#smy asks

Oh I have many thoughts about him

The big thing I've been thinking about a lot today is the part before Doing This where Mrs. Mega references Curt's "messiah complex," and how that might have colored Owen's perception of what happened in the Russian weapons facility

I imagine that that scene isn't the first time Mrs. Mega has specifically talked about Curt's messiah complex (I have a lot of thoughts about that too, but this is an Owen post), and I think she likely would've said something similar to Curt's "good friend" when Curt brought Owen home to visit his mom

And I think Owen probably would've nodded along and agreed, because he's worked with Curt long enough to have personally witnessed Curt risking his life in a hundred different ways to save total strangers, or to show off, or just to make things more interesting. Owen's primary concern was making sure they completed the objective and got out of there alive, but Curt was the kind of guy to compulsively put himself (and Owen by proxy) in harm's way, framing and rationalizing all his over the top actions as part of his heroic role in "saving the world"

Personally, I want to believe that Curt left because he thought Owen was already dead. That in the heat of the moment he didn't remember the partially-closed safety barricades, so to him it appears that Owen fell and there was nothing to break the fall. Nobody can survive a 150-175ft fall to the bottom of a missile silo, so Owen must've died instantly. Curt left thinking there was nothing left of him to save

But from Owen's perspective, he's just landed on the partially-closed (presumably iron or steel) safety barricade, felt his bones shatter in his body, and there's a moment where he's terrified and he's furious, but he still has faith that Curt will come and save him. Owen's seen Curt risk his life for the mission, risk his life for strangers, hell, risk his life just for the fun of it. Curt's got a messiah complex, and Owen needs saving more than he ever has before, so of course Curt will come back for him

But instead there's a pause. Just a few seconds of Curt staring down into the silo in horror. Owen twitches. His hand reaches out and feels the banana peel, he coughs up blood. He's alive, and surely any second now Curt is going to make his way down to rescue him

And then his partner, the man he loves, the man he talked his way past 20 Russian security officers to rescue not even an hour ago, just turns around and runs. Leaves Owen seriously injured, in a missile silo that is about to explode, and saves himself. His boyfriend with a messiah complex and a sense of self-preservation so fundamentally broken that it seems like he must have some kind of death wish, the man who has spent the last however many years putting his life on the line to be ~a hero~ doesn't try to save him. Doesn't check to see if he's alive. Barely even pauses before abandoning him

It's not just being left by the man he loves, or even the timer and the banana peel, but the fact that Curt has risked his life over and over and over again during the time they've known each other, and then disappears when Owen needs him the most. I think that's the thing that haunts Owen during his long and painful recovery, the open wound he covers up with a mask and a tremendous amount of blood

To me, that's why Owen has such vitriol towards Curt's grief and guilt and self-hatred. From his perspective, from what he could see looking up from the safety barricade, Curt made the decision to let Owen die in order to save himself. So to Owen, Curt's grief is nothing more than crocodile tears, self-pity at his own cowardice. That while Owen's body was permanently altered, and his life was snatched away from him, and he was captured by the Russians and bailed out by Chimera, all that time Owen was suffering alone, Curt was sitting at home feeling sorry for himself over a decision he willingly made

I'm definitely in the minority here, but I don't subscribe to the idea that there's only one way the story could've ended. That kind of, for lack of a better term, narrative prescriptivism doesn't appeal to me. Stories are living, breathing things, and locking yourself into hard and fast rules about outcomes takes dynamic characters and forces them into a static formula that can easily be replicated by any other set of characters

For me, what makes the staircase scene so compelling, so fascinating, so heartbreaking, is the sense that you don't know how it's going to end. Is it playing by spy genre rules, where the bad guy has to die? Or comedy rules, where it all works out in the end? Or musical rules, which could go either way. That's where the dramatic tension lives-- in all of these competing factors that seem like they could turn on a dime. Curt and Owen feel fleshed out enough that they seem like people, and people don't always react in predictable ways. The parts of the show that really shine to me are the parts that defy the established rules of the genre, and I think that sense of "what if" is a big part of why the show has endured for the last ten years. Those possibilities create fertile ground for fanfiction and art and analysis, continually keeping the show alive

Having said that, I think this is also part of why Curt is not successful in talking Owen down. Not because there's only one way this can end, but because out of all the ways he could've tried to reach Owen, Curt inadvertently chooses the worst possible option, the thing he thinks will appeal to the man he loved, not realizing that he's effectively pouring salt on the wound

