#somewhat dead

It's been a weird night.

I'm mostly just hoping I don't have to face two heartbreaks in the same week, with my auditions this weekend.

I really don't think I could bear that, and I'm trying to push those thoughts out of my mind because it'll only fuck me up. Just use it in my performance.

It's just an age thing. We're at different levels at this point.

And now...I'm back at the weird empty void that I usually am, where it kind of feels like the heart I had grown has been surgically removed and placed on a cold steel table beside me.

But it's all good, because I've always told myself I would put myself and my goals first. Fuck being in relationships. I don't need it at this point in my life, when I've got SO MUCH else going on. And I just overall can't be with someone who's not willing/able to keep up with me.

So.

I'm okay.