Yes, she was a little older than you, like Mikey and Richie. The only one who was close to your age was Carmen, with only three years of difference, but it meant nothing. Even with the age gap between most of you, it was never an impediment for y'all to have fun, and it was always nice having older friends to talk to, people who had already been through what you were feeling, who knew what kind of advice to give.

As soon as the car stopped, you felt it, the mixture of being nervous and excited at the same time. You stepped out, boots meeting earth. The air hit your nose with a wave of nostalgia, memories of old laughter, young love, and small-town drama.

After all this time, there it was,  the same big sign at the front gates, Berzatto Ridge, wood darkened by sun and time, a crooked sign at the front gates that was maybe carved by hand many years ago.

You couldn’t help but smile when you saw the big, rustic, timeless house. The wooden porch, wide enough for rocking chairs and new memories. To the right, the horse corrals came into view and a little further, the barn. 

You stepped into the house, the smell of cinnamon and old wood reached your nostrils, you sighed and felt that somehow you belonged here. Everything was silent, a little weird for this place, you remembered the house as anything but silent. 

“Where is everyone?“ 

“They must be in town, there’s a rodeo tonight at the county fair, bull riding, eight seconds and  barrel racing, the whole thing.” Sugar answered

Ah, the county fair. Hearing the name brings so many memories, you sneaking with the siblings and your friends. Eating cotton candy until your belly hurts. Watching bull riders ride the wild bulls and naive cowboys trying to stay on a horse for more than eight seconds just to win a belt buckle.  

“Do you feel like going?“ You muttered.

“I don’t, but Mikey said that they had a surprise for us so maybe we should go. But if you are too tired from the road we can stay, I'm sure they’ll understand- “

“We should go”  -  you interrupted her - “ it’ll be good to get some fresh night air, besides, I miss those nights and I'm really craving cotton candy. 

It was already dark, and the moon was up. You and Nat arrived a few moments ago. You were looking for the boys until you heard Mikey’s loud, wheezy laugh, followed by Richie’s dramatic cackle and some guy yelling  “Shut the hell up, you two!”

You turn your head, you see them. 

“No fuckin’ way,”

Mikey’s voice cuts through the noise,

“That’s not-hey, HEY. Look who the fuck it is!”

Before you can react, he’s already jogging toward you, arms wide, eyes wide like he just saw a ghost he's fond of. 

“What the hell, you didn’t tell us you were comin’!” - he says as he wraps you in the kind of hug that squeezes your ribs.

“I wanted to surprise you, guess it worked,” Sugar mutters as you laugh into his shoulder.

Richie appears, stepping around Mikey and pulling you in for a quick, rough hug that smells like beer and whatever the hell Richie always smells like.

“You look good. You look grown. You look taller—are you taller?” - “She’s not taller, dumbass, she’s wearin’ boots.” - Mikey says, pointing at your pretty boots.

“Don’t get soft on us now,”

Richie mutters, trying not to grin.

“You’re one to talk. You nearly cried when you saw me last Christmas.”

“Shut up, I had allergies.”

“It was December.”

“Yeah, and??” 

Gosh, how you missed this, the dumb conversations with Richie, going shopping with Nat, feeding the horses with Mikey, but someone something is missing. Mikey pulls back just enough to look at you. There’s warmth in his eyes, but also something quieter.

“Missed you, kid. Place wasn’t the same without your loud ass yellin’ at all of us.”

You swallow hard.

“Missed you guys too.”

Before you could say something else, Richie says with a grin of amusement on his face.

“So… you seen him yet?”

“Who?” you said confused.

Mikey just smirks and says - “You know who... now hurry cuz it’s ‘bout to start”

And before you could process what these two just said you heard it on the speaker, the sharp call of the announcer’s voice bouncing through the night air. And that’s when realization hits you. 

“Next up... from Bear Valley, Carmen Berzatto, hometown boy ridin’ Thunderstrike. Let’s see if he can hold for eight! “ 

“Surprise, bears!”  Mikey says, referring to the surprise he told Sugar about and you both assumed it was this.

You freeze. And then you see him.  He was wearing a blue plaid shirt rolled to the elbows. It matched his big blue eyes, ugh, those big blue eyes that you hadn’t seen in a while. He wore dark jeans, fitting him a little too well, that thick belt buckle with something engraved on it. Of course he has his hat and gloves on, and the boots that Mikey gave him for his 18th birthday. You notice that his hair is longer and even curlier. 

And when he looks up for just a second, just one, he swears he saw you right in the crowd. That's when he gets tossed, the crowd gasps, your heart drops. He lands hard. He rolls, gets up on one knee, shakes it off. Then stands and when he takes his hat off, his eyes find yours, realization hitting him, you weren’t his imagination, you were there. And right then Mikey’s already halfway over the fence, jumping into the arena. 

“Jesus Christ, Carmy!- What the hell was that? You tryin’ to die out here in front of her??” Carmy’s breathing heavy, brushing dirt off his jeans, still dazed. 

“I didn’t know she was gonna be here,” He mutters, voice rough from dust and adrenaline. 

“You sure 'bout that?”

Mikey gives him a look. That big brother, all-knowing look.

“’Cause you rode like your whole life depended on whether she saw you or not.”

Carmy exhales hard, running a gloved hand through his sweat-soaked curls.

“You think she did?”

“She’s here, ain’t she?”

And Richie, from outside the fence, yells:

“YOU OWE ME FIFTY BUCKS, BERZATTO. I BET YOU’D EAT DIRT TRYNA LOOK COOL.”

Carmy just shakes his head, staring across the crowd. At you.

“Why is Carmen doing this?” Sugar asks, looking with disapproval at Richie. 

“He lost a bet and now he’s doin’ the punishment” The oldest sibling explains. 

“When did he get back?” You mutter. 

The truth is that you hadn’t seen Carmen years ago, not since the fight. He wasn’t here last Christmas and every time you were at the Ridge after the disagreement he just wasn’t there. When you were here for summer, his sibling said that he wanted to spend that season in the city so he lived with their cousin Michelle. When you were here in autumn, they said that their mother sent him to the Meadows Ranch so he could learn more and properly help at the Ridge.  And this time you   weren’t expecting  him to be here. 

“Six months ago, the day after you left” Richie says. 

Six months ago, isn't that funny? It was clear that he didn't want to see you but if anyone's fault the fight was, it was his! 

“Speaking of the devil-” Richie says, watching the brothers walking towards you.

He’s standing there, dirt still on his boots, sweat drying on his neck, hat in his hand, and those eyes.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here,” He says finally, voice low.

“Yeah. I could say the same thing.”  

“Didn’t fall on purpose.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

Silence but not the empty kind. He steps closer, just one step. 

“You look different,” He says, scanning your face as if it were the last time he’ll ever look at you. 

“So do you.”

“Worse?”

“Better.”

“Bullshit.”

“That's worse.”

He laughs, a nervous laugh. You both are blushing, you shouldn’t have said that but none of you know what to say. Five years passed, no text, no birthday call, nothing, what the hell were you supposed to say? 

Richie’s voice from the side gets you out of that haze of awkwardness. 

“OKAAAYY seems like you have a lot to catch up, do you want us to leave you alone or-? ” He gets interrupted by Sugar. 

“Shut up, Richie. It’s late, we should get going back to the Ridge” 

Mikey’s behind him, grinning like an idiot.

I'm happy no one got punched today but, well, you look like you were.” Mikey says with a smirk pointing at Carm’s split lip and probably sore back. 

The ride was silent and when everyone noticed that, the jokes and comments started to flow. They were mainly Mike and Richie telling you about the bet or commenting about how Carm would’ve done to win. 

“Only 3 seconds more, bro. Still, you had a high punctuation.” 

“Better luck next time” That was all you said in the car, not that you had something else to say. 

When you got to the Ridge you saw your luggage still at the entryway, the same spot you used to leave them when you were a kid. Guess you got distracted talking to Nat and you forgot to take them to your room. 

Richie clocks it immediately.

“So.. Bear’s not even gonna offer to carry her bags now? Damn, chivalry’s dead.”

 Mikey jumps in.

 “I saw him carry a calf across the field last week but three bags are too much?”

Carmen just glares.

“She has hands.” He says.

“Yeah, and so do you, Cowboy Ken.” Richie teases.

You smirk.

“It’s fine, I got it.” You mutter.

“No, no,” Mikey puts a hand on Carmy’s shoulder. “Let him. It’s tradition now.”

He doesn’t say anything when Mikey makes the comment. 

He huffs. Picks up the bag. Doesn’t look at you. Doesn’t say anything. But his ears? Bright red. Of course he was gonna carry your bags because after all it’s you and because he’s afraid that if you left them for too long someone else was gonna pick them up for you. 

And then he hears Mikey again, low and teasing.

“Look at that. Like clockwork.”

Richie’s laughing behind him.  You’re quiet.

He doesn’t turn around when he climbs the stairs. You don’t think. You just move.  By the time you realize what you’re doing, your boots are already creaking up the stairs behind him. Carmy hears it, you know he does, his back stiffens slightly. He sets your bag down gently, like it might break, then he turns with arms crossed, hat now in one hand, hair a mess, lip still bleeding a little.