Curt's focus is on "fixing" the situation, getting Owen to turn on the people who did show up to rescue him from that nightmare scenario, who got him back on his feet again, who gave him a use and a purpose. Curt talks about the beliefs they shared and the lives they saved, and for Owen it's just another painful reminder that Curt is willing to risk his life to save everyone else, but didn't do a goddamn thing to save him. Curt asks Owen to trust him, but Owen remembers what happened the last time he put his faith in Curt

(Sorry I'm one million years late responding to this!! Also its so long I'm sorry)

Oh absolutely! I don't know if that's how tcb intended the scene to be read (my guess is probably not?), but it's definitely the reading I prefer to believe, because otherwise it kinda just comes across as handwaving away Curt's actual flaws (aka the things that make him interesting, that make his guilt and regret and grief genuinely compelling) so he can instead be presented as a sorta well-meaning doofus who ultimately isn't responsible for the fallout of his own decisions (<- my absolute least favorite interpretation of ACM)

I think it's also very interesting what the show does with passive/active voice with regards to Curt's guilt

If I recall correctly, the only time Curt affirmatively says that he did something (I killed my best friend) happens while Curt is alone and drunk (Spy Again), and then during the reprise of Spy Again when he thinks he's about to die during Torture Tango. And even then, he adds the kinda... idk, almost sarcastic modifier of "doesn't even matter if..." in front of it, like even when he's totally alone and/or at his very lowest, it's too painful for him to fully admit that he is responsible for Owen's death

Outside of those moments, he either clams up (The Informant talking about mysterious partner fatalities) or presents it in a more passive way (I watched as [Owen] was killed right in front of me, I couldn't stop it with Tatiana)

And what's fascinating to me is that the split kind of manifests between the book and the music-- I killed my best friend and I let him die both happen during a song (and as we know, in musicals the songs often reflect the character's internal monologue) while I watched as he was killed... happens during a book section, so it highlights that split between what Curt believes and what he actually says

For the section with Tatiana essentially absolving him of his guilt, I think the most compelling interpretation is that Curt is massaging the truth because he can't face up to what he did, which feels very in line with a character that uses alcohol to blunt and avoid what he's feeling. But I'm also very intrigued by the possibility that maybe he also wants to protect Owen's reputation to some degree. Owen died in, frankly, a ridiculous and embarrassing way. Embarrassing for Curt, obviously, because he caused it. But also just a humiliating way for one of the world's greatest spies to go. If the details of his death got out, he'd be a punchline in the Intelligence community for the next twenty years. And having gotten Owen killed is already hard enough for Curt, so I think he would view that kind of insult to Owen's memory as essentially killing him again

But there's also the meta angle, which is what tcb were intending to say/how they intended the scene to be read. I obviously can't say for certain what their intentions were, but within the narrative it seems to be a combination of Curt confessing to Tatiana (as close as he can come to it, at least) and then Tatiana figuring out that he's gay when they kiss, that are the turning points for Curt in terms of moving past Owen's death and letting go of his own guilt

It's certainly possible that when the scene cuts after Doing This, Curt does tell Tatiana the whole truth. But strictly based on what we see in the show, his confession about Owen dying, and Tatiana comforting Curt with the words he knew the risks, is based on a lie. Not an outright, purposeful lie, but as you said-- a lie of omission. Owen may have known the risks of the job in general, but he did not know the specific risk Curt himself signed them up for. One of the last things Curt says to him before the fall is "I lied, I set the timer for three minutes"

He knew the risks is a totally reasonable thing for Tatiana to say based on the information she has, because the way Curt phrases it does make it sound like it was just some freak accident that he had nothing to do with, that his guilt is purely survivor's guilt rather than his own personal responsibility for what happened. She tells Curt he needs to let it go, and when he asks "how?" she replies "you've already started-- by opening up to me," but to me that unfortunately kind of undermines the bond they're trying to build between Curt and Tatiana, because the one thing he opens up to her about is, at best, a half-truth

To me, the intention behind that line reads as trying to preemptively tell the audience that what happened wasn't really Curt's fault, so when they do find out that Owen is alive and that he's the Deadliest Man Alive, they're already in the pocket of like... "Oh well, not Curt's problem, Owen knew the risks." Which I don't love, because to me so much of the tension in the staircase scene comes down to Curt's love for Owen and his grief and his guilt being in direct conflict with his horror at what Owen has become and his own desire to do the right thing

