#sleepyspeaking

Today when I woke up it was to Niki. She was in the kitchen, from what i could tell and she was talking VERY loudly on the phone. My door was open again and instinctually i checked my phone. Time read 5:29 am. Which is way too early. For anyone to be up at any time. Including me. The rain was loud against my window as well. Clearly yesterday was the only day i would be going out hiking this week.

After a few unsuccessful minutes of trying to go back to sleep to the lull of the rain interrupted each time by Niki. I pushed my way out of bed and began to get read for school. I dont know if I’ve mentioned this but my school doesnt have a very strict dress code. How could it, its the only main high school in miles. So i sometimes find myself wearing the same outfit every day.

Spoiler, im wearing the same outfit as yesterday. I would show you but Im not to keen on showing what i look like on my photography and journaling blog, so youre just going to have to use your imagination. I wore the same dark green shirt and blue pull over jacket. The jacket is something i could never go without, its like a favorite of mine and its just a comfort. Even if its fraying at the edges. I still have mentioned the need for new clothes to Niki, and by the sound of it, now is NOT the best time.

So i slipped into another pare of too small pants and then grabbed my headphones, phone and phone charger before heading down the hall. I entered the kitchen at 5: 37 and narrowly avoided Niki who was pacing the room and talking aggressively into her phone. Something about situations that were out of her control. The rain was still going strong as i snuck around her, she gave me a small apologetic smile before being distracted again.

I dont particularly like loud noises so while i waited for the water for my chai to heat up i pulled my headphones over my ears and just watched everything move around me in a muffled state. Niki tapped my shoulder when my water was done, because I hadn’t heard the beep of the electric kettle. I filled a cup and dropped in two spoon fulls of chair tea mix. Niki gets it from the farmer’s market every Saturday.. or every Saturday shes free. We are almost out and she hasn’t had any time in the recent weeks to get more.

She paced out of the room again as i stirred in a bit of milk and sugar. My mug is a handy travel mug that I’ve had for a long time. I dont remember who or where i got it from but its a worn dark purple with a clear chipped top. which i put on before checking the time again. The clock above the stove read a blinking 5:56. I still had a while before my bus arrived. I considered leaving early, but the rain outside the window made it very unappealing, especially with how hard it was falling. Instead i stepped past Niki. Who still was on the phone and into our living room. Its a small space with a couch facing an old fireplace that had been there since i was a child but I’ve never seen lit and floor to ceiling windows looking out at the forest behind our short and unkempt lawn.

I did what i usually do when im not doing anything and began to look through my phone. I dont have many social medias and even less messages. Im pretty sure the only contacts i have in my phone are Niki, Karl and … Well not that many people. I have a few spam caller IDs saved for no real reason. I dont pick up calls from strange IDs. My other apps are just for this blog. editing, and photos. Also notes. Since before i got social media i was stuck to typing in my notes app. There’s about two years worth of entries. All the way back to freshman year i think. I dont go back unless i need something, and in that moment i didnt.

So maybe you’d like to see some of the photos i took recently. Besides the ones from my hike. I dont really remember … when i took them. But the time stamps all said either yesterday or a couple days ago. Thank god for technology.

If i were to guess the last two were pictures of town as i road the bus home and the first looks like some sun set from a trail. Or maybe the last. Actually yeah the last is from the nearest general store. The one is MY town and not the one across the pass.

That general store mainly to provide necessities so you dont have to go all the way to the larger town to get things. Especially if its snowing or anything like that.

Again the last few days has been very wet and rainy. Maybe if I’d begged Niki to stay home that day she would have relented. But i didnt and instead of that i left the house at my usual time, this time with some forsight, bringing a raincoat and rain boats. My bus was on time and i have never been happy to see it even if it smelled wierd sometimes. The rain was relentless all the wya to school. So badly that at times we had to go slow because we couldn’t see the car tail lights in front of us.

The same woman said hi to me and this time i said hi back. I dont think she heard me, which is okay. I listened to my music as i rode and tried again, not to fall asleep. Its just been one of those days when just sitting is exhausting.