“Didn’t know I was getting a chaperone.” 

You lean in the doorframe. 

“Didn’t know you were still such an asshole.”

He smiles. Barely. 

“Yeah? well, I’ve changed since you left”

“Guess I was never going to find out about that”

“You talk like I never wanted to be here”

“Didn’t look like you were forced to leave” 

The silence was worse this time.

“I didn’t think you’d show up here, honestly.” You said quietly. 

“Why? Scared I’d ruin your cowgirl image?”

“No. I just figured you forgot.”

He doesn’t talk back because anything he says now might come out wrong, or worse, true.

“Thanks for carrying the bags.” 

“Yeah. Don’t expect it again.” 

You see him walking in your direction and just when he is about to leave he stops.

“You still wear that perfume?” 

“Why?” You ask back.

“'Cause it’s fucking with my head.” 

He didn’t stutter, he didn’t look at you, he just walked away and you watched him leave, again. 

The hours passed, you couldn’t sleep. And you couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen in these three months. You weren’t sure if anything important was planned for your future but you were sure that there were going to be plenty of good times this summer. 

It’s funny how you couldn’t stop thinking about it, and you couldn’t stop thinking about Carmen Berzatto either, his piercing blue eyes, his denim jeans, his blonde curls and his not so nice comments.

You never saw him looking directly at you but you’d be lying if you were saying that you didn’t feel him staring right at your soul when you weren’t looking. You don’t know why he said what he said but it was definitely messing with your head now too.

 You knew somebody was up because you smelled something cooking and slightly burning. To your surprise, there she was, Donna Berzatto, in a long robe and messy bun, barefoot, with a cigarette in one hand and a spatula in the other, standing in front of the stove. The pan in front of her was already smoking.

“Motherfucker-” she muttered, flipping a half-burnt pancake. She turned at the sound of your steps and her expression softened immediately. Her voice lost all the morning grumble as her eyes landed on you.

“My, my,” she said with a smile, voice scratchy and warm.  “I know I saw you six months ago, but I swear you look different. A little taller… definitely prettier. I missed you, honey.”

“Missed you too, DD.”

You smiled as you walked into the kitchen and sat at the counter.

“You trying to kill us all with smoke inhalation or...?”

“Shut up.” She laughed, batting her hand at you and dropping the spatula into the sink.

“They’re blueberry. Nat said you liked blueberries.”

“I do,” you grinned.  “Just not... extra crispy.”

She gave you a look, taking a long drag of her cigarette, then sighing like this was just another Tuesday.

She was about to reply when the stairs creaked. Both your heads turned toward the sound. And then he appeared. Carmen walked into the kitchen with sleepy eyes, curls even messier, sleeves pushed up halfway. He looked surprisingly good. He slowed down when he saw you. He looked like someone who’d seen a ghost—except the ghost was wearing oversized pajamas and giving his mother a hard time over pancakes.

“Morning, Bear,” DD said, voice casual now.  “You hungry?”

He looked at her first, then back at you, and paused.

“Yeah... I guess.” He reached for a mug next to where you were sitting and poured himself some coffee. He didn’t say anything to you. Just stood there, sipping quietly. Until he reached for another cup, pouring coffee into it as if it were routine, and pushing it a little by your side. 

You raised an eyebrow. Donna noticed it.

“Oh, come on. At least say hi. Don’t be rude in front of the pancakes.”

Carmen glanced at you again, reluctantly.

“Morning.” It came out low, hesitant.

“Morning.” You replied, matching his tone. You could feel it already, the weight of five years behind those two syllables.

Silence.

DD stared at you both. Took another drag of her cigarette. Then smirked.

“God. It’s too early for this shit.” 

Just as Donna muttered something under her breath about needing whiskey in her coffee, the front door opened with a dramatic “BOOM!” followed by heavy boots stomping down the hallway.

“Smells like someone’s trying to burn the house down!”

Mikey’s voice cut through the calm like a firecracker. He appeared in the doorway with his arms wide open like he was entering a sitcom set.

“Relax, Mikey, they’re just crispy,” you said, dodging the flick of a towel DD threw at him.

“Crispy? Girl, that pancake got a cremation.”

Behind him, Sugar followed, holding two paper bags and rolling her eyes.

“Please ignore him. We brought eggs and bacon.”

“And actual coffee,” Richie added, trailing behind with a smug smile and a bottle of hot sauce.  “Figured DD might be using yesterday’s grounds again.”

You picked the cup Carmen left next to you and realized that maybe what Richie said wasn't just a joke.

“Fuck you, Richard,” Donna muttered, but there was no venom in it. Richie kissed her cheek and winked.

“Good morning to you, too, sweetheart.”

Everyone started moving, Sugar unpacking groceries, Mikey trying to rescue the pancakes, Richie making the world's most dramatic show of adding exactly seven drops of hot sauce to his mug of coffee. The kitchen was suddenly alive, just like you remembered it.

You were sitting on the counter now, swinging your legs lightly, and just as you were about to ask what the plan for the day was, Mikey clapped his hands once, loudly.

“Alright, listen up, cowboys and cowgirls. We’re hittin’ the trail after breakfast. Goin’ for a nice, chill ride. Gonna show you what Montana’s beauty looks like before this place gets too hot. “ 

“You say that like we haven’t all lived here, Mikey.” Sugar teased, pouring orange juice.

“Yeah, but it hits different when you’re freshly traumatized from city life.”  He turned to you.  “Right, kid?”

You snorted.  “Sure. Let’s pretend this is a healing journey.”

“Oh and bring your bathing suits, folks! I heard there’s a secret lake ‘round here. Today we’re gonna find it.” Mikey ads.

Carmy didn’t say much, just leaned against the counter across from you, slowly sipping his coffee. You caught him glancing at you when he thought you weren’t looking.

Richie didn’t miss it.

“Aw, shit. Look at Bear. Already mentally picking which horse he’s gonna ride next to you.”

“Shut up, Richie” Carmen muttered without looking up, cheeks already tinted pink.

“Ain’t no shame, Carm!” Mikey added, grinning.

Donna blew out a long puff of smoke and muttered, “Jesus Christ, you’re all twelve.”

You grinned into your mug. The teasing. The banter. The chaos. It was all here.

And the ride was just getting started.

You had everything ready, you packed your swimsuit like Mikey said just in case you actually found the lake. Nat helped you make the bags, water, fruits and all the essentials. You walked into the barn together, the boys were discussing who's going to ride the most stubborn horse. Carm was already on his, watching his brother and cousin fool around. 

“You gonna pick your usual or wanna try the wild one today?” Sugar asked curious

“This is a chill ride, think im going with Clover” You answered 

All of you were set and done, except for Richie. 

“The fuck is taking you so long?” Mikey said annoyed. 

“I can't adjust the seat-” Richie muttered while he was trying to get comfortable with the horse. He planted a boot in the stirrup and immediately wobbled.

“Easy, Pickles. We’re both delicate creatures this morning.”

Pickles was being a menace that morning. 

“Pretty sure the horse is the only delicate one here.” Sugar said jokingly

Richie finally swung his leg over, settling with a triumphant grin.

“See? Natural‑born cowboy, baby. Y’all are just haters”

Mikey, already mounted on Whiskey, leaned over, palm hovering behind Richie’s horse.

“Yeah, real professional, just needs a little motivation.”

Before anyone could stop him, Mikey gave Pickles a sharp, playful smack on the rump.

“WH—OA—HEY—!”

His saddle had never been adjusted quite right, and the sudden jolt tipped him straight onto the dirt with a thud that echoed across the yard.

Carmen barked out a rare laugh. Sugar covered her mouth, shoulders shaking. Donna hollered from the porch:

“Richard! I just washed those jeans!”

Richie popped up, hat askew, glowering at Mikey.

“You miserable—”

 “Natural‑born cowboy, huh? You lasted a whole three seconds!” Mikey said with his teasing tone

Richie dusted himself off, muttering every curse he knew while the rest of the group cackled. Pickles flicked an ear, perfectly unbothered.

“Need a hand?” You said trying to hide the laughter

“Hand me a new family, that’s what I need.”

Mikey wheezed, wiping tears.

“C’mon, one more try, tighten that seat first this time, rodeo king.”

Richie threw him a glare, but he took the offered help, clambered back up, securely, this time and the group finally set off down the trail, still laughing as they went.

It was amazing, wind in your hair, sun filtered through the branches reaching your face. Everyone was riding on the open road like you always used to do. The breeze was moving the yellow grass, the trees creating moving shadows and the horse’s footsteps making a rhythm that all of you enjoyed, it wasn't fast but it wasn’t slow either, it was perfect for what y’all wanted, a calmed ride. You laugh as if time hasn't passed at all.  

Richie was telling the story about how Mikey once almost died locked up with Bessie, the cow. 

