#softsexuality

Part 1: What the Clitoris Really Is — and Why It Matters

Let’s start with a truth that most women were never told:

👉🏽 The clitoris is not just “a little bump.” 👉🏽 It’s an entire structure with over 8,000 nerve endings. 👉🏽 And it exists for one reason: your pleasure.

While you can only see the tip of the clitoris — called the glans — the full structure extends deep inside the body like a wishbone. It has:

A shaft just beneath the skin

Two legs (crura) that hug the vaginal opening

Two bulbs of erectile tissue that swell with arousal

When stimulated, this network fills with blood and becomes more sensitive — just like a penis during arousal. But unlike the penis, the clitoris has no role in reproduction. It’s purely, beautifully, unapologetically about feeling good.

That’s not selfish. That’s not dirty. That’s your design.

Part 2: Locating Your Clitoris (A Beginner’s Guide)

If you’ve never explored your vulva before, finding your clitoris can feel confusing. Let’s make this easy and respectful.

Here’s how to find it:

🪞 Step 1: Get a Mirror

Place a small hand mirror between your legs. Sit comfortably — on your bed or in the bath — and simply observe without judgment.

🌸 Step 2: Identify the Landmarks

What you’ll likely see:

Two outer folds (labia majora)

Two inner folds (labia minora)

The vaginal opening (below)

And at the very top, nestled beneath a fold of skin, a tiny soft nub — that’s your clitoral glans

It might look different than you expect. That’s okay. Every vulva is unique. The clitoris may be small, larger, tucked under a hood, or more exposed.

Remember: what matters is not how it looks, but how it feels.

Part 3: Before You Touch — Create Safety

If you’ve never touched yourself before, diving straight into stimulation can feel overwhelming. Your body might tense up. Your mind might race. You might feel guilt or awkwardness.

This is normal. It’s important to take things at your own rhythm — you might need time to feel comfortable exploring this part of yourself. Take that time and let your curiosity guide you.

If you do feel ready, not just to know it’s where it is, but also to know how you’ll feel, start gently.

Here’s how to prepare your nervous system for a soft exploration:

✨ Make Space

Choose a time when you won’t be interrupted.

Dim the lights. Light a candle if it helps.

Put on soft instrumental music or silence.

✨ Ground Yourself

Sit or lie down comfortably.

Take 3 slow, deep breaths.

Feel the weight of your body being held.

Tell yourself:

There’s nothing to perform. Nothing to achieve. This is just curiosity.

Part 4: The First Touch

You don’t need to go straight for orgasm. You don’t even need to expect pleasure right away. The first touch is about learning your body, not stimulating it.

Here’s a step-by-step approach:

🌬️ Start Away From the Clitoris

Before touching your vulva, touch your inner thighs, belly, breasts, or even your arms. This helps awaken your skin and bring you into the moment.

🫧 Add Lubrication

Clitoral touch without lubrication can feel uncomfortable. Use:

Your own arousal

A water-based lubricant, or

A natural oil like coconut oil (external use only)

Apply a small amount to your fingers and your vulva. Let your fingertips glide easily.

🌸 Gently Explore

With clean, lubed fingers, begin exploring the outer parts of your vulva — the labia, the creases, the skin.

Then slowly move toward the clitoral hood. Without pulling it back, try these soft movements:

Light circles

Side-to-side strokes

Gentle tapping

Only if it feels good, try touching the glans directly. If it’s too sensitive, stay on or around the hood.

You might feel:

Tingling

Warmth

Pulsing

Or nothing at all — which is okay too

Part 5: Understanding Your Own Response

Every woman’s clitoris responds differently. Some like direct touch. Some prefer rhythm or vibration. Some need mental arousal first. You are not wrong if it doesn’t “work” right away.

Pay attention to what feels good — and also what doesn’t.

Ask yourself:

Do I prefer firm or featherlight touch?

Do I like circular, steady, or random movement?

Does the sensation change over time?

Pleasure builds in layers. Let it unfold.

Part 6: What If I Don’t Feel Anything?

Often, media or even guides like this one, which are supposed to help, instead make us feel like something is wrong. 

I was supposed to feel something, and I don’t. So, something is wrong with me.

And here’s the truth:

I also didn’t feel anything at first, and I thought the exact same thing.

This is not because something is wrong, but because there are many factors that influence how we feel at a particular moment. For sure, you have a favourite dessert that you like, and you’ve noticed that, depending on your mood or hunger, it's either the best dessert ever or just okay. The same can happen here.

Feeling numb, feeling nothing ,being stuck in your head or being very sensitive to the smallest touch is also normal, it doesn’t mean you won’t feel good things if you try again. These reactions are normal and part of the journey of getting in touch with yourself and being comfortable in your own skin. Don’t forget your body or mind might be protecting you from something new, or from this type of touch.

We live in a world that often disconnects women from their bodies. All these feelings can be a result of:

Past shame

Stress or anxiety

Suppressed emotions

Or simply not knowing what you like

What helps is consistency and gentleness.

Return to your body again and again. Even if you don’t feel much now, you’re building a bridge. And that bridge will hold you as you discover more.

Part 7: Tips for Building Clitoral Awareness

If you’d like to explore further in the coming weeks, here are some beginner-friendly tips:

💗 Try Touching While Breathing

Pair your exploration with slow, deep breaths. This helps your body stay open to sensation and less focused on performance.

💗 Add Movement

Rock your hips, squeeze your thighs, or roll your pelvis while touching. Movement increases sensation and may help you find the touch you prefer.

💗 Explore With a Soft Cloth or Feather

Try stimulating your clitoris indirectly using a silky scarf, soft brush, or even the back of your hand. Sometimes, lightness helps awaken sensitivity.

💗 Practice Often — Without Goals

Touch yourself even when you're not aroused. Just for curiosity. Just to stay connected.

Part 8: Do You Have to Orgasm?

Absolutely not. An orgasm is not a requirement. It’s a possibility.

What matters most is that you feel safe, present, and curious about what your body wants to share with you.

And if you do feel the build-up of pleasure — warmth, tingling, a sense of release — let yourself go with it. Let it move through you. There’s no “right” way to experience it.

You can also stop anytime. This is yours. Always.

Part 9: If You Feel Guilt, Resistance, or Emotions

I think it’s safe to say that it’s common to feel unexpected emotions when touching yourself for the first time. You might feel:

Guilt or shame

Sadness or grief

Frustration

Even joy that brings tears

These emotions aren’t problems. They’re part of the journey.

You’re not just touching your clitoris — you’re touching years of silence, expectation, and disconnection. Let them come. Breathe. Let them go.

Closing: You Are Worthy of Pleasure

You don’t need to earn pleasure. You don’t need to do it for someone else. You don’t need to rely on someone else. You don’t need to master it overnight.

The clitoris is part of you. Your secret garden. Your untouched power.

Even if you’re only beginning, that’s enough.