So far, the events of their interlocked pasts continue to repeat in the present day. They bicker over the direction of their journalism, and the ghosts of their previous argument echo as they continue to disagree. Theyāre physically taken back to their university days, with the same person telling them to stick together. The pork skewers tie together their past and present as they continue to retrace the footsteps of the past - but perhaps with a different ending.
Phi and Tam hold on to their objects from the past. Particularly, Tam does, with the memory museum he calls a bedroom. He bitterly holds onto parts of their romance, from their meeting, the handkerchief, the flowers, the lip balm, and whatever else. Morning Love, the seriesā theme song, is similarly object focused. Phi holds onto his tumbler from years ago. Holds onto Tam. And Tam does the same.
As Phi returns to his childhood home, so does he return to a more childish self. And to a life before he lost Tam. Tam returns to memories of when his pining finally became requited, and they dance around each other in the bed Phi grew up in, and in which they kissed for the first time. But this time, while, they donāt kiss, and there are no sweet get-togethers, they both flirt with the possibility. Just barely resisting the past. Even as they live out their past, a mimicry of what once was.
As their story keeps on reaffirming, everything has changed, after all. Phi is different. Tam is different. And they operate in another world, with baggage they once did not have.
But they are also the same. Despite everything, the same coals are lit. This sets a precedent for the events that follow that trip down to Phiās childhood home. Their relationship is lit once more. Theyāve held onto their love for each other ā their attraction. They repeat the past. The intimacy. Their bodies, together. The burning fire that kept them together.
But theyāve held onto their bitter resentment as well. Tam and Phi lash out at each other, both holding with them the anger of the past. How many times have they fought in that same house? What are all of the little bitter feelings, and large crushing emotions, that were working through them in those fights?
In both fights shown in the episode, by the end, they have reconciled somewhat, seen through their intimacy. But even more so, this echoes the past. Of working turning into sex, of Phi running after a cat who left and bringing them back (both with Sosay or Tam). In these cases, Phi is able to bring them back home. He runs out after initially dismissing it ā desperate ā and heās able to find both just at the right time.
But all know how this story, if repeated, ends, by virtue of the first episode. Tam leaves.
So how do Phi and Tam change things for good? How do they escape the patterns they keep falling into? The memories etched into their bodies, lives, the objects around them? That is to be seen. But next episode, as we get introduced to Paul in-person, I wonder how much will be the same as the memories, and what will be different. How do they get a different ending? How do you get a different ending with the same person ā?
Probably if youāve both changed, far past what led to your original ending. And if The Ex-Morning is about anything, I think itās about change. Change for the worse, for the better, and simply the new. But also what hasnāt changed, such as love.
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Trying to make sense of Tamtawan leaving Padtaphi, as of ep.3
Spoiler Warning
Since before the series began, my working theory has been something to do with the mafia/other unspecified antagonistic force that poses the threat of death. While itās clear that the original synopsis is not 100% reliable (especially since there were massive rewrites, and a lot of what is in the series already doesnāt completely match up) I do think it makes sense.
To clarify for people who havenāt seen the original synopsis, it states that Tamtawan came back to āfind the mafia who exposed the video that destroyed Pathaphee's reputation and put his life in danger.āĀ
A lot from the original synopsis has been altered, but I think that theorizing that the mafia will still play an important role is reasonable because of the scene in the trailer in which we see Phi and Tam jumping off a boat where armed men chase them. There have also been other instances in posts from the official Twitter account that showcase the characters in states of injury:
The question stands, then, of why the mafia would be after the two of them, and why Tam leaving would help anything. Thereās also another big question, which is what does Yong know, and what role does he play in all of this? And why is Tam acting like this now that he's back?
I think that since they're reporters, that some sort of investigation that Phi and Tam did got them into this peril. We see in the first episode that they're both reckless and end up in a pretty dangerous situation (with Phi getting injured here, also). This ends up being good for the two of them, as they win the competition, but also sets a dangerous precedent for their future investigations.
If they work together on investigating the mafia, then I think it could be something that really gets their new show to get eyes on it and brings back Phi's reputation. And if the mafia being behind Phi's cancellation (though it's unclear why within the original synopsis) holds true, then it will all properly come full circle.
Okay, now we come to why Tam left if all of this is happening. I'm not sure of why - but I think it would make sense if he left in some sense for Phi's sake. Maybe in his head, he took on this dangerous business while Phi got to live out his dream? Tam seems more invested in Phi getting to live out his dreams than his own dreams, so I doubt certain theories (such as Tam leaving solely for a great opportunity in Australia).
So, why didn't Tam tell Phi anything, and why does he continue not to? I think that perhaps Tam is working on both restoring Phi's reputation and in handling the mafia problem by himself, and doesn't want to burden Phi with the latter. The question is, why, and how doesn't Phi know if Tam does? Perhaps, in actuality, Tam is singularly the one in trouble with the mafia/with ties to it, and they're getting to Tam by targeting Phi? In that case, I can see why he would cut off Phi as harshly as he could bear to and then get as far away from him as possible. Live out your dreams, don't worry about me. Leaving the country could also, then, be a choice Tam made for his own safety. If the mafia is tied to Phi's cancellation (the cameras being running) then of course Tam would come back.
