You don't even help anymore.
With little peace of mind to work with everyday, I thought I could always come back here and relax in the comfort of something familiar. Obviously not. I can't even begin to comprehend how many emotions are pulsing through my veins right now. Oh wait, that's right, none. None at all. I don't know why but nothing seems like reality anymore. It's really starting to mess with my head, but at the same time it's one of those loops are can't pull myself out of. Not yet, anyway. I wake up every morning, go to school every morning and attend school everyday before coming home and either doing the routine nothing or working. But whilst this is all going on, nothing ever really seems to be going on. If anyone, at all, understands what I'm saying, you must have one fucked up mind. It's so hard to explain, and I don't doubt that if I ever tried putting this into words, words that actually come out of my mouth, I wouldn't even begin to explain myself. And that's what is so frustrating about this entire ordeal.
I don't even know what I am meant to be feeling anymore. As I said, it always just feels like everything is nothing, not a reality or society I can call my own. It reminds me of one big video game that I'm playing, and to be honest, I really couldn't care whether I died or not, because I'll just come back to life and have to redo the same thing again. After all, that's what going to sleep is, isn't it? You leave consciousness for a certain amount of time, come back and then are just expected to replay the same level over and over and over again.
I would really fucking hate it to be one of my friends right now, to be any one of my friends. Just knowing me would piss me off, and I would probably frustrate myself so much that I would grow an obvious resentment towards the other 'me'. I need these holidays to come so I can hurry up and come back to melbourne already. it's been over five months since I've been home, counting the dayssss.
