#sosickastro

Getting ready for the day took me longer than usual, maybe it was the midnight spiraling, and maybe it was the fact that I broke down crying for the first time in god knows how long. Eventually, though I walked out of the guest room and returned to the two girls, they smiled at me, and we all left the old apartment with the two cats, saying goodbye to us.

The drive to the mall… or wherever we are going felt long, terrifying, and even going out in public after the concert, after finding out everything felt horrible. I want to dig myself a hole and decompose in it. I can’t even phantom the thought of BTS even returning my feelings or even having any at all, but if they do, could I finally allow myself to indulge in something? I’m so used to giving myself the bare minimum to get through the day, so used to only surviving and not living. With the slim chance of being able to have a relationship with my soul group, would I even allow myself to fully enjoy it? To let go and finally live for once?

The sound of Clare cursing and cars honking pulls me out of my trance as Clare pulls into an empty parking spot. We all get out, and Lauren grabs my hands, giving them a tight squeeze. “I know all this is a lot right now, but try to get your mind off of it, okay?” I gave her the most confident nod I could muster as we made our way into the mall.

2 god damn hours of walking around, people bumping into me, people talking loudly and not being interested in anything, 2 hours of being unreasonable upset and overwhelmed. Clare and Lauren have their hands full of bags that I don’t even know how they are able to afford, while mine are currently empty. Tired, hungry, and wanting to go home are the only things going on in my mind right now. “Hey, food court time?” Clare asked me with her hand on my shoulder, giving another nod, we bobbed and weaved through the crowd, and found a table at the food court. Lauren hands me some money, insisting that she will pay for me as we all separate to find our own food.

I surveyed my surroundings, taking in my options before settling on a noodle place. I walk up to the pretty sizable line and survey the menu. Maybe it is my mood, and my whole mental dilemma thing is going on, but nothing seems to pique my interest. I huff out in frustration as the itch in my body to go home and die in my uncomfortable college bed increases. I feel my string loosen and my heart falls out of my chest, oh my god, for the love of everything, just ignore it, don't turn around, do not look at who is behind you. I'm silently praying to myself, but the lack of tension on my pinky is way too hard to ignore, and I'm positive that whatever member is behind me won't ignore it either. Fuck, and this line isn't moving at all. Unfortunately, my fate and the God is on duty today doesn't take kindly to me.

"Excuse me..?" at his voice, I finally turned around and took a deep breath. Right in front of me, dressed head to toe in black with a face mask, is Jeon Jungkook himself. Was this planned? or completely on coincidence. Maybe they sent the youngest to lessen the blow of them rejecting me. I look back at him, and an awkward energy surrounds us, and we both just stare at each other. Why does it feel like he is trying to memorize everything about me? "H.. Hey?" What the fuck, why did I stutter? Oh my god, I'm already embarrassing myself.

Jungkook giggles at my nervousness as he gestures for us to step out of the line. I follow him over to a small corner where no one will be able to spot us. Great, not only is he here to reject me, but also to tell me that there is a group of people ready to shoot me at point-blank range. I avoid eye contact with him. "I'm glad I ran into you." He clears his throat, "We tried to contact you after the concert, but you walked off with your friends." He frowns at that. I widen my eyes at that before regaining my composure. "Yeah, um, sorry about that." I pause, my eyes start to sting, and I feel my throat closing up, fuck don't cry in front of Jeon Jungkook, you are stronger than this. "I don't know what to do," I said softly as some tears escaped and fell down my face. I close my eyes and try to calm my breathing. God, this is so fucking pathetic. Here I am in front of a world-renowned idol who has millions of fans, crying because I don't know how to properly regulate my emotions. All because whoever created my story thought it would be funny to make an isolated loser the soulmate of seven idols were millions of fans who would kill to be in my spot. At least most of those people are prettier than me, more handsome than me, skinnier, athletic, have cooler hobbies, and don't use fan fiction as a coping mechanism.

"I just," I stutter out as I take a deep breath in, "This is all too much to handle and I." Before I finished my sentence, I felt two hands hold my face as Jungkook quietly comforts me. He pulls me into his chest, and I hate to admit how much that helped me. His warmth invades the coldness. I feel that numbness I have been feeling since the concert. It was all melting away because of his hold, because of his embrace, and fuck man, if this is what being with your soulmate is like, then I would die again and again to experience this, I would allow myself to be greedy and soak up the feeling of warmth, of feeling like someone actually cares about me. However, not with him, not with Jungkook, not with the rest of BTS. I can't indulge myself with them, because they would never love me. He places his head atop my mine as he runs his hands up and down my back. I feel the sparks before it actually happens. Something deep within me pulls and snaps into place, my stomach feels like it's hosting its own firework show as the string around our pinkies breaks apart, and a golden thread replaces it.

I pull away from Jungkook as I stare at my pinky; one of the seven threads is now shiny gold. The soul bond has been activated. Jungkook must have felt a similar thing as he looks out of breath. Before either of us could fully understand what was going on, I turned around and tried to run for it, key word: tried, as soon as I took two steps away, Jungkook grabbed me by my waist and pulled me back into his chest maybe my emotional rollercoaster convinced me I could out run a guy who dances for a living and goes to a gym as a hobby where as I cant remember then last time I ran a mile. "please" he whisper into my hair, "don't run" Jungkook sounded so scared in that moment, which pulls at my heart of the idea of causing him distress, hypocritical am I right? Here I am not wanting to be in this soul group, but the very idea, the thought of hurting them because of my reluctance, scared me. I sighed in defeat and rested my weight against him. After some beats of silence and probably when Jungkook felt I wont run off again he let me go, "we need to talk, all of us and some official things" He explained to me while scratching the back of his neck, did they send him because they knew I wont be able to out run him or that his awkward nature will lure me into a false sense of security?

"I um," fuck bro get it together, "I came here with my friends, can I talk with them before we go?" He nods at this as he pulls out his phone taping against it before putting it away again. I licked my dried lips as I left. This time, Jungkook was following behind me almost like a shadow. I have no idea how I am keeping it semi-together, but now I have no choice but to face my fate when one of the bonds is already activated. However, the question is how the fuck did it get activated when he hugged me? When I tried to run away, or was it because he already accepted the bond, but then are his feelings real, or because of the bond? I can already feel a headache forming with my thoughts as I return to the girls who are eating. Their heads perked up at the sight of Jungkook. Is it really okay for him to be out in public right now with no guards? I lamely give Lauren her money back as I rub my shoulder, "I need to go, I'll text you, but it's about the soulmate stuff." I give them a tight smile as Clare nods at this, Lauren stands up and pulls me into a tight hug. I see Jungkook shoot daggers into Lauren's soul, but she must not have noticed it. "Yeah, just text us, we will get your stuff packed up for you just in case." She runs her hands up and down my arms, squeezing them before returning to her seat. "It was nice meeting you," I say to Clare as I wave them goodbye.

Jungkook properly grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. My body feels on fire, and a heat boils in my stomach. I let out a shaky breath as he leads us out of the mall through a secret exit. There's a black SUV with a few security guards around it. One of them opens the door for us as Jungkook makes me go in first. I settled down into the leather seats and feel like I can breathe for a moment. "Hey there," a voice to my left breaks out. I yelped at this and felt my ass jump out of the seat. A laugh escapes the person beside me as he rests his hand on my thigh, probably in hopes of stabilizing me. However, it makes me more frazzled as my stomach lights up again and travels up into my heart and around my lungs, squeezing as tightly as the thread could. I wheeze out and start to cough up my lungs. Two pairs of hands fly to my back trying to help me through my coughing fit, but my god, I can not breathe, everything is so painful, and my head feels too fuzzy.

Just when I thought it would kill me, it snapped apart, and the string fell and turned into a golden thread. Just like what happened with Jungkook. So that's how it is activated? When they touch me? The member I have yet to identify pulls me into his chest, cooing at me softly and rubbing his hand up and down my back as he pets my hair. Like I'm some child, Jesus, if I didn't have the independence of a fucking crocodile, I would enjoy this more. I place my hands on his chest and push myself off of him. A small smile of Park Jimin graces my view, oh fuck off, they sent the muscle bunny and a angel to come and get me? They really want to lure me into a lion's den to reject me. a sort of concerned look, swims in his eyes as it feels like he is reaching into my soul and trying to read my life story, the hairs on my arms stand up as I get goosebumps. "Are you okay?" Jimin asks me softly as if anything louder or harsher would break me. Maybe he is right, maybe I am too fragile to be spoken to normally.

