#slap fighting

Here goes it:

Manager 1 - Stick Bug (tall and lanky, has somewhat stunted movements and a gate like a stick bug, anxious af and rather harmless but I think if he swung hard enough his stiff arms could do some real damage)

Manager 2 - White Knight (he is the most unproblematic white boy with a mostly unpassionate flat affect, also stood up for me against that one coworker)

General Manager - Hidden Switch Blade (I just think he’d carry one just bc it’s funny)

Assistant Manager - Karrot Kake (ginger and slightly pudgy, also appreciates stupid things like replacing hard c’s at the beginning of words with k’s)

Coworker 1 - Brokeback Bastard (big lad who jokes regularly about his degenerative disk disease, a hetero who can do the splits better than most drag queens hence the gay name)

Coworker 2 - Blindsider (basically blind without her glasses, but unexpectedly strong and powerful [met Coworker 1 at a party and punched him bc he drunkenly asked her to after she drunkenly hit him by mistake once already and then knocked him literally off his feet, they’re married now])

Coworker 3 - Shooting Star (name begins with “star” irl, has a very strong personality that overwhelms me on occasion but she’s very sweet)

Coworker 5 - Little Shit (older lady who doesn’t speak any English aside from swear words and names, “little shit” is her favorite thing to say in English [all the managers either speak or have learned some Spanish to communicate with her and taught her said swear words])

Me - Biggie Bendy Straw (one coworker compared himself to Tupac and myself as Biggie and it stuck bc I am teeny and absolutely not gangsta, hyper mobile and have shown most of my coworkers videos/pics of me fitting into tiny spaces [have arranged with coworkers to prank Stick Bug by crawling out of empty cabinets eventually])

Don’t have anymore names atm, but I have decided what type/color of cat everyone would be bc I’ve always LOVED cats and it has permanently affected how I view and understand people my whole life

Me - fluffy colorpoint munchkin (colorpoints are one of my favorite colors, fluffy cats r cool, and I can fit into small spaces)

Manager 1 - black and white cat (almost definitely undiagnosed ASD and takes everything very seriously and at face value)

Manager 2 - white shorthair (see unproblematic whitey statement, impeccably clean and wears the same style pants but in different colors every day)

GM - grey shorthair (very calm and goofy, nonchalant about most things, everyone respects)

AM - short ginger tabby (see ginger above, gets along with everyone)

Coworker 1 - dumb orange and white tabby with busted up tail (ADHD and accident prone and has many scars from it but iron fortitude)

Coworker 2 - solid tortoiseshell (assertive and takes no shit but also kind)

Coworker 3 - fabulous greying silver and white tabby longhair (very glam personality, ate it up in the 70s)

Coworker 4 - short greying black shorthair (arbitrary color choice bc black cats are just my favorite and she is very very sweet)

Some others I didn’t mention before

Manager 3 - black medium hair (has nice poofy haircut and has a cool moon-related style)

Manager 4 - mousey brown shorthair (has brown hair, quiet but efficient, I made a joke about her cooking a mouse in the oven when she burned bread one time [it smelled bad and def wasn’t a mouse but I have done that on accident at home bc we get mice in the winter])

Coworker 6 - rusty tabby (friendly and mischievous, pulls pranks on Stick Bug on the reg, has gotten hit by cars riding his bicycle numerous times but has never gotten more than a scratch, dumpster dives for no particular reason other than to entertain himself [also tells harmless over exaggerated stories so maybe the car thing has only happened a couple of times])

Coworker 7 - dilute calico and white (boisterous and jokey, usually pretends she understands what you’re talking about but will immediately admit she doesn’t if you ask)

Coworker 8 - generic brown tabby (usually slacks off when he can but still gets his bread, very very southern accent so he reminds me of a barn cat)

By: Joseph Correa

The Alarming Rise of Slap Fighting: A New Threat in Combat Sports

In combat sports, where calculated risks and rigorous safety measures are par for the course, a dangerous contender has emerged: slap fighting. This controversial sport, which has gained millions of online viewers and is rapidly growing in popularity, is raising serious concerns among medical professionals and veteran combat sports experts alike.