When i reached my stop i didnt even have to pull the string to stop the bus, the lady just knew. The rain outside was freezing, and the second i stepped off, my hair was soaked. I had unfortunately not put my hood back over it. and now it was useless, all i had to do was get to school.

I didnt run but i walked quickly. I dont like to run much because it makes me feel extremely out of breath and my feet feel much to heavy to lift. Anyway when i got to school the whole enterance was full of puddle of water on the tiles and muddy prints everywhere. I feel bad for the janitors. Even with such a small school it would be hell to clean up after the students. To hopefully save them some work i throughly wiped my feet on the rug haphazardly laid out and avoided stepping in any other messes afterwards.

I went to my first periods. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens. At my free period i went to the library and helped Karl organize some shelves. The library is the warmest part of the school, its a common known fact, so for most of the time i spent in there it was uncomfortably crowded. Not to mention that amount of kids skipping to meet up with their.. er partners like usual… Well it was a little overwhelming. Im glad i brought my headphones so i could either listen to music or just block out the loud waves of chatter and other things.

Karl asked me how Niki was, and i told him about her stressful case and he told me to wish her well and mentioned he might stop by with Sapnap to bring her a casserole. Sapnap is his husband i think, i dont know him very well and I’ve only met him a few times. I just know he, Karl and Niki went to school together in this very high school. It’s sometimes crazy to imagine my sister going here when she was my age. I wonder is she had the same old and dusty teachers as me or if they were young back then. She’s not very old. I promise you shes not.. anyway.

After lunch which stupidly i had forgotten AGAIN. Eve e with all the extra time i had this morning, i stepped down the hall to English, the final period of my day. My teacher, Mrs. Chin, greeted me at the door. Unusually enough. I knew immediately something was up. She smiled at me and handed me a packet. It wasnt thick but she told me to read through it and asked me if i would look into applying.

When classes officially started i started looking through it and realized it was multiple applications for various scholarships and colleges in the area. I never reall considered going to college. Looking foreward like that is always so strange to me. But i did my job and read through most of them. They all were for people like me. If there anyone like me in the world i would be surprised but they all offered discounts for those with talent and all sorts of things. There was even one for writing. Writing is fun but i if i were to ever go to school for anything, it would not be for writing.

I tucked the packet into the inside pocket of my slightly soggy backpack. I forgot about it all until i got home. I took the bus like i usually do. I mean, I hadn’t gotten a text or even interacted with niki except for that silent tap ont he shoulder this morning so i assumed she would be out late again with her job. Its still too rainy to do much of anything. Its windy now too. It sort of blows the rain into your face and pellets you with it . It feels like tiny pebbles being thrown at you.

Walking and waiting for the bus was horrible. They need to put some sort of shield from the elements at this stop. I know they wont because the town has no money. Its common knowledge that theres very little money left in this town. The people who are living here are living on the scraps of a long forgotten gold industry.

When the bus arrived i was so grateful, even if the ride was longer then normal and people starred at me longer then comfortable. I dont know why they starred at me.

My house was dark when i got home at 3:50. I turned all the lights on. Its weird when im home alone and it’s dark. I made more chai for myself and sat at the kitchen table to do some homework. Something for math that was assigned. Its not something i worry too much about. When i was finished i began to search for something to eat, but the kitchen is mostly empty of food. Just another thing i have to remind niki to get. I settled for a piece of toast with honey and peanut butter. Its enough to satify me for awhile.

This morning i woke up at 6:35 am and the door was open. I didnt bring it up with Niki, i think she dropped a pile of clothes on my bed. There was a pile of clothes there but I dont remeber if i put it there. I drank my customary cup of chi tea and Niki made me some sort of egg sandwich. I dont think it sat very well with my stomach. Im not going to bring it up though. I dont see her this happy usually. Maybe she’s had some sort of case crack. I dont ask her things about her work anymore.

