And i can't help but wonder if the fact that i'm distancing myself is due to the fact that i am scared, or if i can feel it in my heart that maybe going separate ways is for the best...because i know that i won't be happy with you by my side for the rest of my life. Maybe that because sometimes even when we are together, side-by-side i still feel like we're universes away. If I don't talk, you don't talk, all you say is "Wow, are you ok, you're being so quiet." Yes i am being quiet, because yes I'm ok, but if you changed up the question a bit, as if you even cared enough to to such thing you might get a different answer. Are we ok? I guess, but is this what i have to look forward to the rest of my life!? Is this really it? Because that is emotionally draining. Having one sided conversation without reply, asking questions without ever being asked questions. I need communication, I need to be able to explore your mind, I need you to want to explore mine. Its not that i love talking, I don't really, but i feel like if i don't constantly come up with things to tell you or to talk about, its dead silence. Sure we're compatible and we get along great, but sometimes it feels lonely, it feels so lonely. And the fact that it takes us so much effort to talk, scares me. Don't get me wrong, sometimes its great, we talk about nothing and everything and its so effortless, but at other times its like a forgotten monologue with the pressure of opening night, while all the lights on stage are pointing at me and nothing. And i guess the fact that we see each other once a week should increase our need for conversation, but it seems to diminish it even more. I know we have chemistry, but is that really all there is between us too? Because its been over a year and i feel that i shouldn't be feeling this insecure. I love you, but is this really all there is to us? Chemistry?
