#sidneywatkins

“Tucker, I know how to put a timer on, okay? Calm down and go back to the stove before I start counting down—“ Tucker raised his hands in defence, before Sidney could finish her threat.

He huffed, “Sorry.”

The entire kitchen was hectic, with teammates, new guests, and old, and with alcohol and gifts of appreciation. But Sidney did not like the cluster of food, how unorganised it all seemed despite Tucker’s attempt at harmony.

Logan was quick to round the counter, just as his very frustrated girlfriend finished setting the timer on her phone.

“My girlfriend is not to be messed with on Thanksgiving.” He guided her to a quiet corner, proudly smirking down at her, “Y’know it’s hot when you get a little mad.”

A mirthful glint swarmed in her eyes, “Y’know it’s hot when you call me your girlfriend.”

Logan instantly recognised her softening jaw, sinking shoulders and the growing delight burning in her high cheekbones. She looked beautiful.

He cupped her cheeks as her hands slotted on his waist, embracing the light kiss to her lips. They smiled as the kiss lingered.

Oh, how lovely it was to show off their devotion.

“Guys, get out of my kitchen if you’re gonna hook up!” Tucker yelled.

They laughed when they pulled apart. His head fell to her neck, where she squealed at his breath fanning against her warm skin.

If only they could spend the day alone and away from all the bullshit of shitty families and responsibilities.

Only they couldn’t, and dived back into Thanksgiving preparations. Sidney was helping with the potatoes when she spotted her boyfriend across the room.

Logan frowned when Jules stepped away from him with an intense expression. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a breath before Sidney appeared in front of him.

“That’s not a happy face,” Sidney mused, frowning at his furrowed brows. “Hey, what’s wrong? Jules took the marshmallows, didn’t they?”

A quiet yet forced chuckle escaped him, “You caught that?”

“I catch everything.” Sidney knew about their tradition, although she thought it was unfair to take the entire bag.

“So smart,” he muttered, taking her hand in his.

His finger trailed over her calm pulse for a moment.

“Mmm. Now tell Sidney what’s up, brown eyes.”

A small smile curved his lips at the name, and when he met her kind stare, he felt instantly compelled to say everything that had just happened.

“Jules wants us to go and see our mom.”

She slowly nodded, “Right.”

His thumb continued to brush gently over her palm.

“It’s tradition for us to spend the holidays together.” He said, quietly.

“And you want to go?”

“I didn’t say that,” he weakly argued, making her nod.

“Oh, I know, I just want you to be honest. Because honesty is good, and your sibling needs to understand boundaries,” Sidney replied, sparring a glance at Jules, who was scrolling away on their phone, on the couch.

“But they remember my mom differently,” Logan stated, with a hint of resentment.

Sidney couldn’t blame him.

“You know my uncle Daryl?” She asked.

His jaw tightened at the memory of the man, “‘The mean drunk’, yes.”

“My little brothers all remember him differently.” Sidney started, “One is hopelessly forgiving, and the other is rightfully hateful of the man who ruined more family holidays than I can count. Sure, he’s getting help, and he’s been making amends after a third stint in rehab, but that doesn’t mean those bad memories are absolved.”

“And how do you remember him other than being a mean drunk?” He gently asked.

“I choose not to think of him.”

Words cut deeper, especially into a growing girl. Sidney remembered more than she would like. The comments on her legs, her hair, and specifically her changing weight throughout her adolescence.

Logan shuffled closer to Sidney, pulling her arms away from her stomach and replacing them with his.

“I don’t want to see my mom.” This would be her fifth stint in rehab, and he just didn’t think she deserved to see him or his little sibling. “It’s too soon.”

“Then tell Jules that,” Sidney suggested. “You’re your own person, you don’t have to go along with everything because it’s easy.”

“You’re right.”

She wiggled her brows, “It’s a superpower.”

“You’re my superpower.”

“Aww, baby that’s so corny. But sweet.”

“I’ll take that,” he chuckled.

A gagging sound was heard nearby, they turned to see Tucker shaking his head whilst on the phone, staring at them.

“You guys are grossly cute by the way,” he uttered.

“Turn off the stove, Tucker!” Sidney exclaimed, prompting him to do so, making her catch a glimpse of his mom through the screen. “Oh, and hi, Mrs Tucker!”

“Hi sweetie. Logan, you better be treating her nice.” Tucker’s mom managed to wave.

“I am!” Logan spoke up, amused by the interaction.

“More than nice,” Sidney added, leaning into him.

Mrs Tucker’s attention was stolen away by her son.

Sidney continued to smile up at her boyfriend, taking in his handsomeness and the mischievousness that peeked through.

He was everything.

Logan’s face lit up at her mere beauty, and of course those pretty brown eyes of hers.

She was everything.

“I love you,” he whispered against her lips.

“I love you too.”

“This honesty thing is really good.” He pecked her lips, “It’s a good thing that hasn’t been a problem for us.”

Sidney nodded.

