#sortofscarymostlycomedy

This is a drabble (how short does it have to be to be a Drabble? Asking for a friend) using all the words for the 2022 Klainetober challenge! (Side note: got confused, thought we were supposed to use all the words. Oops. Oh well.) This one was fun, inspired by the words and a little incident I experienced in real life ;) enjoy the silliness! No explicit sexual content, but some explicit language (Santana and Puck have filthy mouths) Also posted to our account (Kirakiwi) on A03 and FF.net. Much love - A and K

-3800 words in this… one shot? I dunno.

The car door slammed loudly, too loud and it caused Kurt to wince. He ducked a branch of the tree they had parked under hoping it would hide Blaine’s car from view. They stepped out into the moonlight. The chilly air blew some leaves past them as they clicked on their flashlights. Blaine joined his boyfriend and linked arms, head burrowing further into his old Dalton scarf he still wore occasionally. (When Kurt didn’t steal it, of course.) 

“This isn’t a good idea,” Kurt hissed as they picked their way over the pavement. 

Blaine bumped his hip with Kurt’s and flashed him a bright grin in the dark. “It’s fine! The salon has been empty for months.” His smile dimmed a little, but he recovered quickly. His happy-go-lucky attitude usually did since he was like a human golden retriever.

“It might belong to your family, but it’s still trespassing!” He looked around like he was expecting something to jump out and get him. 

It was Halloween night and it happened to fall on a Saturday this year, so the two had decided to watch scary movies all day and snack on candy. Now that the moon was high in the sky, Kurt was regretting every film they watched. He burrowed deeper into Blaine’s side as they went to the back door of the salon and Blaine unlocked it. He had given Rachel the other key that he had snuck from his father’s office where he kept them in his desk drawer until they could sell the place. 

The brunette diva had approached them at school a few weeks ago with Tina and Artie in tow and asked if they would be interested in a seance/magic ceremony. They had exchanged amused looks and asked her to repeat herself. Then Tina had jumped in and said they were handling everything, they just needed a place to hold it. Blaine had helpfully volunteered his late grandmother’s old hair salon that had been empty since her death. 

Dust lay thick on all the chairs and surfaces of the place causing Blaine to sneeze as they disturbed it. He glanced around fondly but sadly, memories of the place dancing in his eyes. Kurt leaned into him, aware how close he had been to the woman. Blaine kissed his cheek in return, having dated Kurt long enough to communicate without words. Something shuffled behind a broom closet door and the boys froze. They jumped when the door popped open and Brittany stumbled out, a mop clacking down loudly behind her on the tile. 

“Oh! Hey guys! Just had to use the bathroom really quick.” She smoothed some flyaway blonde hairs back into her ponytail.

Blaine frowned. “That’s not a bath—“

“Let’s just find the others,” Kurt interrupted. He knew from experience not to ask Brittany any question you weren’t prepared to hear a long and confusing story about. “Where’s Santana?”

She scrunched her nose in confusion. “I thought Santana was with you? She said she was.”

They shook their heads and she bit a fingernail. 

“Come on,” Kurt took her elbow and led her to the door. “Maybe she’s already with the others.”

They descended the stairs into the basement, Kurt squawking in dismay as he felt a cob web stick to his hair. It was completely dark and creepy and gross. Kurt swore he saw a mouse scurry across his path as they went down the narrow corridor and ended up in what used to the the store room. There was still an old barber chair in the corner along with some boxes and a dented fan. Several more flashlights illuminated the faces of the other New Directions as they idled around the room. 

Finn had been helping Rachel all day so he had just ridden with her. He was sitting on the shredded upholstery of the old chair and munching a bag of chips while talking to a unamused looking Puck. Mike was helping Tina spread out some sort of shimmery fabric in the middle of the floor that Rachel immediately set more candles around. There were candles everywhere, warming the chilly room. Sounds of disgust came from Mercedes who was wiping her hands on her pants as she complained about all the insects and the grime. Artie was wheeling around the room and Kurt overheard him tell Sam he was hoping one of the girls would get scared and cuddle with him. Sam just nodded, peering around the room like he was trying to see through the shadows. Quinn stood next to Mercedes, watching Rachel order everyone to the center of the room with barely disguised annoyance.

