I just wanna be a first choice. I'm tired of being a test run, a stepping stone girlfriend/experiment. Being loved and paid attention to up until the next girl comes along and I get dropped like a hot pan.
The fucking irreparable damage my ex did to my psyche. She made me feel like I was never enough. Never pretty enough, never good enough, never entertaining enough. Even when we were monogamous I would see how her eyes followed others. Then she cheated on me, again and again. So I agreed to be poly. But it was never enough. I was never enough.
Everyone who has loved me since I haven't been enough. Even when I do everything I can.
The only people who have shown interest are people looking for a third or someone passing through. Looking for someone to be with till they find the next better option.
What is it about me that just... what makes me not wanted?
I want to feel like I'm not being settled for. I want someone to look at me and go...wow that one. That's all.
