#snapoff

Me: I hope you have sex and never cum

Female Friend: I hope every time you sneeze, you let out a fart

Me: I hope your food comes unseasoned.

Female Friend: I hope every time you cough, you pee a little

Me: I hope your cable drops out right before the big ending to the mayweather/packquiao fight

Female Friend: I hope you forget the lyrics to your favorite song

Me: I hope your best friends throws up in your freshly cleaned car

Female Friend: I hope they stop making sneakers in your size

Me: I hope your favorite drink becomes illegal in America

Female Friend: I hope every woman you date is a virgin who isn't ready to fuck

Me: I hope your computer eats up PowerPoint presentation 5mins before your big meeting

Female Friend: I hope that kid you celebrate not having every year, shows up on your next birthday

Me: I hope all your favorite sports teams lose to their arch rival on a last second shot all year long

Female Friend: I hope you lose a lot of weight and it makes your head look enormous #AlSharpton

Female Friend: I hope jazz music is banned

Me: I hope you get shorter every month

Me: I hope the only clean outfit you have to wear to an important function is the ugliest in your closet

Me: I hope one heel on all your shoes are two inches shorter than the other

Me: I hope a pebble always finds it's way into your shoe

Me: I hope no lotion or Chapstick will be able to hide the ash on your lips

Me: I hope all the guys you date forever are broke

Me: I hope your tongue becomes too big for your month

Female Friend: I hope protein powder and protein bars and labeled an illegal substance

Me: I hope every place you shop wants exact change

Female Friend: I hope you are never able to catch a cab...even with the uber app

Female Friend: I hope hats are banned from your job

Female Friend: I hope they stop selling Chopin Vodka in NYC only and you are banned from leaving the city

Female Friend: I hope home schooling is outlawed when your kid becomes school age

Me: I hope you never lose those last 10lbs

Me: I hope you become allergic to all alcohol and can only drink water forever

Me: I hope your job sends you somewhere with no TV during March Madness

Female Friend: I hope your forget how to tie your shoes

Female Friend: I hope you go to get your tooth fixed and they fix the wrong tooth

Me: I hope every theater floor you step on is white and sticky

Me: I hope you get a rare condition and your ears automatically censored out all curse words in everything you hear

Femal Friend: I hope you get gum stuck in your hair

Female Friend: I hope your pants are always altered one pant leg too short.