“Places everyone!” Rachel called as she clapped her hands. She took a seat on the edge of the fabric and placed a large black candle in front of her. She motioned they should follow her example and they did, some more hesitantly than others. 

Quinn huffed as she kneeled next to Artie. The boy looked thrilled at this development. “I just want everyone to know that this is technically against my religion, but in the interest of being open minded, I'm participating.” 

Rachel smiled mildly at her as she folded her hands into her lap. “Thank you, Quinn. Glad to have you here. Now, before we begin—“

“Hey, can we use this for our ritual?” Brittany asked as she held up something furry. It was a poisoned mouse, long dead and stiff that dangled pitifully from where she pinched its tail in between two fingers. “I found it in that bathroom upstairs.”

“Ewwww!” Rachel screamed along with pretty much everyone else. 

“Drop it!” Mercedes ordered and she did, tossing it away with a shrug. 

“Sorry.

Rachel rolled her shoulders. “Anyway, as I was saying. I would like for everyone to—“

“Wait!” Brittany interrupted again. 

Rachel sucked air in through her gritted teeth. “What is it now?”

“I swear, if you have any more dead rats I’m done,” Kurt warned. 

Brittany shook her head. “No, Santana isn’t here! We can’t start without her!”

“Well, where is she?” Mike asked. 

“She was supposed to come with Kurt and Blaine, but she’s not with them.”

Blaine and Kurt shared confused frowns. 

“We haven’t heard from her at all today,” Blaine said while Kurt nodded in agreement. 

Brittany chewed a fingernail again. “She’s missing!”

“If she wanted to come, she should have been on time,” Rachel said dismissively. “I sent the invitations out a week ago which she used to spit her gum into.” 

Brittany frowned down at her lap as Kurt patted her shoulder.

“Anyone else have something to say?” Rachel glared around the room. “Now, first I think we should thank Blaine for allowing us this space to have our ceremony.” 

Everyone clapped and Blaine held up a hand. “No problem.”

“Let’s begin,” Rachel intoned dramatically. 

Kurt tried not to roll his eyes. When he had asked her why she was doing this, she had told him she was practicing just in case she got a role playing a witch or a teenager at a sleepover in a horror movie. She was trying very hard though and she had done a lot of research, so he did have to give her that.

“Do you all have your photographs?” Rachel asked as she pulled a lighter out of her bag. 

Everyone retrieved their photos and set them in front of their laps, all of deceased family members they wished to contact. Kurt set the picture of his uncle down, the bald man smiling back up at him. He had considered his own mother, of course, but it felt wrong. Plus, she probably would just end up telling him not to contact the dead or something. So he went with his uncle who he suspected was closeted. He had always been kind to him and Kurt wanted to ask him if he was gay. 

Kurt noticed Blaine lay his photograph down lovingly, and swallowing hard at the face of his grandmother smiling up at him. It was the very same one who owned this shop. Kurt remembered the woman with fondness. She loved Blaine and all of her grandchildren deeply. She was always nice to him as well, giving him a little candy anytime he came to visit her with Blaine. She did that with all her grandchildren and it warmed her heart that she treated him the same. He squeezed Blaine’s hand, catching his eyes in the dark and returning the smile Blaine sent his way. 

Rachel cleared her throat to get all the group’s attention before lifting the lighter in the air slowly. “I will now light the candle!” She announced as if they couldn’t see the freaking lighter in her hand. Deliberately and slowly, Rachel lowered the lighter, flicking it on at the wick. She held the tiny flame to it… and nothing happened. 

She tried again… 

And again…

“Why won’t this work?” She grumbled as she shook the lighter and then tried again. 

“This is a bad omen,” Tina said gravely from beside the struggling girl. 

Sam fidgeted. “What? Why? Why won’t it light? That’s a bad omen? What does that mean? What Tina?”

