#southernstuff

Having not been able to sleep a normal schedule in a month or so, I find myself Googling and oogling, pinning and Pandora-ing to pass the dark hours.  Tonight, I ran across a thing on Buzzfeed titled "26 Questions Southerners Need to Answer."  Now, having read these questions, I fail to see why they "need" to be answered; some of these were just folks being kind of jerky about the way we Southerners do things.  Still, I thought I'd take an opportunity to answer them earnestly.  Bear in mind that I’m answering these from my personal experience of growing up in the South.  Being “Southern” is different for everyone, and this is my view and version.

Again, a lot of these questions are gross generalizations that spring from the fact that it's a world-wide pastime to make Southerners look stupid.  This grinds my gears like you wouldn't believe, so I'm hoping that an honest approach to these questions might quell some of the stereotyping.  Yeah, wishful thinking, I know.  

So, ye Buzzfeeders and Twitterers, here are your answers to 

“26 Things Southerners Need to Answer."

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Katherine @KAMickewich

Why do southerners call raccoon's "coons" like are y'all friends or smth?!

2:01 PM - 27 Oct 2016

Colloquialism.  Not EVERYONE calls a raccoon a "coon;" especially since the term has become pejorative and will most likely be seen as a racial slur.  Despite what you've probably heard, we're not all racists and bigots.

By the way, wtf does “smth” mean?  These acronyms are getting seriously out of hand.

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why do people from the south like mason jars so much

— 🍰 (@Ieftsbrain)

Dude, do you realize how many uses those things have?  Seriously, though, "canning" has always been a big thing in the South.  Also known as "putting up," Southerners have been preserving a gajillion different fruits, vegetables, relishes, jams, jellies, and the like since well before the Great Depression.  Mason jars were cheap, easy to get, and reusable.  Decades later, the same applies; except now we have Pintrest and the sky is the limit.

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Kelsey Smith @KelseyS1117

Why do people from the south always feel compelled to talk to everyone they see? WE'RE STRANGERS. Leave me alone.

8:28 PM - 3 Dec 2016

We're a friendly bunch, what can I say?  We like meeting new people, finding out where they're from, what they do, and what brought them to that particular point that day.  It's not just being nosy or intrusive, we just like to make connections with folks.

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Brendan Reilly @brendanbigcat

Why do Southerners dress for college football games like they're going to church?

1:43 PM - 28 Nov 2015

I think this is the hardest thing to explain, because college football is one of the most unique, quintessential Southern traditions.  But, I think it boils down to the fact that we dress up for important things.  My husband, a Mainer, thinks we're just trying to show off for each other; but the truth is that in the South you "dress up and show up" for the things that are important...like church and college football games.  By the way, Brendan, that’s a pretty big stadium you’re standing in. Looks like you’re pretty excited about some sort of sport there, too.

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lauren sartorius @LaurenSartorius

Why do southerners call their shopping carts "buggies"??

4:53 PM - 8 Nov 2016

Again, this goes back to colloquialisms.  I can't tell you the exact etemology of the term "buggy," but I know that "shopping cart" just sounds uppity.  

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Chynna Te @chynnatown_

Why do people from the south call stuffing, dressing?

10:34 PM - 28 Nov 2016

It's not dressing, it's dressin'- but that's neither here nor there.  In my experience, a lot of Southerners do not "stuff" their turkeys and Sunday roasters with anything more than veggies.  What you call "stuffing" is a breaded mixture that we put in a casserole dish and bake separately from the bird.  It "dresses up" the meal, so to speak.

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ya boi rafa @rafaelvaldess

why do southerners get a boner from riding a truck in the mud i just dont understand

4:26 PM - 7 Feb 2016

You're referring to "mudding," and I'm fairly certain it isn't just a Southern thing.  Sure, we do a lot of it, but have you ever done it?  It's fun!  I mean, sure, it may seem a bit neanderthal to someone who has never tried it, but there's just something cool about being able to slosh a big truck through mud and not get stuck.  For that matter, it's kind of fun when you do get stuck, because then you get to play in the mud.  Ok...maybe we're just big kids with big toys.  Whatcha gonna do?

