Damned to loving you.
synopsis: you have been called upon as part of the concubine selection for the Fire Lord. Your last wish was to be noticed or even chosen. But fate has a way of making you look a fool.
extra stuff: this is parts one, two and three condensed into one post. i originally posted on my side blog cause i’m not really a tumblr vet and idk how to work it yet but i made a new account solely for fanfics, so please bear with. also i’ll be aiming to post at least one part per day, so i hope you guys like it and stay tuned🙏🏽 yeah thats it. thank youuu
It had been well over a year since you’d returned to the fire nation. It felt like you were living the same day over and over again, wake up, eat breakfast, go on a walk, read and go back to sleep.
You were fed up.
The only reason you returned home was due to your mother’s never ending letters describing her solitude whilst you were away. And since you’ve been back its felt like all your parents have spoken to you about is marriage. But marriage had never been a thought in your mind. You’ve lived with your parents majority of your life and not once have you seen anything other than politeness between them. There was no flame. No burning. No love.
“ROSHIR!” your mother bellowed for your father, running in with a crumbled paper clutched in her hands.
Your father sighed, taking the paper from her before she could tear it in a fit of excitement. The sun had just risen and your mother was already causing a ruckus. She finally caught her breath and handed him the paper, a smile beaming across her face. This was the happiest you’d seen her since your return. You asked what was the cause for her joy. Your father showed you the paper.
It read,
“All noble ladies of the great Fire Nation, aged eighteen to twenty-six, are to present themselves at the Royal Palace in Caldera City this Friday for concubine selection.”
You dropped the paper and laughed. That was not your problem.
Your parents glanced at one another. You knew that look.
“Ahem..” your father cleared his throat.
“We weren’t stern on you as a child. We let you live freely, travel, see the world. And as such you developed into an..” He hesitated, trying to find the right words. “an independent woman!”
“Which we love about you and are so proud of.” your mother chimes in.
Your father nodded. “But it is time my child.”
The words settled in the room, weighing heavy on your heart.
You bit your tongue. Arguing would get you nowhere, and you hadn’t the heart to stand against your parents.
If you could just get through the concubine selection and not get chosen, you’d be in the clear.
“I will attend.” you forced the words out of your mouth with a strained smile.
“Really?!?” your mother gasped. Her face lighting up. “Oh, how splendid!”
She had already turned to the maids, her voice echoing in the halls. “Prepare our things! We must go to the boutique at once. Oh, there is so much to do.”
Silence consumed the room.
Your father exhaled. It looked as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Who’d have known it would be so easy to see the man so relaxed.
The days leading up to Friday had been a blur. With your mother fussing over brushing up on etiquette, what clothes you should wear, what you should say. You were exhausted before the event had even began. However your plan remained unchanged.
Attend. But do not be chosen.
Your mother had chosen a mahony coloured dress, you hated to admit it but dressing up was the one thing about today you had to look forward to. You knew you were pretty but with a little effort, you could be gorgeous.
You checked your reflection in the mirror. Your mother had overdone it with the makeup.
You instinctively began wiping it off but stopped.
“The more vulgar I look, the less likely I am to be chosen.” A smirk gleamed across your face.
You added more pigment to your cheeks and a little more lipstick, you didn’t want to make it too obvious.
But something was missing.
Before you left you had borrowed one of your mothers gold necklaces. You put it on, looking at your reflection once more.
“Extravagant and unrefined. That should do it.” you felt a sense of satisfaction.
Not long had passed before you arrived at the Palace. A horde of young women were already at the entrance awaiting their turn to be let in. Their jewels shimmering in the morning light.
You joined them.
Amongst their conversations you heard them talking about the Fire Lords appearance.
“My father visited the palace last month and saw the Fire Lord, he is said to be a very handsome indeed.” the girls giggled, you felt a smile creep across your lips.
FOCUS.
You had only one mission today and that was to return home.
“Let us hope he is not only handsome” another girl added, her tone changing, “but also well endowed.” the girls erupted in a fit of laughter.
You could feel heat rush to your face, you quickly looked away.
So much for composure.
The palace gates opened. The hum of the girls conversation instantly died out.
This was it.
Your stomach was in knots.
Was it too late to go back home?
Before you could answer your own question, a group of guards emerged from behind the doors. Their armour gleaming in the sunlight as they began ushering you all inside. You straightened your posture; as did every other girl. You must survive.
You followed the group towards the palace. Your head held high. You weren’t intimidated.
You couldn’t be.
Inside the air felt different.
Cooler.
The grand hall stretched endlessly ahead. Wooden pillars extended to the ceiling, shrouded in gold detailing. It was beautiful. Unlike anything you’d ever seen before.
Your strides softened once you realised the sound of all your footsteps echoing through the hall.
Your gaze fell to your shoes. Silk slippers. One which was halfway off your foot. You took a moment to collect yourself and resumed your walk with the other girls.
Do not stare.
Do not linger.
Do not do anything to attract attention.
As you began reaching closer to the end of the hall, a raised platform came into view. Several figures surrounding it, from the looks of things most likely advisors, attendants and at the centre…
Against your own curiosity you lowered your gaze before you could properly look.