Mercedes laid a calming hand on Sam’s shoulder and he put his head between his knees and started taking deep breaths. 

Tina tucked her dark hair behind her ear. “Well, the legend says that if the candle doesn’t light, the spirits do not wish to be contacted. We might have to wait for another night.”

All grew silent at this, the paranoia working them into unease. Everyone, that is, besides Rachel who was desperately trying to light the candle. 

“That’s nonsense, Tina. Come on you stupid thing!”

Finn scooted closer. “Want some help?”

“No! I can light a stupid candle!”

Kurt felt someone brushing against him and turned to see his boyfriend staring at him in an obvious attempt not to laugh. Kurt sucked in his lips so he didn’t laugh, but that made Blaine snort a little which caused some of the others to look at him. He coughed to cover it up and Kurt thought he looked adorable so he leaned in for a kiss. 

With a triumphant crow, Rachel finally got the candle lit and immediately lowered her voice to the theatrical register she had been using earlier. 

“Everyone, extinguish your flashlights. The spirits don’t like them. Good, now make sure you have joined hands with the people on either side of you.”

The candlelight casted a dull, creepy glow on them all, its cold flame not affording much light to the room. Kurt was wondering where Rachel got the lumpy thing when they all heard it. 

From the dark hallway, a scratching… 

“Maybe it’s a mouse?” Artie guessed hopefully. 

Then growling… 

“Not a mouse,” Mike squeaked. 

No one moved as two glowing eyes appeared in the dark, the growling becoming snarls. In the dim candlelight, a wolf’s head appeared, hovering in midair. It gazed at them all with teeth bared before snapping its jaws at them. 

At that point, everyone began to scream in terror, Puck and Sam jumping into Artie’s lap as he tried to wheel away. Rachel tried to climb up Finn as he scrambled away towards the wall. Tina and Mike clung to each other while Kurt and Blaine did the same. Quinn and Mercedes hid behind the old forgotten chair, both nearly in tears. 

“Who disturbs my rest?” The wolf asked in a deep and gravelly voice. “Who will ease the hunger in my belly?” It turned violently towards Sam, Puck, and Artie who screamed. “You?” Then it twisted to the couples huddled on the other side of the room. “Or you?”

Brittany stood from the circle, the only person not to move, and skipped towards the floating head. The others yelled for her to come back, but she ignored them.

“I will!” She raised her arm to the wolf who opened it’s jaws wide to bite her. 

“You are…” the beast growled. “The biggest bunch of pussies I’ve ever seen,” Santana’s voice finished as she pulled off the mask attached to a long black cloak that obscured the rest of her body. She kissed Brittany hard and then cackled until tears ran down her cheeks. “I wish you could have seen your faces! Oh wait, you can since Britt got it on video.” She kissed her girlfriend again, softer this time. “What a little actress you are. Thanks for keeping my secret, baby.” 

Brittany bowed as everyone began to come back to the circle, fuming at being had. Artie shoved Puck and Sam off his lap. Pretty much everyone else was annoyed except Mercedes who was laughing, her general response to be terrified as Kurt had discovered visiting a haunted house with her. “Oh my god, you got me good!” Still giggling, she got back into place by Kurt who was scowling at Santana. He checked Blaine who looked a bit embarrassed, but otherwise fine. 

“What the hell is wrong with you, Santana?” Rachel snapped as she righted a few candles that had been knocked over. 

Santana had stretched on the floor and laid her head in Brittany’s lap, getting comfy. “I wanted to play a prank and you little ninnies didn’t disappoint.”

Rolling her eyes, Rachel corralled everyone back together. “Okay, now who would like to begin the ritual?”

Everyone agreed, feeling a little less scared now. 

Rachel turned to Tina. “Everyone join hands as Tina leads us in the sacred chant.”

The girl grinned widely before meeting every single person’s eyes on the circle. 

“Souls beloved and long buried, memory kept in the cage of our hearts. 

Speak to the ones you once carried, let us no longer be apart.”