I forgot my lunch, only remembered half way through the pass when i checked last nights blog. I didnt tell Niki, she was talking about her new favorite TV show. I dont remember what it was, i dont watch a lot of TV, especially with how hard it is to get any signal at home. It’s okay, I want to support her the best that i can.

When i got to school it became the usual waiting game. Latin, Math, History the usual trash heap. And then Academic coaching until lunch, all of which i spent in the library. Helping with yesterday’s shipment of books. Karl wasnt there but i checked in on my hours and i have close to 30 now. Adding on another 3 today to make it a total of 33 hours was nice. Two of the same number. Its nice.

After lunch at 11:23 I went to english. One of the better classes. I think i do well even if the teacher doesnt have enough space in her brain for another quiet student. I am good at english. I dont have anything due in that class. I began to organize. Something that helps me focus. Flipping through my notebook and folder nothing was out of place and so i began to sort my phone tabs.

Curiously, after flipping most closed, I found that my camera was open. I quickly flipped it away from my face. Embarrassing i know. I began to sift through my camera roll. It’s something i do a lot. When i dont have anything better to do which is most days. Besides. This blog was made for me to talk about my photos. So maybe you will be interested in the strange photo i found.

The time stamp was last night, late. 1:00 AM to be exact. The witching hour. So ironic.

I am extremely worried about what this entails. I dont remeber taking this photo. I dont remember leaving my house last night. I wonder if it will be okay for Niki to lock the door more firmly.

It was fine though. English was over and i left, heading back to the library for another free period. I have almost all of my credits, and even though its scary I think i could graduate early. Maybe i could finally leave this town. Anyway i was in the library until school ended. At 2:45. I walked down the street again, taking the same route as the day before and ending at the station again.

Niki told me to wait in the receptionist room because she didnt want me in her office. Im okay with sitting on my phone. I like listening to music and sitting by myself in a loud room of strangers. Anyway, thats the dairy for today. I am free for anything, if any of the few people who are interested in me want to talk.

Hello anonymous . Good I mean as much as it can be expected. It’s been two days since I updated. Sorry about that. I’ve been trying to take a break from everything. Niki came home last night. She didn’t talk to me until after she took a really long hot shower. I think she used all the hot water.

She made ramen for dinner which was a nice change from the dry saltine crackers and cheese sticks I had been stealing. I think she went to the store before she came home because the pantry was restocked. I’m glad she did because I don’t think I could have handled walking Dow the drive and standing at the bus stop. I don’t think I can do it on my own yet.

Dinner we spent talking about things. I told her I was pretty sure I had a bad cold I don’t know if she bought it but she made me promise to go back to school on Monday. Until then though I can hide away in my room.

Her job is really stressing her out. The case they’re working on , not that she can tell details to me, is really putting a rock on her back. Ive certainly never seen her this tired. Right before I left the kitchen she sort of…. Grabbed my shoulder and looked me really deep in the eyes.

I don’t really like eye contact. Which she knows but she looked really concerned so o stayed still and then she told me to stay out of the woods for a few weeks.

It was unnerving and I’ve been thinking all about it since. Could she some how know about, that night? I don’t know and honestly I can just take her advice and not leave the house.

My room is clean now so I decided to spend today (Saturday) playing on my old game boy that I found when cleaning. All my games are the same way they were 5 years ago when I lost it. It was very nostalgic.

I didnt go to school. I told Niki i was feeling too sick to and she just nodded and said it was fine. Just by her body language i could tell she was distracted by something else and i didnt want to bother her more then necessary. I wanted to say thanks to all the people on here sending kind messages and concerned asks. I am okay. I was just a little rattled these last few days and well, of course today. I havent slept in almost 32 hours. There is no way in hell im closing my eyes and waking up somewhere strange again with no recollection of how i got there.

This doesnt make sense, and i can tell youre telling me in your head “Ran you need to sleep.” And i know you’re right but it was just horrifying. I have a hard enough time remembering what i do when im awake. Why would this suddenly start happening to me. Its unfair. I was doing fine. Now im not, and i dread falling asleep again. Im too afriad to ask Niki to instal a lock of sorts so last night and the night before and really any time I’ve been feeling the urge to sleep.. well I’ve began to tie my foot to my post. ITS NOT TIGHT. I just dont want to wander off again.