Another option is that Phi and/or both of them are in fact in trouble, but that in leaving, Tam is somehow able to lessen things? Phi is a public figure, so I wonder, also, how that would factor into this.
What does Yong know? He's still in contact with Tam after he left, and seems to know something about why he left that Phi does not. I imagine that he is somewhat involved in Tam's leave. Perhaps Tam came to Yong before leaving, asking him to take care of Phi before he made his leave? Perhaps Yong is even more involved, somehow? I'm not sure - but what I do find interesting is a line from the mock trailer. Things may have changed, but in it, the boss character (likely who became Yong now) tells Tam "you have two options right now," which leads to Tam leaving once more. If this holds true, then it signals to me that he's much more involved than it seems. Did he tell Tam to leave, for one reason or another?
And now here's a big question that is much more relevant to our first three episodes. Why is Tam acting like this right now? Honestly, I have no idea what's going on in his head.
I think that he was devaluing the hurt his leave brought (whether purposefully or not) since Phi did technically achieve his dream as Tam saw it (become a big shot reporter). Over the first few episodes, he starts to understand, better, the sheer impact he had on Phi.
Tam's inclination to perform acts of service for Phi seems to be where most of his flirty behavior comes from. Because he wants to do things for Phi, even when Phi is still mad at him. Especially because of everything happening to him. His flirting tends to come in forms of doing things for him. Pork skewers, coffee, teaching him how to cook, defending him, etc.
His smugness is mostly present when there's proof of Phi still not being over him. I think the main question, here, is how justified Tam thinks he is in leaving, to be smug, even when the guilt is also present? And why is he acting this way when he didn't in the past?
The show doesn't give us much insight into Tam's head, other than a few scenes that show us how much he does still love Phi. Except!
While it is outside of the series proper (and as such could be different in aspects) this song is perhaps the most fascinating insight into Tam we have so far. And it's been making me think in circles about what this means for Tam within the context of my own theories and of the series proper.
He describes himself as hating himself for giving in and letting Phi take all that's his, and that he says it's fine no matter much much it breaks him inside! Tam feels at a loss to understand Phi, and says he'd wait for Phi even if he was seeing someone else. And Tam wants to "drift away in a dream." He consents to pain - to having his "heart broken" again by Phi, who he sees as heartless. And he loves him no less for it. Tam seems confused if Phi even loves him, thinks about him, and has true feelings for him. But he doesn't seem angry about the idea of Phi not loving him - he says he'll be there even so.
Phi is ephemeral in the MV, like something Tam can't quite hold onto (despite him being the one who left!) and he sees himself as a giver, performing tasks for Phi all throughout the song until it's Phi who does something for him.
So, let's unpack that. I think that this provides a lens to think about the scene this episode where Phi takes on work that Tam has to do, as well as how Tam expresses his affection for Phi within these first few episodes. He's a giver, he sacrifices himself (coming back from Australia for his sake, buying him food, talking to people for him, teaching him to cook, making his coffee, etc) and seems, while smug about Phi still being hung up on him, to not fully connect the dots about why Phi changed so much until it becomes 100% clear.
Does Tam think that Phi doesn't love him? That, perhaps, he settled for him? While it seems unbelievable from how we see Phi act in flashbacks (calling him his sun, wanting to be together forever) I think that Paul, who we see in the trailer, and is also in the novel, may explain this. From some novel spoilers I've seen and connecting the dots from BTS footage and descriptions of Paul, it seems clear that while in university, Phi had a crush on Paul (though unclear how strong) and the two had a great rapport. Does Tam feel inferior to Paul? That Phi would be better off with Paul instead of him? Jealous? I won't be going into deeper novel spoilers I've seen, but if the series follows suit, then Phi's feelings for Paul are highly important to the narrative in contextualizing Tam, and in their university life.
How does Tam see himself? It seems as if he defines himself in what he can do for/what he has done for Phi. Tam often excludes himself from Phi's more "together" type of dreams. He's the producer to his reporter, in "service" to Phi in a certain way. Then what is his degree in Australia? Did that perhaps boost his confidence? Tam is visibly different in how he holds himself from university to now - was it time apart from Phi that actually made Tam more confident in himself alone? What now, then? (I imagine that this will be key in Tam's arc, and the positive impact that Phi ends up having on Tam now that they're relearning each other).
Was their relationship a sort of "dreamland" to Tam? Did he perhaps think it would never last forever, while Phi felt the opposite? The final night conversation before Tam left (and the billboard conversation) reveals Phi's assurance of their life together, which feels right with their relationship and the amount of time. We don't know when Tam chose to leave, exactly, but there's ambivalence in the way he responds to Phi. What is he thinking about?
My opinion on some other theories below:
I'm not leaning towards thinking that Tam leaving is connected to any fights that Tam and Phi were having in their relationship, and I think the Australia bomb is definitely something Tam didn't ever mention to Phi before leaving based off of the most recent episode. However, I do think the idea of Tam's leaving stemming from a conflict that Phi thought was over could be really interesting if it is what the series chose. The two of them did fight in 2022, but weren't fighting when Tam left. So maybe there was a major conflict between them that the two of them mostly buried, and that at the very least, Phi thinks is behind them, but that Tam was actually still hurting over? The knock I have against this is that Tam doesn't seem to have any resentment himself - but I think if it's perhaps something like not being good enough, then it explains things better.