"Yeah, um, sure," I respond, nodding my head and buckling myself into the middle seat and into my doom. The security guards that where standing outside the SUV get into the car and we begin to drive off to… where ever we are going. I look out the windows nervously, but it's much harder to do since I keep making eye contact with both Jimin and Jungkook. Do I say something? Should I be asking questions? Why did I just hop into a car with two random guys? What, just because they are my soulmates? cause they are global superstars? I really am stupid, aren't I? "So um," Oh my god, just stop saying 'um', it's not that hard to speak, please get yourself together. "Where are we going…?" I cringe a little at my own voice. "We have a hotel room," Jimin begins, and I wince at that. Are they bringing me to their hotel room? What, so we can be in private before they let the dogs eat me? Jungkook must have a 6th sense as he grabs my hand and traces patterns with his thumb to soothe me. Jimin continues, "There's a conference room we rented out for this. The other will be there, and we can talk." He fixes a strand of my hair and smiles. These two are way too comfortable being affectionate to someone they just met.

—

"They are almost here." Namjoon's voice breaks the silence of the small conference room. The remaining four of them sit around in the office chairs. The atmosphere is tense and uncomfortable; the bleak design of the room adds to the aesthetics. "So Jungkook's hunch really was true? They were at the mall with those friends?" Seok-Jin questions as he rolls a random pen in his hand. Some nod in agreement. Allowing the youngest to go on his whim was better than having him start blowing up their last soulmate's phone. "Do we know how they are handling it?" Hoseok pips up concern itch onto his face, again with his arms crossed over his chest. They don't have their little soulmate yet; that anxiety eats him up. Namjoon shakes his head. "Jungkookie hasn't said anything besides that they are on the way, though we can't assume our soulmate is bouncing up and down with joy. Hopefully, sending Jimin with him helped." Yoongi snickers at that. "Well, he would have joined in either way, probably would have forced himself into that car." Ever the romantic Jimin is, though, but most possessive he is of his gold.

Namjoon clears his throat and stands in the front of the room. Taking charge as he does naturally, "We can't bombard them, as we can assume the soul-bond is being activated. Based on the things I have read its going to be painful for our soulmate." Death is easier than the stares each of them holds. "It's because they are the last soulmate to join the group; it's a lot for their soul and heart to take. Hence why we can't all go up to them and overwhelm them. We first need to talk about the official things, unfortunately we are on tour and just uprooting them from their current life would be hard." Taehyung shakes his head at that. "Not hard, we can easily have our love travel with us, easily, you care about ethics more." He gave a pointed look at Namjoon. Seok-Jin stares down Taehyung. "Of course, we need to care about the ethics; we can't just kidnap them and assume they will just be compliant with it. Either way, they have to come with us; we just need to give our soulmate the illusion of choice." The rest agree to this.

while all they want to do is pack up all your stuff and hide you away for the rest of your life. Them being the only people you need, the only people you will ever see, to wake up and go to bed being skin to skin. Only they can know you so intimately that your very cells will ache to be caressed by them. They can't scare you off; they can't risk you hating them, not wanting their love and affection.

"To continue, we need to know how they are feeling about this and what they would want to do. We should also finish the activation, cause while it would be painful to have all seven strings be activated in one afternoon. Starting but not finishing the process could result in them being sick and in much more pain." A silent understanding falls onto them, "What about all the legal issues?" Hoseok asks, the very last thing he wants is to drop everything onto their soulmate's lap in one meeting, in their first meeting. Namjoon sighs and places his hands on his hips. "I talked with management, and they will not need to sign anything now. We can wait, however," He lets out a deep sigh and continues on, "If they want to go on tour with us, or even go back to Korea, then all the legal paperwork needs to be signed, though that means we can slowly introduce everything to our soulmate and try not to overwhelm them."

A quiet buzz comes from one of their phones, "They are here."

—

You know, I'm going to be honest, I was expecting a grand hotel, fountains in front of the entrance, and a red carpet runway, though when we pulled into the parking lot, the hotel looked pretty average. It still looks nice, but not huge. It's probably a good cover for the biggest idols ever, two of them I'm with and about to meet the other five, God or whoever is up there, please kill me. It was already so painful when the bond was activated with Jimin. I don't want to imagine how it will be for the rest of them. Would I even be able to handle it? Though from my own research about soulmates, if the bond doesn't get complete, then sickness and pain will follow. I don't want these people to get sick and be in pain all because of me. They have people in their lives, fans they need to perform for, lives to live. I don't have that; therefore, I am okay with the pain.

Jungkook gets out first and holds out his hand to help me out of the SUV. Jimin places his hand on the small of my back to guide me out. The sun shines brightly on my face. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust to the light, but I take in the sun and lively energy around me before I throw up out of pure anxiety. Jimin takes the lead to the entrance as Jungkook follows behind me. Are they worried I'll run off? I mean, I have thought about it at least five times; however, I know I won't be able to outrun any of them. The receptionist gives all of us a tight smile before we head deeper into the hotel lobby. So many thoughts rush to my head. It leaves me lightheaded; however, I know for a fact that one, the soul-bond needs to be completed regardless of the pain I might feel. Two, they will probably need to discuss any legal matters since ya'know, global superstars from Korea and all that. Then three: their rejection, how they don't and can't have feelings for me, though I will probably need to stick around them, so no one gets hurt.

I can't remember if I mentioned this; forgive me, so much is going on in my life right now. You probably read this in some soulmate au fanfics, but the whole "Soulmates can't spend too much time apart because their souls or hearts will hurt" or whatnot, it's true to some extent. We won't die, I hope, though it would be a very dull pain in your heart till you can hold them again. Or that's what I have read about, things can be very different since it's a soul group with eight people. A hand on my shoulder breaks me from my thoughts. I turn my head over to see Jimin giving me a soft smile. "Are you ready?" I can't muster up a verbal response, so I nod my head. Jungkook opens the door, and I hold my breath. Fuck why are they all so handsome? Four of them, Seok-Jin, Hoseok, Taehyung, and Yoongi, sit at the large table in the center of the room. While Namjoon stands in the front as if he is leading the meeting, though he probably is. I wonder what they were discussing before I came in cause the room is so silent you can hear a pin drop.

We all stared at each other for what felt like hours, though it probably was just a few seconds. Jimin goes to sit down next to Taehyung. Jungkook runs his hand across my lower back. He gives me a reassuring smile before leaving me to sit down next to Seok-Jin. "It's nice to finally meet you." A deep voice rumbles out, and I jerk in shock. I look to my left and see Namjoon with his hand stretched out. This is going to activate our bond, but at least it's for a proper greeting. I nervously shake his hand. The heat boils in my stomach and reaches my heart. I choked out a gasp as I held my heart and feel my knees hit the ground. My throat felt too raw as I could hardly breathe. I feel my vision going in and out. Namjoon drops down next to me, rubbing my back up and down to try to help as I see 3 more pairs of feet surrounding me. Shouts of concern echo in the room, but I honestly cannot process anything they are saying to me as a loud ringing in my ears overpowers them. I feel arms loop under my armpits and lift me up. I yelled out in pain and whimpered as the pain doubled. I hunched forward and started to cough up more of my lungs.

Holy shit, did two bonds get activated at once? Why does it hurt so much, "Taehyung!" Seok-Jin yells in shock as I'm placed into an office chair. A cold water bottle gets placed in front of me; however, the pain smooths over, and two strings break, and golden threads replace them. So that was Namjoon and Taehyung? Is the pain really going to get worse with the remaining three? Am I even going to survive this? "Shit, are you okay?" Hoseok sits by my side, careful not to touch me as he opens the water bottle and urges me to drink. The cold liquid soothes my throat a little, though my head still feels really light. nodding my head "yeah. Im-Im alright." My voice comes out a little hoarse. I can feel the look of concern from all seven of them. Please do not look at me right now. I let out a weak cough before finally raising my head and looking around the room. Namjoon resumed his position at the head of the table. "Are we ready to get started?" He stares at me directly, and I swallow my saliva before nodding my head. Here comes the rejection. "If it gets too much for you, please let us know. We will take this at your pace." Seok-Jin's voice breaks out; he nods at me as I look back to Namjoon.

