Agony.
The physical pain of these cramps is awful. The emotional pain of not being pregnant? Twice as bad.
No matter how many months this happens, it doesnât get easier. You donât get used to the feeling of seeing a negative pregnancy test sitting on your counter. Especially when you know that you ovulated this month, and that you probably had more sex than youâve ever had, and that you and your husband are both otherwise âhealthy.â
This âunexplained infertilityâ diagnosis is so much worse than it sounds, and honestly there are days that I WISH I could say âI have (PCOS, Endo, hormonal instability, etc.)â so I could actually have a definitive *reason* that I canât get pregnant. Maybe thatâs horrible. Maybe other people do it, too. And Iâm sorry if thatâs completely offensive to anyone who suffers from PCOS or endo or anything of the like. I donât wish that struggle on myself or you or anyone. Iâm just BEGGING for a reason to explain this to myself and to make me understand that something is wrong with me biologically. Because hearing my doctors say âyou look greatâ every fucking month is exhausting, because deep down I know that there is no possible way I could be ânormal.â
