#skylark11

I’d like to take a moment and put this out there...

When I came out as trans I remember looking at all of the videos Skylar Kergil put out there and eventually started finding other trans men on social media. One of the places I started searching was here on tumblr and I was so envious of so many of them. I saw these guys getting all of these changes from hrt and I knew I wanted my physical appearance to change so I could be comfortable. I was scared in the beginning. I wondered if hormones were really for me seeing as they were a lifetime commitment. I saw the pros but I also saw the cons. It took me a year of researching what hormones did before I decided it was something I actually wanted. I thought it would never happen for me. I’m forever grateful to other trans men who have helped me through this journey. Seeing as it was my old friend Max from Colorado who told me about the planned parenthood in Denver I would not have gotten on testosterone for a long time if it weren’t for him. That’s where my medical transition began. I was convinced I would never get on hormones and that I would never get to any of my surgeries. It was this internal battle in my head like a demon and an angel arguing about who was right. I kept fighting though because in the end I do care about my happiness. If I didn’t, I would not have pushed through to get here. That was something I had to tell my ex Sidney a lot. The person who was there when I came out and helped me get to and from my hormone appointments as well as do my shots for the first year and a half. She would sometimes respond to me after I said something along the lines of “I don’t see what the point in living anymore, I’ll never get top surgery” and she would lose it. She would tell me I would have done everything for no reason if I gave up.