“Mikey vs. Bessie the Hellcow” Richie kept going

“She had rage in her eyes, man. I wasn’t gonna just walk away.” Mikey continued 

“You ran, Michael. You ran and locked yourself in the barn with her! Sugar said while she laughed

“He called me from inside the barn, whispering like it was a hostage situation—‘Bro... she's looking at me funny.’” Richie kept telling the story. 

Everything was laughter. It was perfect, you really missed this, him, them.

You were red from laughter, that genuine laugh with the eyes half open and your head touching your horse's neck because you couldn’t sit still anymore. 

And Carmy? … Carmy’s a little behind, he doesn’t say anything now, he hasn't said much in all the time you were outside, he’s just looking at you. Looking at the way you laugh, how you let go of the reins for a second to take your hand up to your chest, how your eyes are bright now, your hair glowing with the sunlight and your cheeks creeping that bright redness. 

And right there, it hits him. That bittersweet feeling that hits on your chest when you realize how much you’ve missed someone. Not just you, but you like this. 

“Christ,” he thinks. “I fucking missed that.”

And when you turn around, just a little, like you felt him staring at you he just... looks away, like a coward, like he hasn’t been watching you all this time, but he was.

The sudden realization that you actually didn’t know where you were going was what made everything serious. 

“Guys… who has the map to this secret lake?” Natalie asks a little worried 

“I gave the map to Richie ” The oldest sibling answers 

“Umm no you didn’t, what map?” Richie says confused

“What the fuck guys?” You said incredulous

A sudden laugh bursts 

“You should see your faces! Of course I have the map, look, we are here.” Richie says in between his laugh. 

You and Nat sigh with relief until Carmen says with a confused grin while he checks the map

“The fuck-? We are definitely not where you say we are, Richie. We are fucking lost, again!” 

“W-What do you mean again? Has this happened before?” You ask in actual disbelief 

“It was only one time!” Richie justifies at the accusation 

“Tell me we’re not lost, Bear.” Mikey says with hope on his voice and his hands in his head

“We’re not lost.” Carmy mutters looking at Richie with hesitation 

“Oh, so now you’re a cartographer? Lemme see that—” 

Richie took the map from Carmy’s hands, but before he could even unfold it, a sudden gust of wind snatched it and sent it flying through the air. 

“...Shit”

"Was that the only copy...?” You said in an even more serious tone

Carmy and Richie started to discuss

“God, you two are like children.” Sugar said getting off of her horse, Lullaby.  

“Well maybe if Carm Maps here hadn’t led us in goddamn circles—”

“Maybe if someone didn’t insist on taking the ‘shortcut.’”

“You do know that discussing ain’t bringing back the map right? But yeah, you do you boys!” You said in disbelief

“Alright, alright, it’s not that bad—there’s the big tree with the forked branches. We’re somewhere.” Mikey said trying to calm things down

“This is actually insane.” You whispered while you get off your horse and sat next to Natalie

“Alright ladies, get up. We need to find this fucking lake before the sunset” Mikey said looking at Sugar and you.

The sun was almost setting. You rode in silence for a while until... 

“Wait, is that water—?” You said hearing Clover’s footsteps change the sound. They weren’t in the dirt anymore. 

“We found it!” Mikey says with his voice full of excitement 

But suddendly...

All of you stopped at the edge of the so-called "lake" in silence. It wasn’t blue, or even remotely inviting. This looked like the setting of a bad horror movie. It was a swamp, with frogs and dragonflies buzzing in lazy circles, something splashed deep within, too fast to identify below the surface of the still and murky water. 

“Tecnically, we found water…” Mikey muttered looking at the not desired view

 “Dude. This ain’t a lake. This is where Scooby-Doo finds the body. That’s a damn swamp, bro ” Richie said, swatting a mosquito off his neck.

Mikey got down off his horse, boots meeting the muddy ground. A thick, squelching sound came from his boot as he tried to step closer, only to immediately back away with a disgusted face.

 “Eah, nope. Let’s just agree this was a miscalculation.” 

“I can’t believe we rode for hours just to find Shrek’s vacation home.” You said looking at the girl next to you

“Yeah, I’m not stepping  one foot nor swimming in that. No way. I don’t want fungus on my toes.” Nat muttered with evident discomfort on her face.

“Bet Carm would though. Just to prove he’s manly or whatever.”

“Shut up, Richie.” Carmy replied at Richie’s teasing comment 

“You’d probably get swamp rash.” You said trying to hold your laugh

“Thanks for the visual.” Carmy said, with an actual smile on his face. He stays quiet but it doesn’t go unnoticed by him that you really wanted to swim. 

A frog croaked from somewhere deep in the reeds, like it was laughing at you and your friends. 

“Can we please leave this place?- the sun has already set and we don’t know where the fuck we are” Natalie said as she shifted awkwardly in the saddle, eyes flicking to the others, waiting for someone to say something.

“Wait, we are at a swamp” Carm said with realization on his voice

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock” Richie replied at the so obvious statement

“There’s a swamp at the east side of the Ridge. I remember we came here once with mom, she lost a boot and we never came back”

“So we are not lost! Thanks Carm!” Sugar said, feeling relieved. 

You rode until you got to the Ridge, thanks to Carmen’s directions. When you left the horses in the barn it was already night time. You were all tired and happy. It was a nice afternoon, you didn’t find the lake but at least you had new memories with your dear friends.

“We should have dinner outside tonight. Y’know, celebrate not falling off the horse. And not getting killed by swamp-leatherface” Mikey suggested with a smile on his face

“Speak for yourself, I almost died.” Richie said bringing a hand to his head in a dramatic way

You laugh and you notice Carmen looking at you but this time he didn’t look away. You just stood there, looking at each other in silence but this time it was less awkward, like you were expecting something from each other. And right when Carmen opened his mouth to say something Sugar talks, breaking the spell.

 “Let’s make dessert  these days. Berry pie. Your specialty.” Sugar says, causing Carmen to close his mouth.

 “Sure! Only if one of you helps me pick them.” You said 

That night you all had dinner together and after telling Donna today’s adventure you all slept like babies. You were definitely sure that this summer was bringing really good things for you, you just had to wait for them and find out. 

“Careful with that, it’s older than all of us,”  you warned, sliding a corner of the tablecloth straight so it wouldn’t hang unevenly.. 

You placed them, avoiding the corners to touch the grass and leaving enough space between the hanging part of the cloth and the chairs. 

“You sure this is where DD wanted the tablecloths?” Richie asked, looking at the tables in front of you in the yard. 

“I mean… I guess. There aren't any other tables here.”  You answered with one hand on your forehead, wiping away beads of sweat, looking around at what you and your friend had done, the sunlight bouncing off the white cloth so bright you had to squint.

There were two places for people to eat, the outside tables and the inside tables. Carm and Nat were in the kitchen getting the food ready. Everybody always brought something to share, but Donna still insisted on preparing something for the guests. 

It was already way past noon, you could tell by how the sun was hitting your eyes and the way your clothes stuck to your skin. You were hoping that the weather would get better by the time the dinner started.  

Everything was almost ready: the light bulbs clinging from the trees, the fine china already on each table, and the house spotless. You just had to wait for the guests to arrive and get dressed up, of course. 

After a while of laughing at Richie’s complaints about the heat and finishing putting all the plates and cutlery you went back to the house to see what else needed to be done.  

When the floorboards creaked under your steps halfway to the kitchen, the smell of butter and lemon in the air hit you. It smelled amazing. You were sure it would be even better when it was already cooked. 

Nat had a satisfied grin on her face, she was taking out of the oven a tray with two big cherry pies for dessert. Carm stood with his sleeves rolled up, a stubborn curl hanging on his forehead as he seasoned the chicken with said butter and lemon mixture. It was next to a lot of already-cut vegetables, carrots, cherry tomatoes, and basil. 

“Is there anything else that’s left to do?” You asked Donna, who was already sitting on a chair in the kitchen with her cigarette between her fingers. 

“If y'all already took the tablecloths, where I asked to, then we are all set and done. If you and Nat want to get ready, you are free to leave.” She said kindly, exhaling smoke toward the open window like she was already picturing the night ahead. 

You did as Donna said and went upstairs with Nat. An hour and a half passed by, and you were just getting ready. You started with the hair, doing your usual routine in the shower, and then your hairstyle once it dried. The weather did get better as the afternoon went by, so you could leave your hair down without worrying about it sticking to your back. 

You moved on with your makeup, blue and silver eyeshadow, something subtle but sparkly, with a nice eyeliner to bring out the shape of your eyes. In all this time you were in Nat’s room, it was in the middle of the hallway, with two rooms apart from yours. 

The air was full of the smell of hairspray and perfume, you were with background music as you always did when you two got ready together, and of course, the laughs and jokes weren’t missed. 

“Something tells me that this is going to be quite a night,” You told the girl beside you as she painted her lips. 

“I already told you, it isn't dinner if something doesn't happen,” Sugar replied, walking to the speaker to turn up the volume of the song that was playing.  

Time passed flying, the sun was setting, and you were almost ready. Nat was already in her green dress, just finishing the last touch-ups of her outfit. You stepped out of the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror with doubt; something was missing. 

Nat noticed the look on your face.