Fall break is soon. I mean sorta. I attempted to attend school online the second day home after the ordeal but my connection was too shit. I guess its the trees blocking the signal. Or maybe the mountains. Speaking of trees, i havent left my house since that day. I dont want to risk whatever happened happening again, worse while im awak. Not that i think it will but the way the trees just… tempt me sometimes. I cant risk walking to the bus or walking even out of my house. WHEERE i use to consider it a blessing to not live in the town houses, i now regret never moving closer. Fuck. Its been so long since I’ve been outside im worried my skin will fall off my body and ill die if i spend one more day barred in my room.

Its okay, for the most part. besides the natural (?) urge i have to be outside all the time. Ive sort of forgotten to document much these o past few days. But i dont think anything else significant happened. As far as related to me. Niki didnt come back the first night and i spent all that time in ym room with the blind drawn and the lights on. I was afriad if i turned the lights off i would nod off. I ended up watching YouTube and Netflix on my laptop as well as cleaning my entire room.

Usually my room is a trash heap, i like it that way, its like having my own nest. But that first night. I couldn’t stand all the things and i pretty much Ed cleaned everything top to bottom in less then 3 hours. I found a few interested things while i was doing that, including but not limited to: a box full of my old Polaroids and camera, a stuffed animal i thought i had lost which went back onto my bed, and a total of 20 spare dollars made mostly out of 1 Dollar bills and quarters.

The only thing of real interest was the Polaroid camera. I thought i lost that thing years and years ago. I only know i had one at all because i have some older pictures pinned places and tucked into my phone case. Theyre all of people i dont really know but i like to think i do so i can carry some part of them with me. They must have been important to me at some point yk. So i decided to look through and sort out any of the Polaroids i remeber or anything like that. These are my findings. I’ll explain them after i show them to you.

starting at the left top and going left to right. It reads Nov 1st 20##. all of these are from when i was a kid. maybe when i was in 4th or 5th grade? Im not entirely sure the exact age i was. The photo shown is a picture i must have taken of some sort of important journal entry, i cant really read it but at least if i ever needed to remeber taking a picture.. I remember, thanks past me.

The next one, in order, is a picture of two shadows. Maybe three. Probably me. Maybe Niki… or Eryn. we were close when we were kids and hes in two of these already. So ill just mention him. idk if he will be okay with me talking about him on here. I dont think he knows i have this account. hopefully he doesnt find it. Not that i would care very much. He just doesnt like me. The caption is just a date. oct 3rd. no year. I wonder when it happened? sometime in my childhood probably. I havent used this camera in years and years. I lost it so long ago.

The third is a weirdly saturated picture of a park in my town. The bigger town. Its just weird. And the caption says… evacuating or something. Its sorta weird. also Niki might have taken this picture because her name is on it too. Seems like her type of thing. from what i remeber as a kid, when we still lived in the big town, she was into weird saturated pictures. Something about scene. I dont know really.

The fourth is on the second line of pictures i found in the Box. On the bottom left. It says July 20## again sometime in my childhood. It shows aforementioned Eryn crouching ont he ground showing something to everyone. Or the viewer. I can see myself, or younger me. Younger me off to the side. Someone else took this picture. I dont remeber this happening. But it was important enough to keep so there it is. Thats pretty much it.

The fifth, wow thats a lot of numbers. Its got a smiley face :) on it. and its a picture of the lake. Yk the one bordering the left side of the bigger town. Its one of the smaller more muddy parts so its all gross. Probably from a hike that i wanted to remeber with Niki or something. I loved the lake when i was a kid. It was fun to swim in but after… after awhile i stopped going and then it closed because of something weird and now you can only go hiking near and around it.