Logan missed how her eyes averted when he pulled her to his chest.

“Yeah, it hasn’t,” she muttered.

__

"Baby, I need to finish packing," Sidney whispered against his lips, dazed by the hunger they shared, only to be interrupted by her packing for the weekend. She needed her toiletries and make-up bag, but every time she reached for them, Logan would tug her by the loops in her jeans and melt into a kiss. "Seriously."

"I'm helping," Logan muttered, sparing a glance at the suitcase before pecking the corner of her lips.

She suppressed a moan, feeling as though her legs would lose all feeling and that they'd end up where they were an hour ago; in bed, shrouded by sheets and pillows, whispers and whimpers

As much as it pained her, Sidney pushed him gently just to create some distance.

"You're kissing me," she had to look away from his flushed face and waving hair that was a mess.

"Which is helping."

He stepped closer, only to be interrupted by a knock on the main door to her shared dorm.

"Saved by the... knock?"

She lazily chuckled at his joke, "Let me get the door."

Logan ran a hand over his face when she stepped away.

His tongue swiped against his cheek when he watched her shuffle toward her door, "I'm gonna use the bathroom."

She glanced behind her, laughing in disbelief, "Really? You're turned on, again?"

"I actually need to pee," he weakly argued, walking backwards to her en-suite.

She raised a brow, "Oh?"

"And a cold shower."

She laughed, pulling open her bedroom door to the communal area, as she called out, "How will you survive without me; I'll never know." She then jogged over to the dormitory door and reached for the handle, startled by who she saw, "Dean? What are you doing here?"

Dean stood, uncharacteristically stern in the face, shoulders hunched and hands placed on either side of the door.

"I need to talk to you. Can I—"

Sidney quickly placed a hand on his chest, preventing him from stepping inside, then glanced behind her, somewhat relieved to know that her boyfriend was using the bathroom.

"No, Dean, we've talked about this," she said in a hushed whisper.

Dean lightly scoffed, "We haven't, not the way I need to. You just blocked me out of nowhere."

"I told you why." Her shoulders sank a little.

"But you won't admit it's because you had feelings for me!" Dean exclaimed, louder than he wanted, but all the frustration was bubbling over. He understood that back then he wasn't boyfriend material, but they had a good time, got to know each other deeply, and then, suddenly, they were strangers. "The thought of you feeling something— anything for me disgusted you or something."

"I didn't disgust me!" Sidney snapped back.

Dean's glare faltered, he looked down, unsure, "Then what —"

"What the fuck?!"

Sidney's heart dropped at the sound of Logan's voice.

She spun on her feet to see the anger tear his expression first, and then hurt and then betrayal as his chest heaved and he began to bitterly stare at the two of them.

She rushed toward him, leaving Dean to shut the door behind them, regretful that he didn't see Logan before his outburst.

"Baby... I..." Sidney struggled to get the words out, as the throbbing in her eyes grew when he gazed upon her with such dejection.

"You and him?"

Sidney rapidly shook her head as the dread settled. "It was nothing."

"It didn't sound like nothing." Logan fought against the emotions creeping up his throat. He didn't look away from the tear-eyed woman in front of him, "Did you cheat on me?"

It hurt him to ask.

Sidney almost broke down at the question.

Her lip trembled when she answered almost instantly. "I would never."

"She wouldn't."

Dean's voice only angered Logan more.

"I'm not talking to you, you motherfucker!" Logan's yell pierced the room, pinning his friend to his place, before he turned back to his girlfriend. "When?"

Sidney sniffled, "Sophomore year. It was for like a month, and that was it."

A scoff escaped him when he turned away, looking up at the ceiling. And blinking back his tears.

All the stares, the silences, the awkwardness and the quiet intimacy, it all made sense.

It all clicked.

And it all made him sick.

"Oh my god, I knew something happened between you two, and you never told me?"

"I didn't... I didn't know how,” She frantically waved her hands around as the pressure amped up.

"Or you just didn't want me to find out," Logan muttered, rolling his eyes, much to her distress. He came closer, making her believe he would understand, only to grit out, "You let me think that you and I were special. That I was special."

"We are special, you are special, I love you and what happened with Dean won't ever change that. Nothing can change that. I promise." She tried reaching for him but he stepped back, making her face crumble more. "Please, Logan, I should've told you. I should've, but I didn't want it to change anything. And you're looking at me like I've —"

"Betrayed me? Yeah, you have.”

Sidney’s breaths grew laboured as his expression grew colder.

Dean shook his head, daring himself to speak, "Dude."

"No!” Logan yelled, storming over to him, “Don't you dare talk to me." Sidney rushed to step between them, setting her hand on his chest, cautious of the rage beneath her palm. "You know how much she means to me, and you touch her?"

Dean winced as his jaw ticked at the implication, "It was before you guys got together. A whole year."

"Do you not understand how fucked up this is?” Logan tugged at his hair, then rubbed at his forehead.

"Logan…” Sidney’s tone made him shut his eyes.

"I love you sidney, but don't touch me."

