#soa fic

That morning, you decided to hibernate. You hardly looked at your phone at all that day, but when you did, there was nothing from Jax. In the back of your mind, you were hoping for a text, or a call. You were hoping he’d beg you to forgive him. Beg you to hear him out. But there was nothing. Jax wasn’t the begging type, and you knew that he would be able to move on quickly from you. Maybe it was for the best. Just rip the band aid off, go back to your life, and pretend this never happened. Go back to pretending you hate him every time you see him drive past your salon on his Harley. 

That was the plan at least. 

Jax wasn’t the kind of person to get romantically involved with anyhow,  and you took solace in that. Maybe you’d be able to let him down easily. To let him know that you forgave him, that there were no hard feelings. More importantly to let him know that what happened with Alex was going to be a secret you take to the grave with you.

That should have been your biggest concern - the fact that you were an accessory to a murder. You’d watched enough true crime in your lifetime to know that it doesn’t usually end well for the person who knows too much. But it wasn’t. You were more worried about your feelings for Jax. And how you were going to move on from this. Because fuck he was so hot. And you weren’t sure if you were willing to give him up without even getting a taste first. 

You stayed in your house all weekend, and by Monday morning, you hadn’t heard from Jax. It was for the best. Maybe now you could just move on with your life without any complications that Jax Teller would bring.

It was a busy day at work, and your books were completely full. It was nice to keep your mind off of everything - to just work, and not think about him. But every moment of down time that you had, you were thinking of him. 

By the time you’d finished up at work, it was six o’clock, and you couldn’t wait to get home and relax. But when you pulled up in front of your house, what you saw was anything but relaxing. It was Jax, sitting on the chair on your front porch. You couldn’t tell if it was a cigarette or a joint, but he was smoking something down to the filter. He must’ve been there for a while. 

You waited in your car for a moment, trying to lie to yourself and telling yourself that you weren’t happy to see him. But you were. 

You opened the door, cautious of your facial expressions and careful not to give any hints to Jax that you’d been dying to see him. “What, are you stalking me now?” You asked jokingly, smirking in his direction, but Jax remained stoic and stonefaced, clearly not amused. 

Your face immediately went from smiling, to frowning. Jax was clearly upset, and you weren’t sure if he was upset with you, or with something else. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked. 

“What’s wrong?!” He repeated with a scoff. 

You walked up the porch steps to meet him, standing in front of him and gazing at him, trying to get him to tell you what was going on in his mind.

“Come inside, Jax,” you offered, unlocking the door and turning to face him once you passed the threshold. But he didn’t move. “Or not?” You continued sarcastically, but he turned on his heels towards your door, walking in behind you. 

Jax’s footsteps were heavy and slow as he walked through your hallway and into your living room. He didn’t bother taking his sneakers or his kutte off. He just plopped down on the couch. 

“Want some tea or something?” You asked from the hallway as you hung your jacket up on the hook. 

“Nah,” he said indifferently. He was acting like he didn’t want to be there, like it was some major inconvenience, even though he was the one who showed up on your fucking door step. He was detached, or at least trying to be. 

You slowly walked over to him, standing in front of him as he sat on your couch, leaning back and resting his cheek on his thumb and forefinger. The tension hung thick in the air and you wondered who was going to speak first. 

“What’s going on, then?” You asked, needing to drown out the awkward silence. 

He looked at you like you knew damn well what was going on. You knew why he was there. It was because he hadn’t heard from you in a few days. 

“Haven’t heard from ya,” he said. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

The truth was - you weren’t okay.

“I’m okay,” you lied. But you woke up every morning with guilt that Alex was dead, because of you. You blamed yourself.

“Why’d you ghost me, then?” 

You scoffed, and plopped down on the couch next to him. He had a lot of nerve to insinuate that you were the one who ghosted him. A phone works both ways, and you hadn’t heard from him either. But you weren’t going to argue with him. You were just going to be honest with him. 

“I didn’t ghost you, Jax,” you said. “I’m just…struggling with all of this.” 

Jax nodded. He understood why you were feeling this way. But what he couldn’t understand was why you chose to not reach out to him. It’s not like you were ignoring him. You were pretending like nothing even happened, and Jax couldn’t figure out which would be worse. 