"Right, I am going to start by saying the people behind 'Soul-Ties' agree to keep your name off the website till we are all ready to reveal this." Namjoon calmly explains, so that's why I didn't see my name when I looked it up. "Because of our public statement of having an eighth soulmate, we can't keep your name hidden forever, though again we will release it when you are ready." Namjoon continues, "We also don't want to dump everything onto you at once. I'm sure this is a lot to deal with. All legal matters will be dealt with when the time comes." That's a relief, I guess. Namjoon is explaining everything so gently, and it makes my heart hurt knowing this is going to end in a rejection. Maybe in another universe, we could have been a happy soul group. "Are there any questions so far?" Namjoon asks me, and I chew at my bottom lip as I think it over. The only thing on my mind right now is them rejecting me, and I don't want to bring that up this soon. I shake my head and look down into my lap, playing with my hands. "Words, sweetheart, look up at Namjoon-ah." Hoseok softly says to me. I feel my face heat up, and a flustered feeling washes over me. I look up to Namjoon, who is still looking at me oh so gently. "Um, no, I don't." I say as Namjoon nods. I can hear Hoseok softly coo at me.

I hear Jimin and Taehuyng softly giggle at the interaction between Hoseok and me. I tried to ignore them and pay attention to what Namjoon is talking about. He continued on saying things like them being on tour at the moment, options on if I want to come with them or not, as well as the idea of me moving over to Korea at the end of their tour. He talked and talked; however, my focus was zoning in on my thoughts. When will they bring up their rejection? That I will just come with them to be a platonic companion, that I'm not pretty enough or handsome enough for them, that I'm so chubby and awkward, and to lackluster to ever be in a relationship with all of them. That they have known each other for so long and don't want some stranger to enter their group.

I guess my self-loathing was very noticeable; I feel all their eyes on me, and I feel so small under their gaze. Hoseok grabs my hand in an attempt to comfort me, though it does the opposite. A sharp pain shoots up my spine as the heat returns. Hoseok retracts his hand quickly and starts to frantically apologize to me, "Why did you do that?!" Jungkook says very alert. He rushed over to my side as he brought the water bottle up to my lips. "Here, baby, drink this; it will help. I indulge in this as I drink the water, I shake and cough out as the pain holds me in an awful embrace. "I forgot, okay? They looked so sad about something." Hoseok tries to save himself. The red string snaps and falls to the ground, and is replaced by a golden thread. Five out of the seven bonds have been activated. Jungkook's hand falls onto my back and runs up and down. They really love to touch me, huh? "What's on your mind?" This time, it's Yoongi speaking to me; it's not a question he asks, but more of a statement. I don't know how to respond to this; all the panic and anxiety I was trying to push down resurfaces as I try to steady my breathing.

Don't you dare cry, bro, you got this, you're better than crying in front of some men, and I lied, here come the tears. They fall down my face as I hold down a sob. This all alerts the guys, and they, the four that're not by my side, stand up ready to come over to my side. "I just," I tried to start my sentence, though it was interrupted by more tears. Hoseok grabs my hand for the second time and traces patterns with his thumb. He shushed me gently, "What's wrong, honey?" I shake my head, and I take a deep breath in. "I just don't know why you guys are going through with this and being nice to me when you're just going to reject me." There, I said it its out in the open now.

I stared down into my lap, not wanting to look at their faces, though by the way both Jungkook and Hoseok pause, I can feel the shock. The room becomes deadly quiet and cold. I remove my hand from Hoseok's hold and wipe my face. There was nothing said for a few moments. I wanted to dig my own grave and die in it. I was hoping the three fates would see me and cut my life thread so I can die here and now. I hear someone let out a sigh. "And why do you think we will reject you?" I hear Namjoon say.

huh.

HUH?

I whip my head up and stare at the man at the head of the table. He looks upset, serious even. I see him clenching and unclenching his jaw. "We weren't planning on rejecting you. Who planted that idea inside your pretty head?" Seok-Jin questions me. I feel like a fish out of water as I stare at all of them with wide eyes. "Me…?" I pointed at myself awkwardly, "I thought that… well, I was assuming" I couldn't even think properly. They actually wanted to be with me? Like be in a relationship with me? me? Jimin shakes his head, his pink hair moving softly. "Why would we? We have been… obsessed…with the idea of you since we found out your existence." Jimin explains, the way he looks at me after that makes me shiver. "You're so pretty, baby. Why would we ever reject you?" Taehyung says, I shake my head as my breath quickens, "No.. I'm not.. I'm not pretty, I don't—" I try to reason with them, but I see a sharp look from Yoongi when I don't agree with Taehyung. One compliment isn't going to change years of self-loathing. "We always knew our soul group was incomplete; we accepted you before we found out who you are." Namjoon explains.

I can't begin to describe the energy of the room. Adoration, softness, endearment? I don't even know, but its to much for me to handle. I stood up, ignoring Hoesok and Jungkook's hands. "This doesn't make any sense," I let out a shaky breath as I also shake my head. My eyebrows furrow together. "I'm… I'm not a good match… You guys are like superstars." I wave my hands wildly at them, "I'm just an isolated loser." "You're not a loser," Jimin tried to argue with me. "I am! I don't go outside, I barely have any friends." I ramble on, I can't breathe, I can't think right now, I can't do this, I need to leave, I need to get out of here. Before I could process my own actions, my feet were rushing me out the door. I ran out of the building past the receptionist and out into the light. Maybe if I ran fast enough, I could escape my fate. Maybe if I ran fast enough, I could ignore everything and return to my dorm room.

----------------------

I wish I could tell you that I enjoyed the concert, I truly, from the bottom of my heart, wish I could tell you that. Because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. No one gets the privilege to go see their all-time favorite band on a whim like I just have. But during the rest of the concert and their performance, I was on the verge of a panic attack. Luckily, all the screaming fans and loud music were drowning out my misery and distress. I did try, though, even if it was hard; the looseness of my strings fluctuated every time they left and reappeared on the stage. I tried my best to smile and wipe away the tears every time Lauren and Clare looked at me. I pretend that the tears and shakiness were due to the excitement. And they believed it, but with this newfound information comes the questioning. My fate aside, that means Namjoon and Jungkook were at the same bus stop as I was and saw me, or at least they caught a look at me. Why wasn't there a coward of Armys making a commotion? Where were their bodyguards? And now sitting in the stadium so close to them, can they see me now? Are they able to feel the looseness of the string? Can they see me, feel me? So many questions ran in and out of my head; it was starting to make me dizzy, but besides all of that, I tried to push down all the intense feelings and just enjoy this concert. Even if the outcome is going to be scary. 

The main thing is how the other fans will react to this information. My breath hitches at this thought. Holy shit, I’ll get eaten alive if it comes out. I am the last soulmate of BTS. Hell, I am not even close to the American beauty standards, let alone Korea’s beauty standards. Would they even publicly announce it? I mean, they got to, since now everyone knows they are an incomplete soul-group. God, this is way too complicated for my undeveloped frontal lobe. I get shaken out of my spiral when I hear the music stop playing and all of the members standing around the stage, talking to the crowd, and messing around with each other. Would they even acknowledge me, or just pretend I don't exist, and I can die from soul rejection? That sounds like a better outcome to all of this. I place my hand on my forehead, wipe away the sweat, and hopefully all the thoughts currently clogging my head. 

-

I walk around the stage looking at my fellow members as we joke and laugh around during our intermission. One more song, then the concert is over, and the whole time I couldn't stop paying attention to the loosening of the string attached to my pinky finger. They are here in the stadium watching us perform. Our last little soulmate is a fan, which kinda complicates a bunch of things. I laugh at the antics of Taehyung and Jin as I see Jimin walking up to me. “Ahh, Jungkookie, are you ready?” Jimin asks with a wiggle of his eyebrows and a teasing smirk on his face. I throw my head back laughing while yelling into the mic, “Let's go!” The audience erupts into screaming and clapping as the other members and I run off stage to get ready for the final song. 

Backstage is hectic, and I try to reach our leader, who is currently giving out orders to some staff members. His look and aura look intense as I run up to him, “Hyung, they’re here!” I shout at him over the loud music and staff talking, and equipment being moved back and forth. Namjoon looks at me with knowing eyes as the staff leave, “I know Jungkookie, we all feel it.”  He ruffles up my hair before we both depart, making our final preparations to end the concert.