That scene is thrilling and heartbreaking because even though Owen has done some truly horrific, monstrous stuff, his anger at Curt and the sense of hurt and betrayal come from a very real place of "I loved you, I trusted you, you left me to die." The gutpunch of tragedy works precisely because Curt is responsible for setting this chain of events in motion, and right up until the gunshot the audience can't be sure if that will make a difference in the outcome

Idk I could be totally wrong, I'm just kinda basing this on vibes, things tcb has said, and something Joey said in the last cameo I got from him, but to me it does sort of line up with the trend of focusing exclusively on Curt's trauma, and using that trauma to absolve him of his responsibility, while reducing two (at the very least) equally traumatized characters to "woman with the brain cell/therapist/babysitter" and "ontologically evil guy"

And I think for me what cements the idea of "he knew the risks" being intended to absolve Curt of his responsibility for Owen's death in the eyes of the audience comes down to two things: 1- that despite Curt's guilt over what happened being a thread that runs through nearly the entire show, Curt does not indicate that he feels any guilt or responsibility for what happened at all during the staircase scene, not even when Owen explicitly throws Curt leaving him to die back in Curt's face, and 2- that in A2P7 three different characters say something along the lines of "this must be hard for you," while Curt doesn't really seem to be upset or affected by it in any way. That's a big part of why A2P7 doesn't work for me, because Curt is acting as though he had no part in any of this happening, which feels utterly at odds with the character we've spent the last two hours getting to know, and with our own knowledge of what actually happened in A1P1

And I'm admittedly doing a ridiculous thing here, because trying to suss out authorial intent is a recipe for disaster, but just as a writer and as someone who loves taking apart stories and characters to see what makes them tick, I'm compelled to look at something like the dialogue between Prisoner of my Past and Doing This to try to figure out its function in the narrative. And while I very much prefer the reading that Curt is lying to himself/lying by omission, the context makes me suspect that that scene is genuinely intended to be Curt opening up to Tatiana and Tatiana essentially granting him permission to let go of his guilt and shame over what happened. But of course, it's 100% possible that our preferred reading is what tcb intended, or even that they intended something entirely different with that scene. We'll probably never know for sure

Oooohhh my god I love that! Can I play with this for a second please? (I'm sorry this idea just hit me so hard)

I could imagine Owen taking Curt to some relatively small, intimate house party (with people he has thoroughly personally vetted) making the rounds, talking to people in Polari. Curt is out of his element, he's self-conscious and kinda irritated because he's picked up a little bit of Polari from Owen, but the conversation moves so quickly he can't keep up with it

Someone asks Owen who he's with, and he answers in Polari, calls Curt his husband. He's not even necessarily trying to make some big declaration of love in that moment, he's just caught up in the environment and genuinely does think of Curt in that way

But Curt hasn't thought about that word, about the possibility of being someone's husband, ever since he realized he could never give his mother the wedding or grandkids she wants (which I imagine he realized fairly early in life). It's just one of those things he was never meant to have, he's not built for it, so he put it aside

But when Owen refers to Curt as his "husband," even though the tone is kinda light and casual, it feels meaningful. Maybe they've been together for a few years at this point, and understand how they feel about each other, but it's something that is mostly left unsaid-- you don't get to have a lot of real conversations about a future together when you have no realistic prospect of a future together

Owen doesn't usually express how he feels in words, so when he introduces Curt as his husband and maybe takes his hand, or loops his arm around Curt, Curt is just kind of stunned. On the one hand, "husband" is a big word that is usually attached to a big commitment, but on the other this is the only time they've ever been able to be together around anyone else, so Owen referring to Curt as his husband does make Curt feel special and valuable and loved

Maybe there's a record player crooning out jazz standards, and a handful of couples dancing to the music. They have a few drinks, find a quiet corner to sway to the music in, just sort of soaking up this extremely rare moment they get together, and Curt finally says something like, "So... husband?"

And Owen's first instinct is to play it down with some pithy remark, tell Curt that's it's basically just slang for "boyfriend" so Curt doesn't get freaked out by things getting Too Serious, but the atmosphere is romantic and Owen's a little bit drunk and sentimental, so he just responds with a quiet, "I would marry you, if I could."

God, if I didn't already have so much planned for my current fic, the damage done, I would definitely be exploring that idea right now. But I'm such a slow writer I absolutely couldn't pull it off in the way I'm envisioning. If anybody wants to run with the concept though, feel free!

