I’m not valid, fyi. This, of course, takes place in the same universe as Won’t Go Quietly. (This will be up here with the rest of my Balance prompt fills.)

Tagging @fantasysamsclub​.

TW: Non-graphic depiction of a body, grief

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“You’re sure about this?”

Avi nodded, shoulders hunched. “I have to… Mags, Igotta see him. I owe him that much.”

“All right.” Magnus had an arm wrapped tightlyaround Avi as they made their way through the halls, into the elevator. Avithought, distantly, that it was probably a good idea – he could feel himselfshaking, and didn’t know what would happen if Magnus let go.

The moonbase was all but deserted. Everyone hadleft, gone down to the surface to help fight the Hunger. A few of them had stayedon the base to make sure it didn’t fall out of the sky, and a few had come backto stabilize it, make sure it was still intact.

To make sure the people were, as well.

Avi wasn’t. He knew he wasn’t, and Magnus knew ittoo, knew he would fold like a house of cards if he took his arm away. Avi wasdizzy with disbelief, left stunned and reeling in the face of his worldtoppling inwards. The moon had stayed stable; Avi had not.

There was no music playing in the elevator.

“I’ll be able to bring him back up,” Magnus wassaying quietly. “I know what it’s – I know sometimes you have to see them, that…I…” He trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words.

“I don’t wanna leave him down here,” Avi agreednumbly.

“Yeah,” Magnus said. “Yeah. We won’t. I promise.”

The hallway to the voidfish’s chambers had neverfelt so deserted. Avi had been set to guard it with everyone else in rotation –at least, until he’d been put in sole command of the cannons – and heremembered trying to always get the spot nearest to the door so he could listento Johann’s music. He hadn’t even met Johann himself until his third shift, whenJohann had stumbled out of the room holding a sheaf of papers, bumped directlyinto Avi, and asked him what day it was.

Avi had stuttered out the answer, Johann had pattedhim on the shoulder and thanked him, and then collapsed directly into his arms.His excuse, later, had been that he’d been inspired and had forgotten to leave tograb food. It hadn’t been the last time it happened, but it had been the lasttime it got that bad. After that, Avi did his best to check in on Johann oncein a while. Never left him alone down here for more than a day or two at a timeif he could help it.

“Avi?”

They were at the door, and Magnus was looking athim with something that wasn’t really pity in his eyes. “D’you want me to comein with you?”

“Yeah,” Avi said. “I… please.”

“’Course.”

The door was already ajar, and opened easily toMagnus’s gentle push.

It was both better and worse than Avi hadimagined.

There was no carnage. Just a layer of ash andwater, and the shattered tank in the center of the room, and –

Avi pulled out of Magnus’s arm to go to him.

Johann’s body was mostly untouched, aside from twodark wounds made visible through the slashes in his tunic, bloodstains blendingin with the water from the tank. Avi had heard people describe the dead aslooking as though they could be sleeping, but he didn’t see how anyone couldmake that mistake. Death was as present there as if the Raven Queen herself wasin the room.

Avi knelt down beside Johann, water soakingthrough his pant legs. He opened his mouth, but it suddenly felt like therewasn’t any air in the room, like he couldn’t breathe –

“Avi. Avi.”Magnus was beside him again, heavy hands on his shoulders, turning Avi’s facetowards him. “Breathe with me, buddy. In. Out.”

Avi took two short, sharp breaths, then sobbedonce and folded in over himself, letting Magnus pull him to his chest.

“I can’t do it,” Avi said between strangled,heaving sobs. “I can’t – he’s – fuck –”

“I know,” Magnus said, and then Avi realizedMagnus was crying too.

“I’m so sorry,” Magnus said, and half of Aviwished he could wrap his arms around Magnus like Magnus was doing for him, butall he could do was clutch them around his own chest like he was trying to holdhimself together. “I didn’t – I couldn’t – I woulda saved him if I could’ve.”

“I know,” Avi whispered.

His heartbeat, his breathing, felt erratic, and inno more than a brief flash of understanding, he thought he knew what Johann hadmeant when he talked about his heartbeats being numbered, his breaths being countedout wrong.