Six Billion Secrets 1
Disclaimer: Sixbilliionsecrets.com is a website filled with people's personal confessions. Â I am not attempting to say they are right or wrong nor am I directly answering the original poster. Â The secrets will pose as a broad topic that may be shared by many people. Â I'll write my thoughts about the subject matter.
Secret Number 1:Â
This is an incredibly common phenomenon. Â In fact, I have experience with this, too. Â I was always the person people would go to for advice or to talk with and during that time, I was suffering. Â A lot. Â All I wanted was for someone to ask me what was wrong or if I was okay. Â I wanted hugs. Â I wanted a pat on the back. Â I wanted to be consoled. Â But instead, I was the girl who would give smiles and offer everything - while getting very little in return. Â It made me horribly sad and the isolation I already felt only intensified. Â
Having worked on my mentality, my health, and my general outlook on everything, remembering how this used to feel makes me feel...silly. Â
That's probably weird to say and I certainly am not saying it to lessen or disregard anyone's current feelings. Â But silly is a pretty good word for it. Â Not because of how awful my feelings were - no, that's not silly. Â Those feelings still make my chest hurt when I think about them - my experiences were real and they'll be a part of me for a long time.Â
I feel silly because I assumed so much - and I've learned over time that life can be a lot simpler if you stop assuming things. Â
Back then, when I was all smiles (even fake ones) and comfort for those who needed them, I wanted consoling in return. Â What I didn't realize is that no one knew how I was feeling. Â Or rather, I understood that I was keeping my feelings a secret but I was assuming that someone would look at me and know that I was hurting. Â They'd see the sadness behind my eyes or the twist of my lips that wasn't quite real. Â
But the truth of the matter is that you can't expect people to see/know these things. Â Not that some people won't realize how you're feeling - there are some people who are incredibly good at reading body language and subtle hints. Â They'll probably be the ones to surprise you by spontaneously asking if you're okay. Â But in general, people don't do that.Â
And that's okay. Â Because the only person who knows what's going on in your head is you - and the only person who knows what's going on in their head is them. Â I used to walk around waiting for someone to ask me what was wrong with me. Â I would sigh softly, let my smiles fade - I knew I was doing these things, too. Â I was silently begging someone to acknowledge my pain. Â I was assuming that someone would notice. Â After all, I was pretty good at noticing how others were feeling - surely someone would notice me.Â
They didn't. Â Not really. Â Eventually, I broke down and vented to a few friends and some admitted that they noticed something was "slightly off" but they figured it was just their imaginations or that they were perceiving my actions wrong. Â
They had no idea how I was feeling. Â As much as I hate to admit this, I will. Â
I resented them. Â I blamed them. Â It made me angry.Â
Looking back, this is silly. Â Because how in the world would they know what was going on unless I talked to them? Â I was making life difficult and more painful by trying to subtly get people to notice me when my friends were ready to console me when I told them what was going on. Â They would give me hugs then, ask me if I was alright that day - all because I had told them and now they knew. Â They had facts. Â Not suspicions. Â Not guesses. Â When I sat them down and told them, they could then figure out what I needed - or better yet, I could tell them what I needed (for example: sitting quietly or getting a hug now and then). Â
I'm not trying to say that people are stupid and you shouldn't assume that they'll figure things out. Â No, not at all. Â What I'm trying to say is that you can't assume that people know everything about what's going on inside your head. Â And if they don't, you can't blame them for that - it's not their fault that they can't read your mind. Â If you want to be consoled or get help from a friend, you have to tell them. Â Tell them what's going on. Â What you need. Â What you want. Â The more information you give them, the better they can help you.Â
But if you just assume that they'll "see the sadness behind your eyes," then more than likely, you'll feel continuously isolated. Â
ESPECIALLY if you continue to put up fake smiles and laugh like you're the happiest person in the world. Â How can you expect people to know that you're hurting when you're putting out the appearance of pure joy? Â Again, you can't assume that people will be able to lift up that layer and see how sad you are. Â
Life would be easier if we were like The Sims. Â You know, that computer game where you control little people. Â Whenever something is bothering them, the green icon above their heads turns red. Â Sure, you can still make the Sim do happy stuff - dance, laugh at jokes, etc - but the icon will remain red. Â If real life were like that, then people would be able to see that you're unhappy despite the smiles and laughter you present. Â
But unfortunately for us, EA hasn't figured out how to implement properties of their game into the real world. Â
So you can't assume that people are going to see that red icon. Â If you're presenting a happy green one, then that's what they're going to see. Â
And if you want them to see differently, then make it so. Â Talk to someone. Â Take a deep breath and speak. Â
It won't solve the problem but it will definitely help. Â You'll be surprised how many people want/can help as soon as they understand what's going on. Â