-

The stadium slowly becomes more and more empty as the three of us stand in the mess of confetti and fans excitedly chat to each other about the concert. Lauren charges at me, holding my shoulders and shaking me back and forth with so much happiness. “That was so amazing!” She screams at my face as I wince, head jerking back at the noise. She gives me an apologetic smile as we all make our way out of the concert. Clare is already complaining about the traffic home, “I think I am going to take a bus home tonight,” I announce suddenly, making Lauren and Clare stop in their tracks. Clare looks at me, confused, “What? I thought you would be spending the night again? The concert was kind of intense. Are you sure?” Lauren questions me as I lamely rub the back of my neck. “I know, but,” I darted my eyes around, trying to find an excuse, “I want to have some time to make up the assignments I missed on Friday,” I say weakly. Neither of them looks convinced as Lauren looks like she is about to scold me and tell me to stay with them, 

“Look, dude-” “Excuse me, but I am here to escort you.” A taller man, dressed in all black, looks towards me, effectively interrupting Lauren.  The guy speaks something into the headset he is wearing as he looks at me pointedly. Lauren and Clare look concerned as they both make their way to my side. “I'm sorry?” I said gruffly, my eyebrows furrowing with mock confusion. This has to be about the soulmate thing. “Look, they didn't do anything, so leave her alone,” Lauren says towards the man, pointing a finger at him. The guy sighs out, me to man me to, as he looks exhausted. “I was given directions to bring this young” he pauses for a bit, looking me up and down before continuing, “This young lady backstage.” I try to sniffle a laugh at his confusion, unsure what to refer to me as. Clare steps in, stepping up to the guy, “Our friend isn't coming with you, nor going backstage.” She declares as Lauren takes my hand, and we three all walk away from the man. The man panics as he rushes after us, “Please just come with me, the members need to speak with you.” Clare scoffs at it and looks at him, not buying it. “Yeah, sure,” is all she says before we officially leave the man and exit the venue. We spend an embarrassingly long time finding the car before we make it back to the girls' apartment. 

Their two cats greet us at the door before I get pushed onto the couch by Lauren. Clare stands next to her, and they both look at me like I need to confess my sins right then and there. I feel like they are my parents, and I just got sent home from school because I started a fight. But there's no disappointment in their stares, just concern and confusion. Lauren sighs as she looks at me, “I need you to start explaining yourself. Why was there a security guard there to escort you? Why did he say he was given orders to take you backstage?” I place my elbows on my knees, holding my own head in my hands. I let out a deep, shaky breath as I cleared my throat. “Look,” my voice comes out softer than I wanted, more fragile than I intended. “Please don't think I am crazy or delusional when I say this.” I take a breath in, my eyes well with tears, as having to speak this out in the open will immediately cause my death. “I think I am BTS’s last soulmate.” I close my eyes and brace for the yelling. Clare and Lauren look at each other before looking at me. “What?!” 

-

“What do you mean they got away?” A sharp voice cuts through the room; the tension is thick, and not even the sharpest knife can cut through the atmosphere. The security guard, James, swallows his own saliva,  hoping to cure the dryness of his throat. Sweat builds on his forehead as he lets out a shaken breath. “I, I tried to get them backstage like I was told to, but then, their friend stepped in, and they left all three of them.” James stutters out. Hoping to whatever deity who is on duty today gives him mercy. The silence that follows afterwards makes the security guard want to be swallowed whole by the earth itself. None of the 7 men in the room says anything, but one look at Yoongi gives James the go-ahead to book it out of the room, leaving the 7 men to their own conversation. 

“Now what?” Jimin whispers out, exhausted, settling into his bones as a sense of hopelessness fills his head. Yoongi raises an eyebrow at their leader, who is currently off to the side, deep in thought. He is no longer in the middle, being the lighthouse in the fog, but being consumed by it. There's a sense of devastation settling onto his face. “We don't even know who their friend is, who they came to the concert with, or if they are still in town.” Jungkook rambles out, pacing back and forth. The youngest of them all is taking this the worst, anxiously biting his nails. Jin places a soft hand on his shoulder and leads him to one of the couches. Sitting down, he runs his hand up and down Jungkook's back in a comforting manner. “What information did ‘Soul Ties’ release to us?” Hoseok asks the leader, his arms crossed over his chest, protecting his heart that feels like it's going to break. After a beat of silence, Namjoon opens his eyes and looks around the room. “We know their name, first and last, their current address and phone number,” Namjoon speaks clearly. Jungkook springs up eyes wide with shock. “That’s great. If we have their phone number, then we can call them and have them in our hold sooner.” A hand grabs Jungkook’s elbow as he is pulled back down to the couch. “It's not that simple, Jungkookie,” Jin whispers softly. 

-

I sigh as I finish explaining everything to Clare and Lauren. At some point, the two girls joined me on the couch. Lauren holds my hand as Clare rubs my back in a confronting manner. Exhaustion fills my body, and I forget about my earlier declaration; all I want to do right now is to lie in bed and die. “Maybe it's best if I die from a soul rejection,” I say dryly as Clare gently pats my shoulder. To explain what a soul rejection is, since I know I mentioned it twice now. As cringy and emo as it sounds, the name explains itself. When a person is rejected by a soulmate or feels rejected in any way, their soul can start to die, and they will be consumed by this rejection to the point that they get ill and eventually die. It's the slowest and most painful death you can experience in your life. It's like the 5 stages of grief, and the hanahaki disease had the world's gloomiest child.

"Maybe there's a chance?" Lauren says with a hopeful tone in her voice, but one look at my grim expression, and it's shot down immediately. "I always wanted to meet my soulmate, hell, I even moved halfway across the country in hopes of seeing him, but the fact that he, they are so.." My voice gives out as more tears slip down my face. My thoughts are running a million miles a second as I try to wrap my head around it all. The air around us stills as if it's afraid to breathe too loudly. "We should sleep, start fresh in the morning." Clare gently suggests, and Lauren nods in agreement. "Maybe you should stay with us for the time being, email your professors about your extended stay?" Lauren also suggests, and I nod my head. I slowly get up from the couch, fearing my legs will give out on me, as I quietly bid both the girls a good night. I tried to find the will to lie in the bed, which was silent like the air around me when I lay down.

I did try to sleep, truly, I want to tell you that somehow I got a peaceful sleep. Unfortunately, when your life just got flipped upside down in the span of a few hours, it's hard to find peace at all. When I turned over for the thousandth time, I grabbed my phone as I internally groaned at the time, 2:00 am stares back at me, and I debated on finding a late bus and going back to my dorm, where I can rot in peace. Sighing, a thought came to my mind, "Has 'SoulTies' updated this?" I haven't been on my phone at all since the concert, and the lack of notifications should concern me, but I feel a sense of relief at the idea that they haven't released the information. I reopen the forgotten search tab as the 'SoulTies' page stares back at me, almost waiting for me. I sat up, head hanging low like I was yesterday. Same position, same overthinking mind, more anxiety and uncertainty. I type into the search bar "Bangtan." The letters feel heavy as I wait for the page to load. I blink and hold my breath, the web of names appears before me as I read each one. "Namjoon, SeokJin, Yoongi, Hoesok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook," and that's it, no other name, just an empty blank bubble like someone was supposed to be there but isn't.

What. the. fuck.

I refresh the page a few more times, my mental spiral tenfold as nothing changes after the 5th reload. Tears flow down my face into rivers as I feel myself shaking heavily in this warm room. I know I said I would rather die than admit to being BTS's soulmate, and that I felt some sort of relief by the idea of 'SoulTies' not being updated. For some reason, my name not being tied to the other's name on this stupid website is making me cry harder than before, like it's more real. I curl myself up into a ball as I try to think about this logically. They are huge superstars, touring around the world 24/7, and they have millions of fans. Maybe they are doing this for a safety measure? God, I hope so. I really, really hope so. Should I reach out? No, that's stupid. Even if I do come into contact with the group, they won't love me or accept me. I will be kept around just so none of the members die to a soul rejection, and now, since all of us were in the same space, our bond is going to start wanting to be completed, our souls will be reaching out to each other, if not, all of us will be in pain, slow coming but still. There's no way in all of the universe that these men love me for me and not what the soul bond is making them.

Somehow, I managed to fall back asleep, this time waking up to movement in the kitchen. I uncurl myself and wince at the ache in my joints. A few pops here and there, and I make my way into the kitchen, petting one of the cats before I face the two girls. I feel a soft hand on my shoulder as I look to see Lauren with a small smile on her face. She gently leads me to a barstool and sits next to me. "We checked 'SoulTies' last night," Clare begins, still in the process of making breakfast. "You didn't find anything, did you?" I questioned her with a raised eyebrow, and she shook her head. "You saw it too?" I shrug my shoulders and stare holes into their kitchen island. "I, I couldn't sleep, you can't blame me, though. My whole life, just" I flare my hands out trying to explain my overwhelming emotions. The girls go silent, and the sound of Clare cooking fills the apartment. "Did you try to reach out?" Lauren asks me, "I couldn't." I clear my throat, "Too many thoughts and anxiety to do anything."

