#sodomite

Sodomite

Someone who practices sodomy (non-procreative sex, particularly oral and anal sex), and/or reclaiming a derogatory term for gay people (especially gay men).

Requested by Anon ~

Greetings, salutations, sir. I write to seek an answer to the question of whether or not Queen Charlotte should be informed of our King’s affections for the American President.

Now, whilst I do very much take the cause of loyalty to the King seriously, it is truly His Majesty who is being disloyal; and Washington even more so, to their wives. What shall we do, sir?

It feels immoral in some ways to allow the Queen to carry on without knowing, so it seems. Shall you or I or we inform her, Lord North?

Yours in service,

—Everett Baker, a loyal ensign

To Ensign Everett Baker,

I would like to start this letter by sincerely apologizing, you probably know by now how often I answer asks in my chibi form, but I felt this letter required the urgency of minutes, not days.

Now, it is clear as day by now that the king is having an affair, so patience is not what we need, not anymore. We have quite enough evidence. The obvious answer would be to tell Her Majesty—as much as I’m known to be a “lapdog” to the King, I am just as much her servant—since he’s making nothing but a fool of her. Truthfully, I feel bad for her, which may be the problem. The Queen doesn’t throw plates or tantrums, which I would prefer in this situation… My guess is she will probably get very reserved, very icy and distant, bottling it up like she does far too often.

If you were to ask me for my honest opinion, I would say ask the king, but I’m afraid that won’t work now. I’m putting my hands on your shoulders and looking in the eye when I promise I am on your side, but… I don’t think we should tell her just yet. We need to keep this entire thing quiet— well, keep it inside the palace. If the people find out their dear king is a sodomite, I fear they will mimic the Americans and start a revolution. To prevent this outbreak l suggest we find a… ah, what is it called? A new light for her life, a new love, I suppose. It won’t be me, I can tell you that, but if she has someone or something to focus on instead of the affair, she won’t retreat and no one will get worried about her.

If you aren’t too busy I want you to focus on this, as will I. I don’t like keeping the the truth from anyone, especially not Her Majesty but I believe this is for her own good. I trust I can count on your discretion on keeping this interaction from the King.

With sincere regards,

Me at homophobic American Christians thousands of years later: