#single365

I noticed that in my life, I’ve been in actual love twice so far. I’ve had crushes, infatuations and obsessions... but I’ve only really been in love with Andrew and Adrian. Both times were different and both times taught me different lessons about life.

Andrew was my first love. It was love at first sight and I felt like I knew him in a past life and we were soul mates or something... things were good with him and I felt safe and calm.. I lied to Adrian the last time I felt that safety was with Andrew.. but moving on.. I felt a calmness and safety that usually books and movies talk about. Things were perfect... then I messed it up and cheated on him.. that was when I was 14

8 years later at 22

Adrian ... I fell in love with his voice.. he made me feel safe and comfortable and ... I hadn’t felt that way ever and I didn’t want to lose that..

Then my ego got in the way and I messed that up too and did stuff I regret...

So one of the things I need to remember with coming to Korea is that I need to be single. It’s nice to have crushes but I need to heal and learn the lesson from Adrian. These next couple of months are for healing. Honestly it would be nice to have a korean bf but I don’t think now is the best time for that. I think that I need to focus on myself. Recently I had a crush on one of the student, A and he was nice but i feel like it was ... me more liking him which happens in a lot of my relationships as of recently. I also noticed. That I need to back off when it comes to guys. Just like completely back off. I’m not here to date. I’m here to see the sights and find myself not date. I keep having to remind myself of that.

As for Adrian, I found out our relationship was a Karmic relationship that wasn’t meant to last. And for god sake if I don’t learn the lesson in this life... I’ll feel all the pain I’m feeling in my next life which is not what I want. So I want to journal and dissect and figure out what exact lesson out of the many from him that I should be learning

So as for the cringe thing. So I felt like I was annoying A ♊️ and A ♍️ .. so now that I’m pushing towards not dating my mind keeps having ... idk I keep thinking the worst, that people are thinking the worst about me. Even though they’re not.