“You look good. Don’t overthink it.” She said with a kind smile as she caressed your arm gently, and you smiled back at her. She analyzed your face and body. “I know what’s missing!” Nat pulled out of your jewelry box a silver necklace with a star in the middle that matched your hanging earrings.  

Both of you were officially ready to go downstairs. It was 5:30 pm. There were probably a few things that still needed to be accommodated. As soon as you left the room with Nat, you heard laughter and new voices, the porch doors opened, and a lady entered with a steaming pot between her hands. Donna welcomed her, and Richie took the hot pot to the kitchen, where the Berzatto brothers were. 

The kitchen was warm, the scent of roast chicken and basil heavy in the air. The outside lights were already on, and golden light from the sunset was entering through the porch windows. You stepped into the doorway, Carmy looked up from slicing bread and froze for a second, his eyes analyzing your entering being. Mikey noticed immediately.

“Wow, you ladies are lookin’ stunning,” he drawled, loud enough for the whole damn room to hear, “you’re wearin’ that in front of my brother? Man’s gonna drop dead.”

You shot him a smirk. “Well, thank you, cowboy. Didn’t realize my fashion choices had an audience.” You said doing a 360, trying to maintain balance on your silver heels. 

Carmy didn’t say anything,  but the corner of his mouth twitched and he couldn't help but stare probably longer than he should've. He was wearing a plaid white and light blue shirt, his curls weren’t as messy as they were in the morning, you noticed how they were even curlier. 

The three boys wore their everyday boots, cleaner this time, and their belt buckles. They definitely took their time getting dressed up, too; their shirts were steamed, and the smell of men’s cologne didn't go unnoticed in the air. 

As the minutes passed, more people started to arrive. The burst of laughter coming from the different groups of guests was louder, the smell of food stronger as it cooked, and the pink and orange tones in the sky were fading. Dinner hadn't even begun, but the night was already settling in. And you could feel it, it was going to be a very interesting night.   

The food was almost ready. The light bulbs hanging from the tree were already turned on. Distant conversations and the sound of clinking glasses filled the air, and everybody was getting ready in their seats.

The adults were at the biggest table inside the house, the one in the dining room. There were two other tables outside, the ones you accommodated with Richie; one was for the kids and pre-teens that came with their parents. And a third one, the one you were sitting at, was for young adults. It was far from the kids' one because it was obvious that inappropriate language was being used, and kids shouldn't be listening to that, but you were sure that with how loud everyone was talking, they heard anyway. 

You spotted Donna grabbing a young man’s arm, taking him to the table while they laughed. She pointed to the empty seat next to yours before kissing the young man on the cheek and walking away, blowing the smoke of her cigarette. 

“Mind if I crash here? Donna said this seat was free, but she didn’t mention it came with such a pretty company.”

You didn’t see him walk in your direction; you felt the redness on your cheeks as soon as you heard his unexpected comment. 

“Depends. Are you the kind of dinner guest that talks through the whole meal or the silent type that just stares awkwardly?” You smiled at him and tried to follow his vibe.

“I like to think I’m the intriguing type. But I guess we’ll find out.”  

His head turned to the side, like asking for permission, you nodded softly and watched him sit down on the wooden chair. 

“You’re Tyler’s brother, right? He told us you were only staying for a week.”

Ethan Moore was the smiley and kind type of guy. Those who would flirt with you for no serious reason. Those who are quite friendly and easy-going with people, and confident in what they say.

“Yeah. Quick escape from LA. Needed fresh air, new faces. And this place? It’s got good energy. The kind that makes you want to slow down.”  

He said, pouring himself a glass of water,

“That’s exactly what it’s like. Feels like a movie sometimes.” 

You adjusted your posture and sat up more attentively, excited to have a conversation with someone new.

“You're the main character, then?” He asked with interest in his voice. 

“Guess I’m still figuring that out.” You replied with a teasing smile on your lips. 

The food arrived, interrupting your conversation. Bowls and platters were passed around the table. You reached for a tray of roasted vegetables just as Ethan leaned slightly toward you again.

“You know,” he said, keeping his voice just loud enough for you to hear over the chaos of overlapping conversations, “You’ve got that look though… like someone who’s been through a lot and still hasn’t lost her softness. That’s rare.”

You blinked, caught off guard. “That’s… oddly nice. Thank you.”

He smiled, relaxed, like he had all night to talk to you. “Just don’t tell your boyfriend I said that. I’d hate to cause trouble on my first dinner here.” 

You scoffed, “Who said I had a boyfriend?” and with a half smile, you grabbed your glass of wine, taking a sip.  

From the other side of the table, your best friend watched the scene in silence. Nat discreetly nudged Richie in the ribs. He turned to look at her in confusion, and she nodded for him to look in your direction. It was like she was saying "uh-oh, look at that," with her eyes. 

Richie looked and muttered a soft “shit” under his breath, and like the good cousin he is, he nudged Carmy, repeating Nat’s actions a few seconds ago. Carmen’s breath caught for a second. He watched the movements of your hands, like you always do when you explain something. He didn’t hear what any of you were saying, but he saw your smile and Ethan's body leaned in interest. Carmy rubbed the back of his neck, clearly annoyed, but trying to play it cool.

“Relax, cowboy”. Richie’s voice got him out of that haze of discomfort. 

The rest of the dinner went on with laughter, shared stories, and more wine being poured than necessary. You barely noticed when Ethan got up to talk to someone else. Your plate was already empty, and your eyes kept drifting toward the inside of the house.  

Ethan came back after a few minutes, and you stepped inside the house to leave the dirty dishes in the kitchen. You realized you hadn't asked for each other's names properly. “Sorry for asking at night at this point, but what's your name?” You let out a nervous laugh, waiting for his answer. 

 “My name’s Ethan Moore,” He answered, “What’s yours?”  

When you opened your mouth to say your name, someone in the distance already did. 

“Yo… I see you’ve already met Ethan,” Mikey said before greeting his friend, “A bunch of us are sneaking off to the old stables, come if you’re brave enough.h He gave both of you a glare before he walked away.  

The stars were out, and the moon was high above the trees. You were walking through the back trail that led into the woods. Ethan was at the front talking to Mikey and Richie, and Nat was discussing something with other people that decided to come with you. And Carmy? He didn’t want to go, he said that it was a waste of time and that there was no need to take the dinner outside of the Ridge. But still, he followed you in silence, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his coat. 

“You’re not seriously going to the stables, are you?” He said, speeding his steps.

You turned to him with a spark in your eyes. “Why not?”

“They’re basically a storage dump now. And kinda off-limits.”

“Kinda,” you echoed with a grin, stepping through the tall grass anyway.

You hadn’t been to the old stables in years. No one really had. They were mostly used for storage, broken saddles, crates, and dust now occupied the place where horses once slept. But you remembered the small cabin at the end of it. Some said it used to be a resting place for workers, others thought it had been part of a guesthouse long ago. No one really talked about it. Either way, it was off-limits. Which, of course, only made it more tempting. You remembered how it used to feel like a secret. And tonight, it felt like one again.

Nat came back to where you were. With clear discomfort on her face, her heels were now dirty due to the trail you were walking wasn't the most traveled. 

“How come none of us brought any flashlights? And the phones are dead, so,” She started to complain, as she closed her coat from the edges just like her mom does, supporting Carm's idea of going back to the house before it was too dark or too late. You just laughed at her expressions, your heels were a mess too, and the chilly night breeze was getting colder. 

Nat decided to go and ask Mikey how close you were to the stables. Leaving you and Carmy alone. You had no problem staying silent, and you would’ve, but the four glasses of wine started to kick in, causing you to lose any type of resentment that was in your mind. At least that moment. 

“Food was really good, Carm. I really enjoyed the chicken. I think that butter mix you made was the best.”

 You tried to start a conversation with him, hoping that it would flow. But to your surprise — or maybe not — it didn’t.

“It wasn’t a butter mix, and it wasn’t a big deal anyway.”  He rolled his eyes as he spoke, barely looking at you.

You frowned. “Okay... Sorry for complimenting your not-butter mix, I guess.”

You kept walking for a few steps in silence, but something about his tone made you pause.

 “You’ve been weird all night,” you added softly, not even trying to hide the concern in your voice.  “Did something happen?

Carmy exhaled sharply, clearly frustrated. “No. Nothing happened.”

You looked at him, still unconvinced.

“Is this about the stables? Or…”

That hit a nerve.

“I just didn’t know you were so into LA guys with charming lines and shiny teeth.” He couldn’t take it anymore; he had to say something about what was annoying him so much. 

 “What’s that supposed to mean?” You snapped back at such a comment

 “Is he your type or something?”

 “Are you asking as my boss or as someone who was clearly eavesdropping?” 

You crossed your arms, waiting for an explanation about this sudden behavior. 

 “Nothing. Just–forget it.” He rubbed the back of his neck, speeding up his steps. 

 He knew he fucked up. There was no reason why he would’ve answered your attempt at conversation like that. You were literally complimenting his food, a nice comment, but he just couldn’t help the weird feeling, that mixture of emotions. If you were clueless about his reaction, imagine how clueless he was. 