The sixth. A picture of me and ****** hugging. Eryn in the background. It reads Eryn & ##### July. Its a cute picture. I dont know… who ****** is? Yeah i dont know. but i must have known them at one point because thats them. Yeah. They look familiar in the worse way and i pretty much threw that one back in the box as soon as I could. I dont like lookign at it. My stomach hurts when i do.

The seventh. And last a picture of a cat. Even when i was a kid i also apparently liked cats. It reads Spring 20##.

So yeah. I just wanted to say im glad i was able to find them and document them somewhere. I also thought while im explaing photos and stuff ill go into a little detail about what i discovered from that night. Posted on here.

The first piece is clearly a path somewhere in the forest. If i were to say, somewhere further in the mountains, near where the older remains of mines are. The only thing wrong about this piece is that…. When i posted it, theres no wya for there to have been snow. So either the photo is altered in some way, which is unlikely, because from what i can tell it was posted in the middle of the night. Or it was actually snowing wherever i was. even though all the previous days it had been raining.

The next picture looks like some sort of underground tunnel, lined with bricks and ending in step leading up to a barred and maybe locked? I dont know, barred iron gate. I have never seen that place before. Ive been in a lot of abandoned buildings that I’ve found near here but I’ve never seen something like this. The only explaination i can give for the location is possibly a sewer enterance somewhere in the basement of one of the older buildings, not from the big town but rather from the smaller town nearer to my house. Again, it looks like its snowing. Which makes no sense in any context, since it was snowing when i woke up (even though i said i thought it was) and because if this was underground where would snow be coming from? The title says… I heard you. Im here. I dont remeber this. Obviously. and i dont know who i would have.. heard? It doesnt make any sense.

The third picture… i dont have much to say. It looks dark. Maybe its related to the second picture, maybe its on the otherside of the gate. But I’ve never seen a place that dark before. Especially if it has walls. which I think it does. so it must be in a building somewhere out in the forest. Sorta supports my abandoned building theory. Or abandoned mine shaft? I have no idea. But the capture is clearly a long hallway. the caption says something is wrong. No duh. I am clearly self aware even if i dont remeber. I wonder if i act different..

I was awake at my usual time, 6:35. Today the house was empty. Niki must have left early for work. I think she said something about it but the it might just be an older memory that my thinking dredged up. That sometimes happens. I got ready for school. The clothes on my bed were dirty but thats okay, I’ll do laundry over the weekend. We were out of chai so i made myself a pice of toast and ate it while i walked to the bus.

It was cold outside and I have to tell Niki to take me shopping to get new pants. My ankles get cold when i walk. The sun was beautiful and i paused halfway down our drive to take a picture of the way it shone on our shed. Its pretty run down since we only keep a back up generator and other things like that in there. For the winter days when we are stranded up here. But i think the picture i took was nice.

Even though the sun was out, the sky showed the signs of upcoming rain. I like the rain, the smell is nice. I finished my toast while standing at the bus stop and got on the bus at 7:04. The bus driver smiled at me but i dont remember her name. Or if she was the same bus driver as usual. I nodded back and quickly went to sit at my costumary seat. Its near the middle fo the bus and one of the only seats that doesnt have a second one next to it. I like to sit and look out the window as we drive.

Halfway through the pass it began to rain. Not hard, just little flecks.

It was pretty.

By the time i was in town the rain was full out. I was not excited to walk in the rain but its less then a block at the closes stop. I got of the bus and watched the rain before stepping out into it. My backpack was instantly soaked and i regretted not taking it off and holding it. I dont remember taking a rain coat but i had one so i was at least semi dry by the time i got to the school.

It was warm inside, it took my mind off the seeping cold and my soaking wet mask. I was late. I was late to my first period class. I sped walked to there as quickly as possible, my wet sneakers squeaking on the tile floors. The teacher had already marked me absent by the time i got there and I couldn’t do much besides sit idiotically in front of the entire class, soaked.

