Sometimes I Sleep Naked For Safety Reasons
If you've ever fallen asleep in your Snuggie, you know that it can be something of a safety hazard. I warn anyone reading this, put it to the test at your own risk.
There was a time, a couple of years back, that I discovered I accidentally owned a Snuggie. So naturally, while I was sick one day, I decided it was a good idea to sleep in the warm comfort of the Snuggie’s arms.
The Snuggie was the closest thing I had to someone to hold me and make me feel better. So I bundled up in my comfortable clothes, wrapped myself in the Snuggie, and climbed into bed to read my favorite book, “Hop on Pop.”
Soon after settling in, and starting in on my book, I began to grow drowsy and before I knew it I had fallen asleep.
I awoke in a panic, realizing I had no air, and my warm, safe, comforting Snuggie was trying to commit homicide on me. If you've ever been strangled in your sleep by someone you thought you could trust, then you know how I feel.
I untangled myself from the death-dealing arms of Snuggie and hurled it across the room, screaming “You maniac! I could have died! What’s wrong with you?!”
After I caught my breath and calmed down, I realized just how close of a call that had been. Imagine if Snuggie had been successful that night; the scandal that would have caused. People never would have looked at my family the same.
Imagine them trying to explain how I died.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, how did it happen?”
“She was strangled.”
*GASP* “How dreadful! Did they catch the cad who did it?”
“Well, the cad didn’t really run away.”
“Oh?”
“She was strangled by her Snuggie.”
“…..oh. I see. How…..tragic.” *Walks away in confusion*
While death by Snuggie makes for a good story, and of course, only I could go out that way, it’s not how I hoped it would happen. Ideally, if I have to die, I’d like it there to be a pterodactyl nearby, whether it’s alive or not, either way; what a great way to go out.
So ever since then, I occasionally will awaken with the fear that I may die in my sleep, so I strip down and sleep in the buff because, better safe than sorry.
I only hope the house doesn’t catch fire in the middle of the night.
