#slobgem

2021 is the year of overcorrecting my understepping

tarot said get organized, read about healing, and pursue contact w others. i will make an appt for weird arm mole. i will do readings and writings and paperwork. dread will not encroach upon me.

im having expat flashbacks--rejecting invitations w people i know in favor of seeking a random bar in the city center by myself, so i can read/write in public, so someone can ask me questions, so i can bum a cigarette, so we can talk, so i can watch myself be charming from inside the black projection room in my head

while I was paying at the store I gave some dude walking past my aisle The Eyes so effectively my checkout guy turned his head to follow my gaze

i’m only 27 and i’m only getting better if i haven’t passed you yet watch me catch up now forreal

next week i’m gonna have six poems and one nonfiction essay workshopped and that’s literally half an undergrad semester right there. in any case i love being allowed to have no content boundaries. i refuse to be personally uncomfortable!!! it’s fine none of my human experience is original anyhow, what does anyone even think they’re “protecting?” is it not fun to be vulnerable??

i keep having experiences and working hard and putting stuff off and dreaming unsettling scenes and feeding myself and worrying about my car’s alignment. there’s too much cardboard in my living room and i still don’t have a couch, but i’m honoring the flaws of my personality type by facing other organizational, responsible, terrible work