What is Slap Fighting?

Slap fighting is exactly what it sounds like - a competition where opponents take turns delivering full-force, open-handed strikes to each other's faces. Unlike boxing or MMA, no protective gear, ducking, or flinching is allowed. It's a raw display of power and endurance that has captivated audiences worldwide.

But at what cost?

The Brutal Reality

Dr. Raj Swaroop Lavadi and Dr. Nitin Agarwal from the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine have sounded the alarm in a recent study published in JAMA Surgery. Their findings paint a grim picture of the sport's potential consequences.

After analyzing 78 fights involving 56 contestants and 333 slaps, the researchers found:

Over 50% of participants showed visible signs of concussion

Many exhibited impaired movement or vacant stares following hits

Some were knocked down and struggled to regain their footing

These statistics are alarming, especially when compared to more established combat sports.

Slap Fighting vs. Boxing and MMA

While all combat sports carry inherent risks, boxing, and MMA have evolved over decades to incorporate crucial safety measures:

Protective Gear: Boxers wear gloves and headgear in training and gloves in competition. MMA fighters use lighter gloves but are trained in grappling and submissions, which don't always involve head strikes.

Defensive Techniques: Both sports emphasize defensive skills. Boxers learn to bob and weave, while MMA fighters can clinch or shoot for takedowns to avoid strikes.

Referee Intervention: Experienced referees can stop fights when a fighter can no longer defend themselves intelligently.

Ringside Physicians: Medical professionals are present at sanctioned events to assess fighters' conditions.

Mandatory Medical Suspensions: After knockouts or tough fights, athletes are often required to take time off from competition and training.

Slap fighting, by contrast, eliminates nearly all of these safeguards. Competitors stand stationary, absorbing full-force blows to the head with no means of defense.

The Science of Slaps

Dr. Joseph Maroon, who co-developed concussion protocols for the NFL, NHL, and MLB, explains why slapfighting is particularly dangerous:

"In slap fighting, the brain is subjected to rapid acceleration and deceleration forces. The lack of protective gear means these forces are transmitted directly to the brain tissue. What's more concerning is the repeated nature of these impacts in quick succession."

The risks are compounded by the sport's format. Unlike in boxing or MMA, where a fighter might have time to recover between rounds or can clinch to avoid further damage, slapfighting contestants must immediately prepare for another strike after being hit.

Real-Life Consequences

The dangers of slap fighting aren't merely theoretical. In 2021, Polish slap fighter Artur Walczak suffered a brain bleed during a match. Despite medical intervention, he tragically passed away weeks later due to multiple organ failures linked to his head injury.

Former competitor Kortney Olson shared her harrowing experience with BuzzFeed News. After being struck in an exhibition match, Olson not only lost consciousness but also experienced alarming memory lapses both during and months after the event.

The Long-Term Impact of Concussions

While the immediate dangers of slap fighting are evident, it's crucial to understand the potentially devastating long-term consequences of repeated concussions, which are a significant risk in this sport.

Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE)

One of the most serious long-term risks associated with repeated head trauma is Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). This progressive degenerative brain disease has been found in athletes with a history of repetitive brain trauma, including boxers and football players.

Dr. Ann McKee, a leading neuropathologist and expert on CTE, explains: "CTE is characterized by the abnormal accumulation of tau protein in specific areas of the brain. This accumulation leads to brain cell death, and over time, can result in cognitive decline, behavioral changes, and even dementia."

Symptoms of CTE can include:

Memory loss

Confusion

Impaired judgment

Impulse control problems

Aggression

Depression

Suicidal thoughts

Progressive dementia

Alarmingly, CTE can only be definitively diagnosed post-mortem, meaning athletes may be unaware of the damage occurring in their brains until it's too late.

Increased Risk of Neurodegenerative Diseases

Research has shown that athletes who experience multiple concussions throughout their careers are at higher risk for various neurodegenerative diseases later in life. A study published in the journal Neurology found that former professional football players with a history of concussions were at a significantly higher risk of being diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease).