“So you just… disappear then, right?” He asked, his tone growing increasingly more frustrated. “Just use me to get rid of your douche bag ex boyfriend, and then move on like nothing ever happened?” 

Your mouth hung open in shock. You couldn’t believe that he thought that way. Using him? No. In fact, this was the last thing you wanted. To be honest, you were offended that he would even say something like that to you. 

“You’re joking, right?” You said, sitting straight up before standing and pacing around in front of him. “Use you?” 

“That’s what it feels like, darlin’-” 

“Don’t!” You quickly cut him off. “Don’t you ‘darlin’’ me.” 

A part of you was a little nervous going toe to toe with Jax. You now knew what he was capable of. Before, you weren’t afraid of him, not even a little bit. But now? Now, there was a little glimmer of fear. 

“I can’t believe you, Jax,” you said, crossing your arms in front of your chest. 

“What else am I supposed to think, Y/n?” He says, bringing his hands to his knees to stand up. You were now face to face with him. And now was your chance to get it off your chest, but you couldn’t do it. 

“Maybe think about what I’ve gone through.” You said. “Maybe think about the fact that I was literally stalked by my ex,” you were shouting now. “Nearly killed, and was going to go to the cops until you decided to take matters into your own hands!” 

Jax looked down at his shoes, finally knowing what’s been going on in your mind, and he felt guilty. 

“I think you should leave, Jax,” you said quietly, not really meaning it. You wondered if he’d leave or if he’d fight for you. 

“I handled it the only way I knew how to, darlin’,” he said. 

“And that’s fine,” you responded. It wasn’t really fine. “But that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t give me the time I needed to process anything. You don’t respect my boundaries, so it’s just…” you didn’t know what to say. But as it came out of your mouth, you knew it wasn’t true. “It’s just not gonna work for me, Jax.” 

“Bullshit,” he said, almost with a shout. The tenor of his voice made you jump. And the fear in your eyes made Jax tone it down. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

You didn’t know what to say, so you just stared at him. 

“I just wanted to keep you safe, Y/n,” he said, reaching for your hand. But when you pulled away, he bowed his head once more. He licked his lips before speaking again. “That doesn’t make me the villain.” 

“Maybe you are…” you responded. And before you knew it, you were closer to Jax now. Too close. “...the villain,” you said, your voice a whisper now. 

“Not this time, I’m not, darlin’,” he said, his voice low and heavy. Your chest was heaving as he inched closer and closer to you. He was a villain. But maybe not in your story. Maybe in your story he’d be your knight in shining armor. 

Jax leaned down, his face was right up in front of yours. You looked to the side, avoiding eye contact as best you could, but in vain. You couldn’t keep your gaze away from his baby blue eyes. 

“You sure about that?” You whispered as you turned to rest your forehead against his. With every inhale, your chest brushed against him. And you could feel his own chest cave in as he inhaled with a long, deep sigh. 

When you looked at him, there was something hungry in his eyes. Almost dark. As if he was desperate, but also terrified to cross that line with you. Boundaries were something that you had respected. Needed. But right now, you didn’t give a shit. You wanted him. You needed him. Badly. 

He crossed the line anyway. 

“Fuck it,” he groaned, before leaning closer to you and roughly cupping your face in his hands. It was clear that something had broken in him the moment he kissed you. His lips were desperate against yours as he opened his mouth and breathed in to yours. He roughly entered your mouth and swirled his warm tongue with yours.

He wasn’t gentle. He wasn’t careful. You could feel the heat of his body against yours as his mouth explored yours. Every moment of frustration that had been building between the two of you was evident as he roamed his hands up your sides, pressing his fingertips firmly against your ribcage. Every time you copped an attitude with him, every time he crossed a boundary with you. Every single thing went away with each second that passed.

You were tired of pretending that you didn’t want him, and when you moaned into Jax’s mouth, you could feel his lips curve up into a smile. That cocky, arrogant smile that said - “see? I knew you were full of shit.” 

You could hardly breathe as you reached up to interlock your fingers with his blonde hair, tugging gently. Once he was done smirking with vindication, his lips met yours again. The way he swirled his tongue with yours made it seem like he was trying to start fresh. To get rid of every bad thought you ever had about him. To get rid of every bad word you ever said about him. 