(this was the thing btw)

I had to think about this for a little while, but yes! We've talked about why werewolf Owen works so well (I was going to say "in a supernatural au" but then I remembered that werewolves are just straight up canon in the spies are forever universe), but I also think vampire works really well for Curt in a lot of ways (also hinted at in the wayward guide podcast, so maybe canon?), so here we go:

First, I think there would be a few positives for him. Curt has based his entire identity around his job. His sense of self-worth is tied to how well he can perform the role of macho badass spy guy. So at first, being stronger, faster, and more capable than anyone else around him would probably be a big boost to his ego-- he can't be captured because he can just bust through the chains, he can take on tasks that for anyone else would be a suicide mission, he can take risks on an even higher level than before. He needs to be the best, and his newfound powers would easily allow him to do that

However, that quickly leads into the first issue, because in addition to all those moral/ideological/personal reasons Curt enjoys being a spy, he is also very much addicted to the adrenaline of it. The thrill focuses him, staves off the constant boredom, makes him feel like the best version of himself.

But the thing is, your body produces adrenaline in dangerous situations because it is trying to keep you alive. There might be some residual adrenaline production for a little while (assuming vampires can produce adrenaline?), but as a vampire he would be functionally immortal, so eventually his mind/body are going to catch up to reality that he is not in actual danger and stop having that physiological response

I'm admittedly not much of a vampire lore guy, but I think it's also likely that vampires can't really get drunk, which is a big problem for Curt because he manages his insecurities and negative emotions with alcohol

And I think he'd have a lot of negative emotions, because Curt is fundamentally a man of his time. At the height of his career he is exactly the guy he needs to be to do the job he does. But as we see in the show, this is the dawn of the information age. The world is changing, the job is changing, and there's a sense that guys like Curt, the "caveman," are increasingly becoming obsolete. So I'd imagine it would be awful for Curt, who yearns to perpetually live in the glory of his youth, to watch as the world changes in a way he doesn't fit into.

Physically, not aging, not going grey and getting wrinkles and watching his body change, would be soothing to his vanity, but I think that benefit would pretty quickly be consumed by Curt feeling like he can't even fit into the world via this one thing he is genuinely talented at, the one thing that gives his life meaning-- being a spy. Feeling like the world is passing by without him

Just for the sake of this post, let's assume that vampires in this world need to consume human blood to stay alive. This also poses some significant problems for Curt. Killing is part of the job, and he doesn't seem overly distressed about it (to quote James Bond "I wouldn't be very good at my job if I was"), but I think part of how he is able to compartmentalize it is by having the backing of the United States government, believing his kills are part of his patriotic duty, part of saving the world. Also the fact that he tends to kill with guns and bombs, methods that have distance built into them. If anything manages to get through those mental barriers, Curt drowns those feelings out in alcohol and sex and danger

But if he's a vampire, every kill has to be up close and personal. He has to see the fear of his victims, feel them thrash against him as they fight to stay alive. He doesn't have the gift of distance. And I think it would be very difficult for him to convince himself that killing those people (even if he restricts himself to people he classes as "enemies") is part of his patriotic duty

Maybe for a while Curt would rely on banked blood used for transfusions, and I think if that's the case the most likely consistent source for that blood would be Barb Larvernor. And as much as I love Barb, being shackled to her for the rest of her mortal life sounds like hell on earth for Curt. He'd most likely need to remain in DC to have a blood source he doesn't have to kill for

Which segues nicely into Curt's third option-- werewolf boyfriend. If Curt attempted to keep a human with him to feed off of, he would effectively just be killing them slowly. A human can't regenerate a blood supply quickly enough, and even if they could there is a limit to how much a human body can endure

But werewolves transform their entire bodies, they have to be able to quickly regenerate to survive, meaning that Curt would be able to feed off of Owen in his human form, without killing him or significantly hurting him. And theoretically, Curt might even gain additional benefits from feeding off of this kinda... enriched blood? Like to the point where it could potentially be kind of intoxicating/addictive to him?