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Tyler baron @und3adfanboy

Why do people from the south call men younger then them son?

11:49 PM - 19 Aug 2016

I think it's an emphasis thing.  "Son" can be a term of endearment or somewhat condescending.  As a term of endearment, it's referring to a younger person as someone you genuinely care about.  When used in scolding, it can be a bit demeaning.  More often than not, though, I have heard it used as a term of endearment.

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Jessica Bradford @effervesce_jess

Why do people in the south insist on getting married and having kids so young?? Such a weird shift from the norm here, I don't like it

1:40 AM - 15 Aug 2016

That goes back to the South being an agricultural society for so long.  We've always raised a lot of animals and grown a lot of food, and that takes a lot of hands.  The sooner you were married and could start a family, the more hands there were to pitch in.  While we've gotten into other industries, we still have a lot of agricultural heritage and those old habits die hard.  Also, I would be you could find the same principles in the agricultural Midwest, as well.

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Victor Charles @CDM_86

Why do people from the south always have add an S to the last name of stores' names? "Girl, I found these at Belks, girl!!"

2:18 PM - 18 Jul 2016

Ahh, Belks. The principle here is "if it sounds like it's someone's name, we're going to refer to it as if that person owns the store."  I would guess it's along the same lines as generalizing all tissue and calling it "kleenex."  Yeah, it's kind of funny, and I do it, too.

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Abby Kay ♌ @AbbyKayMendonca

People from the South... Why do you guys monogram EVERYTHING????

9:10 PM - 15 Jul 2016

Lord, child, I wish I knew.  Personally, I'm not into having EVERYTHING monogrammed, but my Mama was.  I really can't answer this one, because I just can't relate.  I realize this puts me in a very small majority of Southern women, and I'm OK with that.

Just....no.

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Brittany Luse ✔@bmluse

Why do people from the south call large roaches water bugs?

11:24 PM - 13 Jul 2016

We reckon those nasty critters like to be around water, and that's why we find them in our bathtubs, sinks, and toilets.  They also tend to be more abundant in areas that have bodies of water close by.  Ughhh, I hate those devil bugs.

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Alison Hazard @LittleGinger123

Why do people from the south talk so damn slow, like I feel like they think we're stupid and don't understand anything so they talkslow...

9:39 PM - 12 Jul 2016

No, we don't think you're stupid.  We speak slowly because we're not in any big hurry.  I realize that our accents, combined with a slower cadence may make it sound like either we're slow or we think you are, but that's simply not the case.  Frankly, that's one of the biggest stereotypes of the South that I wish people would put away.  Life isn't going to slow to a crashing halt if we don't spit our words out at a mile a minute, so why rush?  

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tierra @outrspvce

why do people from the south have to say mondee , tuesdee etc

9:20 AM - 30 Nov 2015

That's another colloquial thing.  My Daddy pronounced the days like that and, best I can tell, it's a mountain thing.  

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laura @otradillon

why do people from the south call all pop Coke like that's confusing to me

3:42 PM - 17 Sep 2015

Coke was born in the South, and naturally was marketed heavily as everything from a soft drink to a medicine.  Coke was just what we had, and Coke (and it's other products) were around and had their niche long before Pepsi showed up.  

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Zach Zingula @ZingulaZach

Why do people from the south love to tell you they're from the south? lol

8:43 PM - 24 Apr 2015

Because we're damned proud of it. Despite the world's attempt to paint us as backwards, slow, gun-toting rebels, there is a lot of rich tradition and pride in where we come from.  I was born and raised in the South, but live in Maine now.  I find myself mentioning to folks that I'm from the South, usually when I'm going ass-over-tea kettle in the snow, or trying to remember that they don't have sweet tea or non-instant grits and I'm frustrated.

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Angela Barnett @cuzdaisy

Why do people from the south love fried foods? Because they worship the Lard. #pointsme

10:07 PM - 4 Feb 2015

You kind of answered your own question.  Lard.  Again, with the agricultural tradition, lard was easy to access and used for a lot of things- soap, food, etc.  In the old days, we were good at using things for as much as they could be used.  Fried food is a tradition, and we hold onto traditions tightly.

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Anna Young @Shut_Up_Anna

Why do people from the south think Olive Garden is fancy.

3:26 PM - 22 Jan 2015

Because the rest of the world thinks we're inbred, uncivilized hicks who wouldn't know a fine dining establishment if it smacked us in the face.  No, Olive Garden isn't fancy, but it's food that we don't have to cook after soccer and ballet practice, and they serve wine and the waiters are nice.  

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sarah @sarah_haII

why do white people from the south always have weird names for their grandmas

12:57 PM - 16 Nov 2014

Great question.  A Grandmother is a big deal in the family. Women are, traditionally, the glue that holds the family together, and when you're grandmama passes on, your mama takes that role; and then you later on.  Grandmothers are so amazingly important, cherished, and above all, unique.  For that reason, they deserve more than the same name as everyone's grandmother.  My grandmother isn't your grandmother, she's mine.  Nana, Granny, Me-me, Maw-maw, you name it.  My maternal grandmother passed away before I was born, but I know of her very well from stories, and I know I would have called her Grandmother.  My paternal grandmother, however, was Granny.  When my daughter was born, my Mama didn't want to be Grandma, Granny, or anyting that "sounded old."  Her name was Bixie (and, yes, that was her real name), and so we decided my daughter would call her Bebe.  It's a personal thing, because Grandmothers deserve endearing nicknames and we love them.  Oh, by the by, I’m not entirely sure that’s just a “white people” thing, but I could be wrong.

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Mary Catherine Lloyd @mc_lloyd

Question of the day: Why do people from the south add the word "salad" to a dish? It doesn't make it healthier or make me wanna eat it!

5:15 PM - 14 Aug 2014

"Salad" sounds better than "mixture of a bunch of random crap I had in the pantry suspended in gelatin."  Honestly, that's the long and the short of it.

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Mitch @MitchNYM

and while we're on shit that's been pissing me off, why do southerners pronounce "wash" as "warsh"?

9:24 PM - 28 May 2016

Yeah, that one gets me, too.  That pronunciation, to my best knowledge, is something you'll hear mostly in Northwestern Tennessee, Kentucky, and probably West Virgina, for the most part. Kinda makes my head spin- there is clearly no "r" in the word "wash."

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Savannah @SavannahMelvin

why do people from the south think it is ok to go out in the snow in their underwear

4:11 PM - 29 Jan 2014

*blink...blink* Who the hell does that?   I really have no idea where that came from, but going purely on conjecture I'd have to say if anyone in the South is in the snow in their skivies, it's because they're trying to figure out why there is snow on the ground; because we're in the South.

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Berlynn @berlynnyates

I have issues with how southerners pronounce "spoiled." What is "spolt" and why the hell do you keep calling your dog that?

9:42 PM - 4 Nov 2015

Accent, my friend.  A hard "d" sound is easily cut off and shortened to a "t" sound.  In this instance, "spoiled" is a way to say that someone (or some living creature) is showered with a lot of attention or gifts.  If someone is spoiled, they have "gone rotten" from all that attention.  Dogs are easily spoiled by food and attention, but I don't know that it's only a Southern thing.

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Natalie Reed @natnatnatreed

why do southerners all have two first names. one name is hard enough to remember!!!!!!

11:38 PM - 24 Nov 2016

We don't have two first names; we have a first name and a middle name.  If the two happen to roll off the tongue nicely together, we usually end up going by both names.  Heck, sometimes a person with a first and last name that sound good together will forever be known as "(First Name) (Last Name)."  

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Jessica Smiraldi @jessicasmiraldi

Why do southerners make the word oil sound like earl

12:37 PM - 6 Dec 2016

and

stacy geiger @stacygeigeresq

Why do southerners turn 1 syllable words into 3?some lady just lost pa-yu-ounds" probably from all that extra speaking

8:22 AM - 20 Dec 2016

Why do British folks say "aluminum" like "al-YOU-min-yum?"  I get your question, but the answer is just a difference in pronunciation and cadence.  It blows my mind how people generalize the South as being the ONLY ones who "talk funny."