"There's nothing on the page; my existence isn't known on that page. Meaning they are holding the information, but for what? For the band's safety? for my safety? I don't know if 'SoulTies' even tried to contact me or if they contacted them. Did they see me, feel me, feel the string at the concert? And how would the fans react to me being the last soulmate? Guys, I-" my rambling gets cut off by my own sob as I muffle it with my hand. Tears from last night fall down as my stomach drops and my heart clenches. Lauren pulls me into a side hug as I sob into her shoulder. Clare comes over and rubs my back as I let everything out into this run-down, overpriced apartment. God, I have never been this much of a crybaby before, but also, my life is quite frankly going to shit right now.

After a beat of silence, Lauren speaks up, gently pulling me from her shoulder. "Why don't we go back out today? If the information from 'SoulTies' isn't public, then we can go out with a peace of mind." She tilts her head, her long black hair falling over her shoulder like a waterfall. "Let us treat you, try to take your mind off of things?" I mull it over in my head, a day were I don't have to spend my own money? I give a nod towards the two girls, "sure why not?"

—

"we must find them, no matter what."

----------------------

There is this website that the government set up, it is called ‘The SoulTies.’ This website is run by a mysterious group that knows when soulmates complete their bond, and on this website, you can see who is paired with whom. The website came about mainly for celebrities because a lot of casualties happened when crazed fans pushed too much to find their favs soulmates. This was the compromise, and surprisingly, it worked. No one knows how these people know; it is almost like the gray sisters and the string of fate, except they don't cut the string, and the string is red and involves love. Something the Greeks thought of as a tragedy and not a serendipity. I think the website is funny, not in a mean way. Moreso, seeing well-known people get paired with nobodies. It’s nice knowing that the ones who acted full of themselves get humbled by their fate. I haven’t met my soulmate yet, 

I am 20 and a month into my sophomore year of college with no friends, barely a social life, and no soulmate. Though I wasn't expecting to find him on day one of moving into college, it is still disheartening when you see others with their lovers or soulmates, and your red string is so tight it can cut a block of cheese. See, the further you are away from your soulmate, the tighter the string. When you guys get closer to each other, the string will loosen. I was hoping that moving to a different state would give me a fresh start in this whole life mess, but it just made me more depressed than I have ever been. 

I let out a long sigh as my thoughts consumed me. I adjusted the bag on my back and skipped through a few songs. The nice weather and lack of students around made the hell walk to my class more bearable. Recently, I have been getting back into listening to BTS the music makes me less stressed about life, and I get to reminisce about how happy they make me. When I was a tween and didn’t know about the struggles of financial debt and stupid people. I put on one of their albums as I made my way to my philosophy class. BTS, as I recently found out, are all soulmates with each other; they decided to let the world know a few years ago, but I guess I was living under a rock when the news broke out. It makes sense in my opinion, all being soul-tied, and it's not like group soul bonds don't exist; they are uncommon, sure, but not rare. A part of me, the delusional side of me, secretly hoped it would be one of them. That I was fated to be with Taehyung or maybe Jungkook. I know a lot of their more toxic fans were upset by this announcement, as I went down a rabbit hole on the whole matter. The outrage by the delusional fans was overshadowed by the more competent people and was overall taken very well. 

I made myself laugh at the thought as I took my seat in the filled classroom. I gave a soft smile to the two girls who sat by me as I placed my headphones into my bag and grabbed my laptop. I make a quick Google doc so I can pretend to take notes and pull my phone out to check any notifications I may have gotten on my walkover. I smile as I see a text from an old friend. Lauren and I graduated from the same high school, and we were some of the very few people to move out of state for college. Because of this, we stayed in contact with each other, hoping to lessen the stress of college and being in a new state. 

LaLaRen: Hi, I know this is sudden, and you can say no to me, but I got these concert tickets from a classmate, and I was wondering if you want to come with me. I think you know this band, and it is happening this Saturday. 

Me: Omg, I would love to, who is the band? :] 

LaLaRen: It is the K-pop band BTS. I only really know a few songs from them. But I remember hearing from Sarah that you love them, or maybe like K-pop in general. 

Me: No fucking way- OMG YES I WOULD GO WITH YOU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 

LaLaRen: Haha, okay, okay, how about you come down Friday so we can go shopping and hang out for a little ;0 

Me: Sounds wonderful :]

I giggle softly to myself as I feel the energy surging in me. I have always wanted to see a BTS concert, and now here is my golden opportunity, fuck Willy Wonka; this is more amazing than his chocolate factory.

When I got back from my class, I threw my bag onto my half-made bed and sat down at my desk. I grab my laptop out of my school bag to send off an email to my professors letting them know of my absence for tomorrow. As much as Lauren and I can plan around our classes, it would be easier for us not to have them. Plus, I don’t believe I can sit through another psychology lesson knowing I was going to see the biggest boy band ever. 

 My phone set off as I finished sending the emails and looking into bus tickets, the caller ID displaying ‘LaLaRen.’ I laughed to myself as I accepted the call. “Hi, girl,” I said to the phone, smiling as Lauren laughed. I placed my phone on the messy desk, putting the call on speaker so I could try and multitask, “Hello girl, so when do you think you will be down?” she asked me with a small giggle. It looked like she was equally as excited for this. “Well, it's a 3-hour bus ride. If I leave at nine, I can potentially get there around noon,” I click through the website the bus service has, seeing the available times for tomorrow. Internally groaning at the prices for the bus. Maybe if I start walking now, I will make it in time. 

A groan gets let out through the speakers. “The three-hour bus ride sounds intense. Do you want to spend the night at my dorm so you don't have to take the bus after the concert?” Lauren tells me, the way she says that is more of a statement than a question. “Oh my god, a sleepover with THE Lauren, of course,” I responded to her with a high-pitched voice. We both laughed at that and spent the next few hours going over the plan and creating backup plans just in case. 

You never know what can happen in the cities. Crazy people have even crazier traffic. Expensive coffees and overrated bangle places. I signed, knowing that my bank account would suffer after this 2-day trip.  After our call ended, I took out my school notebooks and folders from my school bag to use as an overnight bag. I never really had the thought of buying another backpack; I never went anywhere in my hometown where I needed one. Perks of being a loner with friends who would rather play video games than have sleepovers. I walked over to my dresser, placed my newly empty backpack on top of it, and began packing it with some clothes. Lauren and I both agreed to shop for a concert outfit and get some coffee before the concert on Saturday. I bit my bottom lip as anxiety filled my stomach. Shopping for clothes has always been hard for me. Not that I don't enjoy it, in fact, going thrifting is one of my favorite things. 

More so, the part where I have to shop for pants or skirts or any bottoms for that matter, I am in the weird, awkward body type where I am not fat enough for the plus size clothing but chubby enough to not be able to fit into any size below a 16, even then some 16 pants are too small for me. With Lauren being smaller and skinnier than me, I hope it goes over well shopping, and we don’t need to go to a hundred different shops just to find one pair of pants that fits me. With that, I put a pair of black cargo pants into my overnight bag. It goes with a lot of outfits, just in case I can only find a top to wear.

I like to think I am not super insecure about my weight, though, being the fat kid growing up, and now even if my weight is distributed through my body after puberty, I still have a stomach to me, I still have big thighs, and I still have a chubby face. The comments made to you, even as a kid, stick with you for the rest of your life. I know I am attractive and I am confident in myself, but the insecurity is still there. Especially when you don’t fit into what society wants as a mid-size person, I have a small chest size that makes me pass off as a guy. Another thing that I don't mind as I really don’t care about my gender. But it is whatever. It makes finding a boyfriend hard, but makes boys with fragile masculinities pissed off easier, a small win in my book. 

I snap out of my degrading thoughts as I finish packing my bag, adding in a few accessories and perfume. I grumble as the dining halls are now closed, though the food was probably not going to be that good anyway. I placed the bag at the end of my bed and debated ordering some takeout, but with the money I was going to be spending tomorrow, I decided to try and sleep. Though I know I won’t sleep for a good while,  I can spend the night relearning fan chants and old songs. But like usual, I spent the next hour scrolling through social media, stalking old classmates, before I ended up falling asleep out of exhaustion. 