Jax broke the kiss once more, and one of his hands that was gripping your side came up to your chin. He pressed gently and tilted your face to where he wanted it, looking deep into your eyes. He looked concerned. But you tip-toed up to reach his mouth, gently pressing your lips back against him. You needed more. You were starved for more. You weren’t ready to be done kissing him yet.  Jax groaned and turned his head to the side after pecking you with his soft and plump lips. He gently grazed his top teeth along his bottom lip, his tongue protruding out just enough to bring a little moisture back into the swollen flesh. 

“Fuck,” he whispered and rested the tip of his nose against yours. “Tell me to stop right now, darlin’.” 

“No chance.”

But he looked so god damned good. Walking around your kitchen with no shirt on, sweatpants hanging low on his hips exposing that glorious v-line. Every negative thought you had earlier was long gone, now.

“Mornin’ darlin’,” Jax said as his bare feet padded towards you. You were slowly sitting up, stretching your stiff limbs that were almost numb from squeezing on your sofa with Jax.

“Mornin’,” you replied, rubbing your eyes with one hand and reaching for the coffee cup that he was handing you with the other.

You were surprised at how comfortable you were around Jax, even though just two weeks ago the sight of him made you sick to your stomach. But now there you were, on your couch with him, drinking coffee and watching the morning news.

You still were so unsure about him. About being involved with an outlaw. He could easily destroy your life in a matter of minutes. But right now, you didn’t give a shit.

Jax was a busy man, that much was clear. He was always on the go, and you were sure he had something going on when you came barging into the club. A smile was planted across your face when you realized that whatever he had going on was put on hold so that he could be there with you.

“Whatchu smirkin’ about, darlin’?” He asked, gently nudging your shoulder with his. You immediately flushed red, embarrassed that he caught you day dreaming.

“Nothing, I just…” you trailed off, trying to find the right words to say.

“I actually feel bad that I pulled you away from whatever you had going on last night.”

Jax furrowed his brow and shook his head as he took a sip of his coffee. He licked his lips free of any residual creamer.

“You didn’t darlin’,” he said. “Honestly, for once we have nothin’ goin’ on.”

You found that hard to believe. The Sons of Anarchy were constantly on the move. Constantly running all around Charming doing God knows what.

That thought was quickly interrupted by Jax’s ringing phone.

“Yeah,” he answered shortly and sternly.

“Yeah, meet me at Y/n’s house. I’ll text ya the address.”

You were a little disappointed and you knew that he was going to have to leave, but you could take care of yourself.

“Hap’s gonna come meet me,” Jax said, tilting his head and looking at you like he was disappointed. He also looked worried about leaving you alone. He knew that you weren’t safe.

“It’s okay,” you said. “I have some things I need to get done today anyways.”

That wasn’t a lie. You needed to text all of your clients that were scheduled today and let them know that you would have to reschedule because of a “family emergency.” And you wanted to get caught up on laundry and cleaning as well.

“I’ll leave someone out front to make sure he doesn’t come here,” Jax said.

“No,” you demanded. “No, I don’t want anyone posted up in front of my house. I’ll be fine.”

You and Jax bickered back and forth, and he was trying to push you to have someone watching your house, but you had to put your foot down. You had to make sure he respected your boundaries.

“Y’know darlin’,” he said, smirking and licking his lips like the arrogant son of a bitch that he was. “You may be the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”

You smiled at him, knowing he was right. You were stubborn. You’ve been on your own for so long that you had no idea how to accept help, no matter how many times it was offered.

You walked Jax to your door and opened it to find a tall, tattooed and bald man on a Harley in front of your house. It made you feel uneasy, like it was something you weren’t used to - because you definitely weren’t.

The man hardly acknowledged you as Jax leaned down to kiss your cheek. And when you turned around and closed the door, you immediately locked the door.

Jax was right - you weren’t safe. But there was no way in hell that you were going to have a motorcycle security detail parked in front of your house all day. You had a reputation around Charming. You were a business owner, and what people thought about you mattered to you. Being publicly involved with SAMCRO was not something you were ready for. Yet.

To keep yourself busy, you decided to start taking down some Christmas decorations. As you walked outside with a bin of decorations to put them in your garage, you were stopped in your tracks when you saw what was on your garage door.

