#songs but...

(CONTENT WARNINGS: female [or AFAB] reader and pregnancy)

“That Would Be Enough” from Hamilton, but you’re telling TOMURA that he’s going to be a father.

This was so far out of his plans, something he never even considered as a possibility, that his face is totally blank for a moment.

There isn’t enough time to prepare, you know. There never would be, even if you had years.

By the look on his face, you suspect that the thought he could have a child is something that never even crossed his mind. Worse, maybe it has, but he came to the conclusion that ‘someone who kills everything he touches surely couldn’t create life’. And here is the proof, your words, proving him wrong if he’s ever thought of it.

“I’m — you’re — what—?” he stammers after a moment. He clearly, so painfully clearly, has no idea what to say. The look on his face is like he’s terrified that this is a dream and he’s about five minutes from waking up.

You reach over, and take his hand despite the fact that it’s shaking. He tries to pull away; it lasts all of a few seconds before he relents and goes limp.

You guide his fingers to rest on your stomach. Even though he has full control over Decay, you know he’s still nervous sometimes. Around you. Around delicate things. Around things that are important to him.

Obviously, your child is nowhere even near developed enough yet for Tomura to feel any movement. That’s okay. Just the placement of where you’ve set his hand is sufficiently symbolic for it to start sinking in.

He cuts off a sob by choking on it. With no hesitation at all, he pulls you in and holds you as though he fully intends to never let go.

And for this moment, this is enough.

“I Like Me Better” by Lauv, but you’re cuddled up with STARRK in a pillow nest.

The song plays quietly through the speaker on your phone, another track on the playlist for the two of you to relax to with each other.

You nuzzle happily against his chest, and to your delight, his instinct to squirm and move is long gone since you’ve been here for a while. The sigh he gives sounds, for once, awfully contented; a breath of warm air against the crown of your head.

“I love you so much,” you hum, and his arms tighten around you. It might not be noticeable to anyone else, but it’s all too obvious to you.

He seems to be formulating exactly how to tell you that he doesn’t think he can say it back, even now, even when he loves you more than anything else.

You return his gesture, hugging around his waist. “It’s okay,” you whisper. “My love isn’t fragile, Starrk. I don’t need to hear it.”

His sigh this time is shaky, on the edge of a sob, as he buries his face into your hair. “... You’ve gotta stop being so damn good to me.”

You, on the other hand, have no plans to stop that at all.

“cardigan” by Taylor Swift, but you’re reuniting with JIN after a while of being very, very apart because of his affiliation with LoV.

You’ve craved him for months, or maybe it’s been a year or two; how long has it been, anyway? Without him there to help you count the minutes, it’s too easy to lose track of time. It’s been too long, in any case.

Sometimes you look outside in the middle of the night, worried that he’s been standing in the rain waiting for you to open the door. If he were out there, you’re sure you’d hear a power ballad blasting from a boombox, because that’s just how Jin is. Then when you don’t see anyone, you remember. He’s gone.

He cried when he left, clinging to you so hard that Himiko had to forcibly pull him off of you and replace your body with hers so he wouldn’t fall apart. The raw way he said that he didn’t want to leave will stay etched in your mind forever, like the echo of a gunshot.

But there was no other option, not anymore. Things got too dangerous. He was convinced that if he didn’t distance himself, you were going to die somehow.

You’re dead inside without him anyway, so you don’t know what difference it’s made.

When you look outside tonight, you think you see something. The outline of a man. It can’t be, but your shaking hands flip the outside light on anyway.

And there he is. Jin is standing on your steps, without any of his costume or his mask, in just a white tank top and jeans. It’s raining lightly, so it’s hard to make out that it looks like he’s been crying. You can tell regardless, because you know him. He looks so tired. You’re not sure if he has bruises and more stitches or if it’s just your eyes playing tricks on you.

He sees you through the window, and the way he says your name is so quiet, it’s like he’s just mouthing its sound.

It takes maybe two seconds for you to be outside in his arms, or maybe he’s in your arms. He sobs against your shoulder and his arms are quaking with the strength of how tightly he holds you. He missed you so much, he says. This was the hardest thing he’s ever done, he says. He’s still not sure either of you are safe, he says, but he couldn’t take it anymore.

