#silvermon

Disney Princess in World of Warcraft.

And then he left her.

Her hand ran over her skirt, picking unthinking at the seam and letting her nail catch and pop free. The breeze was warm and the sun was bright in the sky. Silvermoon was the same today as it had been yesterday and would be tomorrow.

Again.

The unarticulated feeling of being abandoned, again, knotted up in her subconscious, nestled next to an ache of loneliness. It was familiar. The feeling lifted her chin and hardened her eyes slightly as she watched the last of Pollux’s company disappear into the Spire for their dissemination back to their wider duties. She was going to be just fine. She shouldn’t fret.

Was this what their whole life ‘together’ was going to be like? A string of goodbye kisses and months apart for only a few weeks together? Would the ceremony of their parting become routine?

She shuddered, but her steps were even, precise, and graceful. As they usually were. The scuff of her sandals across the paving stones, the tinkling sweet notes of her bangles, and the smell of the cultivated flowers distracted her. As she liked. But she nearly paused all together at something she saw: a young man and an old man, clearly family. She turned and quickened into the Row, instead.

Would everyone leave again this time?

Her eyes flicked toward the wagon at the end of the lane. Why it was there, she didn’t know. But the man who kept her company at it sometimes also wasn’t there. Was he going too? Did bounty hunters usually hire out mercenary? He’d told her he had some sort of contract that made him do all sort of jobs he didn’t usually. Would Kaistrae lose his lone wolf feel and become part of the larger pack on Argus? She couldn’t ask today. She couldn’t make herself sit idle to wait for a wolf that might not show. Not right now. Besides, she didn’t have any cinnamon rolls to share. She had no bait. So she walked on and turned toward the clinic.

She was thinking of leaving, too. Would she feel better? A job to do beyond ‘be safe’ and a whole new planet to explore? It was a bone deep appeal, even past the danger.

Khaeris hummed softly, half unaware. She was smiling to herself when she climbed the steps to the Shielded Mind and crossed the threshold, but by the time she’d made it into her office her smile had slid away from her again. The song from the carousel at the Darkmoon Faire should have made her happy. Instead, once recognized, she swallowed a lump of cheerful notes and fell silent.

Did it always end up this way?

The Faire would come up again soon enough. She would go alone. Again. Kenarin could not bear to see her; not that it was easy for her, either. But gods and goats did she miss him. His laugh and his poker face. Her mind wandered to the iron key she’d found in the bottom of one of her bags. When had he given it to her? He had never said, only once joked playfully, as was his way when serious or silly.

She could defy his abandonment of her. Force herself into his spaces.  It would pick the scab off a scar not yet healed and make it bleed again. Of course she wouldn’t do that. … Yet. Ever? It was nearly a year and still Andaeros was stung by the simple sight of her. Lost to her. Again.

Out the clinic and then out the gates. Past the gardens and down the road. The forest floor was dappled with sun patches that danced. Just keep walking. Find the beach. Find Pyraelia or Centori’s estates. Go the lake.

But Centori was surely gone again soon, if not already. Pyraelia was recovering and would welcome her company, but spending time with sheep didn’t distract her mind for long nor quiet her soul like it should have. Ralandis and Celestiae and Azryl and Ashraen and Helal. They would all be gone. Almost all havens empty.

The water was cool on her feet and curious fish nibbled her toes where she waded. Effervescent laughter bubbled from her and she scolded them with a splashing kick meant to scatter. The grass was shadowed by trees and felt sharp against her skin.

She felt best when moving.

So she kept moving.