You didn’t need to see him. It didn’t matter.
A servant gestured sternly. Guiding you and a few others into a uniform line. You stepped into place between two girls. One practically buzzing with excitement and the other coloured green, reciting prayers to herself.
You exhaled softly.
Blend in. That was all you had to do.
One by one, names were called.
Each girl stepped forward, offering a practiced smile and bow. They answered a few questions, too quiet for you to hear and were either guided to the side or dismissed.
You watched as the girl ahead of you tripped on her dress and was escorted out before even offering a bow.
You lifted your head. Eyes widening as your gaze met his.
You hastily fixed your gazed to the attendant, your cheeks carrying the majority of your bodys heat.
“Y/n.”
Your name rang out. His voice bouncing off the pillars and consuming the room.
Your stomach dropped.
You stepped forward. Controlling all of your movements, almost robotically. When you reached the mark point infront of the platform, you descended into a bow. Just deep enough to be respectful, but not too deep as to draw attention.
Not perfect.
“Raise your head.” the voice was deep. Calm.
You hadn’t expected that.
Slowly you lifted your gaze and immediately wished you hadn’t.
To call the man before you handsome was an understatement. There was a depth to his gaze that drew you in. It made you weak. His long hair tied back, framing his face with an almost perfect precision and the scar across his eye… it should have detracted from him.
It didn’t.
For a fleeting second, your eyes met once again. And every ounce of security you had felt when entering the hall had all but melted away.
Your chest tightened as you averted your gaze.
Silence stretched in the room.
You could feel it. It was suffocating.
“Your name,” one of the advisors prompted though it had already been called.
“Y/n.” you replied. Your voice surprisingly steady.
“Daughter of…”
“Daughter of Roshir and Anala.” the names flowing easily. You had repeated them your entire life.
Prepared for your dismissal. A slight smile crept across your face. Tilting your head down to conceal your fulfilment.
“Step closer.”
You blinked. Raising your head.
You looked to your right wondering if they had already called up another girl.
They hadn’t.
You pause. This hasn’t happened to anyone else so far. Why you?
You step forward.
Close enough that you could feel the height of the platform across you, of his presence without needing to look again.
“Look at me.” the voice husky.
You could feel the beating of your heart in your head.
You interlocked your fingers, to calm your nerves.
To hell with etiquette.
Slowly you raised your gaze again. This time you held it. Only for a moment. Only because you had to.
His expression faltered. So faintly that you might have been imagining it.
You couldn’t tell if it was interest. Amusement. Maybe even both. And that unsettled you more than anything.
“Your attire,” he said at last “is… certainly unique.”
There it was. Judgement.
You slowly tucked your hair behind your ear, returning to his gaze.
“My mother has a fondness for bold choices, my Lord.”
A safe answer. Perfectly cultivated.
The room fell silent once again. The heaviness weighing on you like a ton of bricks.
“Is that so?”
Something about the way he asked made your stomach twist.
He wasn’t dismissing you.
He sounded like he didn’t believe you.
A small grin escaping his mouth as he looked into what felt like your soul.
You remained still. Composed.
“Step aside.” he said finally.
Relief came all too quickly.
You bowed once more. Turning without hesitation and scurrying along to the side with the other girls. Your pulse didn’t settle until you were out of his sight.
Even then the feeling lingered.
The feeling of been seen.
By the time the last name had been called, your legs had grown stiff. And any conversation around you fell on deaf ears. You kept your eyes fixed on the ground ahead of you, trying to hide the fatigue you felt.
It was almost over.
“Enough.” a voice pierced through the silence of the room.
The single word cut cleanly through the hall.
Silence followed. Every girl straightened, as if pulled by a string.
“The selection will conclude for today,” he continued, his tone unwavering. “Those who remain will be escorted to their quarters.”
You felt it again. That weight.
Your stomach tightened.
“Until a decision has been made.“
A flicker of of emotion passed through the line, some perplexed, some elated. You maintained your expression, unmoved by the sudden news.
“All ladies will remain in the palace.”
Your breath faltered.
This wasn’t the plan.
You finally turned your head, just slightly, glancing towards the girl beside you as if you had misheard. She was still reciting prayers to herself. You shifted your gaze to an attendant ahead of you. But their expression was neutral.
A murmur broke out again, despite every attempt to control it.
A girl behind you quietly squealed in excitement.
Whispering to the girl beside her “How long do you think we can stay?” the certainty of her words ringing in your head.
Your pulse quickened, each beat louder than the last.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
The quiet conversations didn’t last long.
“Silence.”
Guards had already begun to move. The sound of armour replaced the whispers.
You swallowed.
No leaving. No slipping into the crowd. You had failed your only mission of the day.
A hand gestured towards the far end of the hall you had entered from. “This way.”
The line broke. Hesitation rippled through the crowd, the girls began to follow. Some eagerly and some reluctant.
You forced your feet to move.
The grand hall felt different now as you walked back. Colder.
You kept your head forward.
Do not look back.
Against your own will, your head turned slowly back to his gaze. Gold. Piercing.