“SKANK” was written in big, bold and red letters. It was clearly spraypaint, but intentionally looked like blood. You panicked, and you were completely unsure what to do. Shaking, you ran back into your house and locked all of the doors, and the windows. You wanted to call Jax, but you didn’t want to be a burden. After your little disagreement this morning, the last thing you wanted to do was prove him right.

But he was right. You shouldn’t have been alone.

You waited. You waited for what seemed like hours until Jax was done handling whatever needed to be handled that day. When you heard a knock at the door, you jumped, worried that it was Alex. But you figured if it had been Alex, he wouldn’t have been so polite to knock.

When you walked to the door and peeked out the peephole, you saw the same tattooed man from earlier.

“Can I help you?” You said through the door, not trusting the strange biker.

“Jax sent me to check on you.” He replied.

“I’m fine,” you quipped in response. “Thanks.”

“Don’t look like it,” he responded, clearly referring to the new decor on your garage.

You weren’t exactly trusting of the man, but you knew if you didn’t talk to him, he was just going to report back to Jax, and he would’ve been there in two minutes, ready to burn the whole town to the ground. So you went against every instinct you had, and you opened the door.

“Please don’t say anything,” you said to the man, resting your head on the door frame, the look in your eyes pleading with him.

“Names Happy,” he said calmly, ignoring your pleas to keep this secret.

You chuckled, because the man in front of you looked anything but happy.

“Thanks for coming to check on me,” you said. “But I’d appreciate it if the…graffiti on my garage door stayed between you and I for now.”

“I can’t do that,” Happy responded, matter of factly. And you figured he wouldn’t. Jax was the president, and to keep something like this from him would be sure to start problems.

You looked down at your feet, nodding and closing the door slowly. “I understand.” And without another word, you shut the door.

You had planned on cleaning off the spray paint, but you were too afraid to go outside alone at that point. It was starting to get dark now, and Jax was going to find out anyhow. You figured it was best to just leave it alone.

It wasn't long until you heard another strong and sporadic knocking at your door. Before you could even get up or ask who it was, you heard his voice.

“It’s Jax,” he said through the door. “Open the door.”

When you walked towards the door, something inside of you felt like you weren’t going to like what you saw. And when you opened the door, you saw Jax, standing before you with shredded knuckles and blood stains on his white tee.

“You alright?” He asked.

“What happened?” You responded to his question with another question, and you could tell that Jax was irritated with that.

“I asked you first.”

“I’m fine,” you responded sharply. “What happened?”

Jax looked down as if he was ashamed, like he didn’t want to come clean about what he’d done. You didn't want to know, but you felt like you deserved to know. You knew that the blood on his hands had something to do with Alex.

“He won’t be bothering you anymore.” He said with a slight tinge of guilt and shame in his voice.

“What did you do?”

“I can’t tell you that, Y/n.”

You were angry now. Who gave him and his biker friends the right to take matters into their own hands? Who gave him the right to let the blood spill on your hands?

Jax was still standing at the threshold; as if he were waiting for an invitation to come in. He looked at you with those puppy dog eyes, thinking that he was going to win you over with his charm, and fake innocence.

“You should go,” you said coldly, reaching for the door to close it.

“Y/n,” he said, grabbing the door and holding it open before you could slam it in his face. “Don’t do this.”

Your heart broke just a little bit. Letting your guard down for Jax was a bad idea. This whole thing was a bad idea. You should’ve just gone to the police like you originally wanted to do. For some reason, the yearning you had to be loved, to be protected, took over. And now, you were paying for it.

“Goodnight, Jax,” you said, and shut the door in his face, locking it behind you.

You went to bed angry that night. Angry with yourself for not being more safe. For not taking precautions with hiding better from Alex. But you were also angry with Jax. Angry with him for pushing your boundaries. For taking matters into his own hands without your consent.

There were a million thoughts racing through your mind. But one thing you kept going back to was the undeniable feelings that you had for Jax Teller. No matter how angry you were with him.

Deep down, you knew that this was going to happen. The second you pulled into Teller-Morrow the night before, you subconsciously knew that this could have happened. And maybe you wanted it too. Maybe you wanted Alex to be dead. Maybe you were hoping they would have gotten rid of him. All you wanted was to live your life in peace. To live your life without the fear of him someday finding you. And now you could.

You’d wondered if you should thank Jax instead of being so angry with him. But, murder is illegal. And you were going to be implicated if this ever got out. You knew that this was something you would have to take to your grave.