 They all chanted the rhyme several times, some more enthusiastic than others. Rachel threw something into the candle that made it flare up. All of the teens yelped or screamed. 

Rachel glanced around at the irritated faces sheepishly. “It’s just salt. I was trying to make this cooler.”

“It would be so much cooler to be somewhere having a party. Not in a disgusting basement.” Santana snarked as she inspected her nails. She hadn’t chanted. 

“Well let’s see how brave you are when we do the ritual and we see a ghost,” Finn said smugly. “Where’s your picture?” 

Santana laughed. “I didn’t bring one because this is all bullshit.” 

They protested, but Tina calmed them. “Ignore her. Let’s just try. Who wants to go first?” 

“I will,” Blaine said nervously, picking up his picture. He blinked rapidly at the smiling face of his grandmother. The two of them had been close and she had only died that spring. 

Kurt saw the way Blaine was trying to hold back tears and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders. “Sweetie, you don’t have to. Someone else can go.”

“No,” he sniffed. “I want to.” He held out the photograph to Rachel and she took in with great ceremony. She laid it next to the candle, then nodded to Tina. Mike smiled at his girlfriend proudly as she led them all in the chant once again. 

Kurt held onto Blaine’s hand as they chanted, both of them squeezing their eyes tightly in concentration. 

Then… 

Nothing happened. 

Santana laughed loudly as they all looked around. “Told you it was all bullshit.”

“Hush, Santana.” Tina glared at her.  

“Yeah, it’s probably your fault,” Rachel said, crossing her arms. “You’re the unbeliever.”

“I don’t believe in this either,” Puck chimed in. “I’m a Jew so I don’t think I’m supposed to be doing this anyway.”

“Oh my god, stop making being a Jew your entire personality,” Mercedes said to him. “It’s getting annoying.”

“I don’t believe in this stuff either,” Quinn said, primly smoothing down her skirt and toying with the little golden cross at her throat. “But I was still chanting. I thought you just had to say the words, not believe them.”

“Did anyone actually mean the words?” Finn asked exasperation as he saw his girlfriend about to lose it.  

“I did!” Brittany said with her hand raised. 

“Me too,” Artie chimed in. 

“And me,” Mike said solemnly. 

“I didn’t,” Sam confessed. He licked his generous lips and rubbed a hand on his forearm. “I didn’t want to see a scary ghost. I watched The Sixth Sense and didn’t sleep for like three weeks. I’m sorry Blaine.” 

Blaine just looked at the photograph on the floor sadly and smiled at his friend. Kurt rubbed his back. “It’s okay. I didn’t actually think it would work. I just hoped…” he trailed off before sniffing the air. He frowned. 

“What?” Kurt asked.

“Obsession,” Blaine mumbled. 

“Pardon?” Kurt asked. 

Blaine turned to the others with wide eyes. “The perfume my grandmother wore! It was called Obsession! I would know it anywhere!”

“Okay, the hobbit has lost his damn min—“ Santana stopped as they all started to smell the scent Blaine was talking about. 

They all glanced around nervously, looking for the source of the smell. 

“Blaine…” A faint female voice whispered. 

“Gran— Grandmother?” Blaine whimpered.

“Santana, if you are screwing with us again, knock it off.” Kurt shot the Cheerio a dirty look. 

“Yeah, that’s not cool at all,” Sam chimed in, still looking around everywhere. 

Except Santana had gone pale, not really something she could fake and her head jerked back and forth as she shook it. “It’s not me. I swear!”

“Is anyone else doing that?” Rachel asked, a little harried. “Seriously, knock it off.”

“Blaine…” came the voice again, but louder.

The former Warbler turned to the others, his face going a little pale too. “It’s— it’s her! I’d know her voice anywhere!”

“Oh my god, oh my god! We did it!” Tina started saying, a little panicked, but overall excited.

Sam gnawed on his lip until it was bleeding, backing away until he tripped over the old fan. “Nope. No, absolutely not!”

A wind started then, swirling around them. 

