Friday afternoon.

1. I am sooooo beyond happy I am using a “commonplace book” style journal for research. It’s perfect for writing out my chaotic trains of thought.

2. I’m too broke to pay for Spotify 😂

3. Cillian Murphy rec list 👌

Putting ideas into words is hard, y’all!

I’m getting research done and it’s actually worthwhile!!!! I *just* might get this proposal draft written!

Man, this stuff sucks. 😅

Life update: I took my qualifying exam last week and am waiting results. If all goes well, I can start my research, build a committee for said research, and become a doctoral candidate!

Sadly, the imposter syndrome anxiety has kicked in. I waver between exhausted apathy and frenzied panic. At the worst moments, I just want to give up since the pandemic has changed my doctoral experience so much that I’m afraid ppl will judge me and my degree as “lesser than.” I know that’s not true, but it’s still a fear I have.

I’m also at that weird point of anxiety and stress that I hesitate to ask for help because I don’t want to be a burden. Which is an issue because I have to ask professors to serve on a committee. 🙃

Also, I have no idea what I want to research. I have a general idea, but narrowing the focus to something I can actually work with is STRESSFUL. And I’m indecisive 🤷‍♀️.

For tonight’s studying, I decided to review all my old class flash cards. Very helpful, but also a little depressing to visualize how much I still don’t remember… 😅

Anyway, the stacks on the left represent what I definitely don’t know. Those on the right are things I definitely do know! The middle is, as you probably guessed, somewhere in between.