As you finally shut your eyes to go to sleep, you felt your phone ding.

It was from Jax.

“Can we talk, please?” The text read.

You responded simply.

“Tomorrow.”

Before you knew it, you were friends with Gemma, and some of the members of SAMCRO. One person you grew particularly fond of was Jax Teller, even if he didn’t know it. You thought he was drop dead gorgeous, but you knew he would be just as bad for you as Opie was for Donna.

There were a few times where you almost went there with Jax. A few too many drinks, too many emotions around Donna, Tara, the kids. It made you vulnerable. The two of you would share flirty smiles with each other, but you were smart enough to never let it go there. One night, Opie had one of his breakdowns and disappeared to the cabin. You stayed at his house to make sure the kids were being watched. You put them to bed and Jax was parked outside the house, and started making his way up to the porch.

The two of you shared a joint on Ope’s front porch. You cried about how much you missed Donna, you cried for the kids and how much they missed her too. But you also cried for Opie, and how hard of a time he was having being a widower.

“One thing about Ope, is he will be okay,” Jax said, bringing the roach to his lips.

You wanted to kiss him so badly that night. He wanted to kiss you, too. But neither of you made a move, and it was probably for the best.

Now, it was Christmas time. Every time you’d go to Teller-Morrow, you could see the stress on everyone’s faces. The hustle and bustle of the club, paired with the chaos of the holidays made for everyone having their guard up at all times. You felt uncomfortable, like you weren’t one of them. Like you were unwelcome.

Jax looked so good walking into the garage, grease stained tee and dirty boot cut jeans. When he looked like this, in his element, this was when you wanted him the most. But you tried as hard as you could to chase those feelings away. It was clear he had a lot on his mind, and that there was just too much going on in his life. So you decided not to push the issue, because he wouldn’t want you, and you definitely didn’t need him.

“What’s up, darlin’?” Jax approached you, you had a bag in your hands filled with gifts for Opies kids, as well as Jax’s.

“Just wanted to make sure you guys got these before Christmas,” you said, handing the bag to Jax. “There’s a few things in there for Abel and Thomas, too.”

Jax looked touched, and truly appreciative. You could tell by the look in his eyes he wasn’t expecting this.

“C’mere,” Jax said, bringing you in for one armed hug, squeezing you tightly and thanking you. “That was so sweet of you.”

“Oh it’s no problem,” you said, assuring him it was really not a big deal at all. You didn’t have a big family, so buying the little kids a few things didn’t matter to you. You just wanted everyone to be happy.

Jax broke the hug and looked down at you.

“You comin’ to the Christmas Eve get together tomorrow?” He asked.

You weren’t sure. You’d debated it, but you still struggled with feeling a little out of place with this group.

“Not sure,” you responded quickly.

“You should,” and he shined that flirty, get-whatever-the-fuck-he-wants smile in your direction, and you were putty in his hands. You couldn’t say no to him when he looked at you like that.

“What time?”

“Dinners at 6, come a little earlier for drinks if you want.”

It took you forever just to figure out what to wear. You wanted to dress up, but you also didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb. You wanted to impress Jax, so you wore a comfy, red velour Christmas dress. It was ruffled and girly, and you looked really pretty. You did your hair and makeup, and then headed straight for Teller Morrow.

When you got there, it was very clear that the clubhouse was decorated by a bunch of bikers. It was unorganized, and the colors were all over the place. But the charm was there and it was cute that they even tried, and you loved it.

Jax was sitting at the bar with Opie and Tig when you invited yourself in, and there was holiday music playing softly over the chatter of the clubhouse. Jax noticed you right away and flashed a smile in your direction before immediately getting off of his bar stool and walking over to you. His walk was chipper, excited, and this was the first time you’d seen him with his guard down in weeks.

“You made it!” He exclaimed with a smile as he stood in front of you. He wanted to hug you, and it was clear because he didn’t know what to do with his hands.

“I never miss a party,” you replied.

“You look…ravishing, darlin’.”

You looked down with a bashful grin and looked up at him through your eyelashes. “Thanks, Jax,” you said coolly.

Jax led you over to the spot he was sitting on at the bar, and you settled into his stool while he stood behind you. One of the prospects asked what you wanted to drink and shortly after, you had a glass of wine in front of you. You didn’t talk much, you just took in all of the chatter, the swapping back and forth of stories. And the laughter. You laughed a lot.

