#solarmamamoo

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16.07.2020

I heard the piano and the violin then dropped my phone and tears started to flow. I cried and sobbed quietly cos I don't want them to hear. I badly needed this song. I've been shedding tears within these past few days everytime I let out deep words. But, those tears are out of frustration, anger, worries, shame, concern, regrets from arguments, grievances, memories, my current state and the tomorrow.

When I clicked the MV on YouTube I was excited to watch it as I'm anticipating Hyejin unnie's presence. I've heard the intro a couple of times with teasers but not the whole song. I heard rain and white noises but when the duet of the piano and violin striked followed by her voice that can move mountains, I lost it.

It resonates even though I don't understand the lyrics, it pounded in my core and coated my heart with a feeling I can't even begin to explain. I started to cry and up until I'm writing this while listening to the song, tears just won't stop. Tears that I've been so long holding back then desperately trying to let out for a while. Tears out of asking mercy, asking for help, asking for protection, asking for assurance, asking for hope.

Even there are some good things I have been doing like finishing a song after a long time, reviewing and dissecting music, volunteering, taking care of my mental health, even simply just by breathing, the condensed energy of me feeling off seems to be heavier.

That's why I have been suffering from extreme headaches lately. I didn't took any medicine for it cos I liked the pain. I liked it as much as it is miserably agonizing, I found pleasure in it.

Dark thoughts visit me. Thoughts that I don't want to explore. Thoughts I fight so hard, focusing my attention by holding on to funny videos, goin out or sitting in my room being me. Putting on my headphones and blasting loud songs to forget. Write unfinished songs and few poems as an outlet. Escape just for a while. Nevertheless, there are times it's hard to stay away and I feel angry about it and then guilty for thinking myself as weak.

I started to listen to MAMAMOO August last year and I can proudly say that it is one of the reason how I gained more confidence. Got into self-awareness, self-betterment and self-love.

I don't know how to let her know, or if anyone would see this for that matter but I wanna say that I'm genuinely, sincerely, truly grateful for the people who created this masterpiece and to Hwasa.

Even tho my vocabulary isn't that wide, there are countless more words I wish to express but I find myself running out of them to deeply convey how thankful I am to MAMAMOO. To people behind the curtains who also are collectively part as Mamamoo. To ever-loving MooMoos too! And ofc to each member as an artist, as a person and as an inspiration.

I hope Yong unnie, Byul unnie, Wheenie unnie and Hyegi unnie gets to do that as long as they can. As for me, I will work harder on myself and maybe one day. Oh no, not maybe..

One day, I will get to do that too. Make a difference. Give hope even just for a moment.

Take care. Stay safe. And be kind.

Solar~ 

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“I look for something for again. Everyday is new for me”

  For a month, I’ve been reading and taking screenshots of instances in which somebody is hateful or disrespectful towards Hwasa from MAMAMOO. I also had mean posts towards and about Moonbyul which were sadly lost in the midst of me cleaning up my phone.

  I decided today was a good day to explore this issue and give my opinion on it. Here are some screenshots I was able to find/save from the mess I made hours ago:

   Unfortunately, none of the screenshots listed above were taken out of context and neither is the one listen down. The Hwasa hate withing the Momoos is not that obvious, but outside of it it’s sadly crystal clear.

  Hwasa has been categorized as “ugly” and also the “ugliest” in the group more times than I can count and it’s a shame I lost some of my screenshots that proved this. Sadly, this is a real issue not just to MAMAMOO’s maknae, but also to various other idols like Rapmonster from BTS (for example).

  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but as soon as it’s made public that person has to be ready for some backlash as not everybody is going to agree with you. Sadly, I don’t agree with this and I can refute what you say and not just disagree is because you claim her “ugliness” as being a fact and not a personal opinion/preference.

  Down below you’ll see pictures of MAMAMOO with and without make-up for comparison but make sure you understand that I’ve been a moomoo for a while and I love all of them (including their appearance), so I’m not pushing everyone down with this. I have good intentions with this post.

