#sometimesbatman 03.

‘  —————  maybe.  ’    definitely.

 maybe  he  knew  at  fourteen  that  he  loved  stiles,   that  the  thumping  of  heart  in  his  chest  every-time  their  hands  knocked  wasn’t  normal,   that  seeing  stiles’  smile  shouldn’t  make  the  beating  of  his  heart  falter.   or  maybe  at  ten  when  they  were  riding  bikes   &   stiles  kept  talking  about  her,   strawberry  blonde  hair   &   emerald  hues.   or  maybe  when  they  first  met,   he  should’ve  known  he  was  gone  then,   just  a  kid  but  already  infatuated  with  a  boy  constantly  shaking  with  energy,  or  anxiety,   it  was  hard  to  tell.

 but  best  friends  aren’t  supposed  to  love  each  other,   not  like  that.   they’re  supposed  to  play  video  games,   cheat  on  each  other’s  homework,   talk  about  girls.   they’re  not  supposed  to  fall  in  love.   so,  he  swallowed  it  down,  hoped  the  feelings  would  die  if  he  pushed  them  down  far  enough,  if  he  neglected  them  long  enough.   then  came  allison,   then  kira,   he  fell  in  love  again  but  it’s  always  been  stiles.   it  will  always  be  stiles,   no  matter  what.

 he’s  not  even  thinking  about  the  fact  stiles  is  sick,   for  a  few  second  the  painful  thoughts  ease   &   all  he  can  think  about  is  that  stiles  said  he  loved  him.   

 stiles  loves  him.

‘  i  said  don’t  go.  ’   it  leaves  his  throat  more  confident  this  time,   less  like  a  childlike  plea   &   more  like  the  deliberate  begging  of  a  boy  who’s  scared,   of  a  boy  in  love.   heart  feels  like  it’s  going  to  burst  from  his  chest  but  he  says  it,   it  feels  like  jagged  glass  trying  to  go  down  his  throat  but  it  manages  to  pass  through  lips  without  too  much  bleeding,   without  leaving  him  choking  on  his  own  blood.  

‘  did  you  mean  it?   do  you  ...  do  you  mean  it?  ’  

                     do  you  really  love  me?