Jul 14, 2020
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#welcome back to me complaining abt things but i feel lousy so here we are#i guess im prob slightly homesick/antsy abt wanting to move on to somewhere else#like i really miss england and i graduate in the spring so its like what do i do next?#id like to move to canada or back to europe or maybe alaska or Hawaii or something#somewhere different#which isnt really fair bc id feel bad abt just dropping the type of research i do now but idk i just dont care that much abt drylands in#the way that most ppl here do and it makes me feel a bit terrible#and i especially kno the reason i particularly want to leave this city and its really really unfair and irrational and prob wouldnt be so#bad if i had someone to talk to abt it but its sort of a need a therapist to talk to abt it and atm im in the 'id be wasting their time'#mindset which is untrue and irrational but ya kno#also i feel a bit terrible bc i think i was behaving visually a bit weird friday with my advisor bc after i got off a meeting with her she#was like: i value u v much and maybe u should take a break#and now im like noooooooo dont worry abt me pls i feel like garbage but its normal its fine dont worry!!!!#and im attending this online short course with a bunch of my classmates and i am just not feeling it at all socially#theyre like:pls cameras on and i was like no. no one shall see the emptiness in my soul. not today#so yeah... just drifting a bit and feeling rather pointless#and its like half my brain goes: pls strive to feel better#but the other half goes: no be miserable forever#idk it would be nice if i could see my parents... also i want to visit and aquarium#unrelated
