#slstask

Tony had been sitting in his car for the last hour, trying to gain the courage to actually open his car door. This was the main reason he thought coming almost two hours early was probably a good idea. He knew he would have problems just getting out of the car. This kind of terrified him about actually getting into the building, up to the third floor and into the correct office. If it was a long walk down the hallway until he reached Dr. Holland’s door, it would be all the worse for him. 

Tony glanced down at the time on his phone. His appointment was in twenty mins. If it was going to make it on time, he needed to get out of his car in the next five minutes. Because he was sure it would take him at least another fifteen to actually get into the correct office. 

He took a deep breath, pulled his keys out of the ignition and opened the driver’s door. As soon as he stepped out and stood, a fog clouded his brain. What the hell was he doing? This was the worst idea. He hated talking about this stuff. There was nothing else that made him more uncomfortable. Well, except for the actual...thing, that he would be talking about. Without realizing it, Tony was moving to get back into his car, and then stopped himself. 

What was he doing? This was just like last time. And last time he also had an amazing girlfriend that he’d let down. He couldn’t let that happen again. Not with Erin. He’d never wanted it to work out between another person so much before. And this is what was best. For both of them. He just, didn’t want to be scared by any of this anymore. He wanted to be...normal. He wanted his relationships to be normal. He didn’t want to be afraid to be touched anymore. Or to touch anyone else. And Lizzy was right. This is still what was best for him.

Tony stopped himself yet again. He backed up and closed the driver’s door, locking the car, walking as fast away from it as possible. He kept his gaze on the ground as he trudged toward the building. He stuffed the car keys in his pocket. It took all of his will to keep moving and not run back to the car and as far away from his building as possible. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to get on the elevator. His hand was trembling when it reached out to push the button indicating the third floor, then turned his back so he wouldn’t be tempted to hit the emergency stop. 

He shook his head. This was pathetic. Why was this so hard? Why was he making it hard? It was just words after all. He released a deep breath as the elevator doors opened. He stood there for a moment, willing himself to move forward. The doors started to close again and he had to reach his hand out so they would move back open. Once they did, his feet shuffled back and forth and Tony finally moved off the metal contraption and down the hallway. 

But they weren’t just words were they. And once he spoke them out loud they became real. Tony spent the last ten years trying to block them out, but apparently that just wasn’t working anymore. So he needed to do this. If not to make sure his relationship lasted, but for himself. For once, he wanted to be a normal human being. A normal boyfriend. A normal man. And he was anything but. Erin kept telling him that he was fine just the way that he was, but obviously not. Something was...not normal. And he didn’t want to be this way anymore. No matter how uncomfortable he was with this. But his doctor said Dr. Holland was really good with people suffering from...this. 

Finally, he made it into the office. The assistant was pleasant enough. She knew who he was right away because apparently, he was her only appointment for the day. Tony was led into the psychologist’s office right away. For the few moments that he was by himself, he did a slow circle around the room, that was full of bookshelves and a few nice paintings on the walls. At least he thought they were nice. He didn’t really know much about art to be honest. But she seemed to have done a good job of making the office inviting. Tony shuffled around uncomfortably and finally sat down on the brown leather couch, that ended up being rather comfortable. 

When an adjoining door opened, Tony popped up to his feet immediately with a nervous smile. “You must be Mr. Perry,” the middle aged woman said. “I’m Doctor Holland,” she held her hand out towards him with a pleasant and soft smile. 

He nodded, slipping his hat off his head and shook her hand. “Hello...” he said quietly, the nerves evident in his voice. 

“I know it can be rather awkward for first timers, but I promise, I’ll never make you talk about or do anything that you’re not comfortable with. Why don’t you sit back down.” Tony looked back down at the couch and sat once again, very stiffly. Dr. Holland sat across from him, a pad of paper in her hand and she set a tape recorder between them. “Well Tony....why don’t we start with what you do for a living...” She looked over at him patiently. 

She felt terrible. Her chest was on fire. But the tour was just beginning, and Matt was in more pain than she was right now. She needed to get through this. It was only a thirty minute set. Jenna had been doing all that she could to keep herself on her feet, and to keep from losing her voice. She ‘d been put on vocal rest yesterday, having to disappoint dozens of fans waiting to speak to her last night. The guys knew her voice was suffering. But if the blood splatters start and they knew, they wouldn’t give her a choice. They’d be on their way home immediately. But she didn’t want to ruin this. This tour was so important to them. So important to their fans here. It had been a year since they’d been in America, and they wouldn’t be touring again until their next record was released.

They cut soundcheck short, after only just one song. Ever since Jenna had been going back and forth from hanging with other bands and hiding her coughing fits in the bathroom. Just before going on stage Jenna prayed to every god that she read about to help her get though these next thirty minutes. She’d been doing the same thing since the start of the tour. It started when they were recording, but it hadn’t started to effect her voice until the last week.

The energy from the fans was incredible since the moment they stepped on stage. She loved playing in this country. The kids here were born for this kind of music. For these kind of shows. And for the first half of the set, Jenna forgot about the pain, forgot about the burn in her lungs with every breath that she took. For a little while, she lived completely through the music. But that could only last for so long.

Her voice started to crack during “Listening” and she turned away from the crowd towards Matty to cough for a moment into the crook of her elbow. The drummer watched her, concerned. Jenna waved him off with a smile and gave him a thumbs up. Halfway through “The Other Side” was when the burn started to intensify. Her chest started to tighten. She should have told them to skip over “WAYSSO”, but they hadn’t played it in America since their headlining tour in 2013. She knew how disappointed the kids would be. So Jenna didn’t dare suggest it.

They could tell she was having a hard time, but she motioned for them to keep going. Her lungs were on fire through the first verse. The faces in the front row were beginning to blur and a grimace finally showed on her face. She doubled over for a few seconds to try and regain her composure. When Jenna brought the microphone to her lips again nothing but a series of coughs came out. There was a deafening thud when the microphone hit the stage and her fingers were covered in small blood splatters as she coughed. She stood up straight and closed her eyes. Jenna didn’t realize she fell backwards until she opened her eyes again was being carried off stage my Whak and Cam. She gasped as they sit her down against a wall backstage. Cam held her hands above her head as she tried to catch her breath.