I was just talking to my coworker about swimsuits, and I told her I was too self-conscious to wear a zucchini.
A zucchini.
BRB I have to go set myself adrift on an ice floe.

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I was just talking to my coworker about swimsuits, and I told her I was too self-conscious to wear a zucchini.
A zucchini.
BRB I have to go set myself adrift on an ice floe.

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Mom: Good morning :)
Me: Ok
the worst interaction possible
Me: How are you? Acquaintance: Good. How are you? Me: Good, yourself? *headdesk* *goes home and Googles how to get a job in Antarctica*
Does anybody else like, freak out whenever they pass another human on the sidewalk? It’s like “crap, which side do I pass on? Should I make eye contact? would it be creepy if I did? Are they judging m- oh. They’re gone now… HOLY COW THERE’S ANOTHER ONE!” And it’s just like that every time you have to walk by another person.
So I can't go to Starbucks for the rest of the semester because I complimented a dude on his pokeball name tag. He asked me how much I knew about it and I had to admit that I never played a game or watched the show

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I have the worst timing. I heard a knock at the door, and was expecting a friend. I swing it open, yelling "what up motherfucker?!" only to see a group of little girls selling Girl Scout cookies. I thought they didn't go door to door anymore?!
Okay so I'm silently freaking out over here
because like this guy came into the library with a cake pop and set it down near me and I kind of automatically assumed it was for me because he walked away from it and so I took it and asked if it was for me and he said sure but I didn't notice the reluctance in his voice until after I took a bite but he was really nice about it and now I'll never know if it really was for me and DJFKHLKJGO;IH';K