#skullyrambles

She got me my fav snacks and a GARFIELD FIGURE TELL ME THAT AINT THE COOLEST THING EVER BRAH ?!? I MIGHT JUST KISS HER SILLY LIL FACE GOOD LORD

I’ve spent my whole life grieving a man

whose name never had a face attached to it,

which feels strange to say out loud

because how do you miss

someone you never knew?

But the absence was loud.

It followed me into classrooms,

into school hallways,

into every form that asked for

a “father’s name.”

I watched other girls with their dads

and felt something ugly grow in me,

jealousy sharp enough

to make my stomach ache.

They didn’t have to wonder

if they were worth staying for.

They didn’t have to imagine

what a father might be like.

“Donuts with Dad” days embarrassed me,

not because I was alone,

but because I learned how to pretend

it didn’t matter.

No daddy-daughter dances,

just standing on the sidelines,

telling myself I didn’t want it anyway.

Somewhere along the way,

that jealousy turned into resentment,

and then into fear.

Men felt temporary,

like something that leaves

once you start to need it.

And now I’m angry at myself

for flinching,

for distrusting,

for missing someone

I was never given a chance to love.

If I walk down the aisle alone one day,

it won’t feel empowering.

it’ll feel like another reminder

of everything I learned