Was it possible that Carmen Berzatto was… jealous? There was no valid reason why he could be, you were his… friend, if you can call each other like that after these weeks. And there wasn’t any other reason any of you knew about. 

He kept walking ahead, leaving you behind with the sound of gravel and questions swirling in your head.

After walking a little more, the group stopped. The main doors to the stables creaked when Richie pushed them open. Inside, everything smelled like dust and old wood. Piles of forgotten things were stacked high: crates, tools, furniture that had seen better days.

There wasn’t much to see, really; it was just the thrill of changing the environment and doing something that was kinda forbidden. Donna made clear that the stables were forbidden, but she never mentioned anything about the old ones.  

Everyone stepped inside the old stable, old wood creaking at every step. The group dispersed through the stable, just looking around and making jokes. The only thing that gave light was the lighter that your friends had, one good thing about them smoking.  

You walked and found an old cowboy’s hat hanging on a hook. It was out of your reach, so you grabbed a chair that was near the hat and stepped up on it. The hem of your dress was in one hand, and the other was grabbing the wall to keep you steady on the old chair. When you finally reached for the cowboy’s hat, the chair creaked, scaring you a little. 

When you turned around, Ethan was right beside you. 

“Need any help?” He already had a hand extended in the air to help you get down from the chair. 

You accepted the help, placing your hand on top of his and stepping down slowly. You mutter a soft “Thank you” while fixing the hem of your dress. You looked around, trying to see where everyone was, and then your eyes stopped scanning the room when you saw Carmy watching you. He immediately removed his eyes from yours, like he did most of the time. 

You showed Ethan the hat you reached, continuing the conversation with him. But avert your eyes every once in a while to see if he was still watching. 

He didn’t know, he didn’t understand why, but the moment Carmen saw your smile and heard your laugh at a joke, Ethan said, and your hand on his, he realized it. He was actually jealous. He turned away, jaw tight, forcing himself to focus on anything but the sound of your laugh. But it echoed in his head anyway, louder than the creaking wood or the sound of voices.  

The group gathered again, ready to go back to the house. He took a glance at you one more time, how the breeze moved your hair and how the satin fiber reflected the moonlight on your dress.

He could never say it, and he tried not to show it when he first saw you in the kitchen, but he did think. God, you looked beautiful. Your hair a little messy, your lipstick glossy, the blue dress hugging your figure. He could stare at you all night if you let him, but unfortunately for him, it was time to go back home. 

Most of the guests had already left, and only a few who helped settle and clean things up stayed. Almost everything was already in its place. Of course, there were things left to pick up and clean, but you could do it tomorrow. 

You accompanied Ethan to the front door. 

“Shame I’m leaving so soon this week. Feels like something was just about to start, you know? Summer always does that.” He spoke as he put his coat on, “You should visit LA sometime. We’ve got sunshine, beaches, and... way more guys who’d kill for a chance to sit next to you at dinner.” 

You smiled at him and chuckled at his flirty comment. “It was quite an intriguing night," you said, repeating the words he said earlier. 

Richie and Mikey appeared to say goodbye to their friend. He shook hands with you, but not after giving you a cocky smile, and then left with his friends who walked him to the front gate.

You stepped outside to the porch in need of fresh air before going to bed. You needed to clear your mind. But what you didn’t know was that there was someone else out there, too. 

Carmy was sitting in one of the wooden rocking chairs with a cigarette between his fingers. You sat next to him; the tension was clear in the air due to your last conversation. 

Ethan’s comment left you anxious, flashbacks of the past and possible scenarios for the future were running through your mind, and a question was taking up the most space in your head.

“Do you ever think what’ll happen when summer’s over?” You looked at the boy next to you with tired eyes and a spark of hope that he noticed. 

He blew out the smoke from his cigarette before answering. “I try not to.”  Without hesitation, he offered you the cigarette, and you accepted it. Your fingers brushed when you grabbed it; you didn’t notice, but he did. 

You took a drag out of the cigarette, smoke filling your lungs while you were formulating your next sentence, you were going to ask him why he tries not to, when a sudden voice called you from inside the house. You left the cigarette on the glass ashtray of the table that was between you before sharing a look with Carm.  Inside the house, you found Donna already in her pajamas. She asked if everyone had left already, and you nodded in response. 

“Good night, sweetie, we’ll finish the rest tomorrow.” She said as she walked up the stairs.

It was a short conversation, probably less than two minutes.

 You walked out to the porch again, only to find both rocking chairs empty and the cigarette still where you placed it. The only thing left was the lingering warmth of the cigarette now between your fingers and a question you weren’t sure you wanted answered. 

You sighed as you stared at the empty rocking chair for a second longer than you should’ve.

He was gone. Again. 

You walked into the barn, wanting to say hello to your horse friend. It looked like nobody was awake except you, or at least that's what you thought. You heard a familiar voice; you stepped closer with silent steps, not wanting to be discovered while eavesdropping. 

“I know you're not used to this, but you gotta work with me, girl. It’s just a little walk ‘til you get used to the saddle.” 

Carmen’s voice was calm, trying to get the horse’s attention on him, as if she was going to understand his words. You just stood there, amused, watching the not-so-common scene. You knew he liked animals and that he was especially good with horses, but it’s been so long since you’ve seen him like this. 

You stepped closer, and without turning around, he noticed you were there.

“You always sneak up on people like that?”

His voice went back to the hesitant tone he used whenever he spoke with you. You couldn't tell how he noticed your presence in the barn, maybe your steps weren’t as silent as you thought.

“You always whisper sweet things to the horses before 6 am?” You talked back, sipping your coffee as you watched him grab his hat from where it was hanging.  

“What are you doin’ up so early?”  He answered your question with another question. 

“God forbid a girl wants to enjoy the morning before everyone wakes up.” You said, turning to look at the view outside the barn doors. “What are you doin’ up so early? You are already dressed, so I assume you woke up a while ago.”

Unlike you, he was out of his pajamas, wearing his clothes for the day, a plaid shirt with his denim pants, brown boots, and gloves. 

“Didn’t sleep much. Figured I’d try talking to someone who doesn’t talk back.” He answered while he rubbed his hand on Dolly’s neck. “Didn’t think anyone else would be up. Especially not in pajamas… nice look, by the way” 

Carmen Berzatto complimenting you on your clothing? You must be dreaming, not that you dream about him complimenting you. 

“Didn’t think you were the type to compliment sleepwear, but thanks.” You said in a low tone, hiding a smirk. 

You were both smiling, and then you heard Nat yelling at you from a distance.

“There you two are!” She pauses as she sees you both shift to your usual awkward mood.  “…Great. We’re baking today. When you’re both ready to leave, grab the baskets, you’re picking berries. Together.  Don’t get lost again.” 

Sugar suggested that you should bake a pie with the berries of a berry bush you saw weeks ago on one of your rides with her. You agreed that you would pick them, and she would go to town to buy the rest of the ingredients.

You were now in your riding clothes and ready to leave. You had the baskets and your gloves on; you just had to saddle Clover. While you were trying to adjust the saddle in the right way, you noticed Carmen looking at you, pressing his lips together. 

“That’s too tight, he’ll hate that,” he said, pointing at the saddle. 

You scoff in disbelief, “I’ve done this before, you know.” 

“Didn’t say you hadn’t.” 

He kept looking at you until you untightened the saddle. 

“Okay, lovebirds, try not to kill each other before lunch, alright?” Richie said as soon as he appeared in the barn with Nat.

“The berries better survive the tension. At least bring the 2 baskets full, please,” She said innocently before she left quickly with Richie. 

Carmen didn’t say anything at first; he just looked at you, and you raised your eyebrow before speaking.

“You gonna get on Dolly or are you waiting for an invitation?”

He scoffs lightly as he shakes his head, hiding a smirk.

“You’re annoying in the morning.”

“You’re annoying in general.” You snap back

“Fair.”

Carmen tried to get on top of the horse with difficulty, but Dolly wasn’t making it easy. She moved her head, kicking lightly on the ground. He whispered something in the horse’s ear – too low for you to hear– as if she understood what he was saying.   

The air is still chilly, the sun is starting to warm things up, the sky is half clear, and the big green fields stretch out before you. 

The ride was quiet. The sound of the hooves on the ground and the birds chirping was the only sound that you heard for a while. It surprised you that neither of you complained about going to collect berries together, therefore spending part of the day together.

“So,” you say without looking at him, playing with the reins. “Why’re you not with your usual today?”  You said, referring to his everyday horse.

“She needs rest. Got a bit agitated yesterday.”

“So you’re going with the one that threw you last week?” You look at him, raising an eyebrow,  “Bold choice, Berzatto.” 

“She’s got spirit. I can handle her.” He muttered with a smirk on his face 

“Right. Until you end up with a concussion. Again. You trust her now?”

“Not really. But she needs it.”

You look at him, and for a second it seems that he wasn’t just talking about Dolly, but you’re not going to ask.

“You’ve always been a sucker for projects.” 