Sidney’s hand fell to her side; she gathered the strength not to stagger backwards.

He took a few steps back, himself, trying to regain some composure but the situation, no, the truth had rendered him out of sorts.

Dean tried, "Logan.”

"No, don't you get the thought of you, Sidney, being together makes me feel sick,” Logan blurted out, enraged by his voice alone.

"How could you say that?!”

"Because she's mine, Dean, mine!"

"And she didn't want me,” Dean extended his hand toward the trembling woman.

"But you still fucked her and you get to hold that over me."

The accusation hit them like a hot flash, jolting the exes to immediately defend.

Dean started, "We didn't —"

"I never slept with him,” Sidney rushed out, but she knew he wasn’t registering it. His judging eyes shifted between them, his fist clenched and then unclenched as he harshly swallowed their reality. She neared him, cautiously holding her hands up in defence, "I promise you, it was a few dates and kisses. And that's it."

Still, Logan’s expression was pained, "Did Beau know?” He muttered, mainly to himself, their silence was confirmation enough. “What am I saying? Of course he did. Trinity too, I bet, all just laughing whenever I was around."

"They wouldn't do that."

Logan laughed.

He laughed humourlessly, rolling his eyes that threatened to pour with tears, only his anger wouldn’t let them. It tugged them back and the ache in his chest gnawed deeper.

It was a few dates.

But they had lied about it for a year so how could he trust them now?

How could he trust Sidney?

She hadn’t lied before, but to him, this was monumental, and she knew it too, otherwise, she would’ve spilt the second they started dating. They were in love, or was that a lie too?

And now Dean stood in his love's dormitory with the intention of what exactly?

Suddenly, his glare found the blond, "Why are you even here man if she shut you down? Are you pissed that she chose me, that she wanted me, that she didn't just block me like she did you?"

"I'm not mad," Dean said, dolefully.

Logan's scowl deepened, "You're hurt, though, right?"

Dean's silence made him scoff before Sidney shakily spoke up.

"Can we please just calm down, please?" She rubbed the heels of her palms into her teary eyes. "I know you're hurting right now, Johnny, but please, just understand it's in the past."

"Then why was he at your fucking doorstep!”

She scrambled back, cowering at his scream, startling himself as well as Dean.

Logan took a step back immediately, guilt flickered across his face, and it started to make the anger he begrudgingly wore crumble.

Still, the hurt remained, but he couldn't stomach how upset she appeared, "Sid..."

Dean exasperated, "Don't take it out on her, John, alright, this is on me."

"Oh, I will happily take this out on you. Were you just waiting for me to screw up?"

"No."

"You didn't get to be with her before, and now you're hoping for another chance? How could you even show up here? How could you even do that to me?"

Dean groaned, "I don't even know, I just... I just wanted closure. I'm moving on, and I just wanted to understand why Sidney didn't see me as an option. But... but I should've left it alone."

He cast somewhat of an apologetic glance toward her, although she seemingly mirrored it.

Logan scoffed, though it sounded more like he was choking back a sob.

And when they turned to look at him, he was.

"God, I'm so fucking stupid. I'm second again."

Sidney blinked, "What?"

"Second at everything. Hockey, my family... you."

Her pout deepened at his words, "Don't, don't say that."

But it was his truth, and yet again he was hurt, by someone he thought he could trust more than himself.

He shook his head, after wiping his tears, "I need to go."

"Logan," Dean tried again, but Logan wasn't havinng it.

"And you need to get the fuck out!"

"John."

"Leave."

Dean desperately looked between the couple, then slowly nodded, turned around and left.

The door shutting behind him only made Sidney's hand twitch, she fought the urge to reach out to Logan.

"Baby please don't shut me out, just talk to me."

John winced, "I can't, because I don't wanna yell at you." Again. "I don't wanna make you feel what I feel right now. just... I need space."

"No."

Logan's eyes shut at the sound of her crying.

This is what he didn't want.

He never wanted to hurt her.

But he had to put himself first.

A pain-filled smile appeared on his face when he opened his eyes.

Slowly, Logan walked toward her.

Her pulse nearly deafened her, when he cupped her damp face.

"You're so beautiful."

Sidney melted in his kiss, it was messy, wet and sad.

Her fingers curled against the front of his hoodie, gripping it tightly.

But he managed to peel them away.

"Let me know when you arrive home, stay safe Sid."

And with that, he left, despite her pleading and begging.

When the door clicked shut, it was like her chest caved in.

Why didn't she just tell him the truth sooner? Why? Why not come clean? Why didn't she shut the door in Dean's face? Why is this happening?

Sidney's breaths were rapid when she fell to the floor.

She didn't even hear the door open again.

She could hardly feel Trinity's arms around her.

She couldn't even hear her loving words.

"It's okay, it'll be okay, I've got you."

a/n:

well, that was intense. do you think dean made the right decision coming to sidney’s dorm for closure? i think sid should've told logan when they started dating. do you think logan handled it well?