#sibi talks

So, yesterday me and my fencing group are at the gym, our instructor struggling with the door and a;out to curse up a storm.

It's me, our instructor, a human teddy bear, a human bean stalk and... A Guy I Don't Like.

Our instructor is fiddling with the keys.

The door won't open.

Instructor hisses and bitches and cusses lik there's no tomorrow.I hear a distinct "Devil put you in..." and - being me and me beino on a yet another Good Omens bender recently - quip "Whoa, whoa, sure the boss himself was involved?"

Guy I Don't like huffs and laugs and declares that maybe I should try and open it.

Which is just to my taste.

See, the doors iniour gym are tricky. You need to turn the key, but you can't keep it tight and tense when working the handle, for whatever reason. I'm sure there's a good one, but I haven't figured it out yet.

Anyways, I take over, smiling gleefully, and start working the door, holding the key and pressing the handle down

Of course, it won't open.

I struggle again, pause and sigh and see Guy I Don't Like smirk.

I look down and declare "Oh Lucifer, Lord of All that is evil, may your power nulock this door so I can kick some ass today."

I then proceed to continuemmy struggle with the door. Holding the key, pressing the handle.

Still the door won't open.

Again I sigh. "Boss, I believe I made a request just now?"

And continue to work the door and NOW I let go of the key and - voila - the door opens.

"Ah, thanks!" I chirp and stride towards the women's changing rooms, behind me 3 puzzled and slightly bemused men and one Guy I Don't Like who will not letmme outoof sight until I close the door to him.

During fencing practise he refuses to do drills with me. Still watches me, though.

I don't particularly mind. I don't like doing drills iwth him, because he utterly refuses to to a technique properly. He doesn't attack properly, so I can't pracise my defenses. He doesn't do his defenses properly, so I can't practise my getarounds. He care about landing a hit when it doesn't matter (a.k.a. drills) and is always utterly offended when a technique is perfect for someone small and light (like me) to go up againstmean buly people.

Also no matter how many times you tell him to be careful with ihs aprtners, he'll gladly risk inlodgign a joint or breaking an arm if it means he can hear you yell for mercy. Long story short, I really, really, really don't like him. and am happy for the peace.

When the time for the end-of-practise free-form-fighting comes I go through the teddy bear and the beanstalk, we have fun, we are sweaty, it's awesome. My instructor gives me a hard time during our fight, but I get a few hits in and then.

Guy I don't like.

Who is too afraid to even raise his dagger against me. Who can't defend ihmself against a simple stroke.Really I can bounce around him, no coverage at all, wide open.

Wont. Move.

I'm lying on the floor, in tears and suffering a stomach pain from laughter.

He actually a) tried to call me ugly, thus sexually frustrated, thus an angry feminazi. b) used one of my cosplay pictures (Kyubey) as proof.

Like, apparently he tries his best to not realize I'm rather comfortable with my body and my face, thus have no qualms posting pictures of me I think share worthy. And... was he so desperate to proove his point that he had to resort to a picture were a wig and white body paint hid my features? Was I too pretty for his statement in my other pics? (and don't get me wrong, I'm pretty as hell. The sun pales in compar... ok, enough.)

And seriously, if you have to resort to call people ugly to render them invalid, you've lost the argument.

Me: Sorry, didn't know my perceived physical attractiveness has anything to do with my orientation.

Person: Where you sexually abused? Seek help!

Me: No and please, don't make light of something so horrible by assuming everyone and anyone not fitting your mold has been abused.

Person: But last time we met you identified as bisexual!

Person: But you're in a relationship! You MUST LIKE SEX!!!!!

Person: Your poor partner! They'll feel unloved... you should do something before they start cheating on you!!!

Person: But people HAVE a sex drive! People are gay and hetero and bi and maybe pansexual! See, I'm open minded, I identify as queer myself... but people have sex, we are sexual! There's something wrong with you, go check whether your hormones are adjusted right.

...

...

...

...

Police: So how many times exactly did they fall out of the window?

You could taste the suspense. And then Gandalf appeared!!!!!

Everyone was silent. The goblins, the dwarves, Bilbo and Gollum (due to being absent from the scene) - silence....

Being among people exhausts me. It exhausts me maintaining the barest resemblance of politeness, even more if this barest resemblance of politeness includes a cheery facade (why I do so then? Because being myself and getting into fights would be even more exhausting. And I'd get into fights instead of being left alone as I wish). People at large pretty much disgust me and the precious few ones that don't are few and far in between (however these few tend to be friends I know I can rely on and in turn I'd commit murder for).

I hate it. I hate most of the social interaction at uni, I hate having to maintain a cheery, friendly face for customers at work, I hate colleagues who don't get that no, me not small-talking to you is NOT rude, it's the biggest thing I can do to prevent myself from being rude and who...

God, I hate this. I want this to stop. I want to be... 

I don't know. "Alone" isn't right. Alone would mean without the people I DO care for.

But I want this damn forced social interaction to stop. It tires me and I need my energy for other stuff and...