afflicted  with  formalities.   death  hasn't  changed  that.

          " yeah,   kinda. "   but  there's  a  smile  behind  it,   contagious  as  flu,   and  it  warms  the  words.   " look,   i'm  not  gonna  tell  you  how  to  live  your  life.   i  mean,   shit,   if  i'd  stayed  travelling  and  away  from  home,   maybe  i'd  be  in  a  different  place. "   ( his  nostos  had  been  his  harmartia ). 

          he  sits  up,   swivels  on  the  bed,   lets  both  heavy  feel  thump  onto  the  floorboards  though  in  reality  they  make   no  sound   at  all   —   carrying  no  weight  with  which  to  alert  those  downstairs  to  movement,   only  a  non-existent  noise  created  by  cloud's  mind  to  fill  the  gap.   suspension  of  disbelief.   it's  a  theatrical  production  where  the  audience  is  expected  to  embellish  the  scene  themselves.   " but  midgar  isn't  where  you'd  be  heading,   and  you're  not  in  that  situation  anymore.   don't  you  think  tifa  has  spent  enough  time  wondering  where  you  are? "

          the  older  feels  for  him,   he  really  does;   surely  never  have  two  people  understood  each  other  so  deeply.   but  there's  a  time  for  rejecting  the  world  and  running,   and  one  for  taking   c o m f o r  t   in  loved  ones.   if  zack  were  waiting  for  cloud  in  edge,   taking  root  within  the  walls  of  the  re-established  7th  heaven,   would  he  be  more  desperate  to  return?   would  he  at  least  call,   just  to  check  in?