itâs okay to not feel okay sometimes
â Even though there's no fixed timeframe that we have to make a comeback by, we are doing our research well. Hitting the milestone of 5 years also means that this album is going to be very important. We're thinking of what we can show everyone after this fifth year.â -- Jung Jinyoung, Ize Magazine Š .
They like to say that the fifth year is an important year for idol groups to see whether theyâll survive or not in the industry -- or, at least, thatâs how the media likes to emphasize it -- they write articles discussing about certain groups whoâve reached the five years milestone or seven years milestone, predicting whether they can continue in the long run or quietly disappear when the public no longer paying attention to them.Â
Itâs one of the things that the media likes to exaggerate (everything is exaggerated and being over-sensationalized in the eyes of media, so whatâs new about it?)--as if theyâre trying to prove how short idolâs career is in general with terms such as: âthe seven years jinx â, â five years jinxâ ; and so on (not their fault, though. isnât this why everyone tries their best to maximize through their own capabilities within such short amount of time?)--and, contrary to the popular beliefs about his optimistic image, Jinyoung actually keeps a handful of worries insides him (he just donât like to talk about it, that is all) -- after all, heâs the the leader, meaning that heâs in charge of holding the key role in decision making and leading the group. And boy, it wouldâve been a lie if he says that he donât feel the pressure weighting his shoulder with such role heâs been carrying for over than five years now.
( âTaking care of a hyung who is not very much apart in age because he is 'the leader' and maintaining the team so smoothly by tuning together everyone's ideas,â he said on the the interview for WHO AM I album, once upon a time in the year 2014, but truth be told is that not everything runs smoothly like how he stated in his words -- itâs just in how they solves those problems that coming their way and enjoy the ups and downs coming their way. Because nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, they like to say. )
He tries not to think about it sometimes, lots of times -- likes to distracts himself with millions of other things and side-projects that can get his mind off this because the whole thing about âhitting the milestoneâ keeps on giving him headaches no matter how hard he tried to be positive about it. Itâs like that one analogy where you just keep on taking all these side-quests because you cannot afford to accomplice the main quest yet.
Jinyoung, on the other hand, feels bad because he promised the fans that one of his wish in 2016 was to release more songs and music -- but itâs now the second half of the year and he canât confidently say that the album is anywhere near finished, yet here is what heâs doing now: accepting the role which was offered to him to become a second lead on drama, making him feel like how his âcarpe diemâ mindset overwhelming his responsibility as a leader because he just accepted another side quest instead of finishing the main quest.Â
(Â âDo you think Iâm being greedy -- you know, for accepting the role?"Â
He asks once to the manager, to Dongwoo, to Naeun -- because theyâre the only person he can only asks about things like these; people whom he show his vulnerable sides to. Each of them gave him different answers and until today Jinyoung still wonder if he is greedy).
Almost everyday he wake up with all kind of âwhat ifsâ and âwhetherâ occupying his mind: whether theyâll survive this fifth year curse, whether the upcoming album will come out great, whether the drama heâs working on right now will become a hit in South Korea -- but he never tried to let it phase him. Itâs an inevitable thing to have these thoughts, but Jinyoung, keeping his image as the one in charge of bringing up all the positviity in the group, donât really like to share it with others (âbecause whatâs the point of sharing something that brings no positive impact to the group?â he thought about it once before as he was so close in speaking out about this to his fellow bandmate, CNU).Â
And there he is, sitting by the stool in the studio with his eyes glued to the screen. Again mingling with the mixing engine at the wee hours of nights, shutting down his phone in the process just so he can concentrate better on his job.Â
There are a lot of thoughts running in his mind right now as he tried to work on a piece while also memorizing the script in the other hand for tomorrowâs filming (because what is sleep again?), but Jinyoung tried not to let it phase him (like any other gazillion problems thatâs actually coming onto him ever so subtly).Â
Of course heâd feel bad about not coming back soon with new music and instead shooting drama, of course heâs worried about whether theyâll do a good job in their upcoming album, and no sane person wouldâve been feeling exactly okay with everything coming onto them all at the same time. So here he is, trying to cope with everything with a big smile on his face while concentrating on his work, because itâs okay not to feel okay sometimes.