I woke up that morning with a newfound pep in my step, getting dressed and ready was a blur of excitement and anxiety, some thoughts of telling Lauren I don’t want to go anymore popped into my head once and a while, but I can not let my anxiety get in the way of seeing my seven fake husbands. After I was done with everything, I did a final check around my small dorm, making sure that I had everything. As I adjusted the straps of the bag so it fit more comfortably on my shoulders, I pulled out my phone to book an Uber to the bus. I give myself one more look in the mirror before heading out of the building. I can drive by the way, but in this economy, it's impossible to buy a car. But it is still super expensive to use Uber everywhere; it is always a lose-lose situation. A huge fuck you to the poor and stupid college kids just trying to have fun. Maybe my soulmate is some rich dude who can drive me everywhere. Being a forever-passenger princess doesn't sound too bad. 

As I wait for the driver to come I sent a quick text to Lauren that I was on my way to the bus station which she answered with a simple ‘Okay’ My Uber drive was quick as my nerves got my adrenaline rushing throughout my body, tomorrow I am going to be seeing my all-time favorite band, and who knows maybe my soulmate will be there. He needs to have good taste in music if he wants to be with me. Though it would be easy to indoctrinate him into the BTS lifestyle. 

 I gave the driver a small ‘thank you’ as I stepped out of the car just in time for the bus to be pulling in. I pulled out my phone to show them the ticket I bought last night and made my way to the bus, seeing as it was filling up. I gave the driver a polite smile as he gave me a nod, signaling that I was good to sit down wherever I wanted to. I made my way down the aisle before taking a seat in an empty section. I prayed to whatever God out there that I had to row myself. As lady luck is on my side, I get the two seats to myself as the bus pulls out of the station. I readjust the headphones on my head as I am going to heavily rely on music during this drive; maybe I can sneak in a nap beforehand, too. 

The three-hour ride went well, very well; it felt like only 3 minutes. Maybe I am way too excited for this concert, but I have never had the privilege to be this hopeful in my life. I wait a little as the bus comes to a stop and people begin to step off the bus. As I also take my leave on the bus, I quickly spot Lauren; her long black hair and chunky glasses give her away pretty easily. We pulled each other into a hug, letting out excited giggles. “Are you ready for city traffic?” Lauren asks me with wiggling eyebrows, “Of course,” I say back to her. We begin to take off to meet up with Lauren’s soulmate, who would be driving us. We talked about the concert and the songs we hope to hear. The sounds of traffic, people talking, kids yelling, and cars honking filled the air like an unwelcome hug from your weird aunt; uncomfortable but familiar, I nodded my head along as Lauren ranted about how close we are going to be to the stage and hoping to see Namjoon that close up.

Then, for the first time in my life, I felt a tug, anxiety filled my stomach as I froze in my tracks, and my heartbeat went through the roof as I looked down at the red thread I usually forget about, it loosened. Holy shit, I am near my soulmate. Holy shit. Lauren notices that I stop walking and now stare at my pinky finger, asks me, “Are you okay?” I initially looked around the bus station. There were a lot of people walking around, too many to see where the string goes. “Is it your soulmate?” Lauren asks me again. I couldn't speak, my mouth dry as I gave her a shaky nod.

But unfortunately, just as it loosens, it quickly tightens again, meaning my soulmate either left or is on a bus going further away from me. “I wonder if he felt it,” I questioned out loud, looking at Lauren with shaken eyes. She sighs, almost equally disappointed .“Come on, Clare is waiting for us, we don’t want to keep her waiting.” Lauren tells me, grabbing my hand and basically dragging me to the exit. I can’t stop staring at my red thread; there's hope. There is always hope. Now I can at least find comfort that he is in the States, and not in Korea or Russia or anything far away.

----------------------

The car ride back to Clare and Laurens' place was quiet; the two lovers made small talk here and there, but I couldn't find it in myself to try and pitch in on the conversation. Not that I don't love to talk, I’m an oversharer at heart, but after reading the headlines being posted about BTS having an 8th soulmate, I more than anything wanted to curl up into a hole and die. Again, I am not that delusional to believe that I am their soulmate, but the thought that I am still alone while these seven millionaires just gain another one doesn't exactly sit well with me.

 ‘God–dude, get a grip, it's not that serious.’ I thought to myself as the car ride dulled into a comfortable silence. We made it to the girls’ apartment, which they are somehow able to afford. The cracks on the sidewalk, paired with the old brick, really show the age of the two-bedroom apartment. With the keys getting stuck in the keyhole, some mild cursing from Clare, and the strong smell of oldness, we get inside the place. Hardwood floors and two cats meowing greet me at the door. We three shuffle to the kitchen, setting down all the bags onto the table. 

“Let me show you your room,” Lauren tells me, grabbing some of my shopping bags. The floors groan as she walks to the opposite end of the small place. Opening the door, I'm greeted with storage boxes, cat toys, and a simple-looking bed. Lauren sets down the bags on the bed and looks around sheepishly. “Sorry, it's a little messy here.” She says lamely as her hand rubs the back of her neck. I give her a small smile. “It's fine, girl, I lived in a way worse,” I say with a laugh. She lets out a small giggle, “I will let you get all set up, and one of us will call for dinner.” She gives me a pointed look. “And yes, you are eating with us.” I roll my eyes at her as Lauren closes the door behind her. 

Some moments later, I’m listening to my own breathing; standing in this bare but filled room, and coming to the realization I'm going to see my all-time favorite band tomorrow. I hear some pots and pans with some mild yelling coming from the kitchen, and it snaps me out of my daze. I sigh out loud as I flop down onto the bed, creaking and complaining as I do so. I flip myself over dramatically as I stare at the plain ceiling. A million thoughts go in and out of my head, and the one thing that stays consistent is the fact that I was so close to my soulmate, but I couldn't even catch a glimpse of him. I was so focused on the loosening of my pinky finger that I didn't even look up till it was so late. I feel like a huge idiot. 

I grumble to myself as I pull out my phone. Notifications from all social media flood my home screen as I scroll through all of them, no texts, as I suspect, as I don’t have many friends. Some posts were sent to me by some online friends, mainly about the 8th soulmate of BTS being revealed. I sighed and shifted once more, sitting up with my legs crossed, head hanging low, and Google opened up. My fingers hesitated as I searched more about the soulmate of BTS. Tons and tons of articles show up in a single second as the blue light from my phone damages my eyes. More accounts of Namjoon speaking out about it, apparently, the other member with Namjoon earlier today was none other than the youngest Jeon Jungkook.

Fuck man, this 8th person is so so lucky. God truly picks favorites. I sigh some more as if my own lungs can’t generate enough oxygen for my anxiety that's filling my body to the brim. I read some more pages, cross-checking with the army’s as well as official statements being published by BigHit themselves. The story goes that the boys were in a rush getting off their bus, Namjoon and Jungkook being the last ones off as Jungkook felt the loosening and alerted Namjoon, who looked around and spotted their other soulmate, but, apparently, they had to be rushed out before anything could happen. Namjoon states that their 8th soulmate's gender was hard to tell, but they look a bit younger than Jungkook, but not by much. 

Other than that, there's nothing. Some more paragraphs about how the members are disappointed by the events and wish to meet them, and how they hope to find their 8th soulmate. Reading these makes me wonder if ‘SoulTies’ has been updated, I mean, they have to. This mysterious group of people probably already knows this person's name and is writing it down on the page. I type the website into the browser as it loads, and chew my bottom lip nervously. As the page loads up, I got into the search bar and typed in Bangtan as the page loads.

“Hey, dude,” My eyes shot up to see Clare in the doorway with a bashful look on her face. I tilt my head at her as I close and lock my phone. “What's up? Did Lauren burn down the kitchen?” I laugh dryly, and Clare chuckles a little before shrugging her shoulders. “Actually, I burnt the food, it's my fault, and Lauren thinks it's better if we just order takeout.” I stand up as Clare leads me into the living room. I pat her shoulder, “It's okay, everyone burns food once in their cooking life.” We see Lauren sitting on the kitchen island, phone in hand, and looking very serious. “Pizza or Chinese?” she asked both of us. Clare plops down onto the couch with a groan. “Chinese, please, you know my order.” Lauren looks at me, “Are you okay with that?” I nod at her as I bounce over to her, peering over to look at her phone. “Definitely,” We spent the next few minutes ordering and crying over the price for delivery. Clare already has some anime playing on the TV, and Lauren joins her. 