I slowly dried off the next few periods until free period. Karl was at the library today. Its always nice to see Karl. Karl is the local librarian and hes one of the only people i remember. He let me spread out all my wet textbooks and papers on one of the tables and didnt complain when i dripped water on the floor. I dont think he would care that much to be honest but its still nice of him.

He seemed pretty distracted but that was okay with me because when i checked my classes i realized i was missing a few assignments that had not been missing last night when I briefly checked on them. So i was working on them with my wet clothes and papers spread all around me, trying to get them done. I dont like having low grades. Its just something that i cant have, nto that niki has ever said anything about them. She’s really chill like that.

Lunch was much of the same except… i forgot a lunch. this is something that i cant forget, i set a timer on my phone to remind myself. Karl shared a slice of his ham sandwich, the same thing he eats ever day. Cut diagonally in a perfectly straight line. Usually i dont like eating around others. But Karl has never seen the before me, and he doesn’t struck me as the type to judge for something like that anyway.

After lunch i went to English. The teacher smiled at me today. I nodded back, my mood slightly uplifted since the morning. The room was still quickly filled with students. I took my customary place at the back of the class. Nothing interesting in my photos today. Besides the ones i took this morning and a picture of the math homework. I have to remember to do my math homework.

School ended its usual time 2:45. i took the bus home instead of going to the station. There was one unread message on my phone, from Niki telling me left overs were in the fridge. I dont remeber what the leftovers are but its nice that she reminded me. Outside it was dreary and wet, but at least it had stopped raining a couple of hours ago. The sidewalks collected puddles and i tried my best to avoid the deeper ones, since my sneakers were still damp from this morning.

The bus was a little late, i had arrived at 2:58 and it arrived ten minutes later. The woman driving smiled at me, she was not the same woman. I still dont remember her though. The bus ride was uneventful and when i got home i was quick to walk back to the house. I changed my wetter clothing, realizing i didnt have any shoes to change into and then grabbed an extra under layer before taking my phone and a snack from the kitchen and existing from the back of the house. I was careful to lock the door behind me, and setting an alarm so that i wasnt out after the sun set and then began my hike.

I like hiking. Ive always liked nature. Even when i was a kid i would play until the stars were out and then i would come home covered in a mud and.. Niki would make me a take a bath and then she would comb out my hair and braid it so it wouldn’t get tangled overnight. Now i try to avoid getting mud where it shouldn’t be. Anyway you didnt come here to hear me reminisce.

While walking on the path, the main path, i met a furry friend. She was sitting on the fence post just watching me as i walked towards the deeper part of the forest. I was aiming on getting to the stream, which is about 3 miles in. before turning and heading back. the fog caused by rain is thicker near the less forested areas by my house so its a little unnerving if you dont know where your going. But i know where im going.

The cat was kind enough to jump down from her perch and let me give her a scratch behind the ears. I wish Niki would let me adopt. But she already has a hard enough time taking care of two almost fully grown people, she would have a hard time taking care of a pet. besides i dont want to detract her from her case.

This land back here is not owned by us but the other people in town take care of the main paths as well. After awhile the paths become deer trails and just small places between the trees. Thats where im aiming to go. One of which leads to a small river that leads to the lake. I think it does at least. The cat followed me for awhile but i think she got bored after i stopped petting her every few minutes.

I walked for about another hour before i reached the stream. It was getting colder and colder as the sun began to sink further into the clouds. I still have enough time to get home and i am taking a break to snack and take pictures. Now we’re caught up. The bars are limited out here, i dont think i even have any connection. But ill post it and it will upload when im back home.

Here’s my favorite pictures so far. I might update this entry later. I loved talking to you yesterday, maybe when i get home i will answer some questions over dinner.

I woke up outside and i dont know how i got there. I was somewhere far in the woods, so far that it didnt make sense for me to be able to go all the way out there without shoes on. I had my phone on me and its was empty of pictures. Which makes no sense, i can SEE the picture i posted, I posted and i responded to people and... You saw the picture? I… dont remember taking any of them. I dont remember anything from last night. Not even a dream. I dont remember,, who i was talking to. But i can see i was talking to someone, someone asked me if it was real. It IS real. But theres something wrong about everything.

