#snouter

a mammalian highlight of this year’s brief but wonderful trip to Borneo. I was greeted by this handsome chap as soon as I stepped off the boat. quiet, demure even, the young snouter plucked leaves at a distance, but later descended into a shrub and browsed at just a modest ape’s leap away from me.

when he’d had his fill, he sauntered off down the boardwalk towards parts unknown. a memorable encounter with that famous nose-man

“Plate X” © Gerolf Steiner. Accessed at “The Snouters” here

[I could have done a whole suite of snouters, but I limited myself to just one. I was on the fence about whether they should be aberrations or animals. I came down on aberrations, because anatomy Does Not Work That Way.]

Nasobeme This creature is a rodent-like creature the size of a small dog, walking face down on four stout tentacles growing from its snout. Its forelegs are long and end in nimble paws, and it has a ribbon-like prehensile tail.

Nasobemes are a type of snouter, strange creatures that blur the line between animal and aberration. Snouters are uncommon creatures, typically only found on remote tropical islands or in the collections of scholars. All snouters have muscular, sensitive noses, which in different species can serve as legs, tentacles, anchoring points, mucus-secreting traps or burrowing organs. A nasobeme walks on its nose tentacles, allowing its forelegs to act as nimble hands and its hindlegs to dwindle to remnants. A nasobeme also uses its powerful tail as a manipulator, giving it three hands with which to interact with its environment.

Nasobemes are generalist herbivores, feeding on tropical fruits and nuts. They live in communal nests, and nasobemes typically travel in groups in order to keep an eye out for predators. Nasobemes use their tails to swing from tree branches, and they typically nest in hollow trees. Nasobemes are incredibly curious creatures, and they are fond of stealing colorful, shiny or oddly shaped objects from travelers. These packrat tendencies make a nasobeme nest a clutter of miscellaneous debris, although sometimes useful treasures can be gleaned from the trash.

A nasobeme stands about three feet tall, with a tail that stretches down to the ground. A nasobeme can be taken as a familiar. A nasobeme familiar grants its master a +3 on Sleight of Hand checks.

Hyello frens

My light-up bouncy ball: is chilling on my desk

My light-uo bouncy ball: *starts flashing despite nothing touching it*

Me: wtf?

So I’ve been feeling super nostalgic for a while, and Fantasia 2000 was The Movie™ of my childhood. I asked Snouter if they had seen it, and they said they saw the original Fantasia, but the sequel. So I decided to change that! Snouter liked the original Fantasia, and they said I could share their “witty, insightful” commentary” on the internets. So here we go:

<i>Symphony No 5</i>

Those butterflies look like papier-mâche

Woah, seizure.

Holy shit that evil butterfly [bat] just ate that guy’s wing!

So like does he catch up or? Ok I guess.

<i>Pines of Rome</i>

Aww they’re so cute

Um. I’m sorry, what? Are they FLYING?!

Ok no what is happening

Oh nooo the baby got separated

There are more? And—they can all fly. Of course.

Why lightning? And—How are they surfacing again? WHAT?!

<i>Rhapsody in Blue</i>

That’s some Etch-A-Sketch shit right here.

Ok so this IS New York City. I thought it was Chicago.

That poor guy got yelled at for nothing.

Ha, ha, shopping with the wife sure does SUCK!

Oh, they’re all sad.

Those parents are the fastest goddamn sprinters I’ve ever seen in my life. Holy shit.

Damn, this was great.

<i>Piano Concerto No 2, Allegro, Opus 102</i>

Wow, that jack-in-the-box is a dick. SHE’S CLEARLY NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, LEAVE HER ALONE.

The ballerina looks like Belle.

For a fucking toy, that soldier is STRONG.

Oh noo, he fell.

You LIKED this as a kid? These rats are scary as hell!

Deus-ex-machina.

HOOOOLY SHIIIIIIIT! HE JUST FUCKING DIED! WHAT THE FUCK (continues screaming for the rest of the sequence)

<i>The Carnival of the Animals</i>

They’re so in sync.

Ha, I love the weird one.

Omg, the anger on his face. Same.

I love that he’s just fucking with them like this.

Where did the other yo-yo’s come from? Where did he get the first one in the first place?

<i>The Sorcerer’s Apprentice</i>

Did they remaster this? [Yes.] Thought so. It looks cleaner. [It sure does. Colors aren’t as grainy.] Yeah.

I mean, he doesn’t wanna do chores. I don’t blame him.

Bad idea.

He falls asleep pretty quickly. Like, damn.

Ok, but is Mickey Mouse God? Because he can control the stars/skies, weather, the ocean, and create life. I think Mickey Mouse is God. [I reminded them that that sequence was a dream, but I couldn’t argue with the “creating life” point].

I still can’t believe he’s an axe murderer.

Will you stop singing along? Seriously.

Ok so Yen Sid is God.

<i>Pomp and Circumstance</i>

That scream though.

Ah, yes. The presence of eyelashes will convey to everyone that this is a heterosexual hippo couple.

I’m sorry, did those birds JUST COME OUT OF THOSE RHINO’S EARS?!

Why did Donald panic when Noah showed up? He never even wears pants! Also, he was sunbathing NUDE!

Ha, ha, show the mythical animals laughing before they die to please the Chris/tians.

Oh, this is sad. Damn.

ARE THOSE PENGUINS WEARING SUNGLASSES IN BIBLICAL TIMES?!

DID ALL OF THE WATER JUST—WHERE DID IT GO?! AND HOW ARE THERE PLANTS LIVING UNDERNEATH?

WHERE DID THOSE CRABS COME FROM? They weren’t on the boat! Make up your mind!

Also, that was NOT 40 days and 40 nights. This was like 12 hours.

Aww, they reunited. That was sweet.

THAT RAINBOW IS GAY! TAKE THAT, CHRIS/TIANS!

<i>The Firebird Suite</i>

We get it, you vape.

Why was that flower not good enough for her?

Why does she suddenly have legs? Is this The Little Mermaid?

Bad idea. Hoe don’t do it—

HOOOOOOOOOO(E). THAT SCARED ME.

This is like Bambi. Also, I see the Te Fiti/Te Kā parallel.

Oh, shit.

Oh she dead.

We get it, you vape, but now is really not the time.

She looks like polyp Ariel.

I thought she was green? Why is she blue? [Because she has to rain to bring life back!] Oh.

Is she... dead? Why is she leaving him? Also, his antlers are HUGE. He looks like he should be falling over.