When the food comes, we are already 5 episodes deep into Clare’s current obsession of the week, and eating goes by in a flash as we complain and yell at the TV. Attractive characters, people dying, weird plot lines, etc, etc. I clean up after myself, my stomach screaming at me from eating too much, and I excuse myself to go to bed since we have an eventful day tomorrow. Lauren and Clare wish me a good night as I retire to bed, who loves to complain about my weight. I roll up in the blanket Clare gave me as I stare up at the ceiling. Sleep didn't come easily to me.

~~

The man in front of the window chews his lip nervously, and anxiety fills the hotel room where seven men stand. Some are sitting, pretending to be calm, while others are pacing around. Hair all ruffled from the countless times of running their hands through their hair. The silence is sickening as no one makes a move to speak. “Hyung,” The youngest starts as he looks over to the leader in the center of the room. In the middle of this mess, his eyes closed as he collected his thoughts. “I know Jungkook, I know,” Namjoon finally says, drawing attention to himself as the others pay close attention to him. Hope fills their tired eyes as Namjoon looks more like a lighthouse in the foggy night. “‘SoulTies’ contacted the company, giving our reputation, they are holding off the name of our 8th soulmate for their own safety.” He explains calmly, but his body language is anything but that.  “But,” he tries to continue, his own voice gets caught in his throat. “But, they did reveal the name to us; the company is searching for anything concerning this 8th person.” SeokJin finished the leader's sentence, placing a calming hand on his shoulder. 

They give each other soft nods in understanding. “Do you think we will find her again?” Jimin's voice comes out more timid than he would like, his eyes shaking as he wishes he had stood back to at least take a look at their last person. They knew for the longest time that their soul group was incomplete, a missing puzzle piece, and another example of a metaphor for missing someone. Sleepless nights, stress, and a dozen unfinished songs center around this person. Jimin runs a hand through his pink hair. 

“We don't know this person's gender, Jimin. We shouldn't just assume it's a girl.” Namjoon gently scolds him, and Taehyung looks off to the side as the remaining people stay silent, taking in the information. “When will this information be released?” Yoongi questions, well, it sounds more like a statement. His eyes zero in on the leader, and the only one who saw their supposed last person. Namjoon sighs as he looks around at everyone before turning his attention back to his older member. “Until we are ready to. ‘SoulTies’ agree to keep the information from the public till we give them the go-ahead. I would imagine this is well after the fact that we have this last person in our arms.” Yoongi hums at this, watching the youngest member pace in front of the window. “What if we don't want to release this information to the public? Keep them a secret.” Hoseok asks, posing a possibility. The possession raiding from his body is apparent. Hoseok has always been one to keep what's his close.

Namjoon shakes his head, “Not possible, as much as it would be nice. Keeping this person locked away. It's dangerous for our little soulmate, plus the media already knows about the 8th soulmate.” Hoseok grumbles at this, taking the empty seat next to Yoongi, who slings his arm across the dancer's shoulders. “But, this means’ SoulTies’ gave you the name of our soulmate, then?” Jimin asks, his hands absentmindedly tracing patterns into Taehyung's thigh, hoping it would calm his growing nerves.

 Namjoon nods at this, and a small smile graces his face. “Yes, we have their name at least. Our team will be able to find them as well as–.” He gives a pointed look at Jungkook, who finally stops integrating his footprints into the floor. Wide-eyed, he looks at the leader, “--Our Jungkookie here has been following them all day today.” The other members look at him sharply. Jungkook gives a shaky nod in confirmation. Namjoon brings the younger boy over to the middle, a hand wrapped around his waist. He whispers slowly, “It's okay, you're not in trouble for following them, I would have advised you to do it anyway.” Jungkook looks at his leader in shock before giving him a huge smile. The embarrassment leaves his body as the excitement enters. “You should have seen them, hyung.” Stars grace his eyes, and a soft blush on his cheeks. As the others get excited at the thought of meeting this person.

 “So this person's name, what is it?” A deep voice broke out. Taehyung felt his skin itch in jealousy at the two. Namjoon lets go of Jungkook as he takes a deep breath in “Their name is…” 

~~

The door busts open as I feel a weight jump onto me, I groan out as I shove the person off of me, eyes still closed. I feel hands grab onto me, shaking me more awake. “Wake up! Today is the day!” A voice screams into my ear. I open my eyes only to see Lauren sitting on the bed with the biggest smile on her face. I groan at her rolling over and trying to go back to sleep. Lauren huffs at me before she jumps off the bed and rips the blanket off me, and darts out of the room laughing hysterically. I yelp out as the cold air sends goosebumps all across my body. My body curls up to combat the cold as I debate burning down this very apartment. 

I sigh dramatically as I sit up, yawning as I run my hands across my face and into my hair. I grumble as I grab my phone. I flinch at the bright light looming from the box device. ‘11:30 am’ stares back at me as I grumble some more. Slowly, I get off the bed as I check my notifications while making my way into the kitchen. “Why didn't you wake me sooner?” I complained, sitting at the kitchen island as Lauren passed me some hot coffee. Clare giggles at that, scrolling through her phone across from me, eating cold Chinese food. “Lauren thought you could use the sleep, giving you a long bus ride.” I hum in agreement, blowing on the hot liquid before taking a slow sip, trying not to burn my tongue.

“Yep!” Lauren claps her hands. Isn't she so cheerful this morning? “We should all get ready and leave in the next hour so we can get a decent parking spot as well as a hopefully not horrible stop in line,” Clare and I  agree with her as we all shuffle off to get ready. The next hour of me trying to get ready was a teenage angst nightmare coming to life. As much as I like the outfit I got yesterday and how confident I feel in it, the old habits die hard as I nitpick everything that I see. To the softness of my arms and stomach, to the slight acne on my chin, my hair not being how I wanted it to, and the fear of smelling bad, it made me almost drown myself in a half bottle of perfume like those girls back in the middle school locker room.

We all managed to leave semi on time, only a little bit late because Lauren couldn't find the pair of shorts she wanted to wear. Claiming anything else will ruin her perfect vision. The drive over was more or less filled with loud off-key singing and the GPS bugging out. Making us almost take a few wrong turns. Unfortunately, even though we were trying to leave early, there was no cheap parking close to the venue. Seriously, you pay half of a fortune on tickets and a full fortune on shitty parking. I grumble slightly as we pull into a spot, being a 10-minute walk away from the place. Double-checking we have everything and taking pictures of where we are parked, we hastily make our way out of the parking ramp and down onto the streets to the venue. 

“I really need one of you to pinch me,” I say out loud as we get to our seats. I yelp as I feel a sharp pain in my side, and Lauren looks guilty. I glare at her as I take my seat. “This is so amazing!” Clare shouts, almost falling out of her seat with how jittery she is. I nod my head in agreement as I look at the stage, the big screens having “Love Yourself!” in bold letters as everyone fills in slowly. My breath gets caught in my throat as I never would have thought this moment would come. I always dream of going to a concert like this, seeing all seven of them performing. Watching them sing the songs that helped me through the darkest times, I would give anything to give each of them a hug. 

I shift my attention to Clare and Lauren, who are talking about the songs they wish to hear. I giggle at them as I join in, and for the next hour, we all talk about the concert, a few other armies joining in our discussion as well. We exchange social media with a few people as we all get each other hype up. The lights go out as everyone yells in excitement. The air is buzzing with electricity, music begins to play, and the screaming gets louder. Then, at long last, all seven of the band members come out and start to sing and dance to the song playing. 

Everyone gets impossibly louder as I lose my voice in my throat. Tears welled in my eyes out of shock, no, no God, no, why. My heart shrinks in my chest as I look up onto the stage, my red thread ever so loose as I see it branch off into 7 different lines, all of them linking to the 7 men dancing and singing on stage. My heart physically stops in my chest as all the air in my throat quickly escapes as if even my oxygen can’t believe my fate. My body gets set into a panic as tears trickle down my cheeks, rivers quickly form on both lakes that my eyes are turning into as my reality, my fate, my life all come crashing down onto me. My soulmate, no,  my soulmates are the seven superstars of the world. This can’t be happening to me, dear lord above, I was joking all those times I wanted to be (y/n) in those BTS mafia fanfics I used to read in middle school. Please don’t make this my reality, please don't let them be my soulmates. My heart can’t take it; it just might kill me.

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We make it to Clare’s car, and she smiles at me as this is our first time meeting. I put on a smile as I tried to push through all the emotions I was feeling at the moment. But it is more complicated than I’d like to admit. The man I moved halfway across the country for is now somewhere in the city that’s only 3 hours away from my 4-year hellscape of a college.