At one point, Jax was doubled over laughing, resting his hands on your shoulder, his forehead resting on his hands as he laughed. You tried not to freeze every time he touched you, or every time you caught him looking at you with that look in his eyes.

Something shifted over the last couple of days. You’d known Jax for years, and while you always a had a minor crush on him, you’d felt it even stronger now.

Every once in a while, you’d catch him leaning into your ear like he was about to say something, but he'd stop himself. Something told you he was doing it on purpose, trying to make you curious. Trying to make you want more.

“You doin’ ok darlin’?” He asked, looking at you like no one else was in the room with you two.

“Yeah,” you said confidently. “You?”

“Couldn’t be better,” he gently snaked his hand over your shoulder before resting it there once more.

“Yeah? Why's that?” You asked.

“Just happy you’re here.” Your heart melted away into a puddle when he said that. You wondered if he had a crush on you the same way you did him.

You took another sip of wine, preparing yourself for what you were about to say next.

“So what’s on your Christmas list this year, Teller?”

“Now you know damn well I can’t tell you that,” he said. “It won’t come true if I do.”

Neither of you said anything else, you just kept sharing smiles and knowing, yearning looks at each other. The butterflies in your belly were out of control, and you weren’t sure if you were going to be able to control yourself tonight the way you had been over the years.

You excused yourself to go use the bathroom and came back out to hear Jax talking to Gemma in the hallway where the dorms were.

“What’s up with the googley eyes between you and Y/n?”

“Relax ma,” Jax whispered.

“Do not get too attached,” she warned. “Those boys have been through enough; you can’t bring around another person.”

“It’s fine, Gem,” he reassured. “Just keepin’ things simple.”

You quickly went back into the bathroom when you heard Jackson’s footsteps heading towards you. You didn’t want him to know you heard anything, you just wanted to go. With grace. And not cause a scene. It was a stab in the gut to know that those feelings you had for Jax weren’t reciprocated. You were just temporary. Just like the crow eaters. So without a word, without a goodbye, you left without anyone noticing.

A few minutes had gone by and Jax noticed that you disappeared.

“Where’s Y/n?” Jax asked the guys.

No one seemed to know, and when he went out to the parking lot to see that your car was gone, he started to freak out a bit. He wondered what happened. What went wrong?

He quickly ran into the club house, grabbed his keys and left immediately.

“Oi, Jackie,” Chibs yelled from the bar. “Where ye goin’?”

Jax didn’t respond. He just left.

Back at home, you felt even more alone. Honestly, you didn’t mind being single and living alone. It was peaceful and private, and you loved the freedom of it. But the holidays were tough, and you’d thought maybe this Christmas you wouldn’t be alone. But here you were, alone, crying, missing your best friend.

All of a sudden you heard a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” You shouted from the couch.

“It’s me, darlin’,” Jax’s familiar voice came through the door.

You rolled your eyes. “Go away, Jax.”

“Y/n, what happened?” He shouted again, muffled by the door. You figured it would be wrong to let him stand at your door, cold and confused. He clearly had no idea that you’d heard everything he said to his mom back at the clubhouse. So, you got up, walked to the door and opened it to find him standing there, his hands in his kutte, trying to stay warm.

“Lemme in,” he said, he was patient but not playing around.

“What for?”

“Why’d you run off like that, huh?” He asked.

You didn’t want to let Jax know that you were eavesdropping, but you also had to let him know why you’d left. Why you were so upset.

“Jax,” you said, unsure of what to say. “I just think it would be best if we don’t talk anymore. Or even see each other at all.”

“Why? What changed in the five minutes between you making heart eyes at me and walking out?”

“I heard everything you said to Gem,” you admitted, a bitter shame in your voice. “I wasn’t eavesdropping but…she’s right. I don’t want to complicate anything. You and your boys have been through enough so let’s just quit while we’re ahead.”

Jax wasn’t going to stand out in the cold anymore, so he invited himself into the hallway and closed the door.

“You do realize I’ll say anything to my mother to shut her up right?” He said, clearly trying to get you to change your mind.

“She’s right though -.”

“No she’s fucking not,” he said, quickly cutting you off. “She’s dead wrong. You’re not some inconvenience, Y/n.”