You quickly turned around, your beat rising with each step taken away from him.
What was this feeling?
The doors at the end of the hall opened. Their weight echoed through the walls behind you.
Servants lined the walls. Heads bowed as you all passed. None of them looked up.
Your fingers brushed softly against the fabric of your dress, grounding yourself after the reality had settled in.
A girl ahead of you let out a smile, “Well this is unexpected,” her tone softened as she walked closer to the group “he is much more handsome than I could have imagined.”
The girls sighed, almost in relief. Her comment lifted the pressure you had all felt. You let out a small laugh along with the other girls.
He was handsome.
Devastatingly so. And that was a problem.
You exhaled slowly through your nose.
The corridor turned once. Then again. Each step taking you further from the entrance. Further from anything familiar. You tried to memorise the steps, the path, the placement of the doors.
Just in case.
At long last, the group came to a stop before a set of tall doors. Far less grand than the ones before but no less impressive.
They opened without a word.
Inside were ten women. Ladies maids from the looks of it. One stood in the centre. A darker uniform and a blank impression.
“They will be entrusted to you” the attendant announced before turning and leaving without another word.
A silence followed.
“I shall have the girls show you to your rooms ladies.” the woman said softly, entirely different from her stern visage.
A maid approached you and the girl beside you, a smile of obligation wore on her face.
“Follow me.”
You walked through a quiet courtyard. The open air doing little to settle the tension you had felt.
She led you to a row of doors, identical in design.
She gestured to the door on the right.
“This will be your room,” she said looking at the girl beside you. “And this will be yours.”
The girl lingered by the doorway even after the maid left. Her eyes sweeping across the room with barely contained excitement.
“It’s beautiful.” she breathed. Stepping inside as if she had already claimed it as her own.
“It’s definitely a room.” your disbelief at the reality of it settling in, the disappointment barely concealed in your voice.
She laughed lightly, spinning to you. “You don’t sound very thrilled.”
You offered a small, polite smile “Should I be?”
Her grin widened. “We’re guests in the palace. Chosen or not. That’s more than most will ever see.”
Chosen.
You lasted less than an hour.
The room was still. The silence pressed in on you.
It was too silent. You sat, stood, paced and sat again. It made no difference. Every thought circled back to that moment.
Look at me.
You stood abruptly.
You needed distraction.
The corridor outside was was empty. No maids. No guards in sight. Just the flickering of the lantern lights.
It was quiet. You moved anyway.
A set of double doors caught your attention, slightly opened. Warm light spilled through the opening. Softer than the harsh glow of the corridor lanterns.
You paused.
Then pushed them open.
You were met with the scent of aged parchment and polished wood.
A library.
Rows upon rows of shelves stretched into shadow. For the first time since entering the palace your shoulders eased. Your fingers brushed against the spines of the books as you walked, skimming titles. Nothing that would quiet your mind.
You turned a corner and stopped.
You were not alone.
At the far end of the aisle, a figure stood with his back partially turned.
He turned. Slowly.
Golden eyes met yours.
Everything else faded away. The world seemed to narrow down to this single second.
For a moment neither of you moved.
You should bow. But you didn’t.
He took a step forward.
“You wander freely for someone who’s meant to be confined to her quarters.”
His voice was quieter here. Lower. Without the echoes of the hall, it felt… closer.
“I wasn’t aware I was confined, my Lord.” your voice steady, despite your pulse pounding in your ears.
His gaze never left yours.
“Weren’t you?”
There was a pause.
The silence of the room, weighing heavy on your heart.
“If I am,” you said quietly “Then your guards have surely failed you.” a small smile curved your lips.
There was a faint shift in his expression. Not quite disapproval, but not quite a smile.
Something inbetween.
You felt it like an ember against your skin.
He broke the silence.
“You speak boldly.” he asserted.
“I speak plainly.” your voice faltered.
You lowered your gaze.
There was another pause. Longer this time.
You could feel his attention. Unwavering. It consumed you so deeply it made it too difficult to breathe.
“You left an impression today.” he said at last.
Your stomach dropped.
“That was not my intention, my Lord.”
“No?”
His voice was closer now.
Your breath wavered as he stepped closer. Not close enough to touch, but just enough for you to feel his warmth.
“You wanted to be overlooked today,” he continued, his tone softened. “And yet…”
You instinctively met his gaze.
His eyes searched yours. There was something unruly in his eyes. A hunger. Primal.
Heat rose to your face. You shifted your focus to the shelves beside you.
“And yet?” you prompted quietly.
“You looked at me.”
Your chest tightened.
“I was called forward.”
“You know that is not what I meant.”
Each of his words reeling you in hypnotically. The last of your composure hanging by a thread.
This was dangerous.
You took a small step back and knocked one of the books you were off the shelf. It hit the ground with a soft thud.
You both reached for it. Your hands grazed one anothers.
It felt as though you were set ablaze.
You pulled your hand back first.
“I should return,”
You turned quietly, desperate to escape the suffocating heat of the room. You walked towards the doors, you could feel his gaze on you the entire way.
You did not look back.
You could not.