I was so cold. My fingers were bone white and my feet were scrapped and scratched. It felt like it was snowing, i thought there would be snow but. The snow. The snow wasnt real. There’s was no snow last night. It was just cold. I walked back home. What else was i supposed to do? No cell service and nothing to do other then go back home. My feet are rubbed raw. I am sick. Niki was gone for work. Or she didnt come home last night… Its not raining anymore but the whole world has been at least 20 degrees colder then the last few days. It really weird. Everything feels wrong.

I went inside. I dont know what time. I dont remember checking the time on the stove. I should’ve. I should’ve checked the time. I wish i had the pictures. They have time stamps. Everything’s off. I’m kind of freaking out right now. even though im home, it doesnt feel safe to be home alone. But i dont want to have to explain to my sister why im not at school and why my feet are bleeding and why it looks like im about to have a nervous breakdown. She’s too busy.

So i got home. I got home and i locked all the doors. I had to. It felt weird to not lock all the doors. I dont want to stand in the living room with the trees, just out there. I love nature, i love the forest but today something feels so wrong. I thought i had stopped sleepwalking years ago. Why is it happening again? Im supposed to grow out of that type of thing. Its fine. Everything’s fine.

So now im sitting in my room. Ive decided to tell Niki i went home early. Today shes supposed to drive me home. But she cant if im not in town at all. I texted her at.. noon? Yeah. She said she would bring chicken soup. I’m going to tie myself to my bed tonight. After she goes to bed. I dont want to wake up like that again, alone, looking up at the storm gray sky with only my thin pajamas on. No memory of how i got there. I cant.. this was supposed to stop. I was supposed to be okay.

Im okay. Im okay im just. Im mad. Yk when something is supposed to be in the past comes back, it always fucks you up. Its fucking me up right now. I dont usually curse but i just. Im sick.

I got up at 8:13 this morning and left on the bus to town 32 minutes later. Niki was working and her break was at 1 pm. The bus ride was 35 minutes for no real reason.

I got off at the school’s stop and was let in by someone. I don’t know who, probably a security guard who knows me through Niki. I helped Karl with his new book shipment (half for the elementary, half for the highschool, I don’t know how he deals with both libraries and the one in town). He wanted me to remember to go through the science fiction and fix any labels that where beginning to peel. I was sorting and labeling for awhile I don’t know for how long. I have to remember to check my hours again.

At lunch I left and walked the three blocks to the police station. It was cold out. I have to remember to remind Niki to go shopping for more winter clothes. I grew out of all my pants already. The receptionist said hi to me when I walked in even though i still don’t know her name. Or maybe she’s told me and I don’t remember. I need to remember to ask Niki so I don’t have a weird interaction some day.

At lunch I sat with Niki at her desk and we talked about nothing important. A lot of officers I don’t remember said hi to us on their way in and out. Niki has been stressed out but I don’t want to bring it up. We split a veggie roll. It had carrots and cabbage in it. No tomatoes. After lunch she told me to hang nearby the station so she could drive me home. She doesn’t usually drive me home but I don’t think it hurts every now and then.

I fed the stray cat outside. She’s small and black with white undersides and paws. I don’t know how long I spent petting her but I do remember Niki coming out at some point and telling me how much the stray liked me. She sent me a picture that I want to print out and hang on the wall over my desk at home. I remember walking to the car after the sun set and sitting in the passenger seat next to Niki on the way home. We didn’t talk much. She might have asked me about school but I only remember thinking about how pretty the sky was.

The traffic was light we got home at 5:40. Dinner was quick, it was just me because Niki was taking a shower. I ate cold soup, I don’t trust myself to heat it.

School tomorrow which means I’m getting up at 6:35 so I can ride with Niki. I don’t want to forget to make my lunch. I’m writing it down here so I DONT. The door is locked again. Hopefully I sleep well tonight. Niki reminded me to take a shower tomorrow. I’ll take a shower tomorrow.