Your eyes started to swell. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you mattered.

“Are you sure?”

“Fuck yes I’m sure,” he reassured you. “You’re the only thing I haven’t wanted to toss to the side and walk away from since I lost Tara.”

You could see the pain in Jax’s eyes as he brought up Tara. You knew that this was not easy for him to talk about. Nothing was really easy for Jax to talk about, and you were surprised that he was doing this right now.

“I can’t walk away from you, darlin’.”

Jax slowly closed the gap between the two of you, gently cupping your face in his rough palms. You were looking down, and he lovingly coerced your face up to look at his blue eyes. He looked at you as if you put the stars in the sky. You got lost in his eyes, and he slowly leaned down and brushed his lips against yours.

You’d released the breath you’d been holding for years, waiting for him to do this. And finally, he kissed you. He kissed you slowly, softly, like he wanted to take his time and draw it out forever.

After a moment of gently peppering kisses on your mouth, he slid his hands in your hair, lacing his fingers in the strands and resting his forehead against yours.

“You sure, Jax?” You took the moment to make sure this was something he wanted.

“I’m sure darlin’,” he responded, his voice low with longing.

“I don’t do casual,” you reminded him, wanting to let him know before you went any further.

“That's okay, baby,” he said before kissing your mouth one more time. “I don’t need casual. I don’t want casual. I want you.”

Your breath was in sync with his, your chest heaving up and down as you were standing with Jackson, your back pressed against the wall. Jax’s warmth was like a furnace as he leaned down to carry you to the back and into your bedroom.

Once Jax walked you into your room, the two of you lie in bed for a while kissing. There was no rush, or desperation, just two humans enjoying each other for the first time. He broke the kiss and sat up, sliding his kutte off so was only in a crispy white t-shirt now. He quickly leaned back in to kiss you and you reached up to lace your fingers in his blonde hair as you kissed.

Jax took his time kissing you, he was determined to let you know that you mattered to him. He wanted to treat you well, and he started by gently running his fingertips down your belly, sliding your shirt off with ease as he reached the bottom of your shirt. His rough hands lingered over your soft warm flesh as he undressed you, causing goosebumps to cover your entire upper torso. He noticed, and let out a breathy chuckle.

“Look atchu,” he said. “You’re getting excited, baby.”

You bit your lip and nodded, slightly embarrassed that he can already read you so easily. The truth was that you were excited. You craved this. You craved him for so long, and it was finally happening.

You reached up and cupped his face in your hands and pulled him in for another kiss. Jax pushed his tongue against your lips, inviting himself into your warm mouth, your tongues swirling together as he ran his hands all over your body.

Jax and you made out for a few minutes before he broke the kiss and buried his face in your neck and inhaled deeply.

“Fuck,” he groaned against your skin. “You smell so fucking amazing baby.” He kissed your neck, collar bone and shoulders gently at first, the feather touch of his lips against your wanton skin was driving you mad, and he was loving every second.

When he found that sweet spot on your neck below your ear, you arched your back, driving your hips up so your crotch was bucking against the erection that was hiding under his denim.

You moaned at his erection and turned your head to whisper in his ear as he sucked and nibbled on yours. “Is that for me?” You joked.

“You know it, darlin’.”

Jax focused on your neck for a few more seconds before making his way down your body, quickly nibbling and flicking your nipples with his wet tongue.

“Fuck,” you moaned quietly, and Jax chucked at the reaction.

“Be patient, baby.”

He went back and forth, making sure each breast got equal attention. After a minute or two, he kissed down your torso, running his hands up and down your sides. His gentle touch tickled but felt so god damned good. You giggled, and moaned at the same time and Jax looked up at you with a smile.

Your eyes didn’t leave his as he reached your dripping and excited entrance. Without warning, he dove into you, eating you out like a man starved. Like a man who’d been waiting forever to taste you. His eyes didn’t leave yours as he ate you out, and the look in his eyes, primal and dangerous, made you want to cum already.

“Jax,” you moaned again as he sucked on your clit, rolling it between his lips. He plunged two long digits deep into your core, moaning when he finally entered you.

“So wet, baby,” he said before going back to sucking your bundle of nerves.