“Guess that makes two of us.” He replied 

You look at him, he doesn’t look at you, but he is smiling. The wind moved your hair a little, and he noticed it. 

“Are we racing or taking our sweet time?” you ask, squeezing your legs a little against Clover to pick up a faster rhythm.

“Let’s not tempt fate. One of us has a wild horse and a bruised ego.”

“And the other one’s me.” 

He chuckles softly, and for the first time in days, the silence between you doesn't feel as heavy as it used to. And just like that, you keep riding side by side, you get deeper into the fields as if suddenly everything else could wait. 

The bushes were exactly where you saw them with Nat—wild, messy and bursting with dark berries that stained your fingers the second you touched them. 

You slid off Clover as Carm did the same with Dolly, tying the reins to a nearby post. 

Carmen handed you a basket without a word, you nodded your thanks, and walked toward the bushes. 

You both crouched down, side by side but not touching. The sound of the leaves brushing, the occasional plop of berries dropping into the baskets, and the buzz of cicadas filled the space between you. The air was warm. Not hot, but heavy. Like something waiting to happen.

You were both reaching for the same cluster of berries when your hands brushed. It was nothing, gloves grazing, skin barely touching. But it lingered longer than it should’ve. You looked up at him, and he was already looking at you.

“You can take those,” he mumbled.

But you didn't reply, you took the berries and looked away. 

After a while of picking berries in silence, both the baskets she gave you were full, and if you had had another basket, you would've filled that one too, with this many berries, you were sure you were going to do more than baking. 

You were ready to go home, but Carm pulled the reins, and Dolly stopped. You were ahead of them, so you didn't notice until Carmen spoke. 

“Hey—wait. Before we head back, I wanna show you something.” He said softly as if he were afraid. 

You looked at him, his fingers fidgeting the reins, his eyes sticking to the horse’s neck, and the red of his cheeks started to creep in.  

“…What kind of something?” You asked unsure

“You’ll see.” 

He answered with half a smile as he kicked Dolly softly,  encouraging her to pick up a faster pace, and she did. You followed him, starting an improvised race. 

You rode until the trail shifted into rougher terrain, where the ground dipped slightly into a descent with uneven rocks. He rode faster, looked at him, unsure, that wasn’t his usual horse, the one he always rode with. That nervous feeling that something might happen if he didn’t slow down was nestling in your stomach. 

“Come on, girl–just a little further—” 

Carmy tries to calm her, Dolly whinnies, and steps sideways. There was a rustle near the edge of the trail, just enough to startle the horse. Her ears were up, body stiffening, frontal hooves were in the air,  getting him off balance. He lost his grip just as she came crashing back down. 

Suddenly, Carmen goes down hard. Like, elbow-scraping, head-hitting-the-dirt down. 

You froze for half a second, brain catching up with your eyes.

Then you yanked Clover’s reins, bringing him to a sharp stop. You jumped off, heart in your throat, dropping the reins as your boots hit the ground. Kneeling next to where he was lying.

“Carmen?! Fuck—are you okay?”

He didn’t answer.

He was lying still. Eyes closed, curls tangled with leaves, dust on his cheek, lips slightly parted. A sharp wave of panic washed over you.bYour hands were on his face now, fingers trembling as they cupped his cheek. You could feel how warm he was. Alive, thank God, but not responding.

“Carmen? Carmen, hey, look at me. Okay, no. No no no—open your eyes, Bear, please..” 

Your heart was pounding hard. You didn’t know what to do. You were too far from the Ridge to ride for help, and there was no signal out here to call anyone. 

“Don’t you dare die on me, Berzatto,” you whispered, thumb brushing over the curve of his brow. 

A pause.

He opens his eyes slowly, he blinks, and with a raspy voice, he speaks:  

“…Hey.” 

“What the hell was that!? Are you okay?” 

“I think Dolly hates me.” He muttered, his lips twitching into a dazed smile. 

“What were you thinking?! Riding like that on this terrain? With a horse that barely tolerates a saddle!?” 

Your voice cracked somewhere between anger and panic. You smacked his chest with the side of your hand, not hard, but enough to make a point.

“You could’ve broken your damn neck, Carmen!”

He winced slightly, but not from pain—more from the scolding.

“Jeez… Didn’t know you cared that much,” he muttered, trying to sit up.

“Don’t even try. You’re hurt.” 

Your hand moved to his shoulder to push him down gently.

“We need to get back. You might have a concussion.”

But he shook his head slowly, stubborn as usual.

“No. Wait. Before that, I need to show you something.”

You stared at him like he’d lost his mind.

“Are you seriously trying to be mysterious right now?”

“Just… check if I’m bleeding or something, and then I’ll show you. I promise it’s worth it.” 

You sighed, your hands reached his head, brushing a few leaves off his curls, and leaning in to check his head. You parted his hair carefully, fingers searching for any cut, bruise, or bump.

“I swear, if there’s blood—”

“There’s not,” he said quietly, but he didn’t stop you. He tilted his head slightly into your touch.

“Still. Let me see.”

He sat still, looking at your face as you checked on him. You could feel it, his stare. The same stare you felt the first day you saw him a few days ago, the same stare when you sipped your coffee sitting on the kitchen counter, the same stare you feel every time you ride with his family. 

“There,” you muttered, fingers pausing at a spot near the top of his head. “A little bump. You’ll probably have a headache later, but you’ll live.”

He smiled, soft and crooked. 

“Lucky me.”

You pulled back and stood up, looking around. “Where’s Dolly?” 

He followed your gaze and groaned. “Gone. She took off.” 

“Great,” you muttered. “We’ll have to go back together.” 

“On Clover?” he asked, raising a brow.

You nodded. “Unless you want to wait here for someone to magically appear with a new horse.” 

“…Fine,” he muttered. “But I’m not sitting behind you like a damsel in distress.” 

You smirked. “You better hold on tight, cowboy.”

He let out a half-laugh, half-pain huff as you helped him up. You held Clover’s reins steady as he swung a leg over behind you. His hands settle lightly on your waist with doubt.  You didn’t say anything. Neither did he. 

The trail narrowed as you rode further west, and the sun didn’t reach as far as it had a few moments ago due to the taller trees. The silence between you wasn’t uncomfortable. Then Carmen leaned forward, just a little.

“There’s a spot up ahead,” he said, voice low, next to your ear. “You’ll like it.”

You didn’t turn to look at him, but you nodded.

“Lead the way.”

You descended slowly until Clover was stepping on tiny rocks. 

“Stop here.” He said as he pointed to a tree next to where you were to tie the reins. 

“There’s a real lake. Not the swamp Richie dragged us to.”

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow 

“You gatekeeping water now?” 

You got off the horse with Carmy. The scent of pine was stronger here, the air cooler, the sound of water growing louder with every step. And then—you saw it. 

A lake. A real one this time. The view had your eyes wide open. It was like a secret between the mountains, sun catching on the water so clear you could see the smooth stones beneath the surface. The breeze was laced with the smell of moss and mountain air. Pines lined the edges as if they were trying to hide what was there. It was indeed a beautiful view. 

“You knew this place all along, huh?” Your voice came out a little breathless.

He didn’t answer right away, just kept looking at the water before murmuring.

“Didn’t want to share it. Not with just anyone.” 

You turned to him and admired the way the sun made his curls look golden. He was flushed from the fall, eyes still a little glazed, shirt clinging to his skin with sweat. He looked calm, more than usual.

He kicked off his boots with a grin, already walking towards the edge. “What’re you waiting for? You’re gonna let me have all the fun?”

You crossed your arms. “We should get you back. You might be concussed.”

“I’m fine,” he said, and then paused to glance over his shoulder, a crooked grin tugging at his lips. “You worried about me or something?”

You didn’t answer. Instead, kicked your boots off and slipped your gloves off, rolled your sleeves up, and followed him to the edge. The water lapped gently at your feet. It was cold. Refreshing. 

He chuckled low. “You’re gonna push me in, aren’t you?”

You gave him a look. “Tempting.”

There was a quiet pause, and then you mumbled

“I like you best when you’re dazed.”

His head turned so fast it startled you. 

“So… you like me?”

“What? No. That’s not what I meant.”

“You sure?” 

You analyzed his face. His pupils were huge, his breathing was uneven, and he had a silly smile on his face. You cleared your throat and stepped back. 

“Yeah.. we should get back. You might be concussed.”

He didn’t argue, just laughed softly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Guess we’ll have to save the swim for another day.”

It was already noon, you could tell by how the sun was hitting your eyes. That meant that it was already past the hour you agreed with Nat to start baking, and you weren’t going to lie and say that you weren’t worried about Carmy, so you took a shortcut. 

The trail is bumpy, uneven ground, and even more uneven rocks. Clover stumbles slightly a few times, causing both of them to shift. You’re holding the reins, Carmen’s behind you, his other hand lands on your thigh to steady himself.

It was just instinct

…Right? 

You didn’t say anything, you knew he wasn’t in his right mind at the moment.

Clover stepped on a bump, causing you to move, having your back pressed against his chest. A sudden low groan behind you sent a shiver down your spine. 