“Fuck this!” Puck jumped up and ran for the entrance, only for a box to fly in his way. “We’re trapped!”

Everyone panicked then, running and screaming as they tried to escape the basement. They scurried around each other, tripping over candles. Lights flickered on in a dull florescent glow, lighting up all of their dirty, terrified faces. A woman stood in the doorway by the light switch, hands on her hips. 

“It’s the ghost!” Finn shrieked as he pointed at the figure. 

The figure stepped into the light and they all stilled. 

“Mom?” Blaine asked from the corner where he was huddled with Kurt. 

Pam Anderson eyed her son and then the others sternly, her mouth a thin line. “What in the world do you all think you’re doing down here? I thought someone was being murdered! I saw Blaine’s car and came looking for him.”

“We… we were trying to summon a ghost! Blaine’s grandmother!” Rachel volunteered before the others shushed her. 

The sternness faded into something softer as she looked back to her son. “Is this true?”

Blaine hung his head, nodding in shame. “It is. I just miss her.” 

Pam crossed the room and hugged Blaine, Kurt stepping back respectfully. “I know you miss her, but you don’t need to be down here. You could have gotten hurt.” She looked at the others. “Any of you.”

“Sorry, Mom.”

“But, but, she did come back!” Sam’s eyes were wild. “We smelled the perfume! I didn’t imagine that!”

“And the wind!” Puck insisted. 

“And the voice!” Tina said. 

They all nodded vigorously. 

Mrs. Anderson pointed at a fan Sam must have accidentally turned on when he tripped. “Is that the wind?”

They all traded looks. 

“And I was calling for Blaine upstairs,” she continued. 

They all shuffled their feet. 

“But the perfume!” Artie said. 

Blaine turned his big eyes to his mother. “She wore Obsession! You know the… same… stuff you do…” He grinned at his friends. “Oops. Sorry, guys.

“Further embarrassed.” Sam threw his hands up.

“Okay, why don’t you put out these candles before the salon burns down and let’s get everyone home.” 

They all worked together, calm and chuckling at their own foolishness as they cleaned up the mess. Now that the lights were on, they could tell it was just an ordinary basement. It was a bit musty and dirty, but not scary. 

Mercedes wrinkled her nose at the floor. “I can’t believe we were all sitting on that.”

“Yes, these jeans are new.” Kurt shot Rachel a glare who took extra time putting her candle away so she didn’t have to meet his eyes. 

Later, after waving goodbye to their friends, Kurt got into the passenger seat of Blaine’s car so his boyfriend could take him home. Blaine sighed as he got in, staring unseeingly out the windshield. 

“That was silly of me, wasn’t it? I just got so excited for a minute, hoping to talk to her again.” He turned to Kurt, his eyes a little shiny. “Sorry you got all dirty and scared.”

Kurt cupped his boyfriend’s cheek and pressed a gentle kiss to his soft lips. “It’s not silly. You don’t know how many times I wished I could talk to my mom again. It’s hard when you’re close to someone.

Blaine nodded, leaning forward for another kiss from Kurt which he was readily given.

He sighed. “I guess I better get you home. Mom is probably waiting for me and I’m sure there will be a lecture.”

“I just hope she doesn’t call all of our parents,” Kurt muttered. He went to buckle his seat belt and felt something crinkle in his pocket. Curiously, Kurt fished the lump out and gaped at what was in his hand. “Blaine?”

His boyfriend turned to him and raised an eyebrow at the little candy in Kurt’s palm, wrapped in green foil. “What? Did you find that in here? It’s probably old.”

Kurt shook his head. “It was in my pocket.”

Blaine gave him that sweet smile of his when he didn’t understand, but he was trying to be nice. “Okay. Well, enjoy—“

“No, Blaine!” Kurt held the candy out to him, allowing Blaine to inspect it further. “This wasn’t in my pocket earlier!”

“Are you sure?” Blaine’s voice kicked up an octave in excitement. 

“Yeah, like I said, these jeans are brand new! I just bought them yesterday!”