Illness is a major reason that people have been considering, but I don't quite agree, or at least, am not a fan of it. If they go for it, then I hope it'll be interesting, but I don't think there is anything to suggest it within the series (at least, yet). Though I suppose it would explain the photo above of Tam in hospital clothes in its own way! If they do go for this one, I imagine it'll only really work for me if the decision comes from Tam having deep complexes about being a burden and it isn't really illness specifically that got him this way - it was always building inside of him. But opinions will vary!
Lemme know if you have more theories!
Other thoughts:
"Treating him like shit" is probably solely referring to how Tam broke up with Phi, because things do seem fine before Tam left. Phi is thinking about marriage, they seem to be living together, etc. I don't think that Tam was treating Phi badly before he left (at the very least, not intentionally, and not in an obviously irrefutable way).
What are Phi's unknown red flags? Krist mentioned the idea that Phi had his own red flags that he wouldn't mention, as the series isn't there yet. Do his issues explain, in part, the Consent MV and how Tam views him? The series, so far, has focused mostly on Phi's POV, and he doesn't know why Tam left, either! How would this series feel from Tam's POV? And what are we still missing?
Tam is a very "human" character (as described by KS), and "changing" is a major aspect in both Tam and Phi's arcs, so I think that there should be patience for the two of them. I think that when we're on the rewatch of the series after it ends, things will make a lot more sense. And the character arcs will have ended, showing us where the two of them end up! I'm really excited to see these multifaceted characters. Tam, in particular, really interests me.
I think Tam is financially well-off and has family money. He considers using 6 months of salary for the show this episode, and while it may be desperation, I also imagine that he'd be much less likely to suggest it if he needed that money to survive. The house that Phi and Tam lived in is Tam's, as he's staying there now (now I'm thinking about how much it must have stung for Phi to also find a new place, seeing as Tam also poked fun at him having the money to afford to propose), and I find it highly unlikely he earned all that money himself. We'll probably see more when Tam's mom shows up in the series!
Question for you all! This episode had Phi calling Tam a puppy. The official Twitter has described Tam as a cat. What do you think is more accurate in terms of dog/cat? Just a little question.
I don't want to focus on this, but the meta aspect is definitely something to consider. Tam and Phi break up in 2022, the same year as LOL Fanfest 2022, where Krist and Singto basically broke up (their work partnership) on stage. Is Tam's reason for leaving going to echo real life? I lean away from it personally (because of the other things associated with Tam leaving) but it's interesting to keep in mind with The Ex-Morning, seeing as so much of it is means to play with elements of Krist's and Singto's real lives.
Here's just some of my reactions while rewatching the first episode of The Ex-Morning!
The opening scene really gets you to understand how well Padtaphi and Tamtawan work as a team. Itās the way Tam shows up with the motorbike when Phi trips, and Phi shielding Tam from the attack right afterward. It really sets you up for the rest of the show, where I assume that weāll be seeing a lot of PhiTam working together and creating great results. Also, I am greatly amused by the dramatics of it all.
Theyāre so sweet. Phi mentions the billboard here, and it becomes clear why his condo with the billboard as its view is so important to him later in the episode ā as itās the dream heās had since university ā and the one that he thought heād look upon with Tam.Ā
Itās so interesting to me how Tam says he believes that Phi will make it, but not himself. In the trailer, thereās also the scene where Tam says he wants his show up on a billboard, and he wants it to be with Phi. He really always has only wanted that. But when Phi talks about the billboard, he makes it about the two of them. He wants both of them on the billboard, both in the spotlight, together. I wonder how itāll be at the end of the series.
I knew that it would happen, but I was still so emotional about Phi immediately launching into: āHow could the earth survive without the light of the sun, right? So, you have to keep being the sun and shining your light for me, okay?ā I canāt wait to hear Phi call him Tawan again! Itās so important to their story together.
Sosay in the opening! Sosay is in the opening! I repeat, cat in the opening! The most important character! I also love all of the merch in the theme song. So GMMTV. And the photos! The objects! The dried sunflowers that Tam has kept! Phiās guitar! The shirt that says āto the moon and back!ā It all seems to be very important to the series.
(Also, a side note: I love BL singing. When Phi pulls out the guitar and starts singing to his boyfriend, I will be cheering for him.)
I love how you can see all of his watches, and then later, after he sells most of them, you can really see whatās been sold. Despite having all of these expensive objects, such as a sports car, all of these watches, etc, it strongly feels like most of it doesnāt matter so much to him outside of what it signifies. His success. But what is important to him, the condo, while seeming to be like the rest of what he owns, has a deep meaning to him. The sentiment that grew in his heart while with Tam. So he doesnāt ā canāt ā bring himself to sell that.
How did he go from working seemingly behind the scenes to weatherman? It isnāt what PhiTam seem to have wanted to be doing, judging from the opening scene, so what did happen? Iām so intrigued.
