#sometimes sad

For some reason tonight I’m just… sad.

It’s one of those random evenings where nostalgia sneaks up on you. I find myself missing parts of my childhood and teenage years. Not everything — definitely not the going back to school part or the bullying. Absolutely not that. But the small things… the moments with my mom and my sisters. The way things used to be.

My family was never perfect by any means. My dad wasn’t around much when I was younger, and life definitely had its share of chaos. But I guess that’s the thing about memories — nothing is ever all bad. Even in imperfect situations there were still good moments, and those are the ones that seem to echo the loudest sometimes.

A lot of my personal struggles really started around my pre-teen years, especially in middle school. Eighth grade in particular was rough — like really rough. The kind of year that sticks with you. But looking back now, I find myself laughing at some of the ridiculous things that happened. Not because it didn’t hurt at the time — it absolutely did — but because learning to laugh at some of that pain has become part of my healing.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized something simple but true: hurt people hurt people. Those kids had their own struggles too, even if I couldn’t see it back then.

Still, tonight I’m just feeling a little low. One of those quiet, reflective moods.

So my plan for the evening is simple: a good snack, an old movie, and hopefully letting my mind slow down enough to forget for a while… feel a little lighter… and eventually drift off to sleep.

Anyway, that’s where my head is tonight.

Until I bumble-bump into smol, slow things that bring the joy back into focus.

Like homemade pancakes on Sundays. Or the sight of rain clouds rolling in after a long heat wave. Or the happy dance of the hummingbirds in the hunk of wildness just outside my window.