i'm sure i'm going to say some things people find controversial and shitty and i'll bite that bullet today. i've been wrangling with this in private for quite some time and this post isn't going to offer an answer nor a solution either, but:
it's been really tiresome seeing more and more of the fandom shoving itself into a narrow box to be palatable. it's noticeable in fics, in art, in the way people talk about it on twitter. the quick solution is of course to step away from all social media entirely and just run your own machine, and that'd be ideal, but none of us create in a vacuum and frankly i like talking to the people i have met through this fandom.
it's gotten especially glaring with the yuri-side of things. more and more i feel like i have to perform a purer self than i am to be acceptable in these spaces. that i have to soften things, make it nicer, less ""angsty"", less complex and complicated. people throw around "omg toxic yuri" and then blanch at the mere mention of some manipulation or fighting.
at the same time, there's a degree of entitlement that keeps hitting me at surprise turns. i posted about being less active for a while due to going into ED treatment and got asked when i would update a fic wip. (needless to say i postponed any update of that for at least three months.)
a friend, also active in the fandom but on the yaoi side of things, said it had observed how there's something about the entrenched entitlement on yuri side where the fans know how to wield it to get what they want, making writers and artists chase whichever trend or ship is popular at the moment. there's something there that touches upon a repeated feeling i've had, a kind of... chasing the wheel instead of being able to linger and enjoy.
not to mention that this week, the kafhime week declared it wouldn't allow nsfw content, which felt... rough for all the nsfw creators who wanted to participate. thankfully, a nsfw kafhime week was created in response to give them space to create and celebrate the ship together, but still. it doesn't feel great that we are always a kind of... side thought. an unwanted presence.
so there's not a singular cause or thread, but multiple intertwining to create an atmosphere that doesn't feel great to create in. the distinct lack of community spirit and mindset is really disappointing to wrestle with at times.
again, i don't really have any solutions, just reflecting on where we are at, and how it feels to be here.