I love the food support from the āPrince fandomā and birthday project so much. Letās all start stanning our local weathermen like this.Ā
Phi, Iām sure, probably hardened his heart after Tam left. But his rude behavior also really does seem to stem from wanting the show to be the best it can be, which makes Phi flawed (and clearly in the wrong) but understandable in terms of why he acts the way he does. Itās a perfect balance, and I love how Krist pulls off a flawed character again. His outburst at Tae also makes sense, and I canāt wait to see more of the two of them.
(I love his red jacket, by the way. And all of his outfits. And all of Singtoās outfits. I may be obsessed with the styling of PhiTam in this show.)
Can I just say I love the contrast between how Phi acts versus him showing up as a cute Teru Teru Bouzu on the news? Heās so adorable, and keeping the rain away definitely fits when he has a sun-themed boyfriend. I want to squish him.Ā
I must know what Yong knows. Yong clearly knows things. What does Yong know.Ā
Grr. I wonāt be going into it right now, since I think it probably deserves its own post, but it really shows the hypocrisy of these people that theyāre all hounding Phi for using violence and then someone throws something at him! And also, gosh, the way that this injury reminds Phi of when he had someone there with him to support him. Agh. It hurts so sweet. I imagine that any time things went badly for him over the years without Tam, that he kept thinking about him.
And still having Tam as his favorite contact! This boy has not moved on at all.
Tamās expressions get me so curious? Like, what is going on in this guyās head? Why is his behavior like this, also? Ah! Also, knowing that he did indeed work at Good News for long enough to be remembered and for PhiTam being a couple to be public knowledge is so intriguing to me. I had assumed previously to the series that he had left right at the end of university, but the showās timeline instead has him leaving to study abroad after working a short while.Ā
Iām sure Tam is very familiar with Phiās mouth.
Can I just say that I love their dynamic? I canāt wait to see more of their back-and-forth. I think it especially works because we know thereās both very real love and hurt in their relationship. They also strike me as competitive, stubborn, and prideful, which probably works for them when theyāre working together as one team (like back in university) but not as much when theyāre at odds. Canāt wait to see them learn to work together again in the upcoming episodes!
The way he immediately goes in to project Tam from the falling trophy! The tension! The everything! Also, his broken laptop caught me off guard and really made me laugh the first time I saw it. Lemme just say I love the showās sense of humor.
Tam naturally getting into the car and saying to just scream it out! Heās so smug. And definitely knows what Phi is like. Also, the āunusual filesā are so funny. Iām sure you would know what he has on there, Tam. Very, very well.
The perfect DJ moment! The song from the original pilot trailer!Ā
The timeline of PhiTamās relationship is very obviously tied to KristSingto, and I find that so intriguing. KristSingto obviously met much earlier than 2017, but 2017 is when the Peraya Fanclub was officially founded! Itās a perfect time for the relationship to start here, and works great with the timeline they set up.Ā
I love how Phi is kind of sarcastic about Tam asking about the seat until he sees and recognizes him. You can see his expression shift before telling him to take a seat! Was he always kind of grumpy? Because I love it.Ā
Since their first anniversary is in 2019, they got together officially in 2018. Then, they were arguing in 2021 and breaking up in 2022. Why did this happen! I need to know! Iām also so curious how they got together, what happened while they were apart, and everything else. Ah. Iām so excited for future episodes!
I love that random uncle remembers PhiTam from all those years ago so well. I also find this scene so mortifyingly embarrassing for Phi. I do not know how he didnāt melt into the ground. Tamās expressions! Phi trying to get out of Tam knowing! You can see the amusement in Tamās eyes at knowing that Phi isnāt over him.
Though ā that makes me wonder ā how exactly not over him does Tam think Phi is? Does he know the extent to which he impacted Phi? I imagine heās guilty about it deep down, but not showing it. But why not? There are a thousand questions in my head, and most of them are directed to Tamtawan.Ā
(Renewās MV definitely sums up how I feel about Tam, too, Phi. I also want to ask him why he left! And what heās thinking! And if he regrets it! I also find it horrifying to imagine being Phi, broken up with over text by his long-term boyfriend who then flies off to Australia?! Imagine that.)
Tam is delightful. Not to Phi right now, but I find him delightful.
I love Rita. Sheās asking all the questions Iām asking, honestly. I wonder when weāll learn all of the details of what happened with TamPhiās breakup!
Speeding through the bar scene because it makes me viscerally uncomfortable and I was screaming at the screen. But Iām very amused by Tam staking claim over Phi after tracking him to the bar.Ā
āWhy are you here?ā āWhy not? Iām your producer.ā Is stalking a part of the job description? Ahaha, amazing.Ā
Their expressions in this scene are soā¦ The searching in Tamās eyes. Phiās obvious hurt. The way he doesnāt want to owe him anything, the way he brings up that he was ātreated like shit.ā Itās all so intense, and angsty, and I need to see more as soon as possible. A lot of my thoughts are āthis is so interesting, I need more, aaaaaaah!ā Which, I mean, Iāve been doing that since the pilot trailer dropped. I may be getting off topic.
You can really tell that Phi canāt let go. I feel like itās manifested, perhaps, in a lot of ways, in being unwilling to tamper with his original sentiments? He still is attached to the condo, canāt unfavorite Tamās contact, wonāt change his password, etc. And itās clearly still affecting him so much, seeing as heās having flashbacks even before Tam has returned to his life.Ā
Phi wanted to move in with him! He wanted to live with him in that condo! Agh.Ā
The kiss! The music thatās playing (I love the use of music and sound effects in this episode, by the way)! The casual romance of PhiTam pre-break up. The smiles. Their lips. I canāt believe we got to see this so early.