“...You okay back there?”

He hums, voice low in her ear.

“I’m good. Just—Jesus—this trail’s got a lot of bumps.” 

Something was getting stiff.

“Didn’t know you were packing, Berzatto.” You said you teased, voice soft, a playful smirk pulling at your lips. 

A beat of silence.

“...Packing what?”

“Your gun.”

“...Shut up.”

You shifted slightly on the saddle, the motion subtle but just enough.

Another groan. Low. You couldn’t help but bite your lip.

“You sure you’re ok?” you asked innocently, not even bothering to hide your grin.

“This trail’s rough” he muttered, breath hitching.

“Sure, it’s the trail?” 

“Oh fuck off” He said, feeling you shift slightly again, but he didn’t move.  

You chuckle at his comment.

“Well, it’s kinda hard not to notice  when it’s digging into my back, y’know?” 

He didn’t say anything else. And before you know, you were already crossing the Ridge’s front gates. The familiar creak of the barn doors welcomed you home. You guided Clover inside, slowing him down to a gentle walk. 

You slipped off the saddle, boots hitting the ground, tying the reins with quick fingers. You turned just in time to see Carmen dismount behind you, but he didn’t land well. His feet hit the ground, but his vision was blurred. He swayed, stumbling forward. 

“Whoa—hey! Easy cowboy…” You said, instinctively reaching for him.

One hand pressed against his chest, right over his heart—it was racing. The other gripped his arm, solid muscle beneath your palm, tense under your touch. He blinked hard, trying to focus.

“Oh boy. You have a concussion.”

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, sure. You’re walking like a baby deer on ice.”

And then

“Awwww shit,” Mikey’s voice rang out from the barn entrance. “Did we interrupt something?”

“Damn, look at you lovebirds,” Richie added, stepping in with a raised eyebrow and the grin of someone who’s seen too much.

You stepped back immediately. Carmen straightened up like he was trying to prove he was fine before almost falling into the hay.

“Jesus—Carm!” Nat rushed in. “What the hell happened?”

“He uh, he fell,” you said, rushing to support him again. “Off Dolly. Hard. He’s been kinda… dazed.”

“Fuckin’ knew that horse was cursed,” Mikey muttered as Richie grabbed Carmen’s other side.

They helped guide him toward the house, Sugar already ahead, pulling open the screen door.

“Let’s get him inside. I’ve got Tylenol and an ice pack.”

You and Mikey helped him settle on the couch. Nat appeared with the first aid box and shook out two pills into his hand. Richie handed him a glass of water.

“I’ll give you something for the headache.” She put two pills in his hand as Richie handed him a glass of water. 

You heard Donna’s voice from the kitchen:

“You boys are always getting yourselves killed for no damn reason.” She said after taking a long drag on her usual cigarette.

Richie glanced at Carmen, then smirked. “Well, we got berries and a concussion. Sounds like a productive day.”

Carmen chuckled, tired as Mikey patted his shoulder.

“Your headache’ll pass in a bit, Bear,” Mikey said. “But if you feel anything else, let us know, alright?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks.” He leaned back on the cushions, closing his eyes. The sun, the fall, the teasing—all of it had worn him out.

Later, once everything had settled, you and Nat agreed to bake the next day when Carm was feeling better. In the quiet hum of the kitchen, while washing the berries you had left, Dolly took the other basket when she left, Nat touched you gently with her elbow.

“Hey... so. Two people left to get berries. Two people came back all flustered. Should I be worried?”

You chuckled, you turned around to the living room where Carmy was sleeping peacefully.

“Nah,” you murmured, turning back to your friend. “Nothing to worry about.”

Still, your gaze lingered a second too long.

Today had definitely been… unexpected.

“Yeah, yeah,” Richie nodded, already pulling out his phone. “That dive bar downtown. They’ve got the shitty pool table and even shittier lighting.”

“I’m down,” said Tyler, still smiling. “First round’s on me.”

Everyone started to move fast, grabbing jackets, finishing the dishes, and asking where their hats were.

Carmy was quiet. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed, his eyes following the sound of your laugh from across the room.

“You comin’?” Richie asked him, noticing the look.

Carmy shrugged. “I guess.”

You turned around at the sound of his voice, and for a moment, your eyes met his. Something unreadable passed between you. Not tension. Not warmth either. Something else entirely.

“Let’s go,” you said.

And just like that, the Ridge emptied for the night.

The group had been in The Crooked Saddle for more than an hour now.  Richie was already naming shots, and alcohol was flowing through everybody’s system. Some more than others, of course. 

Conversation and jokes were happening at the same time music was sounding in the background from the speakers of the stage where bands were playing. 

“So Tyler… Your brother left a few days ago, right?” Nat asked the boy who was sitting in front of her at the table. 

“Yeah… he was only staying for a week.” He answered as he took a sip of his beer. 

You hadn’t spoken with Ethan ever since he left, and nobody mentioned anything about what happened that dinner night. 

Everything was laughter and jokes at the table. If everything was already fun when the group was together, imagine how it was when half of the group was feeling more than tipsy. 

You went to the bar and asked for another drink while you still had a glass half finished in your hand; in comparison to other people, you were about to ask for your second one. So you could say you were still sober. You sat, waiting for your drink with no rush, until a familiar voice interrupted your thoughts. 

“Didn’t expect you to drink that,” Carmen said, his voice low against the buzz of the jukebox.

Things were kind of weird between you after that night. You could tell how he was trying to save the situation after what happened, but you weren’t sure why. And you weren’t going to be resentful and answer in a cold, dry way to his attempt at conversation either. 

“Well, what were you expecting?” You asked

“I don’t know… something softer?”

You lifted an eyebrow and called the bartender over

“Give me an Old Fashioned. Heavy on the bourbon.”

He laughed, soft and surprised.

You stayed in the bar drinking with Carmy. To your surprise, the conversation was going steady. It didn’t take long for the rest to notice that both of you weren't with the group. You weren’t the only ones that weren’t on the table, but it was more surprising since it was both of you; everyone was so used to both of you always fighting or discussing that it was weird when they saw you actually enjoying your time together. Which didn’t happen every often.

The first one to notice was Nat, obviously. She sighed in excitement, causing Mikey to look at her with worry. 

“You alright…?” He asked, seeing that she couldn't take her eyes off the scene. 

Natalie just smiled and pointed in your direction. Mikey called Richie the moment he saw both of you laughing. Richie turned around to grab his phone off the table to take a picture of you and his cousin, “Just in case something happens,” like he told the siblings. It was a simple picture, both of you with drinks in your hands, sitting in the bar talking. 

“Let’s get outta here and leave the lovebirds alone,” Mikey added 

Sugar gave him a confused look, “Without telling them?” 

“Exactly.”

And just like that, the group finished their drinks, paid, and left. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, or when exactly the rest of the group had left without saying a word. You looked over your shoulder toward the tables—they were empty.

Carmen caught the confused flicker in your eyes as you scanned the room.

“–Shit,” you muttered under your breath when realization hit. You were alone in a bar. With him.

He raised his brows, half amused, half caught off guard. “They left?”

You glanced toward the door, then back to the bar. “Apparently.”

There was a pause. Not uncomfortable, but aware.

“Guess they figured we were… occupied,” he added, lips twitching into the hint of a smirk. It faded quickly. “Didn’t think we were that obvious.”

Your stomach flipped a little. The dim lights, the buzz of the music, the drinks—all of it suddenly felt heavier.

“Well,” you said, standing a bit straighter, trying to shake the tension off your shoulders, “I guess that makes this our bar now.”

He chuckled under his breath. “Guess it does.” 

You finished your Old Fashioned, and Carmen finished his Tequila Sunrise. You looked around, trying to figure out what you could do; you weren’t going to sit in the bar all night with him. 

A spark appeared in your eyes the moment you spotted the pool table. You stood up, and Carmy followed you until you got to the table. A big spotlight on top of it made a difference in the lighting in comparison to where you were sitting in the bar, where red and blue neon lights of the signs lit your faces. 

You grabbed a pool cue and started to accommodate the balls. Once they were in the right place, you leaned on the table, watching the perfect angle to aim. Carmen watched your movements attentively with his eyes wide open. 

“You playing or you just gonna stand there and watch my pants?”  You said without looking at him, hitting the ball you wanted, causing the rest of them to scatter around the table. 

He didn't answer, just grabbed a pool cue and started to aim at a blue ball, and just like that, it sank in the pocket. 

“Didn’t know you could shoot like that.” You said with a tone of surprise as you leaned on the table again. 

“Only when I want to impress someone.” He replied with a smirk on his lips. 

As the minutes passed, there were only four balls left on the table, without counting the 8 ball. Both of you ordered another drink, one less heavy this time, you didn’t want to get up with a headache tomorrow.

After you sank another ball in the pocket, you took a sip of your drink, and you could feel how everything was starting to hit differently, for better or worse. 

Carmen leaned again after chalking the cue. He was one ball ahead of you, meaning that if he sank the one he was aiming at to he would only have the 8 ball left. And you wouldn’t let him win, at least not without trying to distract him.