  If you have some time, stick around ‘till the end.

  The photo below is used various times to slander/criticize Hwasa’s appearance on, not only blogs, but also e-papers/magazines which is pretty alarming from my view point.

  This picture was taken during a rehearsal and (from what I read) Hwasa believed it wasn’t necessary to wear make-up as it wasn’t an actual show, but just a “training session”. 

  Unfortunately, the facial expression, the lighting, the angle and the bad quality of the picture obviously doesn’t help her appearance after all she’s human, but look under for another make-up-less picture to see the difference.

  Here you go: in this picture, due to the lighting, facial expression and better quality of the picture she looks way better. Bless lighting, am I right?

  If this picture makes you feel like I’m biased (which I am, to be honest, as she’s my favorite idol), here are more to dismiss those silly ideas.

  Opinions are opinions - of course -, but using a terrible picture in order to get your point across when there are many pictures to refute that idea is begging to be disagreed with.

  In my opinion though (my really biased opinion, of course, let that be known) she’s pretty. 

  Bonus: in my mother’s unbiased opinion, she’s also pretty.

  Now, leaving the solely “Hwasa” topic, let’s talk all of MAMAMOO, shall we?

     I am a big supporter of the fact that you can only be a Moomoo if you respect all the members and unfortunately that’s not 100% homogenized with the fandom’s rules. 

  Here is MAMAMOO with no make-up on (and oh, do they look great):

  It’s obvious every person who wears make-up on a daily basis doesn’t look as good without make-up not only because make-up is used to make someone’s face more appealing and overall more beautiful but also because you’re used to a certain bone structure (that can be easily messed around with contour and highlight), a certain color of skin and lips, fuller and more colored eyebrows, etc.

  The girls aren’t above that as they’re human - they breathe, they eat and they go to the bathroom just like all of us.

  To me, with or without make-up they look beautiful because I chose these girls as my favorite group not just for their looks but also for their music/talent and humor. Yet, I can’t deny they look more appealing with make-up and I know most of the people out there could agree with me.

  I am pulling any of them down, it’s my opinion. It’s not a fact, but an opinion based on my preferences. 

  Here’s some basis for my opinion:

  Aside from MAMAMOO (but still connected to them), I found something horrible on the internet which was apparently posted a couple of months ago. Still, it was posted, read and commented under, so I can do the same here as it’s in the public domain.

  In addition to refuting Hwasa’s haters, here’s some pictures of the “ugliest” idols listed above in order and let it be known I wasn’t aware of the existence of Bobby, Yang, Seo, Jihyo, Jung or Umji prior to this so my opinion on them isn’t biased in any way. I didn’t search exhaustively for these pictures, they were on the very top of their names’ search.

  Anyways, here are pictures of the idols.

  Warning: there’s a l o t of ugliness ahead. ;)

Here’s Bobby;

  Don’t know how someone could find him ugly with that sincere stare and plump lips, but sure...

Here’s Yoseob:

  He looks like such a happy kid, how can someone hate on him?

Here’s Rapmonster:

  Sorry, I’m biased on this one but his sincere smile is enough to make any girl swoon.

Here’s Eunkwang:

  He’s cute as hell! Reminds me of an EXO member, I just don’t remember which (not a fan of EXO, by the way).

Here’s Jihyo:

  She is such a cutie patootie omfg.

  Here’s Eunji:

  WHERE? IS? THE? UGLY?

Here’s Umji:

  Cutest smile 2KForever (and look at those cheeks!).

Here’s Hwasa:

  Queen of jeans right behind Hani, to be honest.

  Too biased to comment, sorry.

In my opinion,

  None of the idols listed above are ugly and it’s a fact they do not deserve your insults or slander as nobody deserves to be hated on (unless they’re criminals, then I really don’t care) based solely off their looks.

  Did you notice I did not state my opinion as a fact throughout this post? You can easily give your opinion without insulting anyone or making a mess. Wow!