close your eyes, at the end of one’s remembrance
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MEMORY LOG: KY-10-20
SUBJECT ID: 382947
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>YES NO
✦•〰〰〰〰〰〰•★•〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦
trigger warnings for mentions and depictions of death, grief, blood, violence, and s**cide
어딘가 숨 쉴 수 있는 곳
어딜까 아픈 눈물 없는 곳
it’s dark onstage.
darker than the last time you had to face the crowds. strange, with the ethereal glow that permeates every part of the stage around you.
아무도 그 아무도 모르게 Close your eyes 멀어져만 가는 기억 그 끝에
maybe it’s the way they let you style your hair. maybe it’s the veil over your eyes.
maybe it’s the audience, creating their very own dark sea for a comet that should have burned out at its first pass.
알아 언제나 넌 미소 뒷편으로 맘을 가려 숲을 만들어
how often had you dreamed of this moment?
of performing together live onstage, being able to sing your song,
of how the lights would shine on you both as you stood together, showing the world just what he’d made you.
애써 숨으려 두 귀를 막아도 번지는 noise 막을 수도 없는걸
don’t you feel foolish now.
너무도 많은 색들이 뒤섞여 버린 물감처럼 알 수 없어져 반복되는 하루 널 바꾸려 하는 사람들과 그 안에서 무뎌져 가는 너를 본다면
you can’t help but look up, so much alike, but so different from how you did the last time you stood out here.
gazing up, trying to catch the views of your friends, your family… and…
…
best not to think about him, for now.
Run away 숨쉴 수 있는 곳
Run away 아픈 눈물 없는 곳
Broken heart 시간이 더 갈수록
Close your eyes
점점 흐려지는 너의 눈 앞에
Paradise (Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
Paradise (Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
muscle memory kicks in, in a way. singing that first chorus… letting your voices blend together…
it’s almost enough to forget for a moment. to believe you can stay here, forever.
끝이 있을까 너를 위한 곳은, oh 꿈에서도 답을 못 찾은 채 넌 그렇게 그렇게 아픈데 이토록 기나긴 시간 동안 (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ah)
he’s still dazzling in the light. you used to watch in the garden, as the artificial light shone and reflected off his pale hair and skin.
you told him once, it’s like you were made for the golden hour - you could picture it in your head even then, how the light would turn his hair into a flame, casting light and shadows onto the light backdrop of his features. he smiled at you and ruffled your hair.
너무도 많은 색들이
뒤섞여 버린 물감처럼 알 수 없어져 반복되는 하루 널 바꾸려 하는 사람들과 그 안에서 무뎌져 가는 너를 본다면
looking back now, you were wrong. in this light, the blue ripples of light reflecting off his partially bound form,
(how dare they, you thought, undoing the ropes around his arms earlier. how dare they punish him for his grief)
you can recognize it. he was made to shine in the light of the moon.
Run away 숨쉴 수 있는 곳 Run away 아픈 눈물 없는 곳 Broken heart 시간이 더 갈수록 Close your eyes 점점 흐려지는 너의 눈 앞에
이제 감았던 눈을 떠 You're not alone, not alone, not alone now 더 이상 슬퍼하지 않아도 돼 You're always in my heart, ooh-ooh
scores, ticking up one by one. when you were little, you had never understood the adage of feeling your heart in your throat — it’s impossible, after all.
it made more sense after he explained it. but you always thought it was also appropriate for singing — why wouldn’t it, if your voice was made of love?
you can’t help but think both apply here, at the end.
Run away (Ah) 숨쉴 수 있는 곳 (숨쉴 수 있는 곳) Run away 아픈 눈물 없는 곳 (Don't you cry no more) Far away, far away 아주 멀리 (Oh-whoa) Open your eyes (Open your eyes) 긴 밤을 건너 눈 앞에 펼쳐질 Paradise (Ooh, ooh-ooh) I'll never leave you alone (Ooh-ooh-ooh), oh-oh Paradise (Ooh, ooh-ooh) I'll never leave you I'll never leave you (Ooh-ooh-ooh) I'll never leave you
Paradise
as the last notes linger, your eyes and his find each other, and then the scoreboard.
73 to 73–
74 to 73. your favour.
DAIAN WIN
that’s—
inexplicably, you want to laugh. this— it can’t be happening like this, not again, are you FUCKING kidding—
your eyes return to his, wide and dark in the azure lights of the stage. he looks…
he looks relieved.
you feel sick. you feel… you…
you know what you need to do.
you have to approach him, take his hand. feel the marks on his skin where they tied the rope taut. lead him to the edge.
don’t look him in the eye. you can’t— you won’t be able to do it. not if you can see him first.
one step at a time, left foot goes first. keep your gaze fixed on the target, until you reach it.
staring at his back, as he gazes before you into the sea of eager, hungry faces. you take a deep breath.
“…Kay? I’m sorry.”
he turns back around to face you, and you
spin.
you can feel how your leg catches him in the side, knocking the breath out of him as he’s thrown away from the ledge, falling to the ground as you tip, overbalanced,
right into the waiting crowd.
the last thing you see is his horrified face, as he reaches out to you over the ledge.
despite everything, you smile.
i’m sorry. thank you.
✦•〰〰〰〰〰〰•★•〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦
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JIMINY FUCKIN CRICKET THAT WAS A LOT
soooooo daian nation how we feeling :3 i have a bio assignment due tonight lord save my soul
taglist bc they asked for it: @ivanttakethis @chevalperd @friedclownshrimp @starry-skiez @saurekin-the-gillicuttin
and also for implications of the guys: @lookatmysillies @messengers-of-the-gods
and finally @imperfectnothing for heavy and loving depictions of kay (KAYYY MY SHAYLA)
and the beautiful and wonderful @alien-til-i-stage for helping me fix this damn log formatting and putting up with my nitpicky ass i love you nadddd
i need to go shower i am so fucking tired