He worked you with his fingers, and his eyes were locked on you. The look he was giving you was enough to send you over the edge, and he immediately felt your pussy tense up around his fingers.

“Jax,” you cried at the same moment you tightened around him.

“Mm?” He moaned, the vibrations against your clit made every nerve ending in your body start to tingle, and you reached down to grip on to his hair as the orgasm formed in your stomach.

“Fuck, gonna-.” And without another word, your orgasm released, and you moaned with each convulsion of your vaginal walls. Jax ate you out until you were done cumming.

Jax wasn’t sure how kinky you were yet, but he desperately wanted to reach his hand up to your face, open your mouth and spit your juices into your mouth. But he didn’t want to scare you away.

He was quickly face to face with you, roughly kissing you with his tongue, and you moaned at the taste of your orgasm on his tongue.

“You like that, Y/n?” He asked, his voice sultry and sex.

“Mhm,” you moaned, still in a daze and coming down from the high of your orgasm.

Jax didn’t hesitate at all as he threw your leg over his broad shoulder. He was clammy with sweat, and he gripped his hard cock, stroking it a few times before lining himself up with your entrance. He rubbed the velvety tip of himself up from your cunt, to your clit and back down again. The teasing made you want him even more.

“Fuck, Jax,” you pleaded, and he smirked at you before slowly entering himself inside of you. His thrusts were slow and meaningful, and you gently ran your fingers down his tattooed back as he fucked you. Jax fucked you slowly and gently enough that you could feel every vein rub against your warm walls.

“Ohhhh fuck,” he strained between his teeth.

He slowly pulled out, and slowly went back in again. You were surprised at how gentle he was being with you. You always pictured Jax to fuck like a jack rabbit, hard, fast, without care. But Jax was fucking you like he meant it. Like your pleasure was all that mattered to him. He bowed his head, touching the tip of his nose to yours, and he kissed you.

The deeper he got, the more he was hitting your sweet spot, eliciting loud and desperate moans from your belly.

“You like that?” He asked, mentally taking note of the spots you liked and concentrating on them. He kept thrusting once he found the spot - your g-spot.

“Fuck,” you cried out, digging your fingers into his muscular back. “Y-yes.”

“Gonna cum for me again, darlin’?”

And just like that, his voice, mixed with his eyes and the way his cock was hitting that perfect spot, made you cum again. Your pussy fluttered and gushed around him.

“Thats my girl,” he said, resting his forehead against yours. “Cum for me.”

Jax fucked you nice and slow through your orgasm, and he graudually started to pick up the pace as he chased his own. As he sped up, he gripped your hips and dug his fingers in, and you were sure he was going to leave bruises the size of fingertips on your flesh.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “So fuckin’ wet, baby girl.”

He started fucking you harder, and faster, his pace was almost punishing but you were completely consumed with euphoria. You mouth hung open in pleasure, and he quickly leaned down to enter his tongue in your mouth.

“Gonna cum baby,” he said against your lips as he pounded into you harder. Without warning, your pussy fluttered around him again

“Good girl,” he said, feeling you cum around him again. “That’s a good girl, cum with me.”

Once your orgasm stopped, Jax quickly pulled out and stroked his cock against your mound, spilling his seed on your pubic bone.

You woke up tangled up with Jax. You were both still naked from the night before and the morning sun was slowly beginning to creep into your bedroom window.

Within a few moments of you waking up, Jax began to stir around as well. He was quiet, relaxed, and his guard was down for the first time in weeks.

“Mornin’ darlin’,” he said, stretching and snaking his arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

“Mornin’,” you responded, looking up at him with a smile.

You got up and went downstairs to make coffee, and after a few minutes, you came back up with two steaming mugs.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you, baby,” he said, reaching for the mug. His voice was still sleepy, but you thought it was the hottest he ever sounded.

You slunk back into bed next to Jackson. Neither of you spoke, you just quietly enjoyed coffee in bed. It wasn’t awkward - it was comfortable.

“Hey, it's Christmas,” you said, looking up at him like you had something up your sleeve.

“Sure is, doll,” he responded, matter of factly.

“You never told me what you wanted for Christmas.”

There was a long pause, and Jax wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t one to get sappy, but for you, he was willing to be sappy. It was Christmas after all.

“You wanna know what I wanted for Christmas?” He said with a smile.

“Mhm,” you responded simply.

“This.”