Aug 24, 2018
| 082418
- Dates for today :)
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| 082418
- Dates for today :)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Shet! Addict na ako! Curse you! Shoppee! Tang ina ka!
So yeah.. na pa bili ako ng mga enamel pins since ang mahal nila pag nakita ko sila in stores 100+ or more compared dito na 42 pesos lng yung pinaka mahal sa inorder ko, steal diba?
And yung pinky promise na pin two pieces yan planning on giving the other piece to someone someday 💕 (akin yun black 🖤)
minsan talaga gusto kong murahin yung sarili ko kung paano ba ako naging masyadong masaya o positive kanina o kahapon hahahahahah kasi ayun nga ngayon parang binabalikan ako lahat ng mga lungkot na natatago ko yung lungkot na di ko alam na andito pala sakin lol parang all of a sudden binawi ulit yung “will to live” ko yung ganong feeling? haha ewan ang walang kwenta ko talaga.
Chifu / Bleeding
The hardest part is cleaning up afterwards, always.
You’re in a shower. Water dripping down your hair, to your face, gently flowing down your thighs, and finally to your feet. Your arms feel the gentle flow of bodily fluids, it feels warm and you smile with it.
Ten minutes ago, you were screaming and crying in the living area, throwing vases, lying on the carpet, you were dreaming. You were shaking, the nerves to your lips, and you feel numb, as if everything stopped. You instinctively grab your arms, embracing yourself, but allowing your unclipped fingernails pierce through your body. Red marks grew more vivid, and in a few more seconds, you are bleeding. Ridding yourself of life, throwing away sanity out the window, and you feel like completely stabbing yourself with a knife you suddenly came upon in the kitchen, but in a split second you snap.
You are back in the living room with a laptop on the couch. You want to scream, you want to cry, you want to break the vase beside you, but you can’t. You can’t wake up your sister sleeping beside you, she’s tired and waking her up is a bad idea. Instead, you kill yourself silently there, trying to let it all out but couldn’t. You continue to scratch yourself, from your arms, leading up to your chest, finally your arms around your neck. Trying to slash it, trying to choke yourself, trying to break it. You’re doing this unconsciously, you hate this, you love it
Water drips down your face, only to find out that it’s salty. You touch your arms only to find out that your are bleeding, both arms are bleeding. You are crying through the pain, the torture of physical limitations, and the agony of bearing emotional strain. You bear the sting of the water, the saltiness in your mouth, and the trembling of your body. It’s always the painful ones that make you feel human, and that’s why you like it.
Of course, after all this, you will survive, like you always have. You will wipe of that stupid frown off your face, and dress up with those loose, comfy clothes like you always have. After a minute, you will clean up the mess you’ve made, the words, the shards, and the blood. You will clean them all up, as if this night never existed, as if words were never said, vases never shattered, and you, never murdered by yourself. You will wipe it all off like you always have.
That one hot afternoon,
I lost my breath in the midday blues, in the very arid moments of laziness, and in the midst of red, curious faces. I sat there, losing grace and poise, the fear consuming me and all I wanted to do was go to another kind of agony, just to lessen this pain. To be honest, that moment was unexpected. I mean, who would want to die in the middle of something important? The future in mind, while certainly killing your present. I was not waiting for you but then, you came. You came in my moments of indescribable feelings, the smiles couldn’t be kept hidden, the fingers twitching, and the body shaking. You came and it’s as if I was melting in my seat but my extremities feeling the stiff frozen nerves in my body. Sweating, I couldn’t say a word, but I need to save myself, so I ran away with a person I just met a few minutes ago, telling her not to speak.
I try not to feel when you’re not around, and I really don’t feel when you’re around. It’s as if as these emotions were temporary, and you were walking at the edge, trying to ease the pain. Ever since you held those violet marks on your body, tried to hide them, and I, bearing witness to such scandals, was forced to remain silent. To keep you hidden from the taboo moments, the impressions given to you in that cold afternoon. I drank this wine and I craved for you. You remind me of the wine that gave me that burning sensation in my chest, my stomach rumbled with acid, and with those butterflies, you gave them to me!
I’ve run out of breath just thinking about you, and I hope you don’t think that I’m thinking about you. I hope you don’t.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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is this how undoing progress feels like? subtle unraveling loose ends frayed at the edges the way you pick things apart slowly like it’s any better than ripping them wide open is this how you unlearn yourself? how you stood up without crutches how you stopped crying when you realised no one would come should you forget that too? is this how you spiral right back to where you were? should you dig your heels in when the abyss is so inviting? is this how it will always feel like? like i’m thirteen again and so, so, so desperate to be loved like you’re fifteen and never here never want to be like we’re seventeen and unresolved and it’s all my fault (can i stop feeling like that? is there a way to numb everything after the high?)
So ayun. Nag crash bigla yung google chrome. Buti na lang "so ayun" pa lang yung na-type ko. Anyways, so ayun. Maayos na yung internet dito sa bahay. Makakapag tumblr na ng maayos. Kaso parang ganun pa din, wala pa din ma-post.
So ayun, nakalimutan ko kunin yung flash drive ni Mitch. Hinihiram kase ni Yssa eh. Winala ba naman niya yung USB nya. Hinanap ko na lang muna kahit sabik na ko mag net. Buti na lang nahanap ko. Nasa ilalim lang pala ng mesa.
So ayun, back to normal na ulit.
Wow.
Finally naging masaya din yung Ex ko noon na nasaktan ko ng sobra. Pinaghiwalay kasi kami gawa ng iba kami ng relihiyon. Pero tama din naman sila, mabuti na rin na nangyari yun pero wala akong pinagsisihan na nakilala at minahal ko siya. Napakabuti niyang tao at kahit kelan wala siyang ginawa para saktan ako. Tanging pagkakamali lang ay di umayon samin ang tadhana. Magkaiba ng paniniwala eh. Ayaw ng pamilya ko.
Napangiti ako nung nakita ko yung post niya para sa bago niyang girlfriend. Sa wakas at naka move on na rin siya sakin. Parang kelan lang kasi nung nakatanggap ako ulit ng message galing sa kanya. So ayun, mahigit 2 years na rin ata ang nakalipas? lol di ko na tanda basta 4th year highschool pa ko nung mga panahon na yun. Ang sweet nung post niya. Madami rin akong sacrifices na ginawa para ipaglaban siya, pero wala eh. Ayaw talaga. Di ang work out hanggang sa nakalimutan at iniwan ko nalang din siya. Yun rin naman mas nakakabuti samin dalawa.