#sm96

Of course, Usagi interprets Mako’s strong reaction to Haruka as a crush, and while I do think that is something that’s happening, I don’t think that’s how Mako understands it. Understanding girl crushes before you realize you like women is tricky and often easy to shrug off (kinda—that’s a whole other non-fandom related post), but go back to my screenshots for comments on Mako’s crushing. 

The following day, Mako can’t get Haruka out of her mind. She copes with this by focusing her fixation on returning Haruka’s scarf to her, which actually, shouldn’t be so surprising. That scarf, in many ways, is a representation of Haruka in Mako’s mind. It’s the first thing that made her look at Haruka’s femininity, and it comes to represent it to the point that she refers to the scarf as ‘she’ at one point (via Hulu’s subs ayway), and while I think that is clearly less important to Haruka, it’s extremely important to Mako. 

So Mako sets out to spend some more time with this woman she’s come to admire for being what, in many ways, Mako wants to be. Mako wants to see her masculine traits as not defining her gender, and ultimately, that’s what she sees in Haruka. So when Haruka later shows up and says she wants to hang with Mako, Mako jumps at the chance. It seems odd to Usagi—who’s convinced Haruka must be trying to pick Mako up (not incorrectly =p) and that Mako actually wants to be—but besides being surprised at Haruka’s interest in her, Mako doesn’t see this as out of place. As the audience, we know that Haruka’s motives are about as complicated in Mako’s for wanting to spend time with her, but Mako doesn’t know that. 

So I think Mako was very aware of her perceived boyishness when she gets in that car. She thinks Haruka is seeing a person like her, and Mako may very well be of the mind that Haruka is taking her under her wing—which is kind of exactly what Mako wants. 

So by the time the other senshi call her concerned, she politely blows them off. 

Mako: Please let me have today to myself. 

She asks the girls to let her spend this ‘alone’ time with Haruka, because she doesn’t believe the others will understand. She sites Haruka’s ‘coolness’ as her reason for being starstruck by her, and it’s as good an excuse as any to give the girls when she might not want to admit to this vulnerability right now. Which, it may be worth noting, is a coded masculine trait—hiding one’s vulnerabilities. 

But being vulnerable is exactly what happens next, and I don’t think that’s an accident. Moments after brushing off her true feelings about this situation behind a veil of ‘Haruka’s just cool’ (and not, ‘Haruka’s who I want to be right now’...), she gets attacked and made more vulnerable than perhaps she’s ever been. It’s also interesting to note this confirming moment where the villains lay pretty much all this out for us. 

Monster: This time, I will take your pure heart... that admires your ideal woman. 

“...admires your ideal woman” kind of puts a lot of what’s internally going on for Mako into perspective here. And not too long after this exchange, she’s laid helpless and void of her heart. What we get to see of her internal monologue—which I talk a lot about here—is really quite sad. She has every right to be angry for herself that this is happening and that senshi are fighting for possession of her heart and not to give it back, and yet that’s not how she compartmentalizes it. Her anger is on behalf of Haruka and Michiru. That’s extremely feminine of her, to use most of her highly gender coded traits to the benefit of others fairly consistently. Her cooking (f) is often only brought up when she’s doing it for others and to make them happy. Her strength (m) is used in the defense of those she loves and care about (and the given is for the good of humanity in general). It was finally realizing this that her resolution regarding her identity began to make sense to me. 

Makoto: Hold it! I don’t know what you’re up to, but you’re always sneaking around like thieves, trying to steal pure hearts! 

When I first was going through and doing the screenshots, I was a little baffled by how content and at ease Mako is with herself by the time she finds Haruka and Michiru again after the battle. Her new friends had just gotten hurt, she had just undergone torture, and she then engaged in a fight that she has every reason to believe she lost. But I think her standing up for herself/Harumichi/inner senshi here—and not remaining passive—is a large portion of what leaves her feeling content with herself. 

It’s ‘traditionally’ much more feminine to avoid confrontation. The monsters, that’s one thing. That’s saving lives, and all the other girls—more feminine than herself—do that. But this, this confrontation is more about the tension between these two groups. It’s personal. Standing up like this, being aggressive like this, and taking Sailor Uranus head on like this, it’s masculine, and Mako has decided that this is who she wants to be. 

Mako: I’m going to kick your butts!

Mako may physically be more masculine than she likes, but her masculinity is a part of herself that is not separate from the part of her that is feminine. Her love and compassion for the others is what motivates her to this confrontation, something she believes she just witnessed Haruka doing in trying to save her and which Haruka ultimately failed to do, and even though she walks away from the fight with Sailor Uranus thinking she’d lost the confrontation, she’s finally at ease with herself. She can be masculine and feminine and be valued and treasured for who she is, and she saw that in Haruka which helped her see that in herself. Ultimately, Haruka functions as a sort of mirror for Mako in this episodes. 

Mako’s also just seen proof of her pure heart, so there’s a lot to feel good about even though she’s in such a tumultuous situation here. 

Mako: Haruka is just as wonderful as I thought. One day, I want to become a wonderful woman like her. 

The interesting thing about this monologue is that Haruka, from Mako’s vantage point, literally didn’t even do as much as Mako does daily for others. I definitely think we’re supposed to feel a sense of irony here, knowing what we do and what she doesn’t. If Mako knew what we did at this point in the series about Haruka, she would feel that she was clearly the better person. I’m sure some of this is coming from a place of beliving that Haruka is more powerless—when it comes down to it—than Mako would be normally in these situations, and that contributes to that sense of wonderfulness. 

But, I want to return to the idea of that mirror. Quite a few things mirror themselves in this episode, and I think this is extremely intentional and ultimately to press home the fact that Mako is seeing Haruka as a sort of mirror for herself, even if partially unintentionally. I noted some of this mirroring already, but for just a few— two monster-conflict scenes, one at the beginning of the episode and one at the end. Sailor Moon episodes rarely have a structure like this, so it stands out. Also, Haruka beginning the episode tending to Mako’s wound and the end of the episode having Mako tend to Haruka’s wound. There’s also the crushing they have on each other.

And finally, Haruka begins the episode sporting a feminine scarf, and Mako ends it sporting one. Only this mirroring is intentional on Mako’s part and deliberately not a even being a metaphorical mirror. The very end of the episode closes with Mako being reflected in a mirror!

So, I’ll leave you with this.