You positioned yourself right in front of the pocket he wanted to sink the ball in. You leaned a little more, now with your arms on the table. 

“Is that your strategy? Distract me with the view?” Your intentions didn’t go unnoticed by him. 

“Is it working?” You asked, trying to hide the smirk that was forming on your face. 

He closed his eyes when he saw the ball rolling to the other side of the table, where it wasn't supposed to go. 

“Guess it did work,” You said with a winning grin on your face. 

After a few minutes, you were on the last round. Only the 8 ball was left on the table, and both of you were trying to sink it. 

“Something tells me I'm gonna win tonight.” He commented with a smirk as he pointed to the 8 ball, focusing on his aim. But unfortunately, he missed the shot as he heard your voice. 

A familiar slow tune echoed from the bar’s old speaker, which made your eyes wide open, and a spark you hadn’t felt in a while lit up.  

“ Wait…” You stopped, trying to recognize the tune “I love that song!” You said as you tried to move the way music did as you walked. 

Carmen looked at you, how you were enjoying the music, moving to the side as you put the pool cue in its place. He finished his drink with a dry sip, and with one hand on his neck, he asked softly, full of doubt.

“Dance with me?”

You looked at him with surprise, trying to see if he was being serious. It was obvious that alcohol was the one giving him that courage. After realizing that he was being serious, you gave him a gentle smile before saying, “I thought you'd never ask.”

Together you walked into the front of the stage, where other people were enjoying the music. The lights were dim, and the sound of the speaker was louder. After doubting a bit, you started to dance, moving your hips at the rhythm of the song.  

You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey. 

You’re as sweet as strawberry wine. 

With a little hesitation, Carmy offered you his hand, and gladly, you accepted it. The dance started kind of stiff, maybe because you were shy to be seen by him like this, or maybe because he knew he wasn’t much of a dancer. 

You're as warm as a glass of brandy

And honey, I stay stoned on your love all the time 

Already on your fourth drink, you felt how everything was brighter, and you could feel how the music moved your spirit. You didn’t care if Carmen saw you in this state, confident, happy, but mostly free. 

I've looked for love in all the same old places 

Found the bottom of a bottle's always dry 

As the music kept growing, the distance between you shortened.  His other hand went up to grab your waist, pulling you closer, his fingertips brushing the skin that your white tank top left on sight. Your free hand ran along the muscles of his arm until you reached his shoulder, staying there. 

But when you poured out your heart, I didn't waste it 

'Cause there's nothing like your love to get me high

As you both let the music take control of your movements, you appreciated his features, and so did he. You noticed how a stubborn curl was hanging on his forehead, sticking out of the cowboy's hat. When your hand moved from his shoulder to his chest, you felt how slow his heartbeat was. Just like the look in his eyes, full of calm and another feeling you couldn't name yet, but you sure noticed it. 

And you're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey 

You’re as sweet as strawberry wine 

He was also paying attention to you. The way your hips moved, and how you were taller thanks to the heel of your boots. He watched how the dim lights hit your face. Your cheeks were flushed, your eyes half-lidded, pupils wide blown from the drinks. 

You weren’t trying to be seductive. That was the worst part. You weren’t trying at all. You were just being you. And somehow, that made it worse. Or better. Or both.

And something clicked. Something he didn’t want to name. Something serious.

Was it possible that he might be catching feelings for you? 

You're as warm as a glass of brandy

And honey, I stay stoned on your love all the time

The guitar riff kept going, and the end of the song was close. None of you won the game since you left it to come dancing, but Carmy was sure he won something else that moment. 

After a very strong twirl, you took one step too far. You weren’t sure who leaned first. Maybe both. All you knew was that his breath was mixing with yours now. 

Suddenly, an upbeat, fast-paced rhythm interrupted your thoughts. Realization hit, you were close, way too close. Both stepped back, blinking several times to snap out of the trance. Your hearts began to beat faster, and red began to creep onto your cheeks. You fixed your hair, and Carmy fixed his hat, which was sticking up. 

It was he who broke the silence between you. “We should get back to the table…” 

You didn’t talk; you were too stoned to speak, still processing what almost happened. You followed him to the table, you sat down, and not knowing what to do with your hands, your fingers were playing with your hair, and your foot tapped quickly on the floor.

Carmen was no better than you were. He needed to be away from you to calm his heart down so he could act normally when he came back. “I’ll grab us another round.” His hand rubbed the back of his neck as he walked away. 

You were still trying to hide your smile as you waited for him when the stool next to yours screeched against the floor and a man — maybe late forties, someone clearly from around here — sat down with a friendly nod.

“Mind if I say something?”

You looked at him, surprised, but shook your head.

“That boy you were just dancing with?” he said, gesturing loosely in the direction Carmy had walked off to. “He couldn’t take his eyes off you. Not just now, all night.” He took a sip of his beer. “Kinda makes a man jealous — not the way he looked at you, but the way you looked back. Like he was the only one in the room.”

You blinked, unsure of what to say. The stranger just smiled.

“I’ve been tending bar long enough to spot that look when it happens. Don’t let it go cold, sweetheart.”

And with that, he stood up and walked away, leaving you alone with that tiny little light flickering in your chest.

Your smile grew wider when you heard that comment. But it faded the moment you saw Carmy standing next to a familiar girl. You couldn't hear what they were saying, but seeing their interaction was more than enough. The familiar “hey!” with her hand on his arm in a greeting. The smiles on their faces as they had a conversation that seemed to last forever. It got worse when you saw how they laughed together.

After all this time, were you still a fool?. The first time, you were just naive, but now? You felt like a fool. “So all the rumors were true?” You never knew, you never wanted to know exactly what happened between them. And maybe that made things worse. 

You tried to look away, but you just couldn’t. When Carmy came back with two glasses in his hands. “I-uh, I didn’t know what you wanted, so I ordered Tennessee Whiskey,” He said before letting out a chuckle. 

You avoided his gaze. “Thanks,” a dry and simple answer as you grabbed the glass, not because you wanted to taste it, but because it gave your hands something to do. You turned your chair to the side so as not to look at him directly. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he could tell that you were not the same as how you were a few moments ago. He opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t. He just adjusted his jacket and wondered what had happened while he was gone. 

You finished your glass faster than the other times; every sip was bitter. The music started to sound just like noise, and the bar didn’t feel like yours anymore. “We should go home…” You muttered softly. He looked at you with a concerned look, but he didn’t talk back. He just stood up and got ready to leave.

Just a few minutes ago, the space between you had been full of possibilities. Now, it felt like a closed door.

The ride back to the Ridge was quiet. That type of silence means that something has happened. You couldn't even turn on the radio because it broke a few weeks ago. The silence began to feel heavy, the only noise being the tires against the ground and the usual sounds of the night.

Carmy broke the silence, “It’s been kinda nice, you know. Tonight.” 

You sighed, “Yeah… it has.” 

Your answer was short, kind of cold. But you didn’t know what else to say. Carmy just looked at the road. Eventually, he would give a glance at you, but you didn’t look back at him. But you did hear the tap of his fingers on the steering wheel. You turned completely to look at the window; you didn’t want to face him. The summer night breeze moved your hair, and the view of the stars and the hills from afar was a nice distraction from your thoughts. 

The porch lights were still on. Inside the house, Nat, Richie, and Mikey were dancing to soft music in the living room; the rest of the group had already left. When they saw you both entering the house, not with the mood they had or expected you to have, they exchanged glances, and you saw their faces change at the realization that things didn’t go as planned.  

Richie was the one who broke the silence. “The hell happened to you two?” he asked half-jokingly. 

Nat raised her eyebrows when neither of you answered the previous question, so as sweet as ever, she asked again, “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah. Just tired.” Carmy and you answered at the same time in a reluctant tone. 

You were the first one to go upstairs, locking yourself in your room. Carmy planned on doing the same after pouring himself some water, but that’s when everyone started to question him about what the actual fuck had happened. 

“For Christ's sake, guys! I don’t know what the fuck happened, alright?” 

The oldest siblings and their cousin just looked at each other, confused. They were still doubting about what had happened, but it was clear that neither Carm nor you would say something about it. 

Carmy walked away and went upstairs to his room just like you did. He leaned against the door, sighed, and took off his jacket, remaining in the darkness. He lay down with his hands on his head, frustrated. He felt like an idiot; he should’ve explained what happened years ago, and he should’ve clarified that interaction too tonight. But for him, it was too late, and honestly, for you too. 

In two separate rooms, lit by the same moonlight, two fools laid awake — for very different reasons. Reasons that brought back many bad memories from the past.

In your room, you started to take your makeup off. When you left your earrings on the bedside table, you walked to the window and sat by it, watching the moon shine. Then, your eyes wandered to the tiny stuffed bear Carm gave you a few weeks ago, you held it in your hands, and left it on the bottom drawer of your bedside table. That's when thoughts started to run through your mind. You knew better. And yet, you hoped. You had this feeling in your stomach, that same old feeling you felt five years ago. 

You weren’t sure why it stung like that. He was never yours.