I love how Phi has always been stubborn. But thereās someone who can make him come around, for sure.
That deal to not talk about anything personal is probably going to last less than an episode. Iād be impressed if it lasted at all, honestly.
Tam is so beautiful in the flashback to his call with Yong, by the way. Itās our only glimpse into Tamās perspective throughout the whole episode, and we catch a glimpse of his place in Australia, along with confirmation that he still loves Phi (which we obviously know, but well, much less than we know about Phiās emotional state).
Their handshake is so fun. Canāt wait to see them butt heads.
Anyways: amazing episode, and I'll spend my entire week thinking about it.
Thinking about Pathapi's character in The Ex-Morning
I understand that the original script has been revised a lot from what it sounds like, and as such the original pilot and plot synopsis arenāt that reliable as to understanding what will be in the final show. So this is less of a theory on what the show will contain and more some reflections about what the series might be like based off what we have been told. But I have some thoughts I wanted to discuss!
I think that Pathapi will reconnect with his younger selfās dreams and ideals as he reconnects with Tamtawan, who he shared this with. Specifically, I think heāll regain a passion for hands-on, ethical journalism and reporting on important issues that arenāt necessarily the best for straightforward career advancement and his image. With this reconnection to his younger self, he also falls back in love with Tamtawan.
In the scene where we first meet Pathapi, heās speaking about celebrity gossip (greatly different from the on-the-field reporting he does later in the trailer) and leaves out a part which Aouās character brings up. He seems to care more about a flashy headline/what is most immediately click worthy when it comes to the news.
In the synopsis, it says: Pathaphee wanted to know the reason why Tamtawan broke up with him. But the truth he found out that he stole his critique of journalism and used it to apply for a scholarship at an overseas university. He was accepted to the university because of his work.
Specifically, it mentions Pathapi critiquing journalism. Then, perhaps, did younger Pathapi have a strong sense of ideals regarding journalism and what it meant (as well as a push to change the current state of journalism?). Maybe the heartbreak and initial failed interview, along with his work being stolen, is what made Pathapi lose sight of these ideals and instead turn to solely focusing on career achievement. When interrupted, he cares less about the content of the extra information and the importance of it in doing good journalism and more about being interrupted.
Later in the trailer, while working with Tamtawan, heās told, āYou need to make them see you care about them.āĀ
Maybe Pathapi comes to genuinely care about these communities once more, after having lost his care about doing work for greater ideals. He goes from pretending he cares about them back to how he once was, in genuinely caring about people and reporting for them. This, then, would tie into the mafia plot.
The mafia plot is unclear in its specifics (from the photographs of Pathapi injured and the video of the couple running away, it seems to be in the final product as well, however) but what I do find intriguing about the idea of the synopsis saying: The ex-lovers need to work together to find the real criminal behind their case and their true feelings for each other is that I think it fits into this narrative.
Perhaps Pathapi and Tamtawan reporting on this case even when itās dangerous, then, ties into the idea of caring more about reporting as it comes to how they can help/prevent the harm being done to people. This, then, would tie into Pathapi getting an award at the end. An award for uncovering and investigating a truly large case. While it is also the moment of Pathapiās reputation damage being shown as fixed (which is so important to the premise) this would more specifically be the climactic moment of Pathapi's arc because he comes to succeed again thanks to the ideals that he once pushed away in order to succeed.
I also think that the mafia investigation began before Pathapi and Tamtawan broke up, and that the danger of it is part of why 1) the mafia partly ruined Pathapiās interview and 2) why Tamtawan left him. They return to their original feelings about each other and their passion for reporting! @thebroccolination talks about the innocence in Pathapi and Tamtawanās initial college relationship and the meta-textual element to that in regards to Krist and Singto.
I think that this progression of the characters in relation to their careers would also tie into the idea of returning to that time! Because they fell in love during their college years, returning to being by each otherās side brings back the same emotions as back then. And when we think about Krist and Singto reuniting and how the same feelings are still there but now with their more matured selvesā¦ very exciting.
Again, a lot has changed since the original pilot, and Iām not sure if the information Iām using here in regards to specifics continues on in the finished product, but I couldnāt stop thinking about the plot.
(Also. Another big thing about Pathapi Iād like to think about is that he is probably the top. Which is not related to the rest of my post, but which I adore. So if you want to talk about thatā¦)
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The first episode of The Trainee is intriguing to me ā and Iām enjoying seeing everything get set up.
To begin with, I enjoy the way the serious tone of the workplace works with the lighter, comedic tone of other scenes. The show is going to have fun with us, but also take itself seriously in the topics it covers in relation to work at a production house. If I recall correctly, the story is also heavily based off Parbdee itself, and what itās like there, and you can tell, from the commitment to really making the company feel like a workplace that takes itself seriously.
