#snapchatguy

Anyways our last interaction ended before New Years when I was in hospital with him saying good luck for your life but I’m not playing these games anymore so I was a little shocked to find a chat from him the other day. He’d viewed my Snapchat story so I assumed it would be about that. Wrong.

Basically he has a girlfriend (a friend who is a girl not an actual partner) who wants to tick an item off her bucket list of a threesome or foursome. He was quick to mention that he had asked her for an exclusive sex sesh but she was only interested if he could bring along another girl or guy. And he says as he’s not a ladies man (ya think dude? With the attitude you gave me I’m not shocked here!) he doesn’t have any mates he can ask and so he was wondering if I would be up for it. He added that he didn’t know if I was dating anyone but that if so I was welcome to bring them to join the fun. If I say no he’ll have to look on tinder. And finished up with saying “she mentioned that it would be protection only sex so if you are okay with that?” And that he’d pay for the drinks as long as I was living up to the bargain.

I honestly didn’t know how to reply to that. Like okay you cracked it at me for being a cocktease, you only wanted sex with me, and now you need me to help you get laid with this chick? Seriously dude? Seriously?!?!

And I’m not sure where the whole protraction thing keeps getting mentioned except him saying how his ex couldn’t have kids cos of (x condition) and was mine like that when he saw something listed on my medical history snap and I said no and the poor lady. He was like “why poor lady? I am of the attitude if it’s not on it’s not on, do you roll that way?” So maybe he thinks I’m going to steal his sperm or something...

Lessons in love and life I learnt from 2017.

For the Chinese 2017 was the year of the rooster. (I’m a sheep, and I’ve gotta say the Chinese astrologers knew their shit when it comes to the personality of the sheep. Same when it comes to the personality of an Aquarian.)

According to News organisations around the world 2017 was the year of record breaking climate events like record low temperatures, record high temperatures, catastrophic billion dollar weather events (think wildfires, destructive hurricanes- Harvey, Irma and Maria- and blizzards). There were other major news events like deadly mass shootings/bombings (think Manchester and Las Vegas), displaced populations, elections, inaugurations and us (Australia) finally getting with the program and allowing same-sex marriage that helped define the year of 2017.

For pop-culture enthusiasts the year of 2017 was about many things like the way many celebs spoke out against Trump such as Meryl Streep, Stephen King, and, well, most of Hollywood, the reinvention of the boys (Or are they men now? I can’t keep up with the young generation!) from one direction as they all went their own, well, directions, the time when insta celebs or famous for being famous peeps stopped being so influential on social media and stopped getting millions of “likes” after some epic fuck ups (think Kendall Jenner and Pepsi gate, Kendall and Kylie’s controversial t-shirt line that got pulled, #envelopegate aka the fuck up at the Oscars, and the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

Time magazine declared 2017 the person of the year was actually five women (the five who were named the silence breakers for speaking out about sexual abuse). Two were celebrities, the others were women we hadn’t ever heard for. But it was Ashley Judd followed by Rose McGowan that spurned the #metoo movement in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal.

And the UN declared 2017 the year of sustainable tourism.

But for me 2017 was the year of growing up, of finally becoming an adult despite being, well, let’s just say in my late 30’s. It was also the year of standing up for what I believe in and what I want- in life and love.

But, mainly, it was the year of the A who won’t take shit from a man just because she’s lonely and wants a relationship and to have babies before her body dries up and says “no babies for you.” I decided that I’d rather go it on my own and do it the hard way- I.E IVF and life as a single mum- than accept less than what I want or deserve of a relationship. And for this new me I’ve got to thank the J’s. Fuck I never thought I’d be saying *that*!

But they taught me that accepting less than you deserve, want or need just because you are lonely is worse than doing things the hard way. There’s an example here: a guy called D- I’ve mentioned him before, the snapchat guy- and when he cracked the shits the last time I was like for fucks sake dude I’m in hospital and may be having emergency neurosurgery, I don’t have the time or inclination for this shit and I’m not going to grovel to you because the new A doesn’t do that shit.

So 2018 is going to see the me who finally stands up for herself. Yeah I’d like to meet a decent guy. But I’m not going to do what I’ve always done and accept less than I want just because of my loneliness. Take J1 for example- I accepted that casual relationship with him because I liked him, I liked being with him, and it made me happy. But it *also* made me sad. Because it showed me that yet again I was fuckable and not dateable. And I thought hold the fuck on, why am I just accepting this when it’s making me miserable more than it makes me happy and has me wondering what his text means or his silence or something he said before I left his house the next morning etc for hours on end. And then J2- I accepted there was never any relationship with him but hey he wanted me so that was like a boost to my ego given it’s not a common thing when it comes to me and men. I have some kind of subconscious antenna for the fuckboy, the unobtainable, the one who will treat me like shit but hey he’s a god in bed so I accepted it. No more. No more trying to keep them happy, even if it means losing part of myself to do it, no more doing something that’s not me to keep another person happy. The new me will say get used to it or walk away! (NOTE: this is for important things only, not just because he barracks for Collingwood or something equally heinous!)

So I’m a cocktease.

A dude I was chatting to told me this because I didn’t send naughty pics. He then said that he didn’t sign up to waste his life, that he was sick of playing games for years (Though he only wanted to send naughty pics and then shag me so I don’t think “game player” would be too incorrect a title for *him* not me!) and that this would be his last message to me and to enjoy my life and good luck with hospital. I was like well I actually *did* take a cheeky pic last night but I wasn’t sending it then while you were out with your mates. He’s like yeah right, enjoy your life. (I could well prove I did given that the phone camera roll has dates but whatevs.) At that stage I was in hospitals A&E dept having had a ct and waiting to be transferred to hospital in the city to see a neurosurgeon, and hospital gowns do not make good cheeky or sexy photos. FYI said cheeky pic didn’t include my face because I know perfectly well that there are ways of saving sc pics.

Anyways he no longer chats to me. But he did tell me I’m “just like all girls.” According to him all girls are liars and cockteasers. Though I’m still unsure on how I’m a cocktease for *not* sending a naughty pic? 🤔But in hindsight this crazy behaviour was predicated by a couple of red flags.

Red flag 1: We had been chatting a few weeks and there was the first time he cracked the shits because “this app [snapchat] wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be” and that “he might as well just have text chats” and to “enjoy my life.” I was like oh, what’s the app for then? Personally I use it to take selfies or videos with the filters to send to my friends (both via snap and sms), put on my story, put on other social media or sometimes to add the text to photos for the social media platforms without this. He sent me a pic saying a “Snapchat”- in what was a kinda condescending way. I’m like yes I take them. But apparently if it’s not a snap like the 10 second one it doesn’t count. Even if the filters just got added so you know it’s a recent pic and from Snapchat.

Red flag 2: I said beer was cool. He got shitty that I said that with no photo. I said I put a pic up on my story with the beer. He’s like what so all 20 other guys you chat to on here can see it too? So it’s not like for me then! (NB: my snap list has I think 6 or 7 guys, my brother, my cousin, my other cousins best mate so like family friend, and a couple of mates.) I was like uhhhh where did that one come from?

Red flag 3: He was moody AF. He’d go from general chatting, to opening but ignoring messages for days, to sex chat. So I never knew which D (his name starts with D, not *the* D. Though he’s a D and he did send me pics of the D- I know, I know- a guy sending dick pics, what a strange and novel concept.... and videos of the D. In which my name was mentioned.) I’d be getting on any given day.

Red flag 4: Even Though he didn’t mind that I’d put on a bit of weight between my overseas holidays, my injury, the festive season and my other injury saying that he liked that and the good ol’ cliches us bigger chicks are used to like “more cushion for the pushin’” he added that everybody needed love. And over Christmas he sent me a bunch of pics including family ones. Then the day before he went cray cray he said does (one of my medical conditions) stop me having babies? I said no. He told me about an ex who hadn’t been able to have babies and I was like poor chick. Assuming she wanted them that is. He was like oooooo in your opinion? And how his motto is if it’s not on it’s not on and did I roll like that? I was like yes imo if she wanted them and yes. But it was here his attitude changed for good which made me wonder.

The thing is besides these red flags he seemed like a good guy, and we chatted a bit, and I’d even decided to meet up with him. Knowing that yeah more than likely it would lead to sex. But he gave the impression he liked me and that it wouldn’t be a one off. So when he cracked it this weekend and stopped chatting I was a bit upset. And perplexed. And flummoxed. (Because of the cocktease, him not wanting to just play games with girls for life, and me being like all the other girls.)

How the fuck, I asked myself, had some random dude I’d added on Snapchat (it was like a suggestion) become in just a few short weeks enough to me to upset me by writing me off like that? Because no offence to the female population but I’m not just like all the other girls, I’m a me. The only me there is. Just like all the other girls are themselves and unique and none of us should be lumped in a category of just like every other girl. Plus I’m most certainly *not* a cocktease. I’m shy, quiet, a lot less outgoing than my online persona gives off. And because of my weight when it comes to sending pics far more reserved. But when he was cool about my weight I was able to be more me.

It was only after I got over that initial feeling of hurt the next day that I realised that in hindsight there were those couple of red flags (and a couple of orange but I’ve just mentioned the red). And it made me think this dudes got issues like thinking I was talking to a bunch of guys at once on there, and that I wasn’t sending naughty snaps or vids like him which made me a cocktease like “all other girls”. And perhaps not meeting him turned out to be a good thing?

Readers I’d be interested in your opinions here on a) whether they were red flags or am I just being silly and b) has fate saved me here?

Fatgirl.