He says he needs you to be whole.

He says he’s never going to leave you again.

You say you’re not going to let him.

“Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur, but you’re sitting at TENSEI’s bedside, willing him to wake up and singing quietly to him. You hold his hand as tightly as you dare. Eyes focused on his face, you see the life you’ve just started with him flash in your memories.

You love him so much, and the two of you have just settled. Both of you were actually happy and where you wanted to be in life. You think of the elated way he carried you past the threshold of your new house, spinning you around and laughing and proclaiming that this was the start of everything good in his life. You think of watching him with younger heroes, falling even more in love with him when you saw the way he always has time and kindness for everyone.

You think of the future, of how much you were looking forward to holding your first child with him, and being proud that your husband is such an amazing hero, and sitting side by side watching sunsets every single night for the rest of your lives. You were supposed to grow old together.

It isn’t fair. You don’t want to grow old without him. He needs to come back to you. Even if he can never go back to being a hero, you need him back.

He starts to hum along with you. His eyes crack open just a little. He smiles that little crooked smile of his, your heart jumps into your throat, and you can’t stop yourself from starting to cry.

“About Love” by MARINA but you’re distracting KAI from his paperwork, coming up behind him and circling your arms around his shoulders. Your hands dangle in front of his chest, fingertips brushing against his tie.

You press your lips against an invisible map on his neck, running your hands over his body until he can no longer ignore you.

God, you’re so infuriating and he just has to touch you right this second.

“Happier” by Marshmello ft. Bastille, but you’re desperately trying to keep CHIZOME from leaving you.

It’s early, too early for you and too late for him, lying in bed with him while the first rays of sunlight filter through the curtain. Quiet surrounds the two of you except for murmured apologies against your skin, fingerprints on your thighs before he forces his hands away.

He’s hesitating.

He only hesitates when his mind is already made up; this is him gathering the courage to go through with it.

You’re frantic, thinking you can say or do anything that will keep him here. Your hands scrabble against his, squeezing as tightly as you can manage in an effort to show him how much you need him. How much you couldn’t take it if he wasn’t in your life. How much you love him.

There are no tears in his eyes, because the Hero Killer doesn’t cry. He just doesn’t. But you see something. It glitters at you, some shard of regret, his heart piercing through his eyes, trying to make you understand that this is going to rip him to shreds.

You know you aren’t going to change his mind once it’s set. Even so, he allows you to pull him back in, if only for a moment — one more embrace, where you pretend it’s not the last, and you cling to him with every muscle drawn taut. Not wanting to lose him more than you’ve ever not wanted to lose anything.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles again, and his breath catches in his throat, and for once, that’s the only thing he can say.

He says this is for your own good. For your happiness.

But how can it be?

“All About Your Heart” by Mindy Gledhill, but you’re on the sofa cuddling with JIN as he threatens to split apart.

There’s rain thrumming gently at the windows, but all you can hear is Jin’s panicked breathing as he clings to you. He’s started to cry into your chest, trying desperately to just breathe, unable to put his mask on for a simple reason: it’s in the wash right now.

You aren’t upset, maybe a little frustrated, not upset. This is a part of him. This is something you knew you were signing up to deal with when your heart chose him.

Your arms hold him as tightly as you possibly can. “It’s okay,” you murmur against the top of his head. What else are you here for but to take care of this poor man? He needs you. He wants you. The feelings are both mutual. “You’re okay, Jin. Honey, you’re okay. You’re not going to split apart.”

You make sure to tighten your grip even more. “I’m holding you together. It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re you. I promise.”

“Don’t let go,” he begs, choking on another sob. He hides his face against you, as if that might help even further. “Please don’t... I love you...”

“Shhh, shh. I’m not going to let go. I’m right here. I love you, too.” One hand runs lightly over his back, the rest of your whole being wrapping him up. You hum softly, and when that seems to calm him the slightest bit, you begin to sing, low and gentle and just for him.

It’s okay.

It’s not okay, but it’s okay.

The way he nuzzles into you, trying to be as close to you as he possibly can, makes it okay. At least for now.