I enjoy Ryan as a main character. Heās very quiet, awkward, and confused about what he wants in life, Heās the type who needs time to start talking (otherwise he stays silent) and the type who gets kind of pushed around into situations because he canāt speak up. Ryan has been thrown into a situation where he truly has no idea what heās doing. A total fish-out-of-water. And all of the interns are struggling, but Ryan most of all. Weāll see what keeps him at the company soon, and Iām excited to see where his character goes. Thereās a clear character progression set up for him.
Honestly, I commend Ryan for keeping it together emotionally after this episode, actually. Because if I was him, Iād be incredibly broken up after that first day. He doesnāt know what heās doing and fumbled around for most of a day. His friendās messages deliver a clear contrast in what would be ideal versus what is happening.
Jane is an interesting love interest. He isnāt very present in this episode (though the next episode preview promises a lot of him soon) and all we have of him so far is negative. Heās immediately unimpressed by Ryan from his first scene meeting him (if his eyes are to be trusted) and heās critical without much support, at least for now, though he does have the grace to explain things when asked. Iām looking forward to see what the series will have in store for Jane, and how theyāll endear him to us, as well as make Jane and Ryan begin to like each other. Because their current conflict makes a lot of sense, and Iām curious how things will begin to change. Ryan is not prepared for this work. But what is this all for if not for him to learn?
I love the side cast and how theyāre being set up. Especially Pie. Her deadpan affect and clear passion for filmmaking is already endearing her to me, and I feel like weāll be seeing her story a lot, from whatās said about Ryan and Pie having to work together a lot if theyāre chosen. I want to see them bond! Iām a sucker for set-ups like this, and I canāt wait to see how the characters continue to work together and evolve.
Also: I like the ending chat-style segment explaining things the audience may not know about production houses, agencies, and pilots. Ryan is already a protagonist who is relatable for the average viewer who is unaware of the goings-on of the production house, and with this, thereās a fun way to get exposited some crucial information while having the characters involved.
And as a side note, this show is very visually appealing. Pleasing to the eye in a way I canāt describe, like other Parbdee shows. Iām already here, buckled in for the ride.
While watching the latest episode of Cherry Magic, it dawned on me that the show does a wonderful job of using different love languages to make the audience feel the amount of love within the office, both romantic and platonic. The series highlights this part of itself through the way characters reflect on and outright bring up different ways of expressing love ā but what I loved most is just how ever present it is. Cherry Magic, to me, is about all of the ways people express their love for each other.
A main one is obviously acts of service. Karan is the only one in the office who picks up on the amount of acts of service Achi is performing for the entire office. He keeps things running smoothly, unspoken and unnoticed, and he is always performing acts of service for people. Achi stays longer for people. He helps. He wants to do these things for people, out of kindness, and that is part of what Karan loves and cherishes about Achi.
Likewise, Karan expresses his love for Achi through acts of service, and it is the acts he performs which make Achi sorely feel his absence when heās gone. The inclusion of the post-it note of times of the day Karan does things simply for Achi, like bringing down the blinds, further exemplifies this. Love is expressed through the small, consistent actions of care that our leads afford each other.
And it isnāt just our leads. What the greater series loves to highlight is the greater community within the main cast, and how they want to help each other. In this episode, for example, we see Pai talk about why she wants to help Achi in whatever way she can. Everyone in the office wants to help each other! To put in the effort to care.
Then thereās gift-giving, which is also used a ton. In this last episode, we see Jinta absolutely delighted over a small gift Min gives him. A book. This is framed as part of the dating how-to steps, and played comedically, but it also reveals how the series itself uses gifts very often.
Karan brings Achi small, considerate gifts with a lot of earnest feelings behind it. He brings him drinks, snacks, and whatever else he can think of, because he loves him. And gifts, little tokens of affection, mean a lot. The show makes great use of objects, like pens in a pen holder or a small origami keepsake of a boat ride to physically show the courtship between the main characters.
Words of affirmation is also highlighted by the story itself. Itās Achiās words, understanding the effort Karan puts in, that makes him fall in love with him. And itās through Karanās words about Achi that he can feel good about himself. Being recognized by someone else, seen in all of your strengths, is important, not only for showing love, but for being affirmed as a person. The main cast all come to adore each other. We can see the way Rock admires Paiās spirit, or the way all of the co-workers never fail to bring each other up. And we can see the important of words of affirmation in moments like Karan talking about just how great Achi is, even when he wonāt see it himself.
Time is needed for connection. Itās always needed between people, and I see it as the currency that people deal in most of all. Everything needs time, and as such, we can see quality time through the ways the characters seek out each otherās time. This is probably the least noticeable, in a sense. But the series does make each opportunity to be together, every moment of joy through being with someone else, whether itās one person or a group, feel special.
And of course, to top it off, touching people is highlighted perfectly because of the nature of the mind-reading powers. A slight brush of the shoulder. A hug. Touching hands when picking something up. Every small moment of romantic tension through physical touch, or every touch revealing greater community, is all significant to the story. By nature of the premise, touch is dramatized, made huge in each moment for the characters. A slight lean.
A hug. When Karan and Achi finally connect on their feelings, and Achi responds in realization of his own feelings, they hug, and it is all about the way they touch. The closeness. And that is a pure expression of love. The love they have for each other, and how sometimes, there is no need for thoughts. Thereās just joy.
