#sis3

I’m only posting this for my own future reference, but feel free to chime in with advice. just don’t reblog this. obviously.

after I posted a snapchat video on my story with one of those voice filter things, in which I wondered aloud if that’s what my voice would sound like if I went on t, my sister started texting me:

her: Why would you go on T?

me: dysphoria obviously

her: So because your "dissatisfied" with your life you're gonna do everything possible to basically become a boy. I thought you were non binary... you're basically making every decision to become a boy... 

me: I don't have time to get into this I'm half asleep... it's not my job to defend myself to you, do your own research

her: Cutting all your hair off, dressing in men's attire, getting your boobs removed and then getting on T is all things trans girls becoming guys do... I'm just hella confused as to what you even want. You need to go see a therapist bad before you make any life altering decisions. I feel like you're getting way too much "support" and comfort from these tumbler friends of yours instead of real life people you have here in your life. You went through a very traumatic childhood and until you deal with that stuff it scares me how you're jumping into all of this stuff. I love you but I'm worried about you

me [just realizing she literally googled the word dysphoria and therefore did not understand what I meant]: wow almost none of those words are true and I'm really too tired to get into this rn but GENDER dysphoria and just plain... dysphoria are two very different things

her: Please tell me which part of that isn't true!?

I’m really glad I didn’t try to respond last night because I probably would have said some..... not good / rude shit. anyway, this is my response that I just sent:

ok well first of all, don't call trans guys 'girls' because they aren't. trans is an adjective telling you what kind of men they are. (cis means not trans.) 

secondly, I don't know where you got the idea that dozens of people on tumblr are brainwashing me. I talk to less than five people regularly and only one of them is trans: ollie, who is nonbinary and who I've mentioned to you before. we didn't start talking until a year after I started identifying as nonbinary, and because of the time difference to germany, we don't even talk that often.

tumblr is mostly a place for fandom stuff, or at least my corner of it is. all I follow are fandom / art blogs. so.... tumblr didn’t make me trans, if that’s what you’re thinking. the ‘support’ I get from people on there amounts to them using the right name and pronouns for me. which... is literally basic human decency.

ANYWAY, and most importantly, 'presentation' does not equal gender. if YOU cut your hair short or stopped shaving your legs, it wouldn't make you a guy, because that's not how you identify. butch lesbians aren't guys just because they wear masculine clothing. guys who wear makeup for whatever reason aren't suddenly girls. nothing I decide to do (or not do) makes me a guy, because... I'm not a guy. whatever I do is nonbinary because that's what I am. if I put on a new tshirt, its a nonbinary shirt now. because I'm wearing it. simple as that.

besides that, some nonbinary people who were assigned male at birth take estrogen to feminize their appearance a bit, and some nonbinary people who were assigned female at birth take testosterone to masculinize their appearance. most of us are aiming for a measure of androgyny, so.... we'll basically meet in the middle. whether or not we take hormones (or have any sort of surgery), it doesn’t make us any less nonbinary. we do whatever makes us the most comfortable.

I can send you links to good youtube videos if you want to learn more, but I really don’t enjoy getting these condescending messages from you, ESPECIALLY not late at night when I have work the next morning. I have a hard enough time getting to sleep anyway.

and for the record, not everything has to do with our ‘messed up’ childhood. I have ALWAYS been nonbinary, but its only the last two years that I’ve finally had the word to describe it. whether or not you accept that is not on me.