This has some interesting potential pre-fall too, but it's especially brutal if these transformations are something they both go through separately during the four year grieving period

I've said this before, but I'm just gonna quickly restate it here-- I think werewolf is more thematically appropriate for Owen because that transformation kinda echoes what actually happened to Owen. The violent, visceral, bone-breaking nature of a werewolf transformation echoes the way he was injured and burned in the fall. The lack of autonomy he experiences while in his wolf form lines up with the lack of autonomy he would've had during his time captured by the Russians. Owen likes to be in control, he likes to have a plan, he likes to fly under the radar until he has the ideal opportunity to strike, and as a werewolf he can't do any of those things. He loses his ability to rationalize and reason and becomes this feral, uncontrollable animal, which I think would genuinely terrify him

So let's say that some circumstance forces them into an uneasy alliance post-staircase, and they're on the run together. They figure out that Curt can feed off of Owen while he's in human form, and they start doing that out of necessity

There are benefits for Curt. He has a steady, reliable food source that moves around with him. Curt would be the only being strong enough to contain Owen in his wolf form, so Curt gets to tell himself that by feeding on Owen he is actually preventing more deaths (from himself, and from Owen in both human and werewolf form). If he gets some sort of heightened power or intoxication from Owen's blood that would also be very appealing to him (although I doubt he'd tell Owen about it)

But there are drawbacks too. I think Curt would be massively uncomfortable being dependant on anyone, not being able to just cut and run whenever the impulse strikes him. He doesn't respond well to feeling like a burden. I'd imagine he felt that way as the child of a single mother during the great depression, feels that way whenever his boss speaks down to him or Owen chastises him for something he's done. So needing to feed on Owen and (on a surface level at least) not being able to give anything in return, would be a pretty bitter pill for him to swallow. There's also the fact that post-fall, Owen fucking hates him. The trust that used to exist between them has been obliterated

For Owen, his abandonment trauma is a very fucking powerful thing. I think even pre-fall, he always felt like he was watching Curt leave. And then, of course, Curt left when Owen needed him most. So having something that Curt needs feels like some guarantee of keeping Curt around in a way Owen never had before. I think from Owen's perspective, he felt like Curt had all the power in their pre-fall relationship. That while Curt can be very sweet and very loving, he can also be emotional and impulsive, self-destructive in a way that has fallout for the people around him, so there was always that looming threat that someday Curt would just (figuratively) blow it all up and leave. I think it would be very satisfying for Owen to feel like he has the power, the ability to force Curt to stay because no matter how much Owen claims to hate Curt he also loves Curt and cannot let go of him

But on the other hand, he does not trust Curt. Doesn't want to allow himself to rely on Curt in any way, because his trust in Curt nearly destroyed him once already. Their arrangement is that Curt keeps Owen in line when Owen is in wolf form, but (considering Curt's powers in this scenario), Owen would be at his most vulnerable in wolf form. He's always afraid that he'll return to consciousness and find himself alone, or in some cage in the basement at A.S.S., or he won't wake up because Curt will put a silver bullet in his head while he doesn't have the higher cognitive function to defend himself

So pre-fall they had this messy, complicated, emotionally codependent thing going on, and post-canon they have added like 20 layers of codependency and resentment and trauma on top of it. But also, they can hurt each other without being able to really permanently kill each other, so maybe they get a bit of that anger out of their systems via sheer exhaustion

They have to be in this very sort of intimate position for a decent amount of time, full on skin to skin contact, pretty much every day so that Curt can feed, which I imagine would stir up some very strong, very conflicted feelings. When Owen is in wolf form he doesn't have his memories, and after a few initial battles becomes docile and trusting around Curt, vulnerable in a way Owen can't let himself be in human form

sure! Here's some personal favorites of mine, but if there's a specific scene or pose you need feel free to send me an ask, I probably have it!

Oooohhh my god it's so hard to listen to Jethro without thinking about Owen honestly. Idk if I ever mentioned it here, but Mr. Smy couldn't remember the name Jethro Skull one time, so he just called him "Orcwen" and now I can't get it out of my head

But yes, you are so right!

One thing I find fascinating about Owen is that he has this polished middle to upper class RP accent (although I would not say it's an aristocratic accent by any means), he says things like "simply not the best option" and "do give it a try," which kinda hint toward at least a middle class background, but he also says things like "sod off," and he calls people "love," which are both strictly working class expressions (especially in the 1950s before wide adoption of television in Britain kinda blurred some of those class lines)

I can see someone who has taught themselves how to speak "The Queen's English" speaking the way that Owen does, but I have a lot of difficulty believing that anyone who went through at least a middle class education in 1930s/1940s Britain would call anybody "love," which is a big part of why I headcanon Owen being working class from the East End and basically pulling a My Fair Lady on himself to succeed as a spy

yknow what I'll take it, I'm happy with everyone thinking I look like the best Owen! I'm very curious what dream mischief I was getting up to, but I can be content just knowing I was doing it looking like this guy

I also would've accepted beard + half-ponytail Owen from Reloaded