Cherry Magic is really skilled at utilizing different forms of love and care for people. Of course, most love stories have characters who use all of these, but I felt like highlighting this series because of how every small action contributes to it in a way that feels very special. Being giddy over being handed over a pen holder. The slight bump of shoulders. Heating up the water. Breathing in the presence of the people in your life. A kind word.
Thatās a part of the joy I breathe in when I watch the show. Itās the joy of loving and being loved.
Reflection on last year, Be My Favorite, fandom thoughts, and more.
PT.1: Be My Favorite, time, isolation, and hope
My defining series of the year was Be My Favorite, without a doubt. Whereas Iād say Utsukushii Kare 2 + Eternal was what I was most excited for, as well as what resonated most with what I yearn for from a BL series, it wasnāt what defined my year (season 1 had defined last year for me already, and I donāt do repeats that often).Ā
The moment I finished watching the trailer for Be My Favorite, before its release in late June, I knew I would be enamored in it.Ā
I just got into Thailandās BL scene this year. One of the first things I looked for once I realized I was in for the long haul of exploring this medium was a time travel series. With, preferably, a premise similar to Be My Favorite. Because one of my favorite types of stories is the narrative that plays with time, specifically the type that focuses on a characterās growth thanks to it.
Time travel is my favorite trope, but particularly it is the type that unravels and builds up one characterās journey. Historical/future explorations past a characterās lifetime has never appealed to me as much for that very reason. Time traveling to the distant past is interesting, but it isnāt what I love.
Iāve always wished I could time travel back to moments in my life. I remember hearing a story about myself at five-years old, upset I couldnāt press a button and go back to when I was three-years old, which seemed like the prime time of my life at the time. Itās a recurring thought. Itās mainly because I feel Iāve fucked up so early in life. Actually, my six-year old has solidified itself as the part of my life Iād like to go back to and undo most ardently. I wonāt be delving into why the worst part of my life was in the first grade, or why I regret what I did then, as a small child, but itād make sense if you knew.
Itās funny to me that I insist I could have done things better if I had been able to go back to any of the past moments in my life, when I keep creating more grievances, more missed opportunities, more wasted years, and more memories Iād like to forget. And yeah, Iām young. Iām only eighteen. But I still feel like itās been too much. Itās stupid, sure. But itās probably why playing with the concept of time itself is always in my head, leading me.
Sometimes, I want to press reset on existence itself. The entire world consists of loops, circular movements of past and present and future, of subconscious and conscious loops back towards what we already have done, and what will happen again. If so, then is it so wrong to wish we could return to the beginning of everything? It already happens on its own, after all. But I digress.
Iāve always loved time travel in how it is able to explore someone in its fullest. In what they have done, what they havenāt done, and what they could have done.Ā
As itās a trope so deeply personal to me, I jiveĀ best with fiction that explores personal journeys utilizing time travel. I enjoyed Groundhog Day, as obvious and simple as it seems. I love the idea of time loops being used to show stagnation within highschool and a desperate need to not lose what you find most important, such as in Revue Starlight, and I love Be My Favorite in how it explores our protagonist, Kawi, as he goes back to redo his life and realize what he has to learn to be happy.
Less so than time travel as the premise, what also struck me about the series and solidified the feeling Iād be in love was how Kawi was established in the trailer, and further explored as within the pilot episode.Ā
Kawi is a loser. And you understand why, with his circumstances, but also, he is a loser. Kawi is a coward. Selfish. Insecure. Frustrated. Alone. And he wants things he does not allow himself to actually try to take hold of. Kawi wishes for love and friendship. But until heās given a chance to do things again, he never goes for it. And he expects failure upfront.
Iāve always valued people above all else. I think itās pretty normal for a lot of humans. Whether itās my tumultuous connection with my mom, my many friendships, or all of the romantic idealizations, Iāve always yearned for people. And itās not really to fill a hole, or find something. Itās to create. To ascend. Connection with others, to me, is what frames phases of my life, what frames my traits, my passions, my purpose.Ā
Which is why itās so funny I tend to push people away. Iām a college student right now. I started almost two years ago, youngest in all my classes, and Iām going to be a junior this coming fall. I donāt consider anyone Iāve met an actual friend. I donāt give anyone the chance. I immediately judge people as not right, spurn offers to get to know people more because of some reason or another, and vacillate between feelings of superiority and inferiority.Ā
I am not a person in the way many of these people are. I am not someone who could fit in. There is no point in hope, because there is no one here who could like me, or that I could build a greater bond with. Those are the thoughts inside my head that compel me to turn down offers to hang out, to see everything as annoying rather than friendly, and itās how I see almost everyone new that I speak to.
But, connection. Yes. I live online. I am myself online. I was homeschooled, barely went outside, and only spoke to other people online who I felt shared enough of the same experiences with alienation/loneliness I did. I yearn, I learn, and I live online. I am deeply attached to feeling like a real-life nomad who only ābreathesā on the online sphere, no matter how people warn against it. And sometimes I wonder, while Iām still able to amend this in what people see as the ārealā world, if I need to try to assert myself to people more. To find people who would get me. Iām not so stupid I think it wouldnāt happen. But Iām scared, and so I pre-judge every interaction and hide myself behind every wall I can.