 I let out a deep sigh as I looked over to Lauren and Clare, who were having a quiet conversation themselves. Clare nodded at something Lauren said, a look of concern and slight confusion filled her eyes, and spread across her face. “I’m fine yall— let’s get going before I hear another kid scream their head off,” I tell them with a slight chuckle, hoping that I’m schooling my face well enough to at least look like I’m fine as well as my typical dry humor distracted them from the impending breakdown I am about to face in minus 10 seconds. 

Lauren eyes me up and down while also looking deep into my very soul to see if I’m lying to her. Clare shrugs, “I agree.” Lauren seems to give up her soul searching and nods her head. In silence that was not completely awkward, we got into Clare’s small car. I shove my bag and myself into the back seat, hoping that the fabric of the cheap seats swallows me whole.

 After 30 minutes of awful pop music from the local radio station, Clare says something about “keeping up with the latest music”, Clare’s occasional road rage, and cars honking, we reach a small street lined with small shops and other downtown “hippie” and “local” boutiques. As God was on our side, we found a decent parking spot with little to no casualties, though I was pretending not to feel the curb that Clare drove on top of.

 The other two girls make their way to one of the many shops we will visit. I try to find it in my very core to move and get out of this stupid, beat-up car, but my every soul has died and been replaced with a mopey version of myself. I keep asking myself, “Would I ever have that chance again? To be that close to him?” The feeling of hopelessness seems to seep into my bones and takes over my soul as I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into the pit of despair. A gust of wind hits my arm, making me shoot up in shock. I yell at Clare as she laughs at me hanging off the open car door. “Come on, man, Lauren is dying to check out this new shop.” I rolled my eyes and finally found the courage to step out of the car; the car isn’t stupid, just my feelings.

 I breathe in the cold air as I match my footing with Clare, following her mindlessly as we catch up with Lauren, who is currently star-struck over this shirt. “Guys, what! Look at it!” Lauren practically screams at us. I laugh at her, I feel myself letting go of its tight grip on the soul-crushing reality. Maybe spending some money and indulging in giving the greedy company my mind, body, and soul is what I need at the moment.

 The rest of the afternoon is spent with Lauren dragging Clare and me around the street, jumping and hopping from one store to another. I found a few tops that were cute and appropriate for the concert, but as for pants, my fear was proving to be true as none of the shops had my size, or like any normal size, I mean, come on, even the chubby girls like to overconsume, and spend all their money on a pair of jeans. 

“Isn't this so cute!” Lauren yells into my ear as I lazily glance over the rack of tops. I throw on a smile as I examine the clothes. “Oh yeah, it fits you.” She smiles back at me before her eyes start analyzing the shirt once again. “I’m going to ask Clare what she thinks,” before I could respond, Lauren already walked away from me. I sighed but smiled nonetheless, as I went back to looking at the mildly ugly and small tops in front of me, 

“You shouldn’t be here,” a small but pitchy voice says to me. I turn my attention to the owner of the offending voice, only to see a short girl who looks like she would be blown away by a strong gust of wind. I swear to all that is holy, if this goes in the direction I think it is, I’m gonna hole myself up in my room for the next decade. “Excuse me?” I ask the lady, confusion dances across my face as I tilt my head down at her to get a better look, black jeans, black top, and oh- look! A name tag, great, she works here. 

“I’m saying,” her pitchy voice rises a notch as she scoffs at me. “You don’t belong here; none of these sizes will fit you.” She gives me a once-over before crossing her arms and staring up at my face. Yup, this went exactly how I was expecting it to. Look, I’m not a Karen or anything of the sort, so the following things I say don’t represent me at all. My eyebrow raised in amusement at her sheer audacity, but two can play this stupid game. 

“Oh, really now? I’m sure your manager or other coworkers would love to hear that you're being rude to a customer just based on their weight.” I gave her a fake pout. Her eyes widened at my words, “I’m sure this establishment prides itself on being fat-phobic to their customers, so maybe you will finally get some recognition. Oh! And this interaction will make you get that pay raise you have been hoping for!” I fake excitement in my voice, but I am channeling all the sarcasm I have collected over the 20 years of my life. 

 She starts to stutter as her eyes are wide as dinner plates, her hands come out in front of her, trying to fix her comment she made about me as she fails over and over to come up with something to smooth over her mistake.  Another employee walks up to us, “Is everything okay over here?” The employee is an older woman and much more secure with herself. I smiled at her, “Actually, no, this employee over here was telling me to leave this establishment because of my weight, and I feel very disrespected,” I explained to her. Regretting the comment she made, the short girl turns to the older woman, trying to explain and justify herself. Again, I am not a Karen of any sort, but I am not going to let myself be disrespected by this Barbie regret just because she is insecure and projecting it onto strangers. 

The older woman smiles at me, ignoring her. “I’m very sorry she said that towards you, honey. By no means do her words represent the company and what we stand for. Rest assured, this behavior will be dealt with.” I gave the older employee a polite smile, thanking her as she took the younger girl to the back of the store. Once they left, I let out a deep sigh. Look, just because I handled that well doesn’t mean I wasn’t blowing up on the inside.

I scan my eyes around the store, spotting my two friends over the accessories. Taking another deep breath to steady myself, I make my way over there. I just need to turn off my brain and have fun. I can’t let comments like that get to me. For the next hour, we went to two different stores. I managed to find some pants that make up a complete outfit for the concert. I felt more giddy, as maybe the world isn’t so bad when you have a new outfit to wear and show off. Us three stopped at this small cafe for a late lunch and a breather.

 Lauren took the liberty of filling me in on the latest gossip and drama going on in her arts school, as Clare and I just ate peacefully. “Oh, hey, what happened back at the bus station?” Clare asks me once Lauren’s gossip train slowed down, I cursed internally, as I was hoping not to think about that again. I shake my head, “It was my soulmate, the string was so loose like he was right there next to me. I was freaked out by it.” I explained to her my body shrinking on itself as I reminisced on the feeling of being so close to him. Clare gave me a look of sympathy as she shared some comforting words with me.

 “Holy shit-“ Lauren’s voice breaks through my loathing as the said girl is staring at her phone like it personally offended her, and Clare and I exchanged confused looks. “What’s wrong?” I ask Lauren carefully, but as soon as I speak, she shoves her phone into my face. I had to squint my eyes to adjust to the screen as I read the headline on a news article.

 ‘BTS, THE BIGGEST BOY BAND HAS AN 8TH SOULMATE?’ 

“holy shit?!” I shout out as well as I take Lauren’s phone to read through the article quickly to make sure it wasn’t some clickbait, but as I read more of it, statements from Bighit and Namjoon himself explain the situation. I passed the phone to Clare as I stared in disbelief. Their soul group isn't complete? Does this mean that ‘SoulTies” is wrong, or did they just not know? But these guys are on a world tour right now. How are they just now discovering they have an 8th soulmate? 

“Wait, guys, did you read this part?” Clare questions us as she scans her eyes over the phone, “According to the leader of BTS, Kim Namjoon, also known as RM, Him and one other member felt a tug and their red string loosen when at the bus station in the city, where they are performing this Saturday.” Clare finishes reading the segment of the new article. 

I think my brain stopped working at that moment. A million thoughts raced into my head all at once, and the main one was “Could I be their soulmate?” but there's no way, there's no way I am the person. Besides, it's nearly impossible as well since we probably were at the bus station at two different times. There was no way two members of BTS were at the bus station and didn't cause a huge commotion. “Do you guys think we were at the station at the same time as them?” Lauren asks us, there is a childlike amusement in her voice, but Clare, thank god, shuts down that thought immediately. “There's no way we would have seen a bunch of armies going apeshit as well as a million security guards and paparazzi.” I hum in agreement as I finish evaluating.

“Well, maybe we should head to your guy's place since it's getting late.” I changed the topic to hopefully not down Laurens' hopes too much. The other two girls agreed as we packed up and paid for our food. We walk down the once-busy streets, now it's just a few stray people going home like us. When we came into view of Clare's beat-up car, I sighed in relief. Today was fun, a lot of it if I don't think about how much money I just spent, but there is still this nagging feeling in my chest that something is wrong, and that my soulmate is closer to me than I think, and with the article? I don't know what to think at all. I just want to enjoy the concert and leave this stupid city. 

.

I watch as our soulmate gets into the back of her friend's car, and my chest aches as I see the small pout on their face. Soon, you will be with us. 

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