Cognitive and Emotional Impairment

Even without developing CTE or other neurodegenerative diseases, athletes who suffer multiple concussions can experience long-lasting cognitive and emotional impairments. These can include:

Persistent Post-Concussive Symptoms: Some athletes experience symptoms like headaches, dizziness, and difficulty concentrating for months or even years after their last concussion.

Decreased Cognitive Function: Studies have shown that athletes with a history of concussions may perform worse on cognitive tests, particularly those measuring memory and processing speed.

Emotional Instability: Mood swings, depression, and anxiety are more common in athletes who have suffered multiple concussions.

Sleep Disorders: Disrupted sleep patterns and insomnia are frequently reported by athletes with a history of concussions.

Impact on Quality of Life

The cumulative effect of these issues can significantly impact an athlete's quality of life long after they've retired from competition. Former boxers and football players have reported struggles with maintaining employment, managing personal relationships, and even performing daily tasks due to the long-term effects of repeated head trauma.

The Particular Danger in Slap Fighting

Dr. Robert Cantu, co-founder of the CTE Center at Boston University, warns about the unique risks posed by slap fighting: "In slap fighting, competitors are absorbing direct blows to the head with no protective gear and no opportunity to defend themselves. This repeated, unmitigated trauma is precisely the kind of injury pattern that we worry most about when it comes to long-term brain health."

The rapid succession of slaps in a single match and the potential for multiple matches in a short period create a perfect storm for cumulative brain damage. Unlike in boxing or MMA, where fighters might have weeks or months between bouts to recover, slap fighting events often feature multiple rounds in a single night, giving the brain little time to heal between traumas.

The Allure and the Controversy

Despite these risks, slap fighting continues to gain traction. High-profile events in the US have attracted celebrities like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Logan Paul as commentators, further boosting the sport's visibility.

The upcoming British Heavyweight Slap Fight Competition in Liverpool, featuring Louis "The Razor" Robinson against Dom "The Juggernaut" Sorby, demonstrates the sport's growing international appeal.

A Call for Regulation and Athlete Education

As slapfighting's popularity surges, medical professionals and combat sports veterans are calling for increased regulation and safety measures. Some suggestions include:

Mandatory neurological testing before and after fights

Implementation of a standardized concussion protocol

Limits on the number of slaps allowed in a single match

Introduction of protective gear, such as specialized headgear

Stricter medical clearance requirements for participants

Given the serious long-term risks, it's crucial that athletes considering participation in slap fighting or any combat sport are fully informed about the potential consequences of repeated head trauma.

Dr. Bennet Omalu, the neuropathologist who first identified CTE in American football players, stresses the importance of informed consent: "Athletes need to understand that they're not just risking a knockout or a concussion – they're potentially gambling with their long-term cognitive health, their personalities, and their future quality of life."

The Future of Slap Fighting

The combat sports community finds itself at a crossroads. While slapfighting offers a unique spectacle that clearly resonates with some fans, its current format poses unacceptable risks to athletes' long-term health and well-being.

As Dr. Maroon puts it, "The worst possible thing to do in terms of possibly incurring brain damage is to return to a contact sport before the brain has completely recovered. For an individual to experience concussion and then stand up and get hit again, it's putting the athlete at increased risk."

The question remains: can slapfighting evolve to incorporate necessary safety measures without losing its core appeal? Or will it go the way of other dangerous sports that have been relegated to the annals of history?

As the debate continues, one thing is clear: the combat sports world must prioritize athlete safety above all else. The true measure of a sport's worth isn't just in its ability to entertain but in its capacity to showcase human skill and resilience without compromising the very athletes who make it possible.

"Here’s a guy who just splashed his name all over a GODDAMN PROFESSIONAL SLAP FIGHTING LEAGUE that’s set to premiere on TBS next freaking week – a guy who very recently put out a video with his doctor in which he went ahead and told us all, unprompted, that he’s on synthetic testosterone (classified by USADA as a steroid when UFC fighters do it) – and here he is slapping his wife at a nightclub. If that happened in a TV show you’d roll your eyes. It’s just too on-the-nose. Slap fight guy slaps wife. You’re 70% of the way to an Onion headline right there."