Kawi opens the show at thirty, in a job he hates, with the same lack of friends. And a deep, paralyzing regret that he never lived the life he feels he should have. A world where he went on to succeed, to get the girl. A world where he was happy. And he ends the show with a loving partner, as a more well-rounded person, content with his occupation, with a group of friends who care about Kawi and have stuck around for a long time.
I donāt verbalize it enough, but part of why I love Be My Favorite so much is because it begins by scaring me and ends with soothing me with inspiration. Because the series starts by showing to me my worst nightmare as to how I could become, how I could feel, how a combination of a lot of the factors could lead to my life being (donāt get me started on Kawiās field of study and job in the original timeline; I know thereās a good chance Iām gonna be broke in ten year) and it ends by showing me the best outcome. Joy, companionship, acceptance.
Living life to the fullest. Finding someone who loves you for yourself. Friendship thatās supportive and long-lasting. Kindness. Being content in accepting what happens.
The ending of Be My Favorite is kind of like a happy pill to me, in contrast to the angst of the series while it explored how everything could have gone wrong. And I adore it. I love believing in the messages of the series. In the ideas of the series. Of finding confidence, supporting the people around you, and figuring out what it is you need. And, oh.
Huh. I guess when it comes to it, what I connect to the most tends to be stories of hope. Hell, my favorite pieces of media tend to have themes like picking yourself up from failure and trying again, or friendship winning. And Be My Favorite spoke to me so strongly because itās a story that really tells me how I can make my life something that is fulfilling, far from how I imagine itāll go.Ā
Guess it all comes back to hope.
PT.2: Idolatry, fandom, and the question of why?
Fandom is a major aspect of my life, and has been for almost half of it. Whether itās group chats on Amino, writing short fanfiction on Archive of Our Own, retweeting on twitter, or gushing on Discord, Iāve often filtered my life through the lens of obsessive fan culture.
This year, Thai BL has taken over my brain. Iām sure itāll continue to do so next year. And Iām not new to BL (Iāve read many BL manga, for one) but I am still very new to this fandom and its contents, especially because itās such a wide category of works to keep track of. And Iām enjoying where Iāve come so far.
Iām mostly, so far, a Pebaca fan. The shows that stuck to me most out of all of the shows I watched this year were Theory of Love and Be My Favorite. I love OffGun and the development theyāve gone through as a pair. Their stable partnership, the ways Off has changed āforā Gun, and all of the different faces theyāve had as a couple. I adore TayNew, with their bickering dynamic and long period of closeness. I love how hilarious they are as a partnership. And I love KristSingto, with their yin & yang dynamic. The way they parallel their first series so closely and how theyāve grown to be influenced by each other.Ā
But what has been the highlight of my year is becoming a megafan of Krist, probably. I love him so goddamn much. And it made me think about why people become fans of celebrities, or at least why I do.
As a side note, I feel as if the internet has become plagued with people using parasociality = bad as an overly simplistic thing. Iām far from an expert on it, but I do think the way many tend to talk about it is forgetting a lot of nuance. And I donāt want to get into this topic, exactly. I want to talk about why I enjoy being a fan of someone from a one-sided light, and how that helps me. Not about the ethics of fandom or what exactly it means to be a fan of someone (though these are interesting to speak about).
Maybe itās pretty simple. I like watching charming people, and even if I donāt know them personally, I can grow endeared by them. I was definitely charmed by Kristās personality: big, extroverted, sulky, caring, emotional, a little ridiculous, and passionate. I goddamn adore watching him on screen, obviously.
But at least for me, I feel as if a major part of how I choose what resonates with me is seeing people with friendships. Historically, the only real people Iāve ever become fans of have been a pair of YouTubers and people in idol groups. As if what Iām really being drawn to is actually when relationships between people are formed and sold. And I think that is the core of what the BL industry is doing. Selling the relationship between pairs. I feel as if a feeling of yearning/lacking within myself is in fact what being a fan of this industry is alleviating, at least for me.
Or at least, thatās how I feel now. Iām still easing into it.
PT.3: Okay, so whatās the point? And what about the new year?
2023 was a normal year. It was also endlessly fascinating for me. At the very least, I feel as if I found out/explored things that will continue to keep me intrigued. Iāve been reading a lot about literary theory and cultural examinations. Been thinking more in depth about people. About myself.Ā
And of course, I discovered something new that will most likely keep me in a chokehold for the next year as well. So, all in all, good, right? Well, not exactly. But Iām looking at the bright side. And yeah, Iām happy with the year when I think about all Iāve gained.Ā
Iām happy Iāve gotten into BL. Obviously. (And itās also been making me think more about how being queer affects how I see things/what media I like, of course) So I guess the point of this was unpacking why certain media works for me, and why that is important for me.
And here, I just want to talk a bit about what I want for 2024.Ā
Obviously, I want more shows that connect to me on the level that Be My Favorite did, both through finding older shows and in watching the shows that come out during the rest of the year. And Iād like to get to know everyone else in this fandom as well. I guess what Iām saying is that this post is something I wrote to process what the last year had and to try to declare to myself what I want for the future.
So, yeah. If you read until here, thanks? For listening to me for so goddamn long, ahaha. Happy new years! Well. It's still New Years here. It probably isn't for most people, but it is for me! So!
