This is long but whatever I'm bored
Chad can't lose his temper for a whole week.
That's the challenge placed before him. Cash prize if he makes it, if he doesn't, Z Team gets to dress him up in whatever outfit they want the following week.
He tried to get it lowered to the work week, but the Z Team refused. They'd delegate a spotter for the weekend, either Prism or Malevola, since those two tend to get on his nerves the least (they'd have picked Golem but he's a dirt magnet and Flambae has to have people over on Saturday and if there's a SPECK of mud - well they wanna play as fair as possible). No overt sabotage, nothing worse than a usual taunt or joke, they aren't allowed to mess with his work, his person, or his things.
And because he's not participating in the challenge, Robert will be the referee while at work.
Flambae takes the challenge.
"Can't believe you all would even think of this, I'm obviously so in control of my temper now, you'll all look like fools," he floats.
"Nahhhh I give it till lunch," Sonar snickers.
"Mmmm, sorry Bae, I'm going for Wednesday," Prism says.
"You yelled at the oak tree outside your house yesterday, VIP."
"It knows what it fucking did!"
"I-I think - can - You've got th-this, Flambae-Chad!"
And then Robert calls start and Flambae locks in.
And he makes it a whole two days without even a scoff! He's totally chill, using alllll his therapy coping mechanisms to tune out the usual subscriber bullshit, and humming pop songs during Z Team's infuriating moments that just barely border on infringing on the rules. He's SO going to win this bet, it was never in question because he is awesome and cool and spectacular-
And then he walks in the breakroom and sees the lunch Robert brought in.
It is. Nothing short of desecration. It's a crime, it's-it's barely food anymore!
"Bobbert," he hears himself say. The dispatcher flinches when he realizes that Flambae is right behind his chair. "What is that?"
Chad has to take five minutes to collect himself outside the breakroom and he tells himself to leave it alone but oh my GOD HOW DID IT GET THAT COLOR -
"Look, I-raw chicken can kill you so I, you know, just, cooked it till I was sure it wasnt gonna be raw?"
He takes another five. Some poor intern has to walk past him while he's lamaze breathing in a corner. He will not lose his shit he will not lose his shit he will not -
The next time he goes back in Visi is there because of COURSE she was listening in and he's giving her the best smile he can to show that he's fine he's not sweating this is fine -
"You should teach Bob-Bob here how to cook, dude!" Visi says, grinning like a shark smelling blood.
"No...that's...he's obviously doing fine...." Flambae starts.
"I'll throw in another 200 buuuucks~"
And that's how the Z Team ends up on his living room as he tries to help Robert cook in his kitchen, heckling and giggling like theyre watching an episode of Hell's Kitchen. Except at least Gordon Ramsey can yell and curse when people are stupid -
"BOB-bert." Chad barely catches himself AND Robert before he watches his dispatcher reach a hand into a FULLY ON FULLY FUEGO OVEN WITHOUT GLOVES. This is after he'd somehow managed to burn butter when Flambae wasn't looking. "Okay, why don't you just stand over there and let me -"
"Nahhhh c'mon dude he's gotta learn don't cheat~" someone from the peanut gallery reprimands.
This HAS to be veering into sabotage territory, but the only referee is looking at the floor with a twist of bashful shame on his face. Chad sighs.
"Bob-Bob, what DO you know how to cook? Let's start there."
"....I don't know anything, okay," Robert admits quietly. "That's the joke isn't it? Just forget it, I'll just pay you 200 and we can call it."
And Oh. Oh okay. So this isn't just ignorance because Robert couldn't be bothered. He's dealing with someone who never had someone to take the time to help him.
You know the difference between Hells Kitchen Gordon Ramsey and Masterchef Junior Gordon Ramsey? Consider that switch flipped in Flambae immediately. Joke's on the Z Team, his niece went from no cooking skills to making dinner for the family in one night and not once did he raise his voice.
And fuck if the Z Team isn't impressed and a little wrapped up in watching the two work together (CoupĂŠ is taking notes for a spicy novel where a Michelin star chef meets an accountant at a community college class setting and falls in love), and when Robert's done making a simple dish that they all can dig into they lose their minds like he just took down a villain in front of them. The rest of the night everyone eats their fill and Robert and Chad talk easy recipes and maybe Robert weasels in another cooking session for sometime next week and Prism totally doesn't take a picture of them smiling into their food like a couple of teenagers.
Anyway, Flambae loses the challenge on Thursday when he gets hit by a pinecone that fell from a tree while he's on comms and starts cussing it out in Dari. Sonar buys a Bone Zone costume off ebay to put him in on Monday.
