Dick : I got a telegram from a lady in Texas today, and you know what it said?
Dick : Beat those Commie bastards. We're playing a hockey game against the greatest team in the world, and they're the best that's ever played this game. Why can't we just leave it at that?
Jade : Because this is more than a hockey game to a lot of people.
Dick: Yeah and I keep running through them all. Johnson on Mikhailov. Broten on Petrov. Pav against whoever OV. We just... We don't match up, Jade .
Jade : You might want to skip that when you talk to the boys tomorrow.
Jade: Dick, there's no disgrace in losing to this team.
Jade: The important thing is, you got this far.
Dick : The important thing?
Dick : The important thing is that those twenty boys know in twenty years, they didn't leave anything on the table. They played their hearts out. That's the important thing.
[leans over and kisses Jade on the cheek, while she rests her head on his shoulder
Megan : If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Megan:No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings. Emotions.
Megan : [Megan touches Dick’s hand] You feel... love.
Dick: Yeah. I guess, yeah, I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody...
Megan : No! Romantic, sexual love.
Megan : [points to Jade ] For her!
Dick : No, no. No, I don't.
Megan : [points to Jade ] For her.
[conner starts laughing hysterically]
Conner:[still laughing] She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Dick: Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit.
Conner:[ still laughing] You must be so embarrassed!
Conner:[to Megan] Do me! Do me! Do me!
[Megan touches Conner and she starts laughing hysterically]
Megan :I've never felt such humor!
Dick : So unbelievably uncool.
[Megan walks over to Jade to touch her]
Jade : Touch me, and the *only* thing you're gonna feel is a broken jaw.
Dick: I thought your thing was a sword?
Jade: We've been hired to stop an inter-dimensional beast from feeding on those batteries and I'm going to stop it with a sword?
Dick : It's just... swords were your thing and guns were mine, but... I guess we're both doing guns now. I just didn't know that.
Dick : [putting Lian to bed] Not that it's a competition, but she loves me 3,000.
Jade : Oh, does she, now?
Dick : You were somewhere in the low 6 to 900 range.
Dick plays the song in the jukebox]
Jade : Yes! Stevie Nicks!
Jade: You know, she came to town and she did a concert and she was just so... wild! Oh my gosh! Oh!
Dick: Yeah, she put on the best show I've ever seen. And she is so much better live than she is on the album!
Jade : Yes, oh my gosh! No comparison!
Dick: You know, I'd like to take the kids to a concert.
Dick : There is one at the end of the month... but you have a policy about field trips.
Jade : Would it be... educational?
Dick : Would it be educational? It would be VERY educational. They play Beethoven and Mozart and stuff.
Jade: Maybe we can make an exception!
Jade, Dick : [singing Stevie Nicks' song while doing a high five] Sings a song, sounds like she's singing whooo! Baby whoo! Said whooo!
Jade: Well I went today, maybe I will go again... TOMORROW!
Dick : Uh, how long is the job?
Jade: My guess is, as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.
Dick : Mmm-hmm. So how much are we talkin' here?
Jade : We pay our substitutes $650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr.west will be back?
Dick : Hold on a sec... Oh, you know what? I think he's just comin' in right about...Wally,PHONE!
[Dick plays with the phone cord for a few seconds, as though he passes it]
Dick:[speaks in a deep voice] Hello, this is Wally west.
Jade: Mr west ... This is considered the best elementary school in the state and we maintain that reputation by adhering a strict code of conduct, faculty including.
Dick: You don't have to worry about me because I'm a hard-ass. And if a kid gets out of line, I got no problem smacking them in the head.
Jade: No, no. We don't use corporal punishment here.
Dick : Okay, so just... verbal abuse?
Jade: If you have any problems with any students, send them to me. I will do the disciplining.
Dick: [Patty opens the curtains. Dock wakes up] What? What is it?
Wally:Dick ,hey, it's the first of the month, and, uh, I would like you to share the rent now, please.
Dick: Oh, man! You know I don't have it! You wake me up for that? Come on, man!
[Artemis begs Wally to keep talking to Dick]
Wally : Dick! I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.
Artemis: Yeah, try 2200 dollars!
Dick: Okay, you guys, the band is about to hit it big time. We're gonna win Battle of the Bands, and we're gonna roll it in the Benjamins, I will throw you like a dog with a bone. Good night!
Artemis: Oh, give it up! Your band has never made two cents!
Wally: Arty ,come on! I'm on this!
Artemis: Oh, you're on this? You're on this? He's walking all over you!
Dick : Mommy, could we please talk about this later?
Artemis: Uh, no, we can't talk about it later because Wally and I have to go to work. We have jobs. We contribute to society, all right? I'm an assistant to the mayor of this city, hello?
Dick : Wally, can you get her out of here. please? Why? Why her?
Artemis: And Wally has the most important job there is.
Wally: [aggravated] Dick, a substitute teacher is not a temp!
Dick : [sarcastically] He's a babysitter!
Wally: Oh, yeah, you think it's so easy? I'd like to see you try. You would've last one day!
Dick : Dude, I serve the society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines elaborating people with my music. Rocking ain't no walk in the park, lady!
Artemis: All right, this is useless, all right? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week, he's out of here!
Wally: Dick, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so... I don't know, I mean, maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.
Dick : What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?
Artemis : Oh, my God, he's an idiot!
Dick : Dude, I've been mooching off here for years, and it's never been a problem until she showed up. Just dump her, man!
Wally: Yeah, well, if you don't come up with some money, she's gonna dump me. She's fed up.
Dick : Oh, really? Because that would be a good thing! She's a nightmare!
Wally : Come on! I may never have another girlfriend! Just come on! Come up with some money, please! Please!
Dick : Okay, for you. Not for her, man, for you.
Wally: [calmly] Thank you.
Dick and Jade arrive at Horace Green for Parents Night]
Dick : Okay, I don't think I can go in there.
Dick :Jade ... I'm not a teacher.
Jade : Oh, Wally, a substitute is a teacher.
Dick : No, no, I'm not a teacher. I'm a fraud.
Jade : [disagrees] No! You're not! You're a dedicated, talented teacher, and those parents are gonna love you! Now, just get in there, and tell those parents what you've been teaching their kids.
Jade : The thing is, Mr. west ...
Dick : Please... call me Dick.
Dick : [realising his mistake] Wally . Wally.I was thinking of my other name. My middle name.
Jade : [about the teachers] They hate me.
Jade : Yes, they do, I can see. I wasn't always like this, you know, I wasn't always wound this tight. There was a time where I was fun. I was funny! I was. But you can't be funny and be the principle of a prep school! No, you cannot. Because when it comes to their kids, these parents have no sense of humor. No. And if something goes wrong its my head in the smasher. And these parents will come down on me like a nucular bomb! I can't make a mistake! I gotta be perfect! And that pressure has turned me into something that I never wanted to be!
Jade: [silently mouthing the words] A bitch!
Jade: Yes, I am. I am a big one!
