#sorryimsorry

whats fun is last night when i mentioned my recent reading conquests and how i was thinking about getting a nook or kindle or something for gap year/college/whatnot my mom told me i should maybe read less and socialize more.  "why dont you go out with your friends" "you should hang out with your friends on a saturday night not read" sorry it seems to be a personal insult to you that i really dont want to go out i dont even want to read im just tired from literally everything and i could probably just sit for hours doing nothing w/out getting bored but that would look weird so ill read instead so i dont look like im leading a pointless existence and i really need to write this lab report and the only thing im excited for is dressing up as hamlet for purim on sunday but tbh im not that excited itll just be another pointless small change and then itll be over.  like am i even excited for working at camp? for workshop? for college? idk i just feel vague gray feelings like i just want to leave i just want to go im so worried for college if ill take the lack of parental oversight will just lead me to not doing anything bc somedays i feel dangerously close to it and i just feel like im being reckless a lot but not bc of a thrill or some shit but just cause im negligent toward my own well being i dont care.