Pi Day
In honor of Pi Day, let us remember the New Pi developed by Bloody Stupid Johnson.
Wait, you don't know who that is?
Well, in the Terry Pratchett book Going Postal, the Discworld's most infamous inventor "Bloody Stupid" Johnson built the Ankh-Morpork Post Office a mail-sorting machine, whose parts included a wheel with the circumference of pi. Pi, as we know, is "three and a bit", but Johnson thought that was messy, so he built a wheel where pi equaled exactly 3. According to some wizards, the machine twists the universe a tiny bit where the wheel is, so pi equals three, with the extra digits being sent into oblivion. The side effect of this time-spacial twistery is that letters that weren't written yet would come out. The Post Office's management at the time tried to take advantage of this so they could deliver letters mere seconds after they were sent to the post office, but, as with all things where you try to cheat with magic, it went horribly wrong. The Sorting Engine began to churn out thousands of letters, some that weren't supposed to have been written, or those that could have been written, and so on and so forth. And the bloody thing couldn't be turned off, as the wizards feared doing so would destroy the universe. Pretty soon the Post Office was swamped with letters they couldn't deliver. Eventually, Chief Postal Inspector Rumbelow began to hit the Sorter with a crowbar until the machine finally broke down. While he saved the Post Office from further overload, the inspector was brought before the Postmaster Cowerby and asked to explain why he thought to nearly end the universe in one go. He replied,
"Firstly, sir, I reasoned that if I destroyed the universe all in one go, no one would know; secondly, when I walloped the thing the first time, the wizards ran away, so I surmised that unless they has another universe to run to they weren't really certain; and lastly, sir, the bloody thing was getting